Who was "the one that got away"?
[[ooc: For what I've established for Midir in TM, this prompt would be sort of nonsensical, but slipping back into pure novel canon, it hits him hard and hurts and so, I'm answering this one from there, and not from any point in RP "canon." Thanks.]]
His hands were shaking as he tried to write out his decree. Banishment for the following names. Death for others. It had to be swift. Merciless. Fuamnach might be destroyed, but some of her followers still posed a threat and he wouldn't have Keelia threatened by anyone, ever again. He steadied the shaking, finished the decree and handed it to Fergus.
The view from the window was gray, or so it seemed, as he moved to sit in it, gazing out, chin tucked to his knees. That the sun was warm and there were a plethora of late summer flowers blooming through the fields in a wild profusion of color didn't penetrate his brain.
"You're an idiot."
It was soft. It was succinct.
He didn't look at Fergus. Pointed. "You may go."
"I won't."
Midir snarled and threw a bookend at Fergus' head with accuracy that would have been deadly if Fergus hadn't have been expecting it. His Lord and his Lady were a tad bit too similar in that regard. It was best to remove heavy or breakable objects from the room before telling them something they didn't want to hear.
"Leave me be." That one burst of energy seemed to be all the Prince had in him, before resting his head back on his knees.
"The curse is broken, my lord. You don't have to be apart from her. Go. Get her. Bring her home to us. You need your Lady. We need her."
"No." Soft. But firm, then again. "No. She's better off there. In New York. Where she belongs."
"No disrespect, my lord, but she belongs here. She always has. How could you let her go?"
Midir looked at him, eyes haunted. "You said it. When she came you said it. That I've never brought her anything but grief. Pain. Death. That I should let her be. Let her live her life. Have a chance to be happy. To be free of me and the things...it was my fault. All of it. Everything that's ever happened to her in any life has been my fault. I caused it, through my selfishness, my lust, my obsession. Wanting her with me and damn the consequences to her. Why should I curse her to have to be with me after that? I don't deserve her, and she deserves far better than me."
Fergus counted to ten. Then to twenty. Then thirty. It would be wrong to push his Prince out of the window in the hopes of knocking some sense into him. Wrong. Very wrong. His voice, when he spoke was patient. "My lord, I spoke to you when the curse was still in effect. When the Queen was still a threat. I thought your Lady would have a better chance at staying alive if you let her be and you wouldn't have to go through the guilt and torment you did every other time. But that's over now. You can be together and have all the happiness you both deserve."
Midir looked away. "I don't deserve it."
Wrong. So wrong. Also wrong to throw the bookend back at him for being an impossible prick. He took a deep breath instead. He was the sensible one in the room. That was nothing new. He'd been with Midir for far too long to think it could be otherwise. His Prince had moods. He just wasn't usually this stupid.
"What she doesn't deserve is to have you strip her of everything she is. What she doesn't deserve is for you to make the choice for her. She deserves to have some say in her life. It was she who broke the curse. She who saved herself. She who did so to free you both. And after, she wanted to be with you. You think I didn't hear her sobs? Hear her at the door, begging you? And you, you selfish bastard, you sent her away." His soft voice had a trace of scorn in it, which startled Midir into staring at him. Fergus did not usually speak to him so. "Your selfishness. Your obsession. And now you continue it, dooming her to a half life of memories she can't reach and not ever knowing the fullness of who she is. Treating her like a child. Like a toy you can play with when it suits you then toss aside the second you feel guilt or doubt. What you are is scared, my lord. Scared. For the first time in over three thousand years, you had a chance to be happy. To be whole. No curse. No threat. Just you and her and two kingdoms to choose from. Her world. Our world. It didn't matter, wouldn't matter, as long as you were together. And you couldn't stand the thought of it. You were terrified. Because instead of trying to save her, instead of being the torn apart lover, star-crossed and tragic figure you've gotten used to being, you had to learn to live with her. To compromise with another person. To give of yourself and let someone in on an intimate level the two of you have never had time to establish before. For millenia you've just tried to stay alive, and now you have that. You have the chance and like a coward you're running and clinging to your martyrdom. Look at you. Midir the unselfish, letting his Lady leave his tainted presence to walk free of his influence and free of the knowledge of her tortured past. Let her be blissfully unaware of all the ways she's grown. The strength, the grace, the courage she's shown, while you pine for her locked away in your castle and cling stubbornly to your image as the one with the strength to walk away and spare her your pernicious presence."
Midir was staring at him, mouth open. Fergus had managed to work himself up to a sneer, which lent a harsh edge to his features that Midir had rarely, if ever seen.
"I never thought to see the day when Midir the Proud became a coward. You're right. You don't deserve her. Not if you haven't got the balls to go after her. To live with her, instead of for her. To be the man she thinks you are. But what you've done to her...it's as bad as anything the Queen ever did. You've denied her a choice and the knowledge with which to make it. Selfish, idiotic coward. Don't you dare sit there and tell me you're acting for her best."
He was too angry to stay and when the words ran out he walked out and left Midir staring at the door in shock. Shaken, unsure, every word ringing in his head and crashing up against everything he'd thought and believed...Even when he tried to do the right thing, it seemed he did the wrong one. How could he go after her, ask her to be with one such as he? What right did he have?
But Fergus was very right about one thing. He'd had no right to take the choice from her. To send her away stripped of the knowledge of who and what she was and what she'd done and how brave she'd been. He'd had no right, and it sickened him to think of it.
He'd go. Find her. Give that back to her.
And then the choice would be hers.
His hands were shaking as he tried to write out his decree. Banishment for the following names. Death for others. It had to be swift. Merciless. Fuamnach might be destroyed, but some of her followers still posed a threat and he wouldn't have Keelia threatened by anyone, ever again. He steadied the shaking, finished the decree and handed it to Fergus.
The view from the window was gray, or so it seemed, as he moved to sit in it, gazing out, chin tucked to his knees. That the sun was warm and there were a plethora of late summer flowers blooming through the fields in a wild profusion of color didn't penetrate his brain.
"You're an idiot."
It was soft. It was succinct.
He didn't look at Fergus. Pointed. "You may go."
"I won't."
Midir snarled and threw a bookend at Fergus' head with accuracy that would have been deadly if Fergus hadn't have been expecting it. His Lord and his Lady were a tad bit too similar in that regard. It was best to remove heavy or breakable objects from the room before telling them something they didn't want to hear.
"Leave me be." That one burst of energy seemed to be all the Prince had in him, before resting his head back on his knees.
"The curse is broken, my lord. You don't have to be apart from her. Go. Get her. Bring her home to us. You need your Lady. We need her."
"No." Soft. But firm, then again. "No. She's better off there. In New York. Where she belongs."
"No disrespect, my lord, but she belongs here. She always has. How could you let her go?"
Midir looked at him, eyes haunted. "You said it. When she came you said it. That I've never brought her anything but grief. Pain. Death. That I should let her be. Let her live her life. Have a chance to be happy. To be free of me and the things...it was my fault. All of it. Everything that's ever happened to her in any life has been my fault. I caused it, through my selfishness, my lust, my obsession. Wanting her with me and damn the consequences to her. Why should I curse her to have to be with me after that? I don't deserve her, and she deserves far better than me."
Fergus counted to ten. Then to twenty. Then thirty. It would be wrong to push his Prince out of the window in the hopes of knocking some sense into him. Wrong. Very wrong. His voice, when he spoke was patient. "My lord, I spoke to you when the curse was still in effect. When the Queen was still a threat. I thought your Lady would have a better chance at staying alive if you let her be and you wouldn't have to go through the guilt and torment you did every other time. But that's over now. You can be together and have all the happiness you both deserve."
Midir looked away. "I don't deserve it."
Wrong. So wrong. Also wrong to throw the bookend back at him for being an impossible prick. He took a deep breath instead. He was the sensible one in the room. That was nothing new. He'd been with Midir for far too long to think it could be otherwise. His Prince had moods. He just wasn't usually this stupid.
"What she doesn't deserve is to have you strip her of everything she is. What she doesn't deserve is for you to make the choice for her. She deserves to have some say in her life. It was she who broke the curse. She who saved herself. She who did so to free you both. And after, she wanted to be with you. You think I didn't hear her sobs? Hear her at the door, begging you? And you, you selfish bastard, you sent her away." His soft voice had a trace of scorn in it, which startled Midir into staring at him. Fergus did not usually speak to him so. "Your selfishness. Your obsession. And now you continue it, dooming her to a half life of memories she can't reach and not ever knowing the fullness of who she is. Treating her like a child. Like a toy you can play with when it suits you then toss aside the second you feel guilt or doubt. What you are is scared, my lord. Scared. For the first time in over three thousand years, you had a chance to be happy. To be whole. No curse. No threat. Just you and her and two kingdoms to choose from. Her world. Our world. It didn't matter, wouldn't matter, as long as you were together. And you couldn't stand the thought of it. You were terrified. Because instead of trying to save her, instead of being the torn apart lover, star-crossed and tragic figure you've gotten used to being, you had to learn to live with her. To compromise with another person. To give of yourself and let someone in on an intimate level the two of you have never had time to establish before. For millenia you've just tried to stay alive, and now you have that. You have the chance and like a coward you're running and clinging to your martyrdom. Look at you. Midir the unselfish, letting his Lady leave his tainted presence to walk free of his influence and free of the knowledge of her tortured past. Let her be blissfully unaware of all the ways she's grown. The strength, the grace, the courage she's shown, while you pine for her locked away in your castle and cling stubbornly to your image as the one with the strength to walk away and spare her your pernicious presence."
Midir was staring at him, mouth open. Fergus had managed to work himself up to a sneer, which lent a harsh edge to his features that Midir had rarely, if ever seen.
"I never thought to see the day when Midir the Proud became a coward. You're right. You don't deserve her. Not if you haven't got the balls to go after her. To live with her, instead of for her. To be the man she thinks you are. But what you've done to her...it's as bad as anything the Queen ever did. You've denied her a choice and the knowledge with which to make it. Selfish, idiotic coward. Don't you dare sit there and tell me you're acting for her best."
He was too angry to stay and when the words ran out he walked out and left Midir staring at the door in shock. Shaken, unsure, every word ringing in his head and crashing up against everything he'd thought and believed...Even when he tried to do the right thing, it seemed he did the wrong one. How could he go after her, ask her to be with one such as he? What right did he have?
But Fergus was very right about one thing. He'd had no right to take the choice from her. To send her away stripped of the knowledge of who and what she was and what she'd done and how brave she'd been. He'd had no right, and it sickened him to think of it.
He'd go. Find her. Give that back to her.
And then the choice would be hers.