Inappropriate Behavior
It may sound obsurd to those over my age, and maybe not. The sense of self realization.
When I was a child, I did not understand my fathers disciplinary rationalizations. Telling me some day I would understand why rules where in place for this or that reason.
I never accepted authority, always believing that no one is right, and that I was being ignored for my opinion simply because I was younger, or female.
In a lot of ways I still struggle in my social and employment life with this.
I was kicked out of the control room a few weeks ago because of this. Two men telling me how to do the job I have done for five years. I flipped. Not entirely because of them. I have had trouble with the new chef at the restaurant and ultimately feel I am not receiving the respect that I don't just deserve, but need. At the end of the day, I don't care what I am being payed as long as I am respected as a figure in the team. Important.
Admittedly, I have slacked off, and fallen behind. Cause and effect. I am not happy with where I am, and don't know where to move to. My job at the track keeps dangling this promotion over my head, and then pulls it away due to contractual negotiations which I have no say on. If I was ten years now, I could write officially to the company and work out a private deal, but I'm only seven years now with them, and not sure I want to stick with them.
I love the people I work with, none the less, I want a job that can provide me with more pay increase as the years go on.
Balancing these scales is more than difficult.
When I finish my day, I want a drink. I hate dealing with people, but I'm good at it. I hate co-production and graphic emulation, but I'm good at it. I've been pegged into positions I have a skill for, but these don't make me happy. I would prefer being a cashier at an organic food store. No responsibility, yet guaranteed raises and promotions along side of medical.
Three months ago crawling up a five story tower for one of the cameras on track, the hatch upon entry fell back on my head leaving such a huge bruise I suffered migraines for weeks after. If it had been worse, I would not have received any compensation because I am a freelance contract which receives no such representation.
I know. I rant. No one reads anyhow. Out of my diary, my dream journal and my three note books, this online version is just an exercise in composition -that which is lacking.
When I was a child, I did not understand my fathers disciplinary rationalizations. Telling me some day I would understand why rules where in place for this or that reason.
I never accepted authority, always believing that no one is right, and that I was being ignored for my opinion simply because I was younger, or female.
In a lot of ways I still struggle in my social and employment life with this.
I was kicked out of the control room a few weeks ago because of this. Two men telling me how to do the job I have done for five years. I flipped. Not entirely because of them. I have had trouble with the new chef at the restaurant and ultimately feel I am not receiving the respect that I don't just deserve, but need. At the end of the day, I don't care what I am being payed as long as I am respected as a figure in the team. Important.
Admittedly, I have slacked off, and fallen behind. Cause and effect. I am not happy with where I am, and don't know where to move to. My job at the track keeps dangling this promotion over my head, and then pulls it away due to contractual negotiations which I have no say on. If I was ten years now, I could write officially to the company and work out a private deal, but I'm only seven years now with them, and not sure I want to stick with them.
I love the people I work with, none the less, I want a job that can provide me with more pay increase as the years go on.
Balancing these scales is more than difficult.
When I finish my day, I want a drink. I hate dealing with people, but I'm good at it. I hate co-production and graphic emulation, but I'm good at it. I've been pegged into positions I have a skill for, but these don't make me happy. I would prefer being a cashier at an organic food store. No responsibility, yet guaranteed raises and promotions along side of medical.
Three months ago crawling up a five story tower for one of the cameras on track, the hatch upon entry fell back on my head leaving such a huge bruise I suffered migraines for weeks after. If it had been worse, I would not have received any compensation because I am a freelance contract which receives no such representation.
I know. I rant. No one reads anyhow. Out of my diary, my dream journal and my three note books, this online version is just an exercise in composition -that which is lacking.