OMG OMG NCIS OMG.
Okay, how did none of you tell me that the last show I had left to catch up on, NCIS, had for the past two months been building up a GIANT ZIVA ARC that ended with a season finale titled "Aliyah" and included HALF AN EPISODE TAKING PLACE IN TEL AVIV? HOW DID I ONLY JUST BECOME AWARE OF THIS?
No, no, I blame myself; I should have known better than to abandon the show. Well, I'm back now, and I just caught up on all the episodes I missed, and of course, I couldn't let any Hebrew/Israeli reference go by without squeeing/nitpicking the hell out of it.
So, with no further ado, here is everything I had to say about the Hebrew/Israeliness of NCIS, episodes 6.19-6.25:
Inconsistency fail! Episode 6.19 "Hide and Seek" has Ziva saying: "What, you are surprised Israel has forests?"
And then in 6.21: Tony: "I'm spring cleaning."
McGee: "You don't have that in Israel?"
Ziva: "We don't have spring. Israel is a desert."
You know, go with the stereotype or go with the truth, but pick one -- you can't have both.
6.22
YAY HEBREW!
Ziva: "Eifo Ata? Be'emet?" Where are you? Really? <-- accent, not too shabby! "Lama lo amarta li sheata ba?" Why didn't you tell me you were coming? <--accent slightly off, mainly the R, but I forgive because yay Hebrew, and at least this time we get grammatical correctness! The rest is too mumbled for me to make out. Except that EEE SHE FINISHED WITH "YALLA BYE!" Show, just for that you are forgiven everything, including that desert reference. (More about 'yalla bye' in the SGA Guide to Hebrew Slang.)
Haha, Tony. "Long distance can be hard. Telefriend from Tel Aviv?" Tony, I will be your telefriend anytime. In fact, this invitation extends to all of you guys.
More Hebrew:
Ziva: A somewhat surprised, "Shalom." Hey. "Kama zman yesh lecha?" How much time do you have? "Be'eyze sha'ah hatisa?" What time is the flight? Again, not too bad! At least they have her speaking regular Hebrew, and not textbook Hebrew - I could totally hear this being said by an Israeli, including, alas, the tiny grammar mistake, saying be'eyze; the noun 'flight' is feminine, so it should actually be be'eyzo.
HAHA YAY she just finished the conversation with, "Okay, lehit." Which means: "Okay, bye." NCIS, I am, so proud of you; only two seasons ago I am confident that you'd have said "Beseder, lehitraot," which would have meant technically the same thing, in the way that "Very well, farewell," means the same thing, but sounds terribly out of place coming from people born after 1940.
Eee we finally see who Michael is! Ugh, casting. On the plus side - he's not Ashkenazi, so - well, I can't exactly call it minority casting, but he's definitely not the Josh Molina physical stereotype. On the minus side - he's the other kind of stereotype, the black-haired dark-skinned hairy rugged macho Israeli Jew, that blah, do not want. Also - Ziva deserves someone hotter!
Somebody please do his eyebrows.
LMAO, Michael: "Your father sends his love."
Ziva: "What else does my father send?"
Michael: *pats her hand suavely* "Me." Papa Mossad is pimping out his boys! Why, I ask, could he not have pimped Ziva the the guy who plays her dad's actual son?
Eps 6.22-6.23 - "Legend" (the spinoff crossover)
Non-Ziva-related detour: god, it's Christopher from Gilmore Girls again! I was just mentally comparing this spinoff-in-LA to Grey's Anatomy's spinoff-in-LA, Private Practice, and of course Christopher has to show up to prove that it's not just the same town, but the same actors. OMG WAIT NO that's not him, that's Chris O'Donnell! Wow, this is definitely a better Chris (and hee, still fits the Grey's analogy somewhat.)
HAHAHA, oh, man, I could not figure out what language it was Gibbs and Chris O'Donnell were supposed to be faking - Japanese? Italian - when they revealed it was supposed to be Russian. sabrina_il and other Russian speakers, if you watch it (minute 1:45), I'm pretty sure your head will explode.
Oh my god that man hug! Where is all this Chris O'Donnell/Gibbs slash coming from? Tony and Ducky would be so jealous. Well, Tony more, probably.
Okay, eeeeeeeeee I am so excited about this slow Tony/Ziva development (FINALLY) I cannot even tell you. Even if it doesn't wind up being anything romantic, I love the way those two play off one another so much, and how involved they are in each other's lives without actually saying anything about it. Tony talking to Ducky, and then looking up Ziva's injury footage, and then asking Abby to look up Michael? EEEE.
Haha, okay, I just looked up the guy who's playing Michael and it's Merik Tadros, who is of Jordanian, Egyptian, and Greek roots. I am presuming he isn't Jewish, and I've no idea how he identifies but I also presume he can be labeled at least partially as Arab, in which case, it is the world's biggest and saddest irony that Israeli actors who try to make it in Hollywood get roles as Arab terrorists, and they take an (American-)Arab to play the Israeli Mossad agent. ETA: Oh, of course, he's playing the Mossad agent who's playing a jihad terrorist. That is a… delicious level of meta, really.
HAHAHA MICHAEL TOLD THE NEW GUY WHATEVERHISNAMEIS "Todah, Achi." Thanks, bro. I have no idea why on earth he would tell him that in Hebrew and not in English, and why he would call him 'achi' like they were in the same frat or something, but he pronounced it PERFECTLY INCLUDING THE CH and now I kind of love him. I really am not that difficult to please.
HAHAHA okay I'm sorry for starting every other paragraph with mad laughter but HAHA, "There's a secret department inside Mossad called Kidon. I had dealings with them when I was a SEAL." Okay, as usual, I don't really know anything about Mossad and have no way of verifying if this is true or not - the fact that it's the first time I've heard of it doesn't really mean anything - but a, it always cracks me up to discover these things from spy movies and TV shows, and b, how secret is it, really, if it's right there on Wikipedia. "Kidon?" asks Chris O'Donnell. The other guy answers: "Hebrew, for bayonet." God, they so looked this up on Wikipedia.
Okay, wow, Rivkin is taking these guys out fast. Clearly in additions to Wikipedia, the show writers spent some time watching (and rewatching) Munich, and learning and internalizing from their mistakes.
Uh oh. Tony/Ziva confrontation - painful to watch because god, I want them to not be angry at one another so much, but also painful because of the following exchange:
(Both NCIS and Michael are after the same terrorist sleeper cell, and Michael's acting independently, without US authority, one step ahead of them.)
Tony: "He's interfering with our investigation."
Ziva: "Interfering how?"
Tony: "He's already killed two suspects."
Ziva: "Well, in my country, that would be cause for celebration!"
Tony: "Well you're not in your country, and neither is he!"
And I am cringing at all of this, because of all the anger, and because Ziva's statement is so - inaccurate but also true, and Tony accepts it, and ack. I'm taking "would be cause for celebration" as said in the heat of argument; the fact remains, though, that while a large portion of the population would not agree with the operation, a large portion will, indeed, be happy with it. Most of all, I hate the way Ziva flaunts this like it's a good thing. Ack again. Moving on.
OH MY GOD NO NO NO FAIL FAIL FAIL. Michael: "We fight the same war. Only ours began in Auschwitz. I have six million uniforms. Every one is different." OH SHOW, HOW CAN YOU FIT SO MUCH FAIL INTO ONE LINE. I AM ERASING THIS LINE FROM MY MEMORY. IT IS GONE. EW.
Gibbs: "Ziva David? She works for me." Uh… okay. On the one hand, sweet. On the other, three cheers for the patriarchy.
Oh, wow, Chris O'Donnell! I totally wasn't expecting that. Hee. I mean, not hee, but. Well.
OH JESUS CHRIST, how did they manage to make that shot of Ziva and Michael so creepy? God. If it's one thing this show knows how to do, is how to make Israeli women look awesome and how to make Israeli men look like scumbags. Regularly. (Perhaps this is something Israeli TV should learn from NCIS…)
Ep 6.24
Director Vance, about Michael Rivkin's unsanctioned (by the US) actions in the US: "It's Director Eli David's not-too-subtle message that we're not doing a strong enough job of policing our own back yard." Uh -- riiiiight. Wow, the number of ways in which that statement is impossibly wrong is truly staggering - I don't even know where to begin.
Ooh, more Hebrew!
Guy on phone: "Shalom, Ziva."
Ziva: "Ani rotzah mumblemumble…" I want mumblemumble. Accent meh. In the background - "Kshe'ani uchal," when I'm able to, accent not bad. "Ata beseder?" Are you okay? (accent yay.) "Ano no yechola, ani ovedet Michael. Beseder. Reva sha'ah. Hakafe be-third." I can't, I'm working, Michael. Okay. Fifteen minutes. The café on third.
Michael: "Beseder, lehit." All right, bye. ' Ooh, last two lines were a total regression :-( Ziva said 'no' instead of 'lo' - and under no condition does that make any sort of sense - and the accent was mumbled and weird, and they're back to pronouncing be-se-der archaically, instead of b'seder, which would sound much more natural IMO.
HAHAHA TONY IS LOOKING UP WHAT SHE SAID. First of all, ♥ Tony. Second, I am astounded that there are sites where one can apparently transliterate words they heard and get English translations. Third, he typed in "ANEELO YE CHOLA" instead of "ANEE LO YECHOLA" (setting aside the fact that, as previously mentioned, for some reason she actually said no, instead of lo). I wonder if this means the translation he'll get is "Aneelo (name of girl) yay sick."
Ew, Ziva and Michael are kissing. I'm sorry, no chemistry there, and he is such a blah character, as he is obviously meant to be. Oh and of course, they get a little oriental melody in the background there.
Oh, god, hearing Tony say words like "Tel Aviv" and "El Al" and "Ben Gurion" makes me want to faint a little. Um. Yes please. And eee, Ziva just found Tony's note! And aw, boy has a fantastic memory because he got all the words right. And I have Hebrew transliteration in Tony's handwriting.
<3333333
Wow, so the message of this show is basically that Israeli men are inherently evil and untrustworthy - we’ve had Ziva's dad so far, Ari, and now Michael. (Or perhaps it's that Israeli spies are untrustworthy, which… makes more sense.)
Eeeeee Tony and Gibbs are bothered (professionally and personally) about Michael staying in town. And on the one hand I want to say fuck off, you sexist bastards, Ziva can take care of herself! And then, on the other, I am just eeee that they care. I hope it's more professional than protective, at least on Gibbs' part; although it's Gibbs, and he's protective about everyone, which makes it better.
Yay Ziva's phone contact list! Apparently she has, um, very few friends. Or maybe that's just her favorites? Anyway: Abby, Avram, Deborah, Ducky, Eli, Gibbs, Hadar, Jody, McGee. God, I love the fact that she has a friend called Hadar. It was totally the name I was going to give one of her roommates in one of the theoretical NCIS fics I was going to write someday. And she's calling her! What?
Omgomgomg there's an operation against the Israelis. Omg. Vance is in on it. Omg. And more oriental music in the background.
OH MY GOD THAT IS ONE FUCKING CLIFFHANGER OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE TONY KILLED HIM I AM SO GLAD I HAVE THE NEXT EPISODE RIGHT HERE.
EPISODE 6.25 THE FINALE "ALIYAH" EEE:
Ziva's authentication code is gimel-vav-chet-shin, or Gochash. What. I mean, whatever, WHAT ABOUT TONY.
Eeeee. Call an ambulance, Tony! But Tony's apparently sulking because Ziva's more worried about her shot-to-death boyfriend than about Tony's sprained arm or whatever. (I mean, I ♥ Tony, but. Minimal cooperation.)
Oh, man, it is seriously so painful to see this huge rift between them. NCIS is one of my happy shows! Ziva and Tony are all about the banter, not murder accusations! Yay for McGee adding in some comic relief. "I can't believe I'm finally getting to see Ziva's new apartment! I mean, I wish it were under different circumstances…" Hee.
OH MY GOD MY VOLUME WAS UP AND THAT EXPLOSION WAS FUCKING SCARY YAY FOR VINDICATED TONY OKAY WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Oh, god, poor Ziva.
Hee, McGee, "fried hard drive." Thank you.
Wow, I was wondering how they were going to deal with the autopsy. Ducky contacted a "rabbi friend of his" - which, lol, I bet some of Ducky's best friends are rabbis - and Ziva says, "Not necessary. Michael was Jewish by birth, but not by practice." And even if death is usually the kind of thing that even the most secular Jews do… well, practice Jewishly, for the sake of families or whatever, it is such a relief to actually hear on TV that Jews (and in particular Israeli Jews) can be Jewish by birth and not practice it. Um, that is all.
Um, what did Ducky just say? "Like the periods of anenut and avelut are very appropriate today…?" Avelut is mourning, I know that. Anenut, though? What?
God, this is so sad, this is like Ziva on the first few episodes she appeared in, so harsh and unfeeling and detached. :-((((
I just paused on the shot of Tony's Internal Affairs Report to read it, and let me just say, that boy writes reports like, well, fanfic.
Oh, god. "Ziva. This is your home." "No, it's not."
Man, I spent so much time hoping she didn't forget that, but hoping she'd make DC into a home anyway. Screw it, I know she did - it's possible to have two homes, and Ziva did feel at home in NCIS, I'm sure of it. But yeah, it's not the only one, but it's why leaving now hurts, and why she's distancing herself away so much.
HAHAHA Tony discovering Michael was drunk. Awesome.
Oh, god, every time Vance says "Eli. Shalom, my friend." - and I'm pretty sure this wasn't the first time - I want to puke. He probably learned it from a "Shalom, friend" Rabin sticker or something, and it sounds so condescending.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
NO WAIT LET ME REPEAT THAT
"PACK YOUR BAGS, ZIVA. GIBBS, YOU AND DINOZZO TOO. WE'RE ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO TEL AVIV."
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Okay, all better now.
OH MY GOD HOLY WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS JUST THE FIRST SHOT OF TEL AVIV AND ALREADY okay, sorry, I'll stop with the capslock now. Okay, so let's imagine that they flew to Israel in a Hercules, fine, but what the fuck are those uniforms? They look like they're supposed to be military, but oh, man. The crew who unload from, specifically, Hercules planes, if they are military (and they should be because those are military jets), wear blue overalls, and nobody in this country wears red tshirts under uniforms, nobody. I should probably stop being this nitpicky because I will never get through this otherwise. Wow.
ETA: I just realized they might be American soldiers, in which case they can wear whatever they want.
Oh my god there are huge mountains in the distance. I'm going to pretend that's Hiria, the local landfill, which is the closest thing to a mountain Tel Aviv has.
The Tel Aviv Mountains?
Oh my god creepy guy just said "Baruch shuvcha, achi," which is archaic for "Welcome back, my brother." Ew ew ew. Ew he kissed Ziva on the cheek - please let him be a relative, otherwise that was so horribly inappropriate and I will actually be offended if audiences are expected to buy that kissing on the cheek is some kind of Israeli middle-eastern custom, because no.
HAHA YAY the background sounds are chattering in authentic Israeli Hebrew. Awesome. Okay, I'm trying to hear what they're saying and can't concentrate on the dialogue, so, rewind and actually watch
Oh, wait, that's Hadar? Aw, major disappointment; I was hoping it'd be the private name of a girl, instead of the last name of a guy.
OMG OMG TEL AVIV. JUST. OMG. LET ME SCREENCAP IT FOR YOU.
"Ken, kanes vaksha. Rak shniya." Yes, come in, please. Just a second. It's Summer's dad from The OC! And okay, I just remembered; the guy I linked to earlier is the son of a different Mossad agent actor, not Ziva's dad. And ah, according to IMDB, Ziva's dad "is of Lebanese descent." Seriously, I love this.
Okay, his office. The plants outside look Israeli. The office itself is uglyass ugly, but that doesn't mean anything; the only thing I recognize other than the regular symbols are, like, a photo of Clinton on the wall, waving with someone. And the Pope with some rabbis. And possibly a photo of Sharon.
Hee, Tony in the interrogation room. If I say "I've never seen steel chairs like that in Israel" I'll probably sound really stupid, won't I. It's just… not the sort of design I'd expect to find here. There are usually 2-3 chair standards that public places abide by - alas, budget.
Hahaha, "Interrogate? This is an assembly room, for mutual discussion." I think I actually kind of like Ziva's dad.
Tony's interview:
The top right is the Mossad symbol, the bottom left says Interview Room 6. I'm sorry, this is so much crack in one episode, I cannot. Technically, the way it's phrased, it actually says "The interview of Room 6", ie, we are interviewing the entity that is the room itself. Maybe I'm somehow reading it wrong, because that really is too much crack.
HAHAHA TONY HAS A TWITTER PAGE. I LOVE THIS EPISODE.
Okay, yeah, whatever, Tony's interview was nice, but then:
What is she wearing? Why is she wearing that color beret? On her head? Why is she holding the gun like she's patrolling inside the corridor of a building? (Why are the stairs so red? Did anyone have such red stairs at their base?)
And eee, another soldier:
This time a black beret, so for some reason he (she? I can't tell) is an Armor Corps soldier randomly guarding a cafeteria at a Mossad base. With long sleeves. Oooooooookay to all of this.
Heeee Abby wants to come to Israel because it's magical! Come, Abby, come! Third on her list after Galapagos and Dollyland - I can accept that.
Oh, god, HEAVY HEAVY GROAN, every soldier in that building has their berets on their heads. I'm sorry, fake soldiers, for what Hollywood's done to you. Take a shower later to wash it off.
Okay, Officer Amit Hadar's sleeveless jacket is horrifyingly ugly and outdated (as in: never actually been the fashion here), but the concrete wall he just extinguished his cigarette on actually feels local.
…okay, I'm trying to figure out how exactly Ziva was betrayed by her father, Mossad, and Tony… I… think I kind of get it… it's all very subjective, in the end.
Hahaha, I love that the Director recognizes his daughter's handiwork by the purple marks her chokeholds leave on her victims' neck.
The whole conversation between Directors David and Vance, I am taking to mean: look how easily you make enemies of your friends if you act rashly! If only we would learn to have patience, all our conflicts could be resolved over a cup of tea. Or maybe this lesson is supposed to be turned towards America, but my reading is of course automatically selfish.
Vance: "Oh, I understand, Eli, I don't judge you. I never have."
Oh, wow. Thank you, America, for being a True Friend. (I'm not even voicing an opinion on this stance, really - I don't want to get into a discussion about the opinion itself because it is long and complicated - just pointing out how the statements in this episode are dripping in double meaning.
Oh, god, that's it? All this David orchestrated to find a man who "killed one of his people"? That better have been some people.
Tony/Ziva confrontation - eeps.
Tel Aviv again! With a bunch of flags apparently! GIBBS WALKING DOWN A STREET WITH FAKE HEBREW SIGNS.
Um… wow. Massive, massive fail:
Can anyone explain to me why the Hebrew "Men's Fashion" signs are written in mirror image font? Like it's not even just a mirror image of the words - it's of every individual letter. I didn't even know Hebrew could be written that wrong. That's just impressive.
Another street:
Yeah, not a Tel Aviv (or any Israeli city) street, not a Tel Aviv bench, definitely not Tel Aviv streetlights. Just pointing it out.
Oh, god, the "Hebrew" emails. For the record - complete gibberish. I managed to recognize an accidental, I'm sure, word or two there between all the khdfakdfjnb liaewfhuiklwe. (Yeah, it kinda looks like a very enthusiastic PWP comment.)
OH NO WAIT. Now I can that it's all just written backwards. Okay, so here's a painstakingly eye-breaking translations of one of the emails:
Sender: Keren Garnler
Subject: Third grade class trip to the agricultural farm
Good morning, dear parents;
This upcoming Monday, in honor of Tu Bishvat, we will have an activity in the agricultural farm.
For this activity, we will need 3-4 chaperoning parents.
Parents who are interested in chaperoning this activity, are requested to let me know as soon as possible!
Thank you in advance and have a nice day,
Keren Garnler
Clearly this is deeply encoded terrorist code for LET'S BLOW SHIT UP.
Omg, the second one is really hard to read but what I can make out is:
*wash your hands!
*okay, now go to the fridge and take out 5 eggs
*take the four eggs that survived the fridge-removal, and break them into a bowl
*lift the bowl from the floor and clean up the eggs that spilled. Make sure you don't spill anything on your hand.
*take out 5 more eggs, and the four that remained…
Also I'm pretty sure the subject line here is: "A Cake Recipe For Men."
Make sure not to spill any eggs on your hand.
Okay, now that that is out of my system.
HAHA Director David has a photo of a young and dashing Ehud Barak on his wall. "Tachlif oto" - switch/exchange him. "Ksheneda nagid lahem" - at least, I think that's what he said. Hard to tell with his accent. Anyway, it means: when we know, we'll tell them.
Oh, god, Ziva and her dad - this is like the Godfather.
I weep for this sad, sad, sad airport. People, if any of you want to come to Israel, please know that our airport is gorgeous.
Tony: "I'm done with Israel. We're not coming back here." BAD TONY, NO. COME BACK.
Oh, god, nonononononononono - don't let it end like this, a kiss on the cheek from Gibbs and Ziva left behind, nononononono - don't break my heart this way - and still all that mistrust -
Oh, Ducky, yes, talk to Gibbs -
NAVY SHIP! My sister was in the Navy but I, alas, have not a clue what ship this is or how soldiers dress in one, so no nitpicks here. The graffiti on the wall says "Team" something, the smoking is highly conspicuous but whatever, the background chatter is Hebrew and the paper clipping on the wall is again, thank god, real Hebrew.
Oh, god, Ziva's dad has another photo in his office - next to the Ziva and siblings one, is a photo of some kind of graduation ceremony, in the center of which stands former President Moshe Katzav, who is now on trial for rape. Grrrreat.
UGH, FUCK YOU VANCE. CAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL HHHHEEEEEEEERRRR TTTTTONNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Lol, whoever that ass on the ship belongs to, he sure walks like an Israeli soldier. (His boots aren't Israeli, though.) Oh, wait, is the kafiyya supposed to imply he's Arab? Because that's not a given.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHH. WHAT. SHE LOOKS LIKE TWO-FACE, PLEASE TELL ME SHE STILL HAS HER EYE.
Okay, you know what, this is actually a better cliffhanger than last year's - that is, less painful - because at least now, unlike five minutes ago, I know that Ziva's gonna stay on the show and everything's gonna be all right. Also there is the added element of lol that here's this guy who'd presumably some kind of Muslim terrorist who is among other things anti-Israeli, and instead of asking for everything she knows about Israeli intelligence or defenses or Mossad, he's asking her for this completely random American federal agency. Which, lol.
Okay, to wrap this up -- obviously I'm not really objective about these episodes, but I love my show, and my heart is currently breaking for the characters while still being asquee from ISRAEL!, and there is definitely fic potential for this summer (which I've been saying for years so don't take my word on it). And oh, it's worth mentioning that even though I didn't focus on the episodes themselves at all while writing this, only on a certain aspect -- Abby and McGee and Ducky and Gibbs (and Tony and Ziva) all rock my socks off.
Okay, I'm done now. Wow, this is worse than the Kings recaps, isn't it.
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No, no, I blame myself; I should have known better than to abandon the show. Well, I'm back now, and I just caught up on all the episodes I missed, and of course, I couldn't let any Hebrew/Israeli reference go by without squeeing/nitpicking the hell out of it.
So, with no further ado, here is everything I had to say about the Hebrew/Israeliness of NCIS, episodes 6.19-6.25:
Inconsistency fail! Episode 6.19 "Hide and Seek" has Ziva saying: "What, you are surprised Israel has forests?"
And then in 6.21: Tony: "I'm spring cleaning."
McGee: "You don't have that in Israel?"
Ziva: "We don't have spring. Israel is a desert."
You know, go with the stereotype or go with the truth, but pick one -- you can't have both.
6.22
YAY HEBREW!
Ziva: "Eifo Ata? Be'emet?" Where are you? Really? <-- accent, not too shabby! "Lama lo amarta li sheata ba?" Why didn't you tell me you were coming? <--accent slightly off, mainly the R, but I forgive because yay Hebrew, and at least this time we get grammatical correctness! The rest is too mumbled for me to make out. Except that EEE SHE FINISHED WITH "YALLA BYE!" Show, just for that you are forgiven everything, including that desert reference. (More about 'yalla bye' in the SGA Guide to Hebrew Slang.)
Haha, Tony. "Long distance can be hard. Telefriend from Tel Aviv?" Tony, I will be your telefriend anytime. In fact, this invitation extends to all of you guys.
More Hebrew:
Ziva: A somewhat surprised, "Shalom." Hey. "Kama zman yesh lecha?" How much time do you have? "Be'eyze sha'ah hatisa?" What time is the flight? Again, not too bad! At least they have her speaking regular Hebrew, and not textbook Hebrew - I could totally hear this being said by an Israeli, including, alas, the tiny grammar mistake, saying be'eyze; the noun 'flight' is feminine, so it should actually be be'eyzo.
HAHA YAY she just finished the conversation with, "Okay, lehit." Which means: "Okay, bye." NCIS, I am, so proud of you; only two seasons ago I am confident that you'd have said "Beseder, lehitraot," which would have meant technically the same thing, in the way that "Very well, farewell," means the same thing, but sounds terribly out of place coming from people born after 1940.
Eee we finally see who Michael is! Ugh, casting. On the plus side - he's not Ashkenazi, so - well, I can't exactly call it minority casting, but he's definitely not the Josh Molina physical stereotype. On the minus side - he's the other kind of stereotype, the black-haired dark-skinned hairy rugged macho Israeli Jew, that blah, do not want. Also - Ziva deserves someone hotter!
Somebody please do his eyebrows.
LMAO, Michael: "Your father sends his love."
Ziva: "What else does my father send?"
Michael: *pats her hand suavely* "Me." Papa Mossad is pimping out his boys! Why, I ask, could he not have pimped Ziva the the guy who plays her dad's actual son?
Eps 6.22-6.23 - "Legend" (the spinoff crossover)
Non-Ziva-related detour: god, it's Christopher from Gilmore Girls again! I was just mentally comparing this spinoff-in-LA to Grey's Anatomy's spinoff-in-LA, Private Practice, and of course Christopher has to show up to prove that it's not just the same town, but the same actors. OMG WAIT NO that's not him, that's Chris O'Donnell! Wow, this is definitely a better Chris (and hee, still fits the Grey's analogy somewhat.)
HAHAHA, oh, man, I could not figure out what language it was Gibbs and Chris O'Donnell were supposed to be faking - Japanese? Italian - when they revealed it was supposed to be Russian. sabrina_il and other Russian speakers, if you watch it (minute 1:45), I'm pretty sure your head will explode.
Oh my god that man hug! Where is all this Chris O'Donnell/Gibbs slash coming from? Tony and Ducky would be so jealous. Well, Tony more, probably.
Okay, eeeeeeeeee I am so excited about this slow Tony/Ziva development (FINALLY) I cannot even tell you. Even if it doesn't wind up being anything romantic, I love the way those two play off one another so much, and how involved they are in each other's lives without actually saying anything about it. Tony talking to Ducky, and then looking up Ziva's injury footage, and then asking Abby to look up Michael? EEEE.
Haha, okay, I just looked up the guy who's playing Michael and it's Merik Tadros, who is of Jordanian, Egyptian, and Greek roots. I am presuming he isn't Jewish, and I've no idea how he identifies but I also presume he can be labeled at least partially as Arab, in which case, it is the world's biggest and saddest irony that Israeli actors who try to make it in Hollywood get roles as Arab terrorists, and they take an (American-)Arab to play the Israeli Mossad agent. ETA: Oh, of course, he's playing the Mossad agent who's playing a jihad terrorist. That is a… delicious level of meta, really.
HAHAHA MICHAEL TOLD THE NEW GUY WHATEVERHISNAMEIS "Todah, Achi." Thanks, bro. I have no idea why on earth he would tell him that in Hebrew and not in English, and why he would call him 'achi' like they were in the same frat or something, but he pronounced it PERFECTLY INCLUDING THE CH and now I kind of love him. I really am not that difficult to please.
HAHAHA okay I'm sorry for starting every other paragraph with mad laughter but HAHA, "There's a secret department inside Mossad called Kidon. I had dealings with them when I was a SEAL." Okay, as usual, I don't really know anything about Mossad and have no way of verifying if this is true or not - the fact that it's the first time I've heard of it doesn't really mean anything - but a, it always cracks me up to discover these things from spy movies and TV shows, and b, how secret is it, really, if it's right there on Wikipedia. "Kidon?" asks Chris O'Donnell. The other guy answers: "Hebrew, for bayonet." God, they so looked this up on Wikipedia.
Okay, wow, Rivkin is taking these guys out fast. Clearly in additions to Wikipedia, the show writers spent some time watching (and rewatching) Munich, and learning and internalizing from their mistakes.
Uh oh. Tony/Ziva confrontation - painful to watch because god, I want them to not be angry at one another so much, but also painful because of the following exchange:
(Both NCIS and Michael are after the same terrorist sleeper cell, and Michael's acting independently, without US authority, one step ahead of them.)
Tony: "He's interfering with our investigation."
Ziva: "Interfering how?"
Tony: "He's already killed two suspects."
Ziva: "Well, in my country, that would be cause for celebration!"
Tony: "Well you're not in your country, and neither is he!"
And I am cringing at all of this, because of all the anger, and because Ziva's statement is so - inaccurate but also true, and Tony accepts it, and ack. I'm taking "would be cause for celebration" as said in the heat of argument; the fact remains, though, that while a large portion of the population would not agree with the operation, a large portion will, indeed, be happy with it. Most of all, I hate the way Ziva flaunts this like it's a good thing. Ack again. Moving on.
OH MY GOD NO NO NO FAIL FAIL FAIL. Michael: "We fight the same war. Only ours began in Auschwitz. I have six million uniforms. Every one is different." OH SHOW, HOW CAN YOU FIT SO MUCH FAIL INTO ONE LINE. I AM ERASING THIS LINE FROM MY MEMORY. IT IS GONE. EW.
Gibbs: "Ziva David? She works for me." Uh… okay. On the one hand, sweet. On the other, three cheers for the patriarchy.
Oh, wow, Chris O'Donnell! I totally wasn't expecting that. Hee. I mean, not hee, but. Well.
OH JESUS CHRIST, how did they manage to make that shot of Ziva and Michael so creepy? God. If it's one thing this show knows how to do, is how to make Israeli women look awesome and how to make Israeli men look like scumbags. Regularly. (Perhaps this is something Israeli TV should learn from NCIS…)
Ep 6.24
Director Vance, about Michael Rivkin's unsanctioned (by the US) actions in the US: "It's Director Eli David's not-too-subtle message that we're not doing a strong enough job of policing our own back yard." Uh -- riiiiight. Wow, the number of ways in which that statement is impossibly wrong is truly staggering - I don't even know where to begin.
Ooh, more Hebrew!
Guy on phone: "Shalom, Ziva."
Ziva: "Ani rotzah mumblemumble…" I want mumblemumble. Accent meh. In the background - "Kshe'ani uchal," when I'm able to, accent not bad. "Ata beseder?" Are you okay? (accent yay.) "Ano no yechola, ani ovedet Michael. Beseder. Reva sha'ah. Hakafe be-third." I can't, I'm working, Michael. Okay. Fifteen minutes. The café on third.
Michael: "Beseder, lehit." All right, bye. ' Ooh, last two lines were a total regression :-( Ziva said 'no' instead of 'lo' - and under no condition does that make any sort of sense - and the accent was mumbled and weird, and they're back to pronouncing be-se-der archaically, instead of b'seder, which would sound much more natural IMO.
HAHAHA TONY IS LOOKING UP WHAT SHE SAID. First of all, ♥ Tony. Second, I am astounded that there are sites where one can apparently transliterate words they heard and get English translations. Third, he typed in "ANEELO YE CHOLA" instead of "ANEE LO YECHOLA" (setting aside the fact that, as previously mentioned, for some reason she actually said no, instead of lo). I wonder if this means the translation he'll get is "Aneelo (name of girl) yay sick."
Ew, Ziva and Michael are kissing. I'm sorry, no chemistry there, and he is such a blah character, as he is obviously meant to be. Oh and of course, they get a little oriental melody in the background there.
Oh, god, hearing Tony say words like "Tel Aviv" and "El Al" and "Ben Gurion" makes me want to faint a little. Um. Yes please. And eee, Ziva just found Tony's note! And aw, boy has a fantastic memory because he got all the words right. And I have Hebrew transliteration in Tony's handwriting.
<3333333
Wow, so the message of this show is basically that Israeli men are inherently evil and untrustworthy - we’ve had Ziva's dad so far, Ari, and now Michael. (Or perhaps it's that Israeli spies are untrustworthy, which… makes more sense.)
Eeeeee Tony and Gibbs are bothered (professionally and personally) about Michael staying in town. And on the one hand I want to say fuck off, you sexist bastards, Ziva can take care of herself! And then, on the other, I am just eeee that they care. I hope it's more professional than protective, at least on Gibbs' part; although it's Gibbs, and he's protective about everyone, which makes it better.
Yay Ziva's phone contact list! Apparently she has, um, very few friends. Or maybe that's just her favorites? Anyway: Abby, Avram, Deborah, Ducky, Eli, Gibbs, Hadar, Jody, McGee. God, I love the fact that she has a friend called Hadar. It was totally the name I was going to give one of her roommates in one of the theoretical NCIS fics I was going to write someday. And she's calling her! What?
Omgomgomg there's an operation against the Israelis. Omg. Vance is in on it. Omg. And more oriental music in the background.
OH MY GOD THAT IS ONE FUCKING CLIFFHANGER OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE TONY KILLED HIM I AM SO GLAD I HAVE THE NEXT EPISODE RIGHT HERE.
EPISODE 6.25 THE FINALE "ALIYAH" EEE:
Ziva's authentication code is gimel-vav-chet-shin, or Gochash. What. I mean, whatever, WHAT ABOUT TONY.
Eeeee. Call an ambulance, Tony! But Tony's apparently sulking because Ziva's more worried about her shot-to-death boyfriend than about Tony's sprained arm or whatever. (I mean, I ♥ Tony, but. Minimal cooperation.)
Oh, man, it is seriously so painful to see this huge rift between them. NCIS is one of my happy shows! Ziva and Tony are all about the banter, not murder accusations! Yay for McGee adding in some comic relief. "I can't believe I'm finally getting to see Ziva's new apartment! I mean, I wish it were under different circumstances…" Hee.
OH MY GOD MY VOLUME WAS UP AND THAT EXPLOSION WAS FUCKING SCARY YAY FOR VINDICATED TONY OKAY WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Oh, god, poor Ziva.
Hee, McGee, "fried hard drive." Thank you.
Wow, I was wondering how they were going to deal with the autopsy. Ducky contacted a "rabbi friend of his" - which, lol, I bet some of Ducky's best friends are rabbis - and Ziva says, "Not necessary. Michael was Jewish by birth, but not by practice." And even if death is usually the kind of thing that even the most secular Jews do… well, practice Jewishly, for the sake of families or whatever, it is such a relief to actually hear on TV that Jews (and in particular Israeli Jews) can be Jewish by birth and not practice it. Um, that is all.
Um, what did Ducky just say? "Like the periods of anenut and avelut are very appropriate today…?" Avelut is mourning, I know that. Anenut, though? What?
God, this is so sad, this is like Ziva on the first few episodes she appeared in, so harsh and unfeeling and detached. :-((((
I just paused on the shot of Tony's Internal Affairs Report to read it, and let me just say, that boy writes reports like, well, fanfic.
Oh, god. "Ziva. This is your home." "No, it's not."
Man, I spent so much time hoping she didn't forget that, but hoping she'd make DC into a home anyway. Screw it, I know she did - it's possible to have two homes, and Ziva did feel at home in NCIS, I'm sure of it. But yeah, it's not the only one, but it's why leaving now hurts, and why she's distancing herself away so much.
HAHAHA Tony discovering Michael was drunk. Awesome.
Oh, god, every time Vance says "Eli. Shalom, my friend." - and I'm pretty sure this wasn't the first time - I want to puke. He probably learned it from a "Shalom, friend" Rabin sticker or something, and it sounds so condescending.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
NO WAIT LET ME REPEAT THAT
"PACK YOUR BAGS, ZIVA. GIBBS, YOU AND DINOZZO TOO. WE'RE ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO TEL AVIV."
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Okay, all better now.
OH MY GOD HOLY WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS JUST THE FIRST SHOT OF TEL AVIV AND ALREADY okay, sorry, I'll stop with the capslock now. Okay, so let's imagine that they flew to Israel in a Hercules, fine, but what the fuck are those uniforms? They look like they're supposed to be military, but oh, man. The crew who unload from, specifically, Hercules planes, if they are military (and they should be because those are military jets), wear blue overalls, and nobody in this country wears red tshirts under uniforms, nobody. I should probably stop being this nitpicky because I will never get through this otherwise. Wow.
ETA: I just realized they might be American soldiers, in which case they can wear whatever they want.
Oh my god there are huge mountains in the distance. I'm going to pretend that's Hiria, the local landfill, which is the closest thing to a mountain Tel Aviv has.
The Tel Aviv Mountains?
Oh my god creepy guy just said "Baruch shuvcha, achi," which is archaic for "Welcome back, my brother." Ew ew ew. Ew he kissed Ziva on the cheek - please let him be a relative, otherwise that was so horribly inappropriate and I will actually be offended if audiences are expected to buy that kissing on the cheek is some kind of Israeli middle-eastern custom, because no.
HAHA YAY the background sounds are chattering in authentic Israeli Hebrew. Awesome. Okay, I'm trying to hear what they're saying and can't concentrate on the dialogue, so, rewind and actually watch
Oh, wait, that's Hadar? Aw, major disappointment; I was hoping it'd be the private name of a girl, instead of the last name of a guy.
OMG OMG TEL AVIV. JUST. OMG. LET ME SCREENCAP IT FOR YOU.
"Ken, kanes vaksha. Rak shniya." Yes, come in, please. Just a second. It's Summer's dad from The OC! And okay, I just remembered; the guy I linked to earlier is the son of a different Mossad agent actor, not Ziva's dad. And ah, according to IMDB, Ziva's dad "is of Lebanese descent." Seriously, I love this.
Okay, his office. The plants outside look Israeli. The office itself is uglyass ugly, but that doesn't mean anything; the only thing I recognize other than the regular symbols are, like, a photo of Clinton on the wall, waving with someone. And the Pope with some rabbis. And possibly a photo of Sharon.
Hee, Tony in the interrogation room. If I say "I've never seen steel chairs like that in Israel" I'll probably sound really stupid, won't I. It's just… not the sort of design I'd expect to find here. There are usually 2-3 chair standards that public places abide by - alas, budget.
Hahaha, "Interrogate? This is an assembly room, for mutual discussion." I think I actually kind of like Ziva's dad.
Tony's interview:
The top right is the Mossad symbol, the bottom left says Interview Room 6. I'm sorry, this is so much crack in one episode, I cannot. Technically, the way it's phrased, it actually says "The interview of Room 6", ie, we are interviewing the entity that is the room itself. Maybe I'm somehow reading it wrong, because that really is too much crack.
HAHAHA TONY HAS A TWITTER PAGE. I LOVE THIS EPISODE.
Okay, yeah, whatever, Tony's interview was nice, but then:
What is she wearing? Why is she wearing that color beret? On her head? Why is she holding the gun like she's patrolling inside the corridor of a building? (Why are the stairs so red? Did anyone have such red stairs at their base?)
And eee, another soldier:
This time a black beret, so for some reason he (she? I can't tell) is an Armor Corps soldier randomly guarding a cafeteria at a Mossad base. With long sleeves. Oooooooookay to all of this.
Heeee Abby wants to come to Israel because it's magical! Come, Abby, come! Third on her list after Galapagos and Dollyland - I can accept that.
Oh, god, HEAVY HEAVY GROAN, every soldier in that building has their berets on their heads. I'm sorry, fake soldiers, for what Hollywood's done to you. Take a shower later to wash it off.
Okay, Officer Amit Hadar's sleeveless jacket is horrifyingly ugly and outdated (as in: never actually been the fashion here), but the concrete wall he just extinguished his cigarette on actually feels local.
…okay, I'm trying to figure out how exactly Ziva was betrayed by her father, Mossad, and Tony… I… think I kind of get it… it's all very subjective, in the end.
Hahaha, I love that the Director recognizes his daughter's handiwork by the purple marks her chokeholds leave on her victims' neck.
The whole conversation between Directors David and Vance, I am taking to mean: look how easily you make enemies of your friends if you act rashly! If only we would learn to have patience, all our conflicts could be resolved over a cup of tea. Or maybe this lesson is supposed to be turned towards America, but my reading is of course automatically selfish.
Vance: "Oh, I understand, Eli, I don't judge you. I never have."
Oh, wow. Thank you, America, for being a True Friend. (I'm not even voicing an opinion on this stance, really - I don't want to get into a discussion about the opinion itself because it is long and complicated - just pointing out how the statements in this episode are dripping in double meaning.
Oh, god, that's it? All this David orchestrated to find a man who "killed one of his people"? That better have been some people.
Tony/Ziva confrontation - eeps.
Tel Aviv again! With a bunch of flags apparently! GIBBS WALKING DOWN A STREET WITH FAKE HEBREW SIGNS.
Um… wow. Massive, massive fail:
Can anyone explain to me why the Hebrew "Men's Fashion" signs are written in mirror image font? Like it's not even just a mirror image of the words - it's of every individual letter. I didn't even know Hebrew could be written that wrong. That's just impressive.
Another street:
Yeah, not a Tel Aviv (or any Israeli city) street, not a Tel Aviv bench, definitely not Tel Aviv streetlights. Just pointing it out.
Oh, god, the "Hebrew" emails. For the record - complete gibberish. I managed to recognize an accidental, I'm sure, word or two there between all the khdfakdfjnb liaewfhuiklwe. (Yeah, it kinda looks like a very enthusiastic PWP comment.)
OH NO WAIT. Now I can that it's all just written backwards. Okay, so here's a painstakingly eye-breaking translations of one of the emails:
Sender: Keren Garnler
Subject: Third grade class trip to the agricultural farm
Good morning, dear parents;
This upcoming Monday, in honor of Tu Bishvat, we will have an activity in the agricultural farm.
For this activity, we will need 3-4 chaperoning parents.
Parents who are interested in chaperoning this activity, are requested to let me know as soon as possible!
Thank you in advance and have a nice day,
Keren Garnler
Clearly this is deeply encoded terrorist code for LET'S BLOW SHIT UP.
Omg, the second one is really hard to read but what I can make out is:
*wash your hands!
*okay, now go to the fridge and take out 5 eggs
*take the four eggs that survived the fridge-removal, and break them into a bowl
*lift the bowl from the floor and clean up the eggs that spilled. Make sure you don't spill anything on your hand.
*take out 5 more eggs, and the four that remained…
Also I'm pretty sure the subject line here is: "A Cake Recipe For Men."
Make sure not to spill any eggs on your hand.
Okay, now that that is out of my system.
HAHA Director David has a photo of a young and dashing Ehud Barak on his wall. "Tachlif oto" - switch/exchange him. "Ksheneda nagid lahem" - at least, I think that's what he said. Hard to tell with his accent. Anyway, it means: when we know, we'll tell them.
Oh, god, Ziva and her dad - this is like the Godfather.
I weep for this sad, sad, sad airport. People, if any of you want to come to Israel, please know that our airport is gorgeous.
Tony: "I'm done with Israel. We're not coming back here." BAD TONY, NO. COME BACK.
Oh, god, nonononononononono - don't let it end like this, a kiss on the cheek from Gibbs and Ziva left behind, nononononono - don't break my heart this way - and still all that mistrust -
Oh, Ducky, yes, talk to Gibbs -
NAVY SHIP! My sister was in the Navy but I, alas, have not a clue what ship this is or how soldiers dress in one, so no nitpicks here. The graffiti on the wall says "Team" something, the smoking is highly conspicuous but whatever, the background chatter is Hebrew and the paper clipping on the wall is again, thank god, real Hebrew.
Oh, god, Ziva's dad has another photo in his office - next to the Ziva and siblings one, is a photo of some kind of graduation ceremony, in the center of which stands former President Moshe Katzav, who is now on trial for rape. Grrrreat.
UGH, FUCK YOU VANCE. CAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL HHHHEEEEEEEERRRR TTTTTONNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Lol, whoever that ass on the ship belongs to, he sure walks like an Israeli soldier. (His boots aren't Israeli, though.) Oh, wait, is the kafiyya supposed to imply he's Arab? Because that's not a given.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHH. WHAT. SHE LOOKS LIKE TWO-FACE, PLEASE TELL ME SHE STILL HAS HER EYE.
Okay, you know what, this is actually a better cliffhanger than last year's - that is, less painful - because at least now, unlike five minutes ago, I know that Ziva's gonna stay on the show and everything's gonna be all right. Also there is the added element of lol that here's this guy who'd presumably some kind of Muslim terrorist who is among other things anti-Israeli, and instead of asking for everything she knows about Israeli intelligence or defenses or Mossad, he's asking her for this completely random American federal agency. Which, lol.
Okay, to wrap this up -- obviously I'm not really objective about these episodes, but I love my show, and my heart is currently breaking for the characters while still being asquee from ISRAEL!, and there is definitely fic potential for this summer (which I've been saying for years so don't take my word on it). And oh, it's worth mentioning that even though I didn't focus on the episodes themselves at all while writing this, only on a certain aspect -- Abby and McGee and Ducky and Gibbs (and Tony and Ziva) all rock my socks off.
Okay, I'm done now. Wow, this is worse than the Kings recaps, isn't it.
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