(no subject)
I sometimes remember how often I used to write in this thing...weird. I think I might like paper journals better.
So, this is probably the strangest, most ridiculous, exciting, and hopeful eras in my entire life. Its hard to explain. For the first time, I feel like my life is mine if that even makes sense. My decisions are mine, my faith is mine and my doubts about faith, my friends are mine, how I choose to spend my time. All mine. Its nice to finally feel like I don't need someone elses approval to do something or think something that makes me completely happy. And its exciting. I think I'm going to move out of Boston when I graduate. I need new scenery. Maybe I'll move to Europe :) They need nurses everywhere, why not Europe??? I have the best friends anyone could ask for, and I mean that. I've never met better people than the friends I have at BC. Life is so exciting.
But then life is also sad. I think about all of the people that I no longer have in my life. The close friends that I used to have that now hate me for no apparent reason, and the others that I let slip away because I am so bad at keeping in touch with people. I miss them...I guess part of this whole growing up business is seeing where I fall short, and accepting that some things just are the way they are. I can't change other people's opinions or turn back time. Then the people that I've been friends with that have just died way to early. Andrea, Sam, Ben...then my grandfather.
So much in my life is changing. I love it. I'm so excited to see where it goes, who I'll meet, what I'll do. I dont need to be a huge important figure. But I just want to live completely.
So, this is probably the strangest, most ridiculous, exciting, and hopeful eras in my entire life. Its hard to explain. For the first time, I feel like my life is mine if that even makes sense. My decisions are mine, my faith is mine and my doubts about faith, my friends are mine, how I choose to spend my time. All mine. Its nice to finally feel like I don't need someone elses approval to do something or think something that makes me completely happy. And its exciting. I think I'm going to move out of Boston when I graduate. I need new scenery. Maybe I'll move to Europe :) They need nurses everywhere, why not Europe??? I have the best friends anyone could ask for, and I mean that. I've never met better people than the friends I have at BC. Life is so exciting.
But then life is also sad. I think about all of the people that I no longer have in my life. The close friends that I used to have that now hate me for no apparent reason, and the others that I let slip away because I am so bad at keeping in touch with people. I miss them...I guess part of this whole growing up business is seeing where I fall short, and accepting that some things just are the way they are. I can't change other people's opinions or turn back time. Then the people that I've been friends with that have just died way to early. Andrea, Sam, Ben...then my grandfather.
So much in my life is changing. I love it. I'm so excited to see where it goes, who I'll meet, what I'll do. I dont need to be a huge important figure. But I just want to live completely.