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one thing which makes my diabetes difficult to manage is my lack of appetite. i wonder how something acting on dopamine would effect that, like stimulents and ADD/ADHD drugs. someone once did suggest that i look into ADHD because of things she noticed in my personality, but i guess i still don't understand the condition
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i feel intelectually frustrated around my family because i can't talk to them. thigns i talk about are over my Mum and Brother's head, but my personality is similar to Dad's - i take after him the most, he is on the most similar wavelength outof anyone in the family. When i talk to dad however we tend to get into arguments. We are both proud stubborn men so we are both prone to argue. But unfortunately i am kinda better at it, whenever we argue Dad always gets more flustered and can be quick to lash out with painful personal attacks. So i don't like to push Dad too far, when things get heated i know i should back off; But then i'm still left with the frustration of the issue not being resolved. I have to hold myself back.
So in Dwyer i see what i yearn for in my Dad: intelectual stimulation. i briefly told him how i was looking into the "Geek" thing, how geeks tend to excitedly chatter with one another - it's intelectual stimulation, and since there are so many geeky people like that i think yearning for that kindof stimulation is hardly pathological - it's NORMAL surely, even if just for certain personality types. When geeks chatter to one another they arn't holding back - i don't have that kindof freedom in my family as i hold back from my dad; and i didn't have that kindof freedom with my JW friends because i had to hold back from revealing my thoughts on religious or spiritual issues or anything that differed from JW doctrine.
(hmm... just now i'm wondering if the enigmatic detatchment i find in Dr Dwyer is also something Transfered from my Dad.)
we also talked about the issues already mentioned in the last sction of my previous entry. but i didn't mention how i want to heal the family, i only talked about validation of my observations. He probabaly connected the dots between that and how i seemed to be seeking HIS validation of my observations by showing him this journal entry (on the page you are reading right now) - because i think it's what triggered him to bring up Transference in the first place. He saw that i was seeking my observations to be validated, like i feel my dad doesn't - Transference :).
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