*Cries*
Ok, I don't mean to sound like a whiner, but life really sucks right now. I never thought it was possible to be so tired of life. I feel like I'm empty. Like there is nothing left to me but an outer shell. Like my insides are getting ripped out every day. I just read this book, tis called The Ishban Conspiracy. It's one of Randy Alcorn's books. There are four teens in it. Jillian, Rob, Brittany, and Ian. Jillian's a so called Christian, Rob's a radical Christian, Brittany's a Wicca, and Ian's just... I don't know what he is; a drunk, stoner, witch all rolled into one. Anyway, Jillian and Rob are a lot like me I fear. Every morning Jillian wakes up and puts on make up gets dressed, A.K.A. her mask. She can't leave her room without it. She's scared of people, she's scared of losing control. Rob's depressed, he considered siucide because he feels people will be better off without a whining, moping, sorehead around. He feels even his gf (Jillian) would be better off without him. That she would be able to love someone that isn't so messed up. Granted I'm not thinking of suicide, sometimes I feel that people would be better off if I fell off the face of the earth. (Note: Forget about Ian, and Brittany) The way I feel is I get up and put on a mask, I can't take it off because people won't like what's underneath (Jillian), if they saw me without my mask they would be better off if I was dead (Rob). Anyway it turned out to be a really, really sad book. I know I've said some of this stuff before, about the mask and all, but the feeling is back with a vengeance. I don't know what to do now. I'm just so lost right now. Lost and empty inside...