From Blood To Sweat
I admit my failings. I've lost any passion or devotion or any resemblance of a life to be lived...
It is far past time I pursue an avenue that gives back to me rather than take and take away from me.
School:
I won't know until the Friday before my course starts if I'm in or not. Already I am worried because I've shared the news of my attempts that it won't happen. As it has always been, if I say something is going to happen, it doesn't happen. If I keep it internal, and quiet, it does.
Optimism. I've already scheduled my classes in my agenda as if it were a present reality and fact.
I need this. So much. I can't afford to continue living like this. One sorry penny at a time. I could find another job, defy my devotions, sell out to a corp job or I could just go straight to the source and whore myself off on Bronson street.
No. Rather, I should just struggle and go back to school, beg money to pay my rent, and make a future with the mind, which as I get older, is all I really have. My best friend...
My head has been bleeding since Saturday I think. All day at work I had the embarrassing moment of someone saying, "oh dear! you are bleeding from your nose!"
Stress... it must be stress... or a tumor...
Is it strange that I happily welcome the idea that I am dying?
We are all dying anyway...
With my luck, I'll drop dead the day I decide I am enjoying life... Cruel cruel mistress of life!
Now is all we have. Right now, I have nothing... So what does that all say?
It is far past time I pursue an avenue that gives back to me rather than take and take away from me.
School:
I won't know until the Friday before my course starts if I'm in or not. Already I am worried because I've shared the news of my attempts that it won't happen. As it has always been, if I say something is going to happen, it doesn't happen. If I keep it internal, and quiet, it does.
Optimism. I've already scheduled my classes in my agenda as if it were a present reality and fact.
I need this. So much. I can't afford to continue living like this. One sorry penny at a time. I could find another job, defy my devotions, sell out to a corp job or I could just go straight to the source and whore myself off on Bronson street.
No. Rather, I should just struggle and go back to school, beg money to pay my rent, and make a future with the mind, which as I get older, is all I really have. My best friend...
My head has been bleeding since Saturday I think. All day at work I had the embarrassing moment of someone saying, "oh dear! you are bleeding from your nose!"
Stress... it must be stress... or a tumor...
Is it strange that I happily welcome the idea that I am dying?
We are all dying anyway...
With my luck, I'll drop dead the day I decide I am enjoying life... Cruel cruel mistress of life!
Now is all we have. Right now, I have nothing... So what does that all say?