Valar Dohaeris
(Banner stolen from westerosorting -- Entry left public so that folk there may read, if they wish, as part of the liveblogging exchange)
This is my live-blog thread! There are spoilers here! I will be updating this periodically as I find new things to squee or rage about!
Currently on: FINISHED!
-omg this book is fucking massive.
-Ooooooooh, the maps are so pretty! I like these better than the old ones. Still wish we had a world map that showed where the different pieces are in relation to each other, though.
-Predictable prologue. Did anyone think, when we found out it was a POV from a wildling, that it /wasn't/ going to end with him getting attacked by Others?
-This has started off boring only because I've read these chapters before. Skim skim skim...
-(The Merchant's Man) - Okay, Quentyn, your awkwardness is kind of adorable. You are not your Uncle Oberyn, but you might yet have potential.
-(Tyrion 2) - Tyrion's chapters thus far are a combination of him emo-ing out and geography/history lessons.
-(Jon 2) - Man, feels like there's a lot of redux in the chapter with Sam & Gilly leaving. Did we need to read all of this twice, really?
-(Jon 2) - Oh man. Janos Slynt. Thank you, Jon. Thank you for manning up and putting an end to him. That was so goddamn satisfying. And he was so fucking annoying. Good call. He was just going to keep dicking things up for you.
-(Tyrion 3) - Yeah, Tyrion's Daddy complex is already starting to grate.
-(Jon 3) - Awww. Bye, Mance. Sad to see you go, even if I knew it was coming. I mourn for your cloak.
-(Jon 3) - I'm sort of digging Val. Gorgeous blonde captive sort-of-princess who keeps trying to stab people? Right up my alley. ;)
-Also, it's hard to be frightened of bitter cold and the eternal winter when it is 95 degrees outside and 84 in the coolest room in my house. Just sayin'.
-(Dany 2) - I feel sorry for Dany's dragons. :(
-(Bran 2) - Well, these Bran chapters keep getting weirder and weirder.
-(Tyrion 4) - Is it a bad thing if I'm snickering at Tyrion's alcohol withdrawal?
-(Tyrion 4) - Perving on a septa, Tyrion? Really? (Though, admittedly, an unusual septa). I think I like Young Griff.
-(Tyrion 4) - Stop wondering where whores go. It's getting really tiresome. You're letting Tywin continue to control you from beyond the grave. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the woman who was once your wife is back in Braavos, particularly since she (according to the cast list at the back of the book) apparently has a daughter named Lanna.
-Looking at the maps, noticed that the Tower of Joy now has a definitive location.
-(Davos 2) - Davos, you are also getting repetitive. You spent all of ASoS mourning your lost fingers/luck, and you're still at it. Buck up, man.
-(Dany 3) - Dany, would you please listen to literally everyone on every possible side of the argument who is telling you that remaining in Meereen is a bad idea? Seriously! Go somewhere else. ANYWHERE else. Just, please, I beg of you, GTFO.
-(Dany 3) OH MY GOD Dany this is so stupid. Meereen won't thank you for saving it from Astapor's fate. Especially not if you DESTROY IT ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU KEEP ACCIDENTALLY STARTING WARS. I love you, honey, but you are starting to piss me off.
-(Tyrion 5) - Well, I was right about Jon Connington (I mean, he picked the worst disguise name ever), but I must confess, Aemon caught me off-guard. I was one of those who had scoffed at that theory.
-(Davos 3) - Oooooooooh, just when I thought I couldn't hate the fucking Freys any more. I hope they all die in really painful ways. (Except maybe Olyvar, was that his name? Robb's squire. And Roslin, who I bet feels really bad about everything. And the few others they sent away because they knew they wouldn't take part in the betrayal. They can live. But ALL THE REST NEED TO DIE).
-(Davos 3) - Warg = werewolf now, apparently? FREYS YOU ARE NOT EVEN MAKING SENSE
-(Davos 3) - LOL first Lyanna Mormont and now Wylla Manderly, apparently ten year old girls are the only people left in the North with any sense.
-(Davos 3) - ... Okay, is Wyman Manderly under some kind of spell or something? His reactions are just ... odd, at this point. Also I really do not like Rhaegar Frey GIVE THAT NAME BACK YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.
-(Reek 2) - .... Did we just find out that Theon got gelded? Ahahahahahaha I know I'm meant to be feeling pity for him, but I can't help but feel he thoroughly deserved that.
-(Tyrion 6) - ... I wonder if this septa is the Sand Snake's mother. Tyene's. She'd be the right age. Aaaaand... Aegon is Elia's son, Elia was Oberyn's brother, so there's a connection there. Tenuous, but it does exist.
-(Tyrion 6) - OHMYGOD SHUT UP ABOUT WHERE WHORES GO
-(Tyrion 6) - *snort* Jorah picks silver-haired whores WHAT A SURPRISE
-(Dany 4) - Mmmmm, I am not sure about this Daario character. And you weren't, either, when last we saw him! Why are you suddenly acting like a besotted child?
-(Lost Lord) - Ah-ha, so Jon Connington is our last unknown POV character. Interesting. Interesting that it's him and not Aemon, actually. (Though I was still hoping for Howland Reed or Osha).
-(Lost Lord) - I am torn between thinking Aemon's making a rash decision that will end him the same way as Robb Stark, and thinking he's damn right not to sit around and wait for Dany to get her head on straight.
-(Windblown) - GRRM, I'm giving you a five yard penalty for the Monty Python reference. You should bloody well know better. Shame.
-(Wayward Bride) - Dear Greyjoys: See what helping to destroy the Starks got you??? Better wolves than skinners.
-I'm just going to say, for all this book took so goddamn long to produce, I've found three typos so far.
-Make that four.
-(Wayward Bride) - I know Asha's another favourite to many folk, but if this is the end of her, I won't be sad for it. I always found her annoying.
-(Jon 6, I think) - Awwwww, I had totally forgotten that Jon has no way of knowing that the supposed Arya Stark marrying Ramsay Bolton is an imposter.
-(Jon 6) - Hrm. You don't know everything, Mel, fires or no fires. You don't know that's not his sister. (Though it'd be no sad thing if poor Jeyne Poole ran away from Bolton).
-(Jon 6) - Err. Is Mel coming on to Jon? And bitch if you interfere with Ghost we're gonna need to have words.
-(Davos 4) - Okay, Wyman's making me happy. "The north remembers" indeed.
-(Dany 5) - Ohhhh, I'm not at all sure this is a good idea, Dany. Unless your second husband gets himself dead conveniently quickly. And you'd better make sure you write up one hell of a prenup.
-(Mel) - Well, she is a true believer, but she's not near as sure of herself as she pretends to be. Which might look clever but might also get her way in over her head the day she turns out to be wrong.
-(Mel) - Yup. Yup, you think you're clever. You think you'll bind Jon to you by rescuing Arya. BUT THAT'S NOT ARYA. Nice trick with Mance, though.
-(Tyrion 8) - Okay, this could be promising. I like Penny, and if she, even just as a friend, can drag Tyrion out of this black depression, I will find his chapters a lot more entertaining.
-(Tyrion 8) - Ooooooooh, passing close to Valyria. I still say Dany's going to have to go there at some point, to search out old secrets of her people.
-(Tyrion 8) - *low growl* I do not like Victarion, I want him nowhere near Dany, even if she is pissing me off by acting like an idiot at the moment.
-(Bran 3) - :( Poor Jojen. I think he's feeling all over and done and useless now. But you're so cool! We can find more things for you to do! I promise! (I hope he doesn't feel the day of his death approaching).
-(Bran 3) - I am so uncomfortable with the Hodor-warging.
-(Bran 3) - One man in a thousand could still be an awful lot of skinchangers.
-(Bran 3) - omg. omgomgomg. Lyanna?! Are we about to get... omgomgomg...
-(Bran 3) - Nerg! Not quite.
-(Jon 7) - Dolorous Edd = Eeyore. It is known.
-(Jon 7) - I'm definitely finding Jon's chapters the most compelling in this book. Part for him and part for what's going on in the North and at the Wall. He's really starting to come into his own as a commander.
-(Dany 6) - "You are too skinny for him. You are almost a boy. Rakharo does not bed with boys. This is known." "It is known that you are almost a cow. Rakharo does not bed with cows." Okay, Jhiqui and Irri, thank you for giving me a good laugh. Especially now that I picture tv!Rakharo and how ridiculously hot he is.
-(Dany 6) - Oh gods, I was about to comment more on the unfortunateness of this entire wedding affair, but now they're going to have to inspect her for fertility? This will not end well.
-(Dany 6) - Okay, now I can't decide if I'm starting to like Hizdahr or if I still completely do not trust him at all and wonder what the fuck game he's playing at here.
-(Dany 6) - And I also can't decide if Dany's getting back her strength or getting dumber by the minute...
-(Prince of Winterfell) - Man, I can't help feeling that holding this ceremony in a godswood, in front of that heart tree, is really, really going to come back to bite them in the ass. Lying to a heart tree should have horrific consequences. And men of the North ought to know that.
-(Prince of Winterfell) - And no matter what, this series now has me cringing at weddings, even before anything happens.
-(Prince of Winterfell) - This Lady Dustin woman has come out of nowhere. So far as I can remember, anyway. I'm finding her presence and knowledge a little bizarre.
-(Prince of Winterfell) - Ohhhh, this is really painful. Poor Jeyne. :(
-(Watcher) - Oooooh, Doran, I know you're not so much a fool as to give up Myrcella and hand Cersei a hostage of her own.
-(Watcher) - I fucking love the Sand Snakes. Happy to see them back. And ahahahaha unleashing them on King's Landing? This ought'a be good.
-(Turncloak) - Well, Lady Dustin's a right bitch. Holding on to a really damn old grudge, against people who are all dead.
-(King's Prize) - I am so glad the Mormonts aren't a broken house. Losing Dacey is a shame, by Alysane has spirit and clearly little Lyanna does, too. And Maege, Lyra, and Jory are still out there, somewhere...
-(King's Prize) - NGL, I'm sort of cackling over how poorly the southron men of Stannis's army are handling the autumn snowstorm.
-(King's Prize) - The mountain men of the North, Wulls and Liddles and such, all have Scottish accents in my mind. Is that wrong?
-(Dany 8) - Okay, Quentyn is adorable and not as much of a pushover as I initially feared. Ohhhh, Dany Dany Dany I am so nervous for you... I have such a bad feeling about this. Dany assumes the three mounts are her dragons, but I just have this feeling they're three husbands... and if Drogo was the first, "to bed", then this would make Hizdahr the second... "to dread".
-(Jon 9) - And now he's negotiating with a Braavosi banker. Jon, my boy, you're getting better and better.
-(Jon 9) - Ohhh, so the girl wasn't Jeyne, but a Karstark. Nice red herring there, George. And Alys just pulled a Princess Leia on him, lol.
-(Blind Girl) - Arya better not stay blind, that's all I'm sayin'. It's just such an unfitting trope for her.
-(Tyrion 10) - Okay, Tyrion, you just won back a few points. Not just because you've stuck your neck out to help Jorah, but mostly because of "I dance about and hit him in the balls. Very funny." which I can already envision Peter Dinklage saying.
-(Jaime) - YAY! Even if we only get one chapter from him, YAY!
-(Jaime) - Ohhhhhh, Brienne. You are lying a very bad lie. I didn't like you from the start, you've always annoyed me, and if you take Jaime down now he's on the road to redemption... No. No no no no no. I will not accept it. We still need him to strangle the life out of Cersei. The gods are not done with him yet.
-(Dany 9) - No, hon, you don't get to ask yourself how this happened. This happened because you made a series of really poor decisions. And it tastes like defeat because it is defeat. You surrendered.
-(Dany 9) - I'm starting to go from being irritated with Dany to feel really sorry for her. This is just so... sad. She's so defeated. She's become less than what she's meant to be, less than her true nature. She's retreating. I just hope she rallies. Quaithe did tell her she'd have to go back to go forward, and life rarely moves in straight lines, but still... this is starting to be painful to witness.
-(Theon) - Ooooh, he gets his name back.
-(Theon) - FUCKING FREYS ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE
-(Theon) - Why, yes, Theon, Robb was more of a brother to you than your own kin. Why, yes, you should have been with him.
-(Dany 10) - Hon, I can't help feeling you've been miscounting your betrayals.
-(Dany 10) - DROGON!!!!!
-(Dany 10) - Okay, that might have just made everything I've had to put up with so far from her this book worth it.
-(Jon...11? I'm losing track. Fuck it. Jon, pg 708) - "Queen" Selyse is so goddamn annoying. And she, Stannis, and Melisandre are all idiots if they keep trying to make R'hllor one of the terms of peace, with anybody. Men can change their king in a day. Changing gods takes generations. You can't force that on folk. Not in any short amount of time, anyway, and not without a lot of blood.
-(Jon pg 709) - Oh man, if greyscale can reawaken in the North... the last thing they need to be dealing with is a plague up there. Yeesh.
-(Cersei 1) - ... Qyburn as a knight of the Kingsguard? Cersei, you have well and truly lost it.
-(Queensguard) - Barristan POV finally! :D
-(Queensguard) - Belwas. :( All the hostages. :( I hope nothing bad happens to Missandei. :( Awww, yay for Grey Worm's loyalty, though.
-(Queensguard) - Yeah. I knew my instincts about Hizdahr were right. He came on far too sweet, charming, and acquiescent to have meant it.
-(Iron Suitor) - *growl* You just go away, Victarion, no one wants you. Even less than they want Stannis.
-(Iron Suitor) - You're also dumb as a brick if you think it's going to be as easy as "Walk in there, sling queen over shoulder, go home."
-(Tyrion 768) - Hey! You're finally starting to remind me of your old self!
-(Discarded Knight) - Ohh, the poor Admiral. Not that he was a major character or anything, but he didn't deserve that.
-(Discarded Knight) - Dear Quentyn: Nice try, and we'd like to like you, but you came too late. Sorry. Now please run for your life. This message brought to you by Barristan Selmy.
-(Discarded Knight) - Ooooh, so Prince Lewyn had a paramour? Wonder who he/she was.
-(Discarded Knight) - I like that Barristan disapproves of Dany's young woman's choice... but later in the same chapter, he remembers his own long-ago foolishness in youth. It's a nice balance. He's not judging. He just knows better -- but probably knows there are some lessons you can only learn the hard way (as I suspect Dany is finding out/about to find out).
-(Spurned Suitor) - Ohhh, Quent, why do I get the feeling this is not the time to go getting brave?
-(Griffin) - EEE RHAEGAR FLASHBACK
-(Griffin) - Ohhhhhhhhh, poor Griff. Greyscale. DDD: And on behalf of Tyrion, who at least at the time really didn't deserve it. Although, really, you should hack off the fingers and count yourself fortunate for so little loss. Don't be a proud fool; Aemon needs you.
-(Griffin) - Okay, Aemon, having preserved your life for 18 years will have done very little good if you get yourself killed within a week of landing in Westeros.
-(Sacrifice) - Red Rahloo is officially my new favourite title for the Lord of Light. Teehehehehe.
-(Victarion) - Guhhhh, there is literally nothing about this creeper that does not rub me the wrong way.
-(Ugly) - Yay, Arya's back! Even if she's not Arya. And not blind anymore, whee! Also, man, plague is everywhere. Sickness appears to be a theme of this book.
-(Ugly) - I'm also still not sure if I approve of this theme she's on. She'd be better off staying Arya, leaving that stupid temple, and finding a bravo to train her. There better be a damn good payoff for all of this, that's all I'm sayin'.
-(Ugly) - lololol Arya's supposed to kill an insurance agent
-(Cersei 2) - I'm not sorry for Cersei, I don't pity her, she deserves what she gets... but all the same, I'm not enjoying this. Public humiliation is what religion turns to when it's gone sour and rotten, and it makes me distinctly uncomfortable.
-(Cersei 2) - Although it is a little gratifying to see her realise that she is, in fact, no longer a supple young maiden.
-(Cersei 2) - Auuuuuugh, Frankengregor!
-(Tyrion pg 870) - Tyrion, it's kind of rich for you to slap Penny for being sad about losing literally her entire family and the only life she's ever known when you have spent this entire goddamn book obsessed with your own problems.
-(Kingbreaker) - Barristan, I like you when you're proactive. Also how you're sort of, like, *facepalm* over Targaryen love affairs.
-(Dragontamer) - Quentyn, this is both a very brave and a very stupid thing you're doing.
-(Jon pg 901) - Is it wrong that I'm kind of hoping Val will open Selyse's throat? Bitch has got to go. Too annoying to live.
-(Jon 908) - Ramsay Snow (suckit, jackass) can burn in all the fires.
-(Jon 911) - ... Jon. You didn't have to make this about you and your family. Ramsay threatened the Night's Watch. He threatened the Wall. You could just say you need to deal with him to protect the Watch's safety. But no. You had to make it about you. Way to undo all the good you've done in this book.
-(Jon 913) - Yeahhhh, not believing he's dead. Martin's given us too many fake-outs.
-(Queen's Hand) - Ohhhh, poor Quentyn. I'm sad about this, but not as sad as I would be if Quentyn had been the character I'd hoped he would be. As it is, I'm feeling very... meh, about him. I mean, he inspires no malice, but no adoration, either. Vague pity, perhaps. And his whole story is just feeling so useless. What was the point? Why did he need to be a POV? I had such high hopes for him, but ultimately, he's just feeling like something else that needed judicious editing.
-(Queen's Hand) - Gods, Dany, you left quite a mess for Barristan to clean up.
-(Queen's Hand) - Awwwwww, poor Belwas.
-(Dany pg 933) - You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat. There is something simultaneously poignant and hilarious about that.
-(Dany) - Ohhhh, honey, it is so sad that you have no idea what chaos you left behind you.
-(Dany) - Quaithe, whoever you are, your magic and wise words are things Dany should've been heeding for a long time.
-(Dany) - Aaaaaand, Dany's having delusions from heat stroke. Good. Just what she needed, really.
-(Dany) - Oh, NOW you start remembering and listening to the advice everyone gave you about GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF MEEREEN???
-(Dany) - ... Am I supposed to be nervous about Khal Jhaqo finding her? Is that supposed to scare us and make us worried about her future? 'Cause, uhm, by my count, Dany still has a dragon next to her. I'm pretty sure Drogon can take fifty Dothraki.
-(Epilogue) - O_O Wow. That was. Uhm. Decisive. Varys, I... Wow.