OMG, I can't believe I did that.
So I woke up this morning early, because the night before I wasn't feeling too well and decided that perhaps a full night's sleep would help and if I woke up early enough I'd get my History paper done with enough time left to start the rest of my art illustrations I have to make by hand and place in my horribly-crafted-but-hopefully-good-enough-book. So I get up earlier than I normally would (though truth be told I still didn't sleep well) and starred at my computer. Just stared at it. At the black words on the screen.
You see, all I could think about was this little scene I had thought up the night before when walking back from the art center that's 20 minutes away. At night. Through a snow storm (damn lake-effect). And the scene just kept replaying in my head, and I kept thinking about it because I couldn't remember the narration I had up up with it. I was picturing it movie-wise, but I had wanted to write it down a certain way, with certain sentences. And I just could NOT remember it.
So I reasoned that I couldn't just SIT there, starring at the computer when I couldn't even begin to focus on World War I and it's effect on modern-day Europe. I thought "you know, I bet if I just write down what this scene, I'll get it out of my system long enough to at least finish my paper." Thinking this would solve the problem, I opened a new word document, labeled it "Fiona Kellan dribbles" and wrote it out.
And wrote.
And wrote.
Nine pages and over 4,000 words later, I realized just how mus time I had wasted. That I had gone well beyond the scene I had pictured in my head and began crafting a whole idea of the novel that contained it. A novel that, according to my time line, would be the sequel in the series...and I hadn't even developed a plot for the first one! (Don't ask me about these things, I have books. I know where they end and begin in my mind, even when they only contain characters and the bare minimum of thought as to how they interact with each other).
And yeah, how much did I write on my History paper? 0. Zip. Zilch. ZERO. Not a word, not a letter. And the day was already half over.
Thus started yet another day with this goddamn paper. It just would NOT let me write it. It refused to give me cites for anything I wanted to use in my argument and the citing was so messed up as I thought "Gee, she REALLY wants us to use Chicago style citations, but she said MLA was ok, and I know MLA by heart after that whole fiasco in 11th grade, but I bet it'll at least get on her good side using what she wants us to use" and that set me back, like, five hours. NO JOKE. Apparently, Chicago-history style citing is a secret. Because I couldn't find it on the internet. Or, rather, I'd find it, but only a limited of items. Like Book. Book with 2 authors. Website. Uh, yeah, I used all e-books. I don't have time to hike through a fricken blizzard ten miles away to a library and look up shit when it's all right here on the computer. How do I cite those? Or a governemnt document? Or, gee, I don't know, THE FREAKING TREATY OF VERSAILLES? How do I cite THAT?
So then I changed it to MLA. Which also set me back, though truthfully, I don't think I could've finished the paper early anyway. I literally had to place my hands over the keyboard and go "type. type anything. type SOMETHING" and when they proceeded to type lovey-dovey shit between the two characters from earlier i proceeded to swear.
Papers aren't hard for me! I can do papers! I can BS anything! I can mend and twist and substitute words until the original that was "unite" becomes "amalgamated" (true story, I did that!). I'm good at papers!
Just not when every three hours or so a little wind comes up and whispers "art" in my ear. Suddenly, my body tenses and my mind races with thoughts like "i have how many more to craft? I have five more to craft? By tomorrow, not the papers due tomorrow, project due WEd. but the apers due tomorrow! I need to finish the paper so I can start making art, then I need to type out definitions and paste them in the book, oh god that will take so long, I NEED TO GET THIS PAPER DONE SO I CAN WORK ON ART." and yet, the curser makes no new words.
It's like, I know I shouldn't panic, I know I need to focus on the task at hand, I know that I'll find a way because goddamn it if i'm not the boss of finding a way to get crap done on time, but like, my mind? and my body? they dont get it? Because then I realize just how much study time I've lost. Like, you know how many FINAL EXAMS i've studyed for? how many tests I'm actually prepared to take?
Yeah, ZERO. again. So then my body freezes, my mind races, I get a headache or a stomach ache or BOTH and feel suddenly awful or wake-up mid way through and go "HOW THE HELL DID I END UP ON WEBMD.COM?"
Life's a mystery. And college...well....College and I need to speak privately about this whole mess and how to prevent it from happening again, though like all little kids who have their parents pegged, college knows there's no way I'm keeping my end of the bargin. And it grins. A sharp, toothly grin. And I die a little inside.
Thank you. This may very well be my last post, as I may actually lose common brain function before Wed. Probably. Just...no one look at me weird, ok? Be nice.
You see, all I could think about was this little scene I had thought up the night before when walking back from the art center that's 20 minutes away. At night. Through a snow storm (damn lake-effect). And the scene just kept replaying in my head, and I kept thinking about it because I couldn't remember the narration I had up up with it. I was picturing it movie-wise, but I had wanted to write it down a certain way, with certain sentences. And I just could NOT remember it.
So I reasoned that I couldn't just SIT there, starring at the computer when I couldn't even begin to focus on World War I and it's effect on modern-day Europe. I thought "you know, I bet if I just write down what this scene, I'll get it out of my system long enough to at least finish my paper." Thinking this would solve the problem, I opened a new word document, labeled it "Fiona Kellan dribbles" and wrote it out.
And wrote.
And wrote.
Nine pages and over 4,000 words later, I realized just how mus time I had wasted. That I had gone well beyond the scene I had pictured in my head and began crafting a whole idea of the novel that contained it. A novel that, according to my time line, would be the sequel in the series...and I hadn't even developed a plot for the first one! (Don't ask me about these things, I have books. I know where they end and begin in my mind, even when they only contain characters and the bare minimum of thought as to how they interact with each other).
And yeah, how much did I write on my History paper? 0. Zip. Zilch. ZERO. Not a word, not a letter. And the day was already half over.
Thus started yet another day with this goddamn paper. It just would NOT let me write it. It refused to give me cites for anything I wanted to use in my argument and the citing was so messed up as I thought "Gee, she REALLY wants us to use Chicago style citations, but she said MLA was ok, and I know MLA by heart after that whole fiasco in 11th grade, but I bet it'll at least get on her good side using what she wants us to use" and that set me back, like, five hours. NO JOKE. Apparently, Chicago-history style citing is a secret. Because I couldn't find it on the internet. Or, rather, I'd find it, but only a limited of items. Like Book. Book with 2 authors. Website. Uh, yeah, I used all e-books. I don't have time to hike through a fricken blizzard ten miles away to a library and look up shit when it's all right here on the computer. How do I cite those? Or a governemnt document? Or, gee, I don't know, THE FREAKING TREATY OF VERSAILLES? How do I cite THAT?
So then I changed it to MLA. Which also set me back, though truthfully, I don't think I could've finished the paper early anyway. I literally had to place my hands over the keyboard and go "type. type anything. type SOMETHING" and when they proceeded to type lovey-dovey shit between the two characters from earlier i proceeded to swear.
Papers aren't hard for me! I can do papers! I can BS anything! I can mend and twist and substitute words until the original that was "unite" becomes "amalgamated" (true story, I did that!). I'm good at papers!
Just not when every three hours or so a little wind comes up and whispers "art" in my ear. Suddenly, my body tenses and my mind races with thoughts like "i have how many more to craft? I have five more to craft? By tomorrow, not the papers due tomorrow, project due WEd. but the apers due tomorrow! I need to finish the paper so I can start making art, then I need to type out definitions and paste them in the book, oh god that will take so long, I NEED TO GET THIS PAPER DONE SO I CAN WORK ON ART." and yet, the curser makes no new words.
It's like, I know I shouldn't panic, I know I need to focus on the task at hand, I know that I'll find a way because goddamn it if i'm not the boss of finding a way to get crap done on time, but like, my mind? and my body? they dont get it? Because then I realize just how much study time I've lost. Like, you know how many FINAL EXAMS i've studyed for? how many tests I'm actually prepared to take?
Yeah, ZERO. again. So then my body freezes, my mind races, I get a headache or a stomach ache or BOTH and feel suddenly awful or wake-up mid way through and go "HOW THE HELL DID I END UP ON WEBMD.COM?"
Life's a mystery. And college...well....College and I need to speak privately about this whole mess and how to prevent it from happening again, though like all little kids who have their parents pegged, college knows there's no way I'm keeping my end of the bargin. And it grins. A sharp, toothly grin. And I die a little inside.
Thank you. This may very well be my last post, as I may actually lose common brain function before Wed. Probably. Just...no one look at me weird, ok? Be nice.