*Blah*
When I was growing up, I vowed to never be a "stay-at-home mom". Now I'm freaking out as that's the only apparent option for my life. I can't fathom any career sort of job, but I'm not able to pysically or mentally handle and of the other jobs I've had. As has been apparent by my not staying at a job more than 6 months to a year.
I agreed to have children with Andy, but I really don't want to raise an austic child. Andy doesn't seem to grasp that. He comes back at saying that he grew up with Garrett. He said that his mom knows how to get money from that state to care for a special needs child and that she has had the experiences dealing with Garrett too.
He was saying that with the genetic tests, we'd never have kids. Andy said that's he's working on the bills now but why not let me get pregnant. There'd be nine months before the kid was born to work on the bills too. I could get Medicade/Medicare for insurance -once I got pregnant.
Why can't I get insurance now and get my teeth fixed before they get any work? Shit, they've need to be worked on for almost two years! My stupid car's been in the shop for four days and that'll be $900! That bill will now be added onto my car payments (which were almost paid off) to my grandpa. . .
So, my dream job was squashed when I first moved down here and realized that getting into Sea World is extremly difficult. After that, the plan was to go to Moore Park school near Simi Valley. That required too much science. Next was Mesa's Vetinary or something program -too much math and science again.
I couldn't even pass a prealgebra class twice -the "special" ed version AND the computer class. And that was just for the general education to get to transfer to Cal State for a duel European Studies and History major. Now, everyone's telling me to get a business degree. Dad's saying to go to a vocational school for business.
I don't know if I could even fathom that. I mean, I think I could but I don't know. If I ever get even that degree, what then? Where would I ever come up with money to start my own business?
Maybe once having that degree I could do a managment position somewhere? But what would Andy say to this? He wants kids. All of the plans I've had throughout my life take too long.
He mentioned last night that once our lease is up, we might want to move back in with Kathy so we'd have a lot more money to attribute to bills. After a little bit there, we would look into getting a house.
Andy found a moduler home the other night at something like $150,000 -boiling down to something like $600 or so a month. That had a nice haalf-fenced back yard and everything too. However, Kathy noted that being in a "trailer park" or whatever it's called (though this was a nice looking area) there is the park fee or area fees.
*sigh* I just don't know what to do. Joella thinks I'd be able to handle school now. I can't get those last classes out of my head. And yet, with no real education there is nothing else for me to do except being a stay at home mom.
Andy's thinking that once we're out of here, for me to quit my job. I do that then I just take care of Garrett (that's more or less $10 an hour with me getting "paid" every week". Doing that I'd also have time to help Barbara and my Grandpa with doctor appointments and running errends.
I agreed to have children with Andy, but I really don't want to raise an austic child. Andy doesn't seem to grasp that. He comes back at saying that he grew up with Garrett. He said that his mom knows how to get money from that state to care for a special needs child and that she has had the experiences dealing with Garrett too.
He was saying that with the genetic tests, we'd never have kids. Andy said that's he's working on the bills now but why not let me get pregnant. There'd be nine months before the kid was born to work on the bills too. I could get Medicade/Medicare for insurance -once I got pregnant.
Why can't I get insurance now and get my teeth fixed before they get any work? Shit, they've need to be worked on for almost two years! My stupid car's been in the shop for four days and that'll be $900! That bill will now be added onto my car payments (which were almost paid off) to my grandpa. . .
So, my dream job was squashed when I first moved down here and realized that getting into Sea World is extremly difficult. After that, the plan was to go to Moore Park school near Simi Valley. That required too much science. Next was Mesa's Vetinary or something program -too much math and science again.
I couldn't even pass a prealgebra class twice -the "special" ed version AND the computer class. And that was just for the general education to get to transfer to Cal State for a duel European Studies and History major. Now, everyone's telling me to get a business degree. Dad's saying to go to a vocational school for business.
I don't know if I could even fathom that. I mean, I think I could but I don't know. If I ever get even that degree, what then? Where would I ever come up with money to start my own business?
Maybe once having that degree I could do a managment position somewhere? But what would Andy say to this? He wants kids. All of the plans I've had throughout my life take too long.
He mentioned last night that once our lease is up, we might want to move back in with Kathy so we'd have a lot more money to attribute to bills. After a little bit there, we would look into getting a house.
Andy found a moduler home the other night at something like $150,000 -boiling down to something like $600 or so a month. That had a nice haalf-fenced back yard and everything too. However, Kathy noted that being in a "trailer park" or whatever it's called (though this was a nice looking area) there is the park fee or area fees.
*sigh* I just don't know what to do. Joella thinks I'd be able to handle school now. I can't get those last classes out of my head. And yet, with no real education there is nothing else for me to do except being a stay at home mom.
Andy's thinking that once we're out of here, for me to quit my job. I do that then I just take care of Garrett (that's more or less $10 an hour with me getting "paid" every week". Doing that I'd also have time to help Barbara and my Grandpa with doctor appointments and running errends.