Last Night in Kyoto
Okay, as I had promised the readers of the roku_japan journal, here's a recounting of the Typical Odyssey that happens on every family vacation, this one occurring on Saturday, April 7th in Kyoto.
The cast: the complete Japan Roku-tachi--Mom, Dad, the Sequel, Tasuki, and me.
The task: Find a restaurant for our last dinner in Kyoto.
The plot twist: How the hell does this simple task turn into the Bataan Death March?
The Fugare Odyssey
It never fails on ANY of our trips that there will be a forced march of sorts led by Tasuki with Roku warning against it and getting progressively angrier with each quarter-mile covered.
So it happened on last Saturday night, April 7. It began innocently enough with Dad wanting to take the family out to dinner. We hadn’t been together for dinner (due to our varying schedules) since the night we arrived in Kyoto, and this was our last night here, so it seemed like an easy enough plan. Dad had a map that the hotel people had given him of restaurants in the area-it was a crudely drawn map that looked as if it was made on a copying machine.
There were no street names (in Japan, the attitude towards street names goes something like this: Pshaw!), but there was one landmark building-the post office-and several blocks drawn around it with dots and labels designating different types of restaurants.
After following the map faithfully for twenty minutes, we realized that the street we thought we were on was really a back alley. I made a joke about getting our dinner from the vending machines dotting the alleyway, and Dad laughed. Little did we know…
Anyway, Tasuki spotted bright lights off to the east about a block, so we walked east until we arrived on a main street and found several noodle shops.
Roku and Mom: Noodles?
Tasuki and Sequel: No noodles!
Dad: …
Walking a little further, we found an okonomiyaki (Japanese omelette) place.
Roku and Mom: Make your own okonomiyaki?
Tasuki and Sequel: Yuck!
Dad:…
Then there was a tiny bar that advertised yakitori.
Sequel: It’s too small in there!
Tasuki: And there’s smoke!
Roku and Mom and Dad: ….
At this point, I realized that 1) My nearest and dearest obviously had something against Japanese food, and 2) the hotel map bore a strong resemblance to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, in which most of the information depicted was inaccurate, if not downright apocryphal.
Nevertheless, Tasuki insisted on us heading back west of the yakitori place, where the Hitchhiker’s Guide indicated there were a restaurant and a steakhouse. I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to check it out for about a block, but then turn around if there was nothing there.
We found ourselves marching down a tiny, dark residential street, with motorcycles and scooters parked in the front yards and small houses with their curtains drawn against the intrusion of wandering idiot gaijin. We continued west for two blocks, at which point my poor, aged parents began to wonder what the hell was going on, not being used to the Tasuki Obligatory Forced March.
Mom: This itsa not restaurant! This itsa people homes!
Tasuki: Wait! Up ahead two blocks, I see bright lights!
Roku: That’s the street that runs past our hotel. So why don’t we just go back to the hotel, and eat there-
Tasuki: This way!
So we headed west until we reached the street that ran past our hotel...but we were several blocks north of that fondly remembered refuge of bed and board. This street was wide and dark, running along the Takano River. Buses and traffic zoomed by without any sign of stopping. I tried to turn south back to the hotel, but Tasuki wanted to go north instead.
Tasuki: Look, there are bright lights up there about three blocks!
Roku: It’s probably just a gas station. Let’s go back to the hotel.
Tasuki: No, it’s only a few blocks. Let’s go up and see.
Mom and Dad gamely turned north with us, now entering their second mile of the night, while I bitched to my companion, who happened to be the Sequel.
Roku: If that’s a goddamned gas station, I’m going to hang him! Mom and Dad are too old to go traipsing around the back streets of Kyoto!
Sequel: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So we walked north for 3 blocks, only to arrive at…a gas station. Mom and Dad were trailing about a block behind us.
Sequel: (gleefully) It’s a gas station, just like Mommy said. Hey, Daddy, Mommy said that she’s going to shoot you!
Roku: (losing it) Goddamnit! If either of you goddamn princesses would just realize that we’re in JAPAN and thus subjected to JAPANESE FOOD, we’d be having dinner by now! Instead, we’re lost in BF Kyoto!
Mom and Dad finally caught up to us, and Tasuki pointed east.
Tasuki: Look, I see bright lights down there!
Roku: (grumbling) And I see future Dead People in front of me if we don’t get somewhere civilized soon!
Sequel: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So we start walking east again, and I take off running ahead to see what the bright lights are.
Roku: (rejoining the toddling family) It’s a goddamn nightclub! That’s it; I’m hailing a taxi!
But the taxis either refused to stop for an angry wild-haired gaijin wench, or they stopped and then pulled away when I held up 5 fingers. We were forced to walk east again to the next busy street to see if our taxi luck would get better.
Mom: (looking up at a brightly lit sign above us) Hey, this sign is for a barbecue restaurant, see?
Roku: Which one? Where?
Mom: (impatiently pointing at the kanji) Right here! Can’t you read?
Roku: - -; As a matter of fact, no, I can’t, Mom.
Mom: Oh, that’s right. Hee, hee, hee!
As it turned out, it was a charming little place where you grill your own food on a table hibachi. We had beef ribsteak, chicken, and various vegetables. Tasuki grinned at all of us when we were finally seated.
Tasuki: Well, here we are, the Fugare Indian Tribe.
Dad: What’s that?
Tasuki: You know, “Where the Fug-are-we?”
Kudos to Bobby for the joke from…was it 1987?!
At any rate, we had a fun and lovely meal, with the Sequel being all excited to cook the strips of beef and vegetables. After the meal, we decided to walk back to the hotel-which turned out to be only about seven blocks away when we went straight down the main street.
Dad: (upon seeing the familiar outlines of the hotel) Man, am I glad to be back here!
Tasuki: At least you burned all the calories from dinner.
Roku: Before and after dinner!
Pictures to follow soon in the roku_Japan journal.
The cast: the complete Japan Roku-tachi--Mom, Dad, the Sequel, Tasuki, and me.
The task: Find a restaurant for our last dinner in Kyoto.
The plot twist: How the hell does this simple task turn into the Bataan Death March?
The Fugare Odyssey
It never fails on ANY of our trips that there will be a forced march of sorts led by Tasuki with Roku warning against it and getting progressively angrier with each quarter-mile covered.
So it happened on last Saturday night, April 7. It began innocently enough with Dad wanting to take the family out to dinner. We hadn’t been together for dinner (due to our varying schedules) since the night we arrived in Kyoto, and this was our last night here, so it seemed like an easy enough plan. Dad had a map that the hotel people had given him of restaurants in the area-it was a crudely drawn map that looked as if it was made on a copying machine.
There were no street names (in Japan, the attitude towards street names goes something like this: Pshaw!), but there was one landmark building-the post office-and several blocks drawn around it with dots and labels designating different types of restaurants.
After following the map faithfully for twenty minutes, we realized that the street we thought we were on was really a back alley. I made a joke about getting our dinner from the vending machines dotting the alleyway, and Dad laughed. Little did we know…
Anyway, Tasuki spotted bright lights off to the east about a block, so we walked east until we arrived on a main street and found several noodle shops.
Roku and Mom: Noodles?
Tasuki and Sequel: No noodles!
Dad: …
Walking a little further, we found an okonomiyaki (Japanese omelette) place.
Roku and Mom: Make your own okonomiyaki?
Tasuki and Sequel: Yuck!
Dad:…
Then there was a tiny bar that advertised yakitori.
Sequel: It’s too small in there!
Tasuki: And there’s smoke!
Roku and Mom and Dad: ….
At this point, I realized that 1) My nearest and dearest obviously had something against Japanese food, and 2) the hotel map bore a strong resemblance to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, in which most of the information depicted was inaccurate, if not downright apocryphal.
Nevertheless, Tasuki insisted on us heading back west of the yakitori place, where the Hitchhiker’s Guide indicated there were a restaurant and a steakhouse. I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to check it out for about a block, but then turn around if there was nothing there.
We found ourselves marching down a tiny, dark residential street, with motorcycles and scooters parked in the front yards and small houses with their curtains drawn against the intrusion of wandering idiot gaijin. We continued west for two blocks, at which point my poor, aged parents began to wonder what the hell was going on, not being used to the Tasuki Obligatory Forced March.
Mom: This itsa not restaurant! This itsa people homes!
Tasuki: Wait! Up ahead two blocks, I see bright lights!
Roku: That’s the street that runs past our hotel. So why don’t we just go back to the hotel, and eat there-
Tasuki: This way!
So we headed west until we reached the street that ran past our hotel...but we were several blocks north of that fondly remembered refuge of bed and board. This street was wide and dark, running along the Takano River. Buses and traffic zoomed by without any sign of stopping. I tried to turn south back to the hotel, but Tasuki wanted to go north instead.
Tasuki: Look, there are bright lights up there about three blocks!
Roku: It’s probably just a gas station. Let’s go back to the hotel.
Tasuki: No, it’s only a few blocks. Let’s go up and see.
Mom and Dad gamely turned north with us, now entering their second mile of the night, while I bitched to my companion, who happened to be the Sequel.
Roku: If that’s a goddamned gas station, I’m going to hang him! Mom and Dad are too old to go traipsing around the back streets of Kyoto!
Sequel: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So we walked north for 3 blocks, only to arrive at…a gas station. Mom and Dad were trailing about a block behind us.
Sequel: (gleefully) It’s a gas station, just like Mommy said. Hey, Daddy, Mommy said that she’s going to shoot you!
Roku: (losing it) Goddamnit! If either of you goddamn princesses would just realize that we’re in JAPAN and thus subjected to JAPANESE FOOD, we’d be having dinner by now! Instead, we’re lost in BF Kyoto!
Mom and Dad finally caught up to us, and Tasuki pointed east.
Tasuki: Look, I see bright lights down there!
Roku: (grumbling) And I see future Dead People in front of me if we don’t get somewhere civilized soon!
Sequel: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So we start walking east again, and I take off running ahead to see what the bright lights are.
Roku: (rejoining the toddling family) It’s a goddamn nightclub! That’s it; I’m hailing a taxi!
But the taxis either refused to stop for an angry wild-haired gaijin wench, or they stopped and then pulled away when I held up 5 fingers. We were forced to walk east again to the next busy street to see if our taxi luck would get better.
Mom: (looking up at a brightly lit sign above us) Hey, this sign is for a barbecue restaurant, see?
Roku: Which one? Where?
Mom: (impatiently pointing at the kanji) Right here! Can’t you read?
Roku: - -; As a matter of fact, no, I can’t, Mom.
Mom: Oh, that’s right. Hee, hee, hee!
As it turned out, it was a charming little place where you grill your own food on a table hibachi. We had beef ribsteak, chicken, and various vegetables. Tasuki grinned at all of us when we were finally seated.
Tasuki: Well, here we are, the Fugare Indian Tribe.
Dad: What’s that?
Tasuki: You know, “Where the Fug-are-we?”
Kudos to Bobby for the joke from…was it 1987?!
At any rate, we had a fun and lovely meal, with the Sequel being all excited to cook the strips of beef and vegetables. After the meal, we decided to walk back to the hotel-which turned out to be only about seven blocks away when we went straight down the main street.
Dad: (upon seeing the familiar outlines of the hotel) Man, am I glad to be back here!
Tasuki: At least you burned all the calories from dinner.
Roku: Before and after dinner!
Pictures to follow soon in the roku_Japan journal.