lyuna
in
rokkaku_chu
Fic for Everyone~
Before you get the fic, tomorrow's posting will be late, as I'll be at Con and coming home in the evening only. BUT I'M NOT FORGETTING YOU~
Title: Moving on
Recipient: rokkaku_chu
Pairing/Characters: Ryou/Saeki, perhaps some Ryou/Amane and Saeki/Bane
Rating: General
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: The characters used are not mine, therefore I’m making no money with this. Sorry~
Summary: Falling in love is easy, too bad falling out of love is just as easy when it happens. After two years of happy together-life, Ryou drops the bomb.
At some point it became obvious they weren’t going to move together after high school, they weren’t even going to make it out of high school together. The frustrating part was that Saeki wasn’t going to bring it up. He was content with what they had, or maybe he couldn’t see that they weren’t in love anymore. There was a possibility Saeki still loved Ryou, and in itself that made making the decision all the harder for Ryou. But it was something he had to do.
“So…” he said, before they could start arguing that day. Saeki looked at him. Really looked at him for the first time in a while, like he could sense something was off. Saeki was always good in that. It was one of the thousand of reasons they were in love in the first place.
“So.”
“Let’s break up.” he got it out casually but once it was out what would you know? He burst out crying. He started crying while Saeki simply took it, just like that, with a little surprised look on hi face. the bastard didn’t even ask why Ryou was breaking up with him. Ryou didn’t stick around. He couldn’t bear to have Saeki comforting him for this. Not when he felt like an utter jerk.
*
It had been coming, Saeki guessed, for a long time now, but it really hurt to see Ryou refuse him completely. They’d been friends before they’d been lovers. That was the rule. Even when they fought, they made up. They were incredibly strong together. And yet Saeki knew this wasn’t just something Ryou needed to do to know he was just as strong on his own.
It didn’t take a genius to see they didn’t have anything to give to each other anymore. When they talked it was always the same.
“Yo.”
“Hi.”
“You’re looking good today, babe.”
“You too, Sae.”
Ten words that defined their relationship. Repeated long enough you really wanted to hear something else. But there was nothing else to say. “Is that shirt new?” wasn’t any better. Even arguing was better. And sex. But you couldn’t have sex all the time, and Ryou had started avoiding the whole physical side of their relationship. Which had brought more arguing along.
Yet the more they seemed to fall apart the more Saeki had tried to hold on. There was this one golden page in Shudou Satoshi’s Great Notebook of Relationship Advice, which said throwing away a two year old relationship like theirs just wasn’t done. In other words, Saeki hadn’t wanted to admit there was something his natural charms couldn’t fix.
Seeing Ryou start bawling had told him something though. It was right to pine over a dead relationship.
So why was it that Saeki couldn’t stop thinking about it? Days ran through his fingers like sand and he could only think about the good times. Like the last month hadn’t been there at all. They’d been together for so long he had hard time thinking they weren’t together anymore. And Saeki wondered if Ryou was feeling the same.
*
What was the first thing Amane Hikaru said when he stepped through the barely open door? And yes, he came in even if Ryou told him not to.
He said: “Sae’s a bit under the weather.”
Ryou didn’t want to know. He had still to get his head around the fact Saeki was gone. That he’d thrown the last two years in the fish boy’s face just to free himself from a relationship that had no future. Other than a horrible mess and a lot of hurtful words neither of them meant but couldn’t hold back from saying. Kisarazu Ryou wasn’t about to sacrifice his chance of finding someone he loved and could be happy with, for someone he’d loved ever since they’d begun their last year in junior high. Loved until a while ago, when he realized he didn’t love Saeki anymore.
Saeki who’d been his rock, the unyielding force that kept him up when shit piled up too high and he wasn’t strong enough to face it all alone.
It wasn’t easy to be a gay boy in high school. It hadn’t been easy in junior high either, but in high school the expectations people had on you were so much higher. If you weren’t interested in girls, well… But Saeki had been there for him. Saeki had got his own trouble to worry about, but he hadn’t been as faced with it. He’d say sweet things like “I don’t care what others say if you’re with me. Never leave me, okay, Ryou?”
Fuck. Ryou felt his eyes burning. It wasn’t the “What have I done?!” crap he’d been expecting. No, he had waved those feelings goodbye in the first two days of his overrated freedom. It was more like severe disappointment. It wasn’t as if he had decided to dump Sae the moment he felt like not seeing his boyfriend for a week. He’d held on too. He’d tried to get Saeki to do a memory lane kind of thing with him, but Saeki had his kendo tournaments that obviously were so much more interesting than Ryou.
Okay, so that was a little unfair. Saeki only had few tournaments a year and Ryou totally understood that Saeki meant it when he said they “should really do it after the finals.” But Ryou didn’t feel like it anymore when Saeki had time. They dropped it. Like they had started dropping lots of their together-things.
“Ryou.” Oh, that’s right, he had company. He smiled sheepishly at the younger boy and lifted his evening tea.
“Want some?” Maybe having company wasn’t such a bad idea. At least socializing made it easier to not think he was alone. He needed a little sympathy. Wasn’t that what friends were for?
*
They’d never gone on that walk on the memory lane. Saeki felt a little stupid doing it now that it didn’t help anything or anyone. It wouldn’t bring them back together. He’d counted the exact time they’d been together just for the kicks - it wasn’t hard, they’d had their two year anniversary just a month before. Two years, a month and four days. Saeki didn’t feel like he was single. He’d been out with the guys, not all of them, but some. Ryou hadn’t been there. It was like - and forgive all the morbidity - Ryou was dead and he was trying to get over it. In reality it was just that their love was dead and he was trying to get by without it.
They’d been in a movie with the team that time. Harry Potter, or something like that. Saeki had never really thought about the movie much. Not when something so much more interesting had happened. They’d left the theatre together, and in the end it had been just Ryou and him. It was ten pm on a Sunday night and there had been no one around on this street walk. The streetlight had flickered above them, there had been crickets, and Ryou’s hair had been really really black. Saeki remembered it all like some movie. Right here, right this spot they’d kissed. The atmosphere had demanded it.
He barely remembered the awkwardness afterwards. Seeing each other in school. On the beach. Places where they could stare and not look like they stared. Yeah, Saeki had fallen for Ryou hard. It was too disappointing that they had ended up this way. Shudou had told him to crawl, to go and get Ryou back. Two years, he’d said. Freakin’ two years!
But Saeki understood a little where Ryou was coming from. He hadn’t really been happy with the way things were. But he’d thought if they did something they could have it back, their prime time. Ryou hadn’t seen it that way. Which meant Ryou really didn’t love him anymore. There was no point making a scene about it.
“I thought I might find you here.”
The voice made him turn around surprisedly. But it wasn’t Ryou. Just Kurobane. Which made the sentence even more bizarre.
“Mind repeating that? How come you knew where to look?”
Kurobane shrugged. “Ryou told me, obviously.”
And the bizarre didn’t end there, it seemed. He must have made a convincing fish imitation, because his friend barked a laugh. “Year ago, the party in Ittchan’s house? Where you guys came out?” Hello, the dawn came with revelations, Saeki mused. He smirked.
“Man, this is new. Was it before or after the hissy fit you threw?”
“After, obviously.” Saeki mused to himself when had Kurobane started keeping a notebook on random things people told him, or was Saeki just so special? “Hey, it’s not like I particularly liked the mental image of two of my guy buddies screwing!”
“Homophobe.” Saeki said it lightly. They ended up smiling at each other sappily. They were too good friends to take light insults to heart.
*
It was a week and Ryou breathed in a sigh of relief as he erased Saeki’s block on his cell phone and it didn’t ring. Then, he spend two hours staring at the phone and wondering if Saeki had called him even once all week. There was no way he could find out. And the phone still laid still and quiet on the table.
Why was he waiting for a call from Saeki anyway? He wasn’t the little mermaid and thus he didn’t need the little yellow fish to entertain him. He had a red one over instead, even if Amane had fallen asleep after listening to him talk for almost a day. Must have been tough on the little boy. And no, that wasn’t sarcasm. Eventually he took the phone into his hand and made the call himself.
“I’m on the beach and can’t hear your call. Call Ryou instead, he’s not into surfing. If you don’t know the number, leave a message. No, after the beep, please.” Saeki’s phone mail. Ryou bit his lip and realized he’d never heard it before. Normally Saeki answered his calls right of the bat. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
“Uh, hi. It’s me. You okay there fish boy? Now don’t go drowning in your sorrow, we’ll be friends again, right? I really hoped you’d answer, but maybe it’s all easier to say this way. We were good together, weren’t we, unless you count the last month. I never really explained anything. But surely you had noticed it was all going down the tube. I’m not going to say I’m glad to get rid of you, but hey, if it went on, I’d really have hated you. I couldn’t do that to you, or me, so it was better to end it. I also hate to give you more work, but I’ll leave convincing Shudou that we’re not the Disney couple who over-comes all and loves forever ever after to you. You’re better in that. So, um, see you around, Sae. I still want you in my life, but it’s a bit hard right now. I’m optimistic though.”
*
”We can put this behind us. Okay? So, let me know. Bye.” Saeki looked at the ceiling and sighed. He’d let the voicemail pick it up when he’d seen Ryou’s name on the caller ID. Cowardly much+ Hell yeah. Ryou didn’t really deserve this from him. It was just too weird talking to the guy after all this.
He put the phone down and was about to sigh when the doorbell rang. He got up muscles all stiff. So yeah, he’d listened to the message a few times, even if he got the point the first time already, and done it in the worst possible position.
Saeki was alone in the house. His parents were off on a third honeymoon, and Saeki had no one to call to the house. Had things been a little different Ryou would’ve been there with him and they would’ve taken advantage of the space and freedom, but… Yeah, the doorbell. “I’m coming already, geez!”
The door flung open to reveal a friendly face. “Yo, you still up?” said Kurobane and lifted a plastic bag. From the sound there were about half a dozen bottles there.
“I wasn’t until you showed up, bastard”, Saeki let his friend know and stepped aside to let him in. His answer was a smirk.
“Listen to my plan in all its simplicity, Sae, and be amazed.”
Saeki tilted his head to the side and lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, tell me your ingenious plan, Bane.”
The taller boy pointed a finger at him. “Screw Ryou! Let’s hook up some movie and get pissed! You’ll cheer up, man!” Saeki had too much fun laughing his head off because of the words Kurobane, the resident homophobe, chose to use, and the guy smacked him over the head. “You know what I meant!” He nodded, still chuckling.
“Yeah, man. Screw him. It’s great to be single again.” Hopefully his words would ring true soon. Saeki really wasn’t a gloomy person.
Title: Moving on
Recipient: rokkaku_chu
Pairing/Characters: Ryou/Saeki, perhaps some Ryou/Amane and Saeki/Bane
Rating: General
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: The characters used are not mine, therefore I’m making no money with this. Sorry~
Summary: Falling in love is easy, too bad falling out of love is just as easy when it happens. After two years of happy together-life, Ryou drops the bomb.
At some point it became obvious they weren’t going to move together after high school, they weren’t even going to make it out of high school together. The frustrating part was that Saeki wasn’t going to bring it up. He was content with what they had, or maybe he couldn’t see that they weren’t in love anymore. There was a possibility Saeki still loved Ryou, and in itself that made making the decision all the harder for Ryou. But it was something he had to do.
“So…” he said, before they could start arguing that day. Saeki looked at him. Really looked at him for the first time in a while, like he could sense something was off. Saeki was always good in that. It was one of the thousand of reasons they were in love in the first place.
“So.”
“Let’s break up.” he got it out casually but once it was out what would you know? He burst out crying. He started crying while Saeki simply took it, just like that, with a little surprised look on hi face. the bastard didn’t even ask why Ryou was breaking up with him. Ryou didn’t stick around. He couldn’t bear to have Saeki comforting him for this. Not when he felt like an utter jerk.
*
It had been coming, Saeki guessed, for a long time now, but it really hurt to see Ryou refuse him completely. They’d been friends before they’d been lovers. That was the rule. Even when they fought, they made up. They were incredibly strong together. And yet Saeki knew this wasn’t just something Ryou needed to do to know he was just as strong on his own.
It didn’t take a genius to see they didn’t have anything to give to each other anymore. When they talked it was always the same.
“Yo.”
“Hi.”
“You’re looking good today, babe.”
“You too, Sae.”
Ten words that defined their relationship. Repeated long enough you really wanted to hear something else. But there was nothing else to say. “Is that shirt new?” wasn’t any better. Even arguing was better. And sex. But you couldn’t have sex all the time, and Ryou had started avoiding the whole physical side of their relationship. Which had brought more arguing along.
Yet the more they seemed to fall apart the more Saeki had tried to hold on. There was this one golden page in Shudou Satoshi’s Great Notebook of Relationship Advice, which said throwing away a two year old relationship like theirs just wasn’t done. In other words, Saeki hadn’t wanted to admit there was something his natural charms couldn’t fix.
Seeing Ryou start bawling had told him something though. It was right to pine over a dead relationship.
So why was it that Saeki couldn’t stop thinking about it? Days ran through his fingers like sand and he could only think about the good times. Like the last month hadn’t been there at all. They’d been together for so long he had hard time thinking they weren’t together anymore. And Saeki wondered if Ryou was feeling the same.
*
What was the first thing Amane Hikaru said when he stepped through the barely open door? And yes, he came in even if Ryou told him not to.
He said: “Sae’s a bit under the weather.”
Ryou didn’t want to know. He had still to get his head around the fact Saeki was gone. That he’d thrown the last two years in the fish boy’s face just to free himself from a relationship that had no future. Other than a horrible mess and a lot of hurtful words neither of them meant but couldn’t hold back from saying. Kisarazu Ryou wasn’t about to sacrifice his chance of finding someone he loved and could be happy with, for someone he’d loved ever since they’d begun their last year in junior high. Loved until a while ago, when he realized he didn’t love Saeki anymore.
Saeki who’d been his rock, the unyielding force that kept him up when shit piled up too high and he wasn’t strong enough to face it all alone.
It wasn’t easy to be a gay boy in high school. It hadn’t been easy in junior high either, but in high school the expectations people had on you were so much higher. If you weren’t interested in girls, well… But Saeki had been there for him. Saeki had got his own trouble to worry about, but he hadn’t been as faced with it. He’d say sweet things like “I don’t care what others say if you’re with me. Never leave me, okay, Ryou?”
Fuck. Ryou felt his eyes burning. It wasn’t the “What have I done?!” crap he’d been expecting. No, he had waved those feelings goodbye in the first two days of his overrated freedom. It was more like severe disappointment. It wasn’t as if he had decided to dump Sae the moment he felt like not seeing his boyfriend for a week. He’d held on too. He’d tried to get Saeki to do a memory lane kind of thing with him, but Saeki had his kendo tournaments that obviously were so much more interesting than Ryou.
Okay, so that was a little unfair. Saeki only had few tournaments a year and Ryou totally understood that Saeki meant it when he said they “should really do it after the finals.” But Ryou didn’t feel like it anymore when Saeki had time. They dropped it. Like they had started dropping lots of their together-things.
“Ryou.” Oh, that’s right, he had company. He smiled sheepishly at the younger boy and lifted his evening tea.
“Want some?” Maybe having company wasn’t such a bad idea. At least socializing made it easier to not think he was alone. He needed a little sympathy. Wasn’t that what friends were for?
*
They’d never gone on that walk on the memory lane. Saeki felt a little stupid doing it now that it didn’t help anything or anyone. It wouldn’t bring them back together. He’d counted the exact time they’d been together just for the kicks - it wasn’t hard, they’d had their two year anniversary just a month before. Two years, a month and four days. Saeki didn’t feel like he was single. He’d been out with the guys, not all of them, but some. Ryou hadn’t been there. It was like - and forgive all the morbidity - Ryou was dead and he was trying to get over it. In reality it was just that their love was dead and he was trying to get by without it.
They’d been in a movie with the team that time. Harry Potter, or something like that. Saeki had never really thought about the movie much. Not when something so much more interesting had happened. They’d left the theatre together, and in the end it had been just Ryou and him. It was ten pm on a Sunday night and there had been no one around on this street walk. The streetlight had flickered above them, there had been crickets, and Ryou’s hair had been really really black. Saeki remembered it all like some movie. Right here, right this spot they’d kissed. The atmosphere had demanded it.
He barely remembered the awkwardness afterwards. Seeing each other in school. On the beach. Places where they could stare and not look like they stared. Yeah, Saeki had fallen for Ryou hard. It was too disappointing that they had ended up this way. Shudou had told him to crawl, to go and get Ryou back. Two years, he’d said. Freakin’ two years!
But Saeki understood a little where Ryou was coming from. He hadn’t really been happy with the way things were. But he’d thought if they did something they could have it back, their prime time. Ryou hadn’t seen it that way. Which meant Ryou really didn’t love him anymore. There was no point making a scene about it.
“I thought I might find you here.”
The voice made him turn around surprisedly. But it wasn’t Ryou. Just Kurobane. Which made the sentence even more bizarre.
“Mind repeating that? How come you knew where to look?”
Kurobane shrugged. “Ryou told me, obviously.”
And the bizarre didn’t end there, it seemed. He must have made a convincing fish imitation, because his friend barked a laugh. “Year ago, the party in Ittchan’s house? Where you guys came out?” Hello, the dawn came with revelations, Saeki mused. He smirked.
“Man, this is new. Was it before or after the hissy fit you threw?”
“After, obviously.” Saeki mused to himself when had Kurobane started keeping a notebook on random things people told him, or was Saeki just so special? “Hey, it’s not like I particularly liked the mental image of two of my guy buddies screwing!”
“Homophobe.” Saeki said it lightly. They ended up smiling at each other sappily. They were too good friends to take light insults to heart.
*
It was a week and Ryou breathed in a sigh of relief as he erased Saeki’s block on his cell phone and it didn’t ring. Then, he spend two hours staring at the phone and wondering if Saeki had called him even once all week. There was no way he could find out. And the phone still laid still and quiet on the table.
Why was he waiting for a call from Saeki anyway? He wasn’t the little mermaid and thus he didn’t need the little yellow fish to entertain him. He had a red one over instead, even if Amane had fallen asleep after listening to him talk for almost a day. Must have been tough on the little boy. And no, that wasn’t sarcasm. Eventually he took the phone into his hand and made the call himself.
“I’m on the beach and can’t hear your call. Call Ryou instead, he’s not into surfing. If you don’t know the number, leave a message. No, after the beep, please.” Saeki’s phone mail. Ryou bit his lip and realized he’d never heard it before. Normally Saeki answered his calls right of the bat. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
“Uh, hi. It’s me. You okay there fish boy? Now don’t go drowning in your sorrow, we’ll be friends again, right? I really hoped you’d answer, but maybe it’s all easier to say this way. We were good together, weren’t we, unless you count the last month. I never really explained anything. But surely you had noticed it was all going down the tube. I’m not going to say I’m glad to get rid of you, but hey, if it went on, I’d really have hated you. I couldn’t do that to you, or me, so it was better to end it. I also hate to give you more work, but I’ll leave convincing Shudou that we’re not the Disney couple who over-comes all and loves forever ever after to you. You’re better in that. So, um, see you around, Sae. I still want you in my life, but it’s a bit hard right now. I’m optimistic though.”
*
”We can put this behind us. Okay? So, let me know. Bye.” Saeki looked at the ceiling and sighed. He’d let the voicemail pick it up when he’d seen Ryou’s name on the caller ID. Cowardly much+ Hell yeah. Ryou didn’t really deserve this from him. It was just too weird talking to the guy after all this.
He put the phone down and was about to sigh when the doorbell rang. He got up muscles all stiff. So yeah, he’d listened to the message a few times, even if he got the point the first time already, and done it in the worst possible position.
Saeki was alone in the house. His parents were off on a third honeymoon, and Saeki had no one to call to the house. Had things been a little different Ryou would’ve been there with him and they would’ve taken advantage of the space and freedom, but… Yeah, the doorbell. “I’m coming already, geez!”
The door flung open to reveal a friendly face. “Yo, you still up?” said Kurobane and lifted a plastic bag. From the sound there were about half a dozen bottles there.
“I wasn’t until you showed up, bastard”, Saeki let his friend know and stepped aside to let him in. His answer was a smirk.
“Listen to my plan in all its simplicity, Sae, and be amazed.”
Saeki tilted his head to the side and lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, tell me your ingenious plan, Bane.”
The taller boy pointed a finger at him. “Screw Ryou! Let’s hook up some movie and get pissed! You’ll cheer up, man!” Saeki had too much fun laughing his head off because of the words Kurobane, the resident homophobe, chose to use, and the guy smacked him over the head. “You know what I meant!” He nodded, still chuckling.
“Yeah, man. Screw him. It’s great to be single again.” Hopefully his words would ring true soon. Saeki really wasn’t a gloomy person.