Eulogy for a Toaster
The toaster oven has stopped toasting. We got the thing from my friend Filomena when she got engaged and bought a house. It had a hot spot in the back left corner that could be relied on to burn anything on that quadrant of the rack. The Mango and I had no trouble with this. We discovered that setting the oven not to "toast" but to ~350 degrees produced just the right light brown crunch, with no singed areas.
The Banana resisted. She was firmly convinced that since a "toast" setting existed, it ought to be used when toasting. This led to a lot of carbon in her diet for a while. Eventually, the day came when she bellowed at it "i will give you my SOUL, if you just stop burning my toast!" From that day forward, any snarkiness or cruelty (particularly when gaming) on her part was self-excused with the explanation "I have no soul you know. I gave it to the toaster."
The Mango and I continued to use the mundane workaround of the lower temperature setting. She called us Toaster-Lovers.
The toaster died today, and the cry rang through the house:
"I have my soul back! I have triumphed! The toaster is dead, long live The Banana! Long live The Banana!"
The Banana resisted. She was firmly convinced that since a "toast" setting existed, it ought to be used when toasting. This led to a lot of carbon in her diet for a while. Eventually, the day came when she bellowed at it "i will give you my SOUL, if you just stop burning my toast!" From that day forward, any snarkiness or cruelty (particularly when gaming) on her part was self-excused with the explanation "I have no soul you know. I gave it to the toaster."
The Mango and I continued to use the mundane workaround of the lower temperature setting. She called us Toaster-Lovers.
The toaster died today, and the cry rang through the house:
"I have my soul back! I have triumphed! The toaster is dead, long live The Banana! Long live The Banana!"