DVD commentary: "Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix)" part 1
For ficcommentary, my DVD commentary on Hi, Ma, my remix of deelaundry's fic Hi, Mom. Turned out a little long, so the last scene's in the next post.
PROLOGUE:
1. My grandmother is so incredibly awesome she has her own tag on my LJ.
2. From a comment I posted in queenzulu’s journal on Jan 27th, 2007:
BTW: I visited my grandmother in her new communal home thing a month ago, and have been plagued with plotbunnies every since about the six House characters' parents/grandparents living in the same retirement community in Florida and gossiping about their offspring. Who should date who and who was mean to who and who was shot, etc. Is that I am insane.
3. Intro to writing this remix:
Whenever I read a fic by an author that I truly like, I track down their stories on LJ and start going through them, happy at the prospect of new good fics. This is what I was doing on Dee’s journal, the day before Remix assignments were sent out - I even left a comment on Hi, Mom, because I liked it so much, and was thinking about adding her to my f-list. An idle thought wondered through my mind - “wouldn’t it be weird if I were assigned to someone whose work I actually know, someone relatively well known, like deelaundry?”
And then I was.
The downside to this was that now I couldn’t friend her, and couldn’t leave comments on her stories - I feared that if I did, the conspicuous timing of a bunch of comments would hint that I was her remixer (a stray comment was how I started suspecting who my own remixer was, and it turned out to be true. )
The upside - now I had a million stories to choose from, and some great source material. (Actually, both of these can be considered downsides too… *g*) But I narrowed it down pretty quickly, seeing as I wasn’t going to attempt to remix anything NC-17, or anything too long, or anything extraordinary in my opinion (like Locked Up and Set Free. Remix is not a competition, but really, nothing I wrote would live up to that - I’d rather not even try.) I loved Hi, Mom for its fast pace, for its snappy dialogue, for the freedom it would leave me as a remixer - and because I thought that between the lines, there was still an entire story left to tell.
In the end, my options were: 1) remixing Hi, Mom to shed new light on Mrs. Wilson’s motivations (she wasn’t Evelyn, not yet), and 2) remixing Green as a medieval AU, with Charlie as the new knight arriving in Court.
I think we should all be relieved that I chose Hi, Mom.
Fic: Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix) [House MD; House/Wilson; PG-13]
Title: Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix)
Author: roga
Summary: Wilson is seeing a man. Wilson's mother isn't handling it well. Wilson's grandmother adds Yiddish to the mix, and maintains that mothers only want what's best for their children.
Fandom: House, MD.
Pairing: Greg House/James Wilson
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Disclaimer: Fox‘s, not mine. Evelyn Wilson is deelaundry’s creation.
Original story: Hi, Mom by deelaundry.
Notes: A huge thank you to daisylilyfor the beta, and thank you Dee for setting up such an interesting playground :-)
Choosing a title is often the hardest part of writing for me, because honestly, I suck at it - and here, I needed not only a title for the story, but for the remix. But here, “Hi, Ma” was obvious to me right from the start, and was probably the only WIP I’ve ever named in advance (normally, it would have been “wilsons grandmother fic”. And being unable to add an apostrophe to Wilson would have bugged me.)
The idea for “Sunrise, Sunset” came, miraculously, five minutes before the posting deadline, and I’ll write more about it in the end.
Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix)
Hello?
Hi, Ma.
'Ma'? This must be my daughter, Evelyn, but she hasn't called for so long I'm not sure I remember her voice.
…sorry, Ma. You know, if I learned how to use that tone of voice maybe I could get Jimmy to call me more often.
Writing dialogue means sometimes you’re going to need to force the characters to say things just to get your exposition, and the challenge is to make it sound as natural as you can. These four lines hopefully established the following facts: 1. Speaker #1 is Evelyn’s mom. 2. Speaker #2, Evelyn, is Wilson’s mom. 3. They are both pestering, guilt-inducing, slightly-overbearing, strongly stereotypical Jewish mothers: think Nanny Fein from The Nanny and her mother, think Janice from Friends, think Jerry Seinfeld’s Florida-residing mom, think Barbara Streisand in Meet The Fockers. Both Judy and Evelyn are a mixture of them all (okay, maybe that last one is just Judy).
By the way, Wilson’s mom was never named in the original fic. I felt uncomfortable naming her myself, and eventually settled for naming the Wilsons Evelyn and Joe, taken from Dee’s personal canon of Domestic.
Is Jimmy not calling home enough? Do you need me to give him a talking to?
Wh--no, Ma, Jimmy's… Jimmy's fine. He's a good boy.
Don't lie to me, Evelyn.
Lying? How can you possibly think--
Not about Jimmy, of course he's an angel. Why, most of my friends here are dying to get cancer, pardon the pun, just so he can work his magic fingers on them like he did his grandfather who's still with us, tfu tfu tfu knock on wood. But something's on your mind. I can tell.
We say “tfu tfu tfu” and then knock on wood; I figured Judy would know and use it, but added “knock on wood” to clarify what she meant, since we can’t see her actually doing it. A bit forced, but, well.
It's nothing.
Evelyn…
…fine, fine. It is Jimmy. He's met someone.
Have you met her? Do we disapprove? Is she worse than that cheating manipulative bitch of a shiksa he brought home last time?
Julie wasn’t, really, but this is the side of the story Wilson’s protective grandmother is remembering in retrospect. She never had a problem with Julie being a shiksa, by the way; or, well, she did, but tried to overcome it and never mentioned it aloud, for his sake.
Ma! Don't talk that way about Julie!
Don't be so sensitive, dear, it's what we all thought. He's a good boy, Jimmy, but he could use a little guidance in the love department. So how is the new girl?
I-- I don't know. We haven't met. I'm happy for him, but I'm more worried, you know? That-- it doesn't-- make me a bad mother… Right?
Of course not, Evinka. You worry. It's what you're there for. That's what's good about being a grandmother-- you can leave the worrying to the parents and concentrate on either pampering or hassling, whatever's on your mind that day. With any luck, you'll have that too with Jimmy, soon enough.
Hmm. Yes. Let's not talk about this now, okay, Ma?
Sure, sweetie. We should have much to discuss, you call so little as it is.
I said I was sorry about that…
I know, I'm just toying with you. Don't worry about it-- when I was younger, I never called my mother either. Of course, back then we didn't have any phones.
And have I mentioned the stereotypical Jewish mother guilt factor? Because it’s so there. I saw a joke, recently, on Studio 60, which went: “A Jewish guy calls his mother and says; Mom, how are you? And the mother says; terrible, I haven’t eaten in 38 days. And he says; why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? And the mother says; I didn’t want my mouth full in case you should call.”
Judy’s not that bad, but she takes her fun where she can :-) Who I really wanted to emphasize here was actually Evelyn. The third line of Hi, Mom is Evelyn’s: "Jimmy, sweetheart. Why haven’t you called? It’s been ages." Here, the roles are switched: I wanted to remind characters that Evelyn wasn’t just A Mom, but a character in her own right; confused, worried, insecure, and, like everyone else, somebody’s daughter. Judy’s allegiance to Wilson is one of love and care and pampering, with no real everyday worries thrown in the mix. But she’s Evelyn’s mother, and that doesn’t stop just because they’re bothold.
*
I decided to mirror the format of Dee’s original fic, because I like writing dialogue (more on that below), it flowed, and since I was changing the main characters by adding an entirely new OC, I wanted something deeper than plot to connect the story to the original. But in order to mirror it perfectly the entire story would have been composed of conversations between Judy and Evelyn - which is, you know, nominally interesting, but in the end the characters we love are House and Wilson, and there was only so much I could write about them from J&E’s perspective without repeating myself.
In the original, this scene had Evelyn invite Wilson to the wedding. For the matching conversation with Judy - exeunt Evelyn, enter Wilson.
Sprinkle paprika and sugar in the water before you drop the fish balls in, and easy on the sugar.
There really is no way to describe gefilte fish without vaguely disturbing innuendo, is there?
Paprika! That was it. And hi, Nana.
Hello, Jimmy’le.
Concerning naming and dialogue: One of many reasons I chose Hi, Mom to remix is that writing dialogue only is actually easier for me. I'm a big fan of dialogue and banter; my favorite characters are ones that talk a lot and talk fast, and sometimes filling the in between dialogue tags and emotions and descriptions feels like a real chore. From that aspect, this was actually a relief to write - I probably wrote it two or three times as fast as I would any other fic of the same length. One of challenges are making sure the readers keep up, and here I tried to make the voices as distinctive as possible and to mention names and titles whenever they felt natural - Greg/House, Jimmy/James/Jimmy'le/Wilson, Evelyn/Mom/Evinka, Judy/Nana/Ma.
This commentary is probably a lot more confusing than the original fic because of all the breaks in dialogue.
How did you know it was me?
You’ve been calling me the day before Rosh Hashana for years now, always asking for the gefilte fish recipe.
Gefilte fish is one of those dishes that you don’t make out of a cookbook - you ask grandma for a recipe. It’s hard to make and it It looks fairly disgusting, but I have complete confidence in Wilson’s abilities.
I’m that predictable?
Who was that who just said “yes” in the background?
That was just House. Do you remember him?
He’s the one who keeps calling.
He calls you?
Of course not, he calls you. I remember last year at your grandfather’s birthday, the one time I got to see you all year, he kept calling, and calling--
Judy needed to know who House was, just so I could get her meeting him out of the way.
There was a medical emergency at the hospital…
--and calling, and calling, and calling--
I get it, Nana.
--and calling. He called a lot, is all I’m saying.
He was saving a life.
And he couldn’t have picked a better time to do it. Your grandfather turns eighty-five twice. He's special that way.
Like grandson, like grandma, Judy likes her sarcasm.
I’m sorry, Nana. I apologized to Grandpa too.
Meh, he can barely hear a thing anyway. So who are you cooking for?
Myself.
Honey, you never cook gefilte for yourself. Nobody cooks gefilte for themselves. I know you, you always have a wife or a pretty girlfriend to share the new year with. Your mother already told me you were seeing someone.
She did?
And poor Wilson, because he actually gets his hopes up here… This is already after the following exchange took place: “First of all, no one would care if your dress clashed, and second, I’m not bringing a woman.” “I thought I told you we’re not talking about this. […] You’re really going to embarrass everyone by pushing this into their faces?”
Did you expect her to keep it a secret? Come on, now, tell me who she is.
She. Ah. I’m assuming Mom didn’t give out too much information, then.
…and he says this in a flat, dispassionate tone, not really letting himself care, because if he does, it will hurt too much.
She seemed uncomfortable with the subject, I won’t lie. But I know you won’t keep any secrets from your grandmother.
Actually… I think I prefer to keep a lid on this one for now.
What? Why on earth… Jimmy, this isn’t like you.
I know, it’s just-- I don’t know, Mom’s taking it kind of hard, and I think maybe I should let the news trickle out at a slower pace this time, for her. I don’t want to push it.
And this is where I had to ask myself: why isn’t Wilson pushing? And entire scroll are written on the subject, I’ll wait until the end of this section to talk about them.
You’re worrying me, Jimmy.
Don’t worry, Nana, I’m happy now. Really happy.
Then why won’t you--?
Just, for Mom’s sake, okay? Besides, while I don’t have any reservations about this relationship, I do have reservations about telling an eighty-years-young woman about it over the phone. I promise I’ll tell you, though.
You damn well better.
Promise.
Good. I’ll see you at your cousin Tina’s wedding?
Hee, Wilsons. Continuing a tradition of non-Jewish naming since the birth of Christof, son of William nee Mendel, Bialystok, 1852.
Yes, you will.
Bring her as your date, then. Talk to your mother, she’ll come around.
I hope.
You do realize I have the final say about the girl, though, don’t you?
Nobody has the final say but me, Nana.
Ah, that’s the Jimmy I like to hear. Good boy. Although your life will be a whole lot easier if I do approve.
That much I grant you.
You’re a good boy, Jimmy.
Um. Thanks. So… am I really that predictable?
I have caller ID, sweetheart. Have a happy new year, and remember I love you.
Because there’s nothing cooler than technologically advanced grandparents! My grandmother has two sons-in-law who take care of buying and hooking up gizmos for her, and she’s livin’ the good life - she texts me from her cell phone, has three neat mini-plasma TVs, and in the process of buying a laptop (after which we might finally convince her to get an email). It’s more common today I guess, but she’s still one of very few people her age that I know who are like that. And Judy is totally like that, except she doesn’t remind people of it so she can spring it out at unexpected moments.
Love you too.
*
And here, perhaps, is where I should take a moment to get to the heart of the fic, and explain just why I wrote Hi, Ma through Judy’s character, and what my main incentive was. After the remix authors were revealed, Dee and I had a discussion about the characters, and why they acted the way they did. Some of you may find this tl;dr - but for me, if there’s anything worth reading in this entire commentary, it’s the following correspondence:
I loved Hi, Mom, as you know, but one thing about it left me uncomfortable: Evelyn […] seemed like a good person. She cared about her son and wanted what's best from him; and from the good we see in Wilson, one would suppose some of it was influenced by his education and upbringing. How then could this woman be so unaccepting, uncompromising, in denial about reality to a sometimes ridiculous degree? How could she seem so prejudiced? (up until the moment she has her change of heart?)
The simple answer is, of course, because otherwise we wouldn't have a plot. It's a plot device and comic effect and we shouldn't take it seriously. But I wanted to explore what could be the reasoning behind it - why, in spite of living in our modern world, in spite of most likely being Jewish enough to know what prejudice feels like but probably not Jewish enough to care about what the bible says about homosexuality (she did name her son James, after all) - why she acted the way she did, in a manner that in real life would be absolutely horrifying.
Adding Judy into the story accomplished a number of things: it gave House and Wilson an ally from within the family, so that even without Evelyn's support they didn't feel so alone (and it probably lessened some of Wilson's anger at his mother); it gave Evelyn someone to confide in and feel insecure about, and hopefully reminded readers that after all, Evelyn was only human too; and of course, it brought the character of Judy to life, which, in my opinion, yay :-) […]
The following is Dee’s reply (purple), with my answers back to her interspersed with her response:
I agree with you that Wilson's mom's resistance is a plot device; in fact, as you said, without it there's no plot at all. It was not intended to be for comic effect, although sometimes her actions or words are funny; it was intended to be a sincere look at denial.
You came up with a very plausible reason for Evelyn's actions toward Wilson when she learns he's dating a man. Your reason makes it far easier to sympathize with Evelyn, and that's good.
The reason I had in mind was much simpler, however. A parent often will get a picture in her (or his) head of what her child's future will be like, and try to avoid any adjustment to that picture at all. Some parents can take this to an extreme -- think of the dad in Dead Poets' Society and his insistence that his son will be a doctor.
She doesn't see herself as homophobic at all. She would have no problem living next door to and becoming friends with a gay couple. It's just that she has this fixed picture of success for her Jimmy, and it includes a professional career, a house in the suburbs, and a wife and children. (It's actually similar to what people have speculated that Wilson himself had imagined his life to hold.) The problem with Jimmy dating a man isn't the homosexuality; it's that it doesn't fit with the picture she has in her head. So she goes into denial. As she herself says, "At first, I thought it simply couldn’t be true. Then I told myself it was a passing fancy, it would go away, and Jimmy would go back to normal." 'Normal' based on what she wants for him, what she thinks will ultimately make him happy.
I understand your reasoning. It actually wasn't what I'd imagined, when I tried to think of possible reasons of why Evelyn behaved the way she did - or rather, it was never the sole reason, I always mixed it with some sort of homophobia. I didn't think that Wilson's life not fitting in with her plans would cause her to react the way she did, but I can mostly accept it, the way you described it.
Even with your explanation, though, I still can't imagine it causing such a prolonged, purposefully obtuse reaction on Evelyn's part. It's reasonable that she'd be in denial, but in this case it was very extreme: for over a year she didn't learn House's identity, not even when she knew they were going to adopt a baby, and that, to me, required a stronger underlying motive.
I suppose it depends on Evelyn's characterization. I could have, instead of bringing up the family backstory, simply fleshed out her character more thoroughly, and described her as the kind of person who would be rigid and inflexible enough in her notions of Wilson's life that she would do that to him. But I don't know if I could have done that without making her too unsympathetic for the purposes of the story, too unsympathetic to fit in with how I imagine Wilson's mom to be. I think I have a maybe idealized notion of who Wilson's mom is - I have this idea that if House had the negative childhood, Wilson must have had the healthy, happy one, with the ideal soccer parents. But in the end, Wilson did turn out with his own share of complexes, so I guess the healthy childhood assumption is just that, an assumption. Even though I don't consider Wilson nearly as screwed up an adult as some authors do.
Once Wilson digs his heels in and forces her to face it (and there's the prospect of a grandchild!), Evelyn finally adjusts her picture and comes around. ("But he does seem happy, content. He really loves this man, and now they have a beautiful baby together. It’s real to me now.”) You know, even with his marriages and his medical degree and his department head position, I don't think Evelyn really saw her son as an adult until he stood up for himself, his partner, and his daughter in the conversation where he told Evelyn about the pregnancy.
Like I said, the way I see it - or at least the way I interpreted the characters - is that the realization would have happened sooner, on both their parts. Which is why I added more history to the mix.
You'll also notice that Evelyn was abetted in her denial by Wilson. He's an avoider as well, and finds it easy to put up a front instead of showing who he really is. He didn't push the issue earlier; he didn't tell his mom when they were face-to-face at the wedding. He complained about his mother never coming to see their new house, but he never took House to go see her (and Joe) during that time either.
Hmm. It' was a bit hard for me to imagine Wilson and his mom keeping up a regular long-distance relationship while having this huge rift between them - Wilson is very good at confronting issues (at least other people's), and I don't think his canon relationship with his mom is estranged, given that he pushes House towards his own parents, so IMO he finds the parental relationship a comfort. But it's really a matter of interpretation. The way I picture it, the conversations shown in (both) fics are only a small part of the conversations that took place between Wilson and Evelyn, but they never actually met face to face during this entire period of time, because they definitely would have confronted each other about the issues then. Wilson's relationship with his mom is too important for him to push the issue, and vice versa - but still, other conversations they'd have had during this time would have been strained. And they're probably personally avoiding meeting one another.
As you can see, Dee and I had different interpretations for Evelyn’s character - and we both told the story of House’s acceptance into Wilson’s family in a different way. Which is very cool, and what remix is all about.
And now that you know/have skimmed over all that, let us continue our story.
Evelyn, that dress looks absolutely gorgeous on you.
Don’t you mean I look gorgeous in the dress?
You always look gorgeous to me, darling, but let’s face it, at your age, droopy isn’t a bad word to describe--
All right, Mother, I get it. Anyway, I wouldn’t want to draw any attention away from Tina. It's her wedding, after all.
That’s very polite of you. So, where’s Jimmy’s girl? I want to meet her.
I can’t say I do.
Just a reminder - Judy still doesn’t know about Wilson’s partner, and she’s finding Evelyn’s attitude absolutely bizarre.
Evelyn! What has gotten into you?
You don’t understand Ma, it’s-- I can’t deal with it. I can’t. And you shouldn’t either. I don’t understand how James can do this to me, how… You know what, I don’t know if I can go inside at all.
I don’t understand you, Evelyn. What is she, a neo-Nazi?
What? Of course not! Well, I hope not. I don’t know anything anymore.
Look, there he is right there. He’s waving at us. Wave back. Wave back at your son, Evelyn. And who is that man beside him?
“Wave back at your son, Evelyn” - a reminder that Judy is not above mothering Evelyn, and Evelyn is by no means infallible.
Oh, god, I can’t look-- Oh, thank god, it’s Greg! It’s just Greg.
Who?
Greg House, his friend, you remember the one? You met him at Jimmy’s a few years ago, and last year he kept calling Jimmy at Dad’s birthday party. He brought Greg. Isn’t it wonderful? My dear, sweet boy. He brought Greg.
I am going to smack that boy.
Of course you aren’t. He brought Greg!
He was supposed to bring a date. I was supposed to embarrass him and interrogate her. This wedding isn’t half as much fun, now.
What an absolutely beautiful, happy wedding this is going to be. Everyone will be impressed by my handsome doctor son and his bright doctor friend, instead of my son and his…
I love conversations, both onscreen and in fic, where two characters have an extended conversation with two opposite attitudes toward the same thing, totally ignoring what the other has to say. “Oh, thank god!” “I am going to kill him.” “Three cheers for--” “DEATH, DEATH TO YOU AND YOURS.”
What?
Never mind.
His what? His one-legged, hunchbacked, devoutly Catholic girlfriend?
I can’t, Ma. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about it.
Well, I can. I’m going to go talk to Jimmy.
*
In the original fic, we had Evelyn thanking Wilson for bringing “his friend Greg” to the wedding. Here, enter Judy once again.
May I have this dance, my dear madam?
Eh. Might as well.
Not quite the enthusiastic response I was hoping for, Nana, but it will do. You sound-- how should I call it? Reluctant?
You wouldn’t have had to dance with me if you’d brought a--how should I call it? A date?
I love it when she’s snarky. I never meant to write her like that, but she kept putting words in her own mouth - which is, I admit convenient, and I wish canon characters did it more often.
Ah. That. Actually I…
Yes?
Actually, I would have danced with you anyway, because you are by far the most beautiful woman in this room.
So that’s how you got them to marry you. Well, you can’t charm me into changing the subject.
Damn.
Language, Jimmy.
You say ‘damn’ all the time! In more than one language, I might point out.
You’re still a baby. When you’re my age, you can curse all you want.
Not a baby anymore, Nana. I have an M.D. and divorce papers and everything.
Note: I find this statement incredibly sad, and grounding. If there’s anything that negates the effect of ‘her baby’, it’s ‘divorce papers’.
Also: This was where I screwed up big time. In the original posting, I wrote Wilson had a Ph.D., instead of an M.D. Dee commented on the fic, and then asked, “by the way, what does Wilson have a Ph.D. in?”, at which I went “D’OH!”, fixed it, and replied something witty, I’m sure. Unfortunately, I forgot to hit the ‘anonymous’ button, so any chance of anonymity was destroyed within a few hours of posting. I felt so lame.
…No. No, I suppose you’re not.
Okay, now we’re getting maudlin. Your granddaughter’s getting married today, you should be smiling.
Jimmy, your talent for changing the subject is commendable, but I’m more stubborn than you are. What happened? Why isn’t she here?
Who?
Your date.
Are you… sure you’re ready for this, Nana? Because Mom will barely speak with me as it is, and--
Yes.
I'm going to break the news, so if you feel light-headed or anything, let me know--
James Evan Wilson, you tell me what is going on this instant.
Okay, okay. Okay. My date is here.
But… you brought your friend Greg here.
Yes.
Did you bring anyone else?
No.
Oh. Oh… Oh.
You can hear it, can’t you? Dum dum duuuuuuuuuum.
Are you all r--
Be quiet for a moment, James.
You’ve stopped moving.
Shock will do that to people sometimes. Just be quiet for a moment.
Okay.
Shush.
Okay.
It’s very hard to convey long pauses in dialogue-only fic, but if I didn’t think it was a cheap trick, I’d add this:
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... here. A pause, during which Judy closes her eyes, lets history replay behind her eyelids, shift her perception of the world a little bit to the left, waits for her memories and hopes for Jimmy to fall into place, compartmentalizes the rest and decides to think about it later, mentally repeats that the only important thing is Wilson’s happiness at least twice, and remembers that Leah Brighton’s grandson is gay too and a lawyer, so if things don’t work out with Greg she’ll get his phone number for him.
…Okay, then. Shall we dance?
Okay? That’s it?
Well, obviously I’m going to have to interrogate him later and hopefully embarrass you in the process, but yes, that is it.
And you aren’t going to stop talking to me? Shun me from the clan? Anything?
No.
No asking me to try again with another girl?
Clearly girls weren’t what your weewee was looking for.
Unlike Barbara Streisand’s Meet The Fockers character, Judy isn’t really that liberal and free spirited and blasé about sex. She just really, really likes shocking people.
Oh my god, Nana, you have just scarred me for life.
Stop talking nonsense, then, and concentrate on waltzing.
What about… wow, okay. What am I going to do about Mom?
Oh, your mother. Oh, dear. Give her time, sweetheart. This isn’t easy for her.
I don’t know what to do. She’s known I've been with a guy for months now, and she won’t even let me tell her his name. You seem to be handling it fine.
I’ll be dead in a few years anyhow, I don’t have the time to really care what you do. Or who.
Nana!
Hush, now. This is a wedding! Let’s celebrate. Hava nagila and all that jazz. Or folk dancing, as it were.
Okay, I’ve never been to a wedding where they played ‘have nagila’ and danced around in circle, but I know they’re out there, and probably in New Jersey. This fic is very, very stereotypical in regards to American Judaism.
I love you, Nana. Thank you.
You are just full of schmaltz, aren’t you? I love you too.
*
The next scene in the original had Wilson telling Evelyn he and House were buying a house together; however, there was no way Judy wasn’t going to confront Evelyn about House/Wilson first.
Evelyn.
Hi, Ma. I just called to make sure you got home safely.
Yes, I took a taxi from the airport and met your father at Sunny Springs.
It was a lovely wedding, wasn’t it?
Yes, it was. Tina didn’t look as sloppy as she usually does, and the groom was very handsome.
And James brought Greg. Just Greg! It was perfect.
About that. Evelyn, I had a little talk with Jimmy.
What?
He told me who he was seeing.
What exactly did he tell you?
He told me he was seeing a man.
Oh. Yes. Yes, a man, who is a psychologist, Jimmy's been having some problems since the divorce--
It’s not just denial, here: considering their family history with homosexuality, Evelyn thinks she’s protecting her mom.
Please, darling. I may be senile but I'm not stupid. Jimmy is dating a man.
Are you… are you okay?
Yes, I am.
I know what you're thin-- wait, what?
I am, I'm perfectly fine.
That is not what I thought you were thinking.
I am perfectly fine, honey, and so should you be.
No. No, I won’t accept it.
Evelyn-
In RL, people rarely call each other by their names in conversation, especially over the phone when it’s pretty obvious who you’re talking too. This is one of the few instances in the fic where the name’s not just an excuse for me to let you know who’s talking, but for Judy really, rationally, desperately trying to catch Evelyn’s attention.
No, Ma!
Evelyn. You have to think about what makes your son happy--
I can’t believe you’re telling me this. You, of all people. I can’t listen to this. Goodbye, Mother.
Eve-
This part really breaks my heart. On the one hand, Evelyn, feeling betrayed by both her son and her mother; on the other, Judy, who just got hung up on for trying to reason with her daughter. Old people getting hung up on seriously makes me want to cry.
*
In the original: “You know that relationship we’re not talking about? I have some news to tell you.” “It’s over? You met a nice woman?” “No, Mom. It’s getting even more serious. We’re buying a house together.”
They're buying a house together.
Apparently, Evelyn has gotten over herself enough to start venting to Ma. It’s a step forward, at least.
Who, Jimmy and his partner? Really?
They're buying a house. A goddamn house. How did this happen, Ma?
You know Evelyn’s really frustrated if she’s cursing.
This sounds like good news. Buying a house before getting married, it happens, these days.
Before--before getting married! Yeah, Ma, that's what I find disturbing about this. That my son is living in sin before marriage. Living in sin, that's ironic.
You need to calm down.
How could I have let this happen? How can you take it like this?
Times have changed.
After everything that happened, how can you--
No. No, Evelyn, you can't think like that. Times have changed.
At this point, the obvious assumption is that Evelyn is talking about the world in a detached, passive way: times have changed, boys marry boys nowadays, it happens. What she actually means, though, is: times have changed, it’s more acceptable, his life is going to be hard but not as hard as it was for Harry forty years ago. The world is more accepting.
I have to go.
You just called me!
I'm sorry, I just needed to vent, and I can't yell at Jimmy, and Joe… he doesn't know yet.
Wilson’s father wasn’t in the original fic, and here I was exploring Evelyn’s motivations. Having her not tell Joe added more depth to her denial, and got him out of the way without having to explain what he thought and if/how that affected Evelyn’s opinion.
Your husband doesn‘t know?
I have to go, Ma, I'm sorry. Goodbye.
In the original, this ended with: “You’re very stubborn, Jimmy.” “I like to think I’m stubborn about the right things, Mom.” Which is: a) one of my favorite Hi, Mom lines, b) just the kind of sentiment Judy approves of, and Evelyn too, when she’ll think about it long enough, and c) the reason Evelyn “can’t yell at Jimmy”, after all.
*
In the original: “I’m going to be a father!” Evelyn doesn’t take the news well.
Why won't Greg talk some sense into him?
Evelyn? Is that you?
I've entirely given up on you, you know. I don't know what's been going through your head this past year.
Why, yes, I'm fine, thank you. Arthritis acting up, but the pills help. And how are you?
But Greg! He seems like such a sensible person. He's rational, he's smart, he wants what's best for Jimmy.
Again, I love conversations where people are talking in two different tones, in this case even about two different things. I was afraid it would be confusing, but went for it anyway.
Is this another one of your calls where you refuse to talk to me about the benefits of Jimmy's love life, like the fact that it, oh, makes him happy, and then you hang up on me? Because I can save you the trouble and hang up right now.
Don't be silly, Ma. We're strategizing here.
Who is?
You and me. And Greg. I'll call him, and together we'll convince Jimmy that this has all been a huge misunderstanding. A midlife crisis. Everyone goes through those. Remember when you had that crush on Richard Nixon? People do crazy things when they're approaching forty!
This is me, doing the math and blindly reaching for a historic character to fit the bill of ‘insane crush’.
I'm confused. Why would Greg cooperate with this?
Because he's Jimmy's best friend, of course! What, do you think he wants Jimmy to go and live his life with some strange man?
No. No, he probably doesn't want that. And I take it you still haven't had a serious conversation with your son about the subject. About who exactly he is with.
Don't be ridiculous. There's nothing to be serious about.
Evelyn keeps having conversations with Wilson, and then forgetting everything she nearly accepted five minutes after she hangs up for the sake of her mental health.
If I may point out, and contrary to what this conversation has indicated I am still your mother and so still have the right to point things out-- they're planning on a baby.
Oh, pshaw. That's four months from now, plenty of time for him to reconsider. There's still a mother in the picture, somewhere.
Tell me you did not just say that.
And if worse comes to worst, he can be a single father! Women love single fathers, he'll be a hit!
This was my equivalent to Dee’s: “Who is the mother? The woman pregnant with your child? I assume you’ll be marrying her.” - this after knowing Wilson’s been seriously involved for over a year. Crossing the line, Evelyn, crossing the line. And Judy becomes mom again:
Evelyn Wilson, you take that back right now.
…m'sorry, Ma.
I can't believe you just said that.
I'm… I'm just…
What was that? I can't hear you, speak up.
I am so, so scared, Ma.
Oh, Evelyn. Evinka.
He's my boy, Ma, and I am terrified. I've already lost one child, and I can't, I can't bear to lose… to see him get hurt.
I considered, at first, having Evelyn’s Gay Trauma to be related to the missing brother - she’s already lost one son who never managed to fit in, and she won’t be able to deal with that happening again. But it seemed like a cheap plot device and too much of a coincidence, so I ended up going with her brother. And still - the fact that Evelyn’s lost one son is never far from her mind.
Shhh… Evelyn, shhh… it's not like that anymore. The world has changed.
That's a load of crap, Mother. Nothing's different now, nothing. Deep inside, the hearts of men are as dark as they ever were.
Well, that was a little melodramatic, self.
Now you're getting melodramatic.
…so Judy said so.
Why won't he just listen to me? I only want to protect him.
He's a grown man. He can protect himself. There's a point, you know, where you just have to let go.
No. If he won't listen to me, he'll listen to Greg. I know he will. Jimmy shines when Greg is around. He shines just like he used to around… he'll listen to Greg, I know it.
But Greg won't.
Won't what?
He won't do what you're asking him to do. You know it as well as I do. If Greg had any objections to Jimmy's current partner, do you really think he wouldn't have driven him off by now?
…Maybe. I suppose. Jimmy might have mentioned that Greg… approved of this.
I'm absolutely certain he does. And speaking of Greg, honey, there's something you should probably know.
Is it about Jimmy's relationship?
Yes.
Then I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm too tired.
This is becoming ridiculous.
I'm just tired now, Ma, please? Lecture me some other time? 'kay bye.
I may have been influenced by simmysim’s fic here, the one that ended with Foreman saying “lol sure.” Which cracked me up. Evelyn’s just frantic to hang up here, and if she were typing you know she’d be all KTHXBYE.
Evelyn? Evelyn? I swear, it's like having a teenager again.
Again, Judy is commenting on my juvenile humor more than anything.
*
And here, in Hi, Mom, we had Greg calling Evelyn to essentially scold her. Since House has no reason to call Judy, I gave her a reason to call him. The most meddlesome reason imaginable.
House Hyphen Girl Scout residence, how can I not be of service?
Hello, Greginke. It's the girl scout's grandmother.
Give me a name, any name, and I’ll Yiddishify it for you. Chase would be Robi’le, Cameron would be Allinka, Foreman Ara’le. Dee would be Deedi’nka or Deedush, I’d be Roga’le, queenzulu would be queenushka. You get the drift.
Judy. Hi. Sorry about that.
Don't lie to me, that's just rude.
Sorry. Wilson and I have been having a slight disagreement regarding hyphens.
For heaven’s sake, be a man and let his name come first.
Ha. Funnily enough, that's just what he said. It didn't work then either.
Well, it was worth a try.
Everything all right in Florida?
Nobody’s died at all in the past week! Not in the Community anyway.
This is what I expect to hear when I call my grandmother. “How was your week?” “Well, nobody died.” Except Judy would actually say it, and of course, House would appreciate that.
That’s the kind of morbid cheer I like to hear. I’ll go get Wilson for you--
Actually, don’t. I want to speak with you.
Uh oh.
Why ‘uh oh’?
Should I be saying ‘uh oh’?
I don’t know, should you? Is there something you’re not telling me, Gregory?
There are many things I don’t tell you, most of them involving your grandson and my bed, and I thought we both preferred it that way.
The elusive dialogue-only awkward pause again. Right here? Definitely an awkward pause.
Let’s start over.
Oh, thank god.
Gregory, I need to talk to you about Jimmy.
One of my favorite subjects. Go ahead.
House knows, subconsciously, that this woman can be dangerous, or at least that she means a lot to Wilson - which is why he doesn’t mind a little flattery by grandson-praise. It’s not as if Wilson is in earshot or anything.
You two are going to raise a baby together. This is a serious commitment. I want to make sure you know what you’re doing. That Jimmy’s the one.
We’ve known each other for over ten years and we’ve been together for almost two. I’ve learned to tolerate him.
I’m being serious, Gregory. This is a baby we’re talking about. You do not get up and leave a baby when you’re tired or you’re scared. You do not get up and leave my Jimmy. You do not say, “Look, it‘s been grand, but I‘m a nomad, baby, and the road is calling.”
One of my favorite House lines I’ve written, EVER. 18 year old House, with his bike and his guitar strapped on and huge suave sunglasses, playing at Don Juan with the ladies just to see if he can.
How-- have you been talking to Amy Schwartz?
The Schwartzes are dear friends of mine, and that was quite a trick you pulled on her.
It was 1978!
You’re lucky that girl recovered from her heartbreak and married a nice little oil tycoon, otherwise I wouldn’t be going so easy on you. Now, your arrest for public drunkenness on April 19th 1983 in Nashville, Tennessee. What was that about?
What the-- are you in the Jewish mafia? How are you getting this stuff?
I’ve already said Judy is modeled after my own grandmother to some degree, and if there’s one thing my grandma is, it’s connected. Name a politician, an author, a philosopher, a classmate, and she can trace a connection to them - oh, she was in school with their great uncle, she babysat for them during WWII, their kids were playmates… it really is like a small mafia, sometimes. All in the very extended family.
You do realize that once you have this baby you will have no permission to get drunk ever again.
You do realize that I spend ninety-eight percent of my life stoned on narcotics?
The way I write is, a lot of times: get an idea for a line I really want to use, and then rack my brains and sweat blood to get the characters to a place where they can say/do that. It’s frustrating at times, because it’s just me struggling with these poor characters who don’t, in their everyday lives, hold Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping matches - and slowly force them into a place where it would be plausible.
In this case, I needed to get them worked up enough for name-calling; drugs seemed like a good way to get them to bare teeth.
Don’t joke with me, Greg. I’ve been very accepting of everything so far, but I don’t want Jimmy getting hurt, and I want to make sure he’s doing the right thing, and this is where I get to judge. Now, I have your criminal record laid out in front of me and I think I deserve some explanations.
Explanations about my behavior? What about Wilson? You don’t think he’s as screwed up as I am?
For Judy, the snapping point is, of course, trash talking Wilson. For House, he just hates being put on the defensive - and of course he’s feeling damn insecure about his contribution to Wilson’s happiness as well, as he states later, so Judy really is hitting some sore spots.
Don’t you talk about my angel that way--
I can make you a list of all his transgressions and believe me, infidelity alone will fill a chapter.
You have some chutzpah, you little putz- (chutzpah, putz - starting out very mild)
Oh, bring it on! You don’t scare me with your Yiddish. (sentence structure unconsciously taken from one of my favorite Jon Stewart monologues: “...You don’t eat for one day, all your sin for the year is wiped clean. Beat that! With your… little… Lent.”)
Moyshe pupik shaygetz! (Non-Jewish jerk - sheygetz is the male shiksa)
Paskudnyak! (horrible person)
Mishugena schmuck! (Crazy schmuck, with schmuck literally meaning dick, actually)
Alteh machasheifa! (old witch. You have to admit, these are a lot more exciting if you read them without the translations.)
Oh, shtup es in toches!
Not gonna explain that one, because-
Ha! Wilson already does!
-that, that right there was the two line exchange that prompted me to comb through Yiddish swear word websites for hours (this was particularly helpful) and write the entire scene.
Oh, you did not.
I… um. Fuck. Uh, Judy? Please tell me you’re laughing.
Can’t get the tone of voice through when you’re writing dialogue only? Have the characters comment on what the other sounds like. “Please tell me you’re not laughing.” “Well, you don’t have to laugh.” “Are you laughing at this?” etc etc.
I… I… I need a glass of water. Whew. Oy, my god. Well played, young man. Where did you learn that?
I never reveal my secrets.
Probably from that Polish housekeeper you had a crush on when you were twelve, then.
House learned most of what he knows about Ashkenazi Judaism from her.
Holy sh-- have you been talking to my mother?
I never reveal my secrets. But my Jimmy, I have to protect him.
From me?
If need be.
Judy, I… look, you think I don’t know I don’t deserve him? No matter how messed up he is, I don’t deserve half the things he’s done for me. And sometimes I even worry about greener pastures, because the pastures out there-- they are, very objectively, greener.
So why do you stay?
Because I fucking love him! Because the past two years have been like a breath of fresh air, and this ultrasound blob is the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life and it hasn’t even happened yet. Because Wilson, he’s… he’s it.
This House is more sentimental than I tend to write him. But this is a different, softer House, with an almost healthy two-year relationship with Wilson and about to adopt a baby, and in the end, this was still Dee’s Hi, Mom House, and I could picture him like this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay. Goodbye.
Wait, that’s it? I’m cleared?
As far as I’m concerned.
Oh. Okay, then. I have to ask: is the Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping match some sort of initiation ceremony for all the Wilson wives?
OH IT TOTALLY IS. Julie failed miserably. Also, “Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping match” is possibly my favorite phrase of this fic. It’s almost magic.
Secrets of the trade, dear. One day, when you’re the grandmother of your own grown-up ultrasound blob, you’ll understand.
*
Part 2
PROLOGUE:
1. My grandmother is so incredibly awesome she has her own tag on my LJ.
2. From a comment I posted in queenzulu’s journal on Jan 27th, 2007:
BTW: I visited my grandmother in her new communal home thing a month ago, and have been plagued with plotbunnies every since about the six House characters' parents/grandparents living in the same retirement community in Florida and gossiping about their offspring. Who should date who and who was mean to who and who was shot, etc. Is that I am insane.
3. Intro to writing this remix:
Whenever I read a fic by an author that I truly like, I track down their stories on LJ and start going through them, happy at the prospect of new good fics. This is what I was doing on Dee’s journal, the day before Remix assignments were sent out - I even left a comment on Hi, Mom, because I liked it so much, and was thinking about adding her to my f-list. An idle thought wondered through my mind - “wouldn’t it be weird if I were assigned to someone whose work I actually know, someone relatively well known, like deelaundry?”
And then I was.
The downside to this was that now I couldn’t friend her, and couldn’t leave comments on her stories - I feared that if I did, the conspicuous timing of a bunch of comments would hint that I was her remixer (a stray comment was how I started suspecting who my own remixer was, and it turned out to be true. )
The upside - now I had a million stories to choose from, and some great source material. (Actually, both of these can be considered downsides too… *g*) But I narrowed it down pretty quickly, seeing as I wasn’t going to attempt to remix anything NC-17, or anything too long, or anything extraordinary in my opinion (like Locked Up and Set Free. Remix is not a competition, but really, nothing I wrote would live up to that - I’d rather not even try.) I loved Hi, Mom for its fast pace, for its snappy dialogue, for the freedom it would leave me as a remixer - and because I thought that between the lines, there was still an entire story left to tell.
In the end, my options were: 1) remixing Hi, Mom to shed new light on Mrs. Wilson’s motivations (she wasn’t Evelyn, not yet), and 2) remixing Green as a medieval AU, with Charlie as the new knight arriving in Court.
I think we should all be relieved that I chose Hi, Mom.
Fic: Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix) [House MD; House/Wilson; PG-13]
Title: Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix)
Author: roga
Summary: Wilson is seeing a man. Wilson's mother isn't handling it well. Wilson's grandmother adds Yiddish to the mix, and maintains that mothers only want what's best for their children.
Fandom: House, MD.
Pairing: Greg House/James Wilson
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Disclaimer: Fox‘s, not mine. Evelyn Wilson is deelaundry’s creation.
Original story: Hi, Mom by deelaundry.
Notes: A huge thank you to daisylilyfor the beta, and thank you Dee for setting up such an interesting playground :-)
Choosing a title is often the hardest part of writing for me, because honestly, I suck at it - and here, I needed not only a title for the story, but for the remix. But here, “Hi, Ma” was obvious to me right from the start, and was probably the only WIP I’ve ever named in advance (normally, it would have been “wilsons grandmother fic”. And being unable to add an apostrophe to Wilson would have bugged me.)
The idea for “Sunrise, Sunset” came, miraculously, five minutes before the posting deadline, and I’ll write more about it in the end.
Hi, Ma (Sunrise, Sunset Remix)
Hello?
Hi, Ma.
'Ma'? This must be my daughter, Evelyn, but she hasn't called for so long I'm not sure I remember her voice.
…sorry, Ma. You know, if I learned how to use that tone of voice maybe I could get Jimmy to call me more often.
Writing dialogue means sometimes you’re going to need to force the characters to say things just to get your exposition, and the challenge is to make it sound as natural as you can. These four lines hopefully established the following facts: 1. Speaker #1 is Evelyn’s mom. 2. Speaker #2, Evelyn, is Wilson’s mom. 3. They are both pestering, guilt-inducing, slightly-overbearing, strongly stereotypical Jewish mothers: think Nanny Fein from The Nanny and her mother, think Janice from Friends, think Jerry Seinfeld’s Florida-residing mom, think Barbara Streisand in Meet The Fockers. Both Judy and Evelyn are a mixture of them all (okay, maybe that last one is just Judy).
By the way, Wilson’s mom was never named in the original fic. I felt uncomfortable naming her myself, and eventually settled for naming the Wilsons Evelyn and Joe, taken from Dee’s personal canon of Domestic.
Is Jimmy not calling home enough? Do you need me to give him a talking to?
Wh--no, Ma, Jimmy's… Jimmy's fine. He's a good boy.
Don't lie to me, Evelyn.
Lying? How can you possibly think--
Not about Jimmy, of course he's an angel. Why, most of my friends here are dying to get cancer, pardon the pun, just so he can work his magic fingers on them like he did his grandfather who's still with us, tfu tfu tfu knock on wood. But something's on your mind. I can tell.
We say “tfu tfu tfu” and then knock on wood; I figured Judy would know and use it, but added “knock on wood” to clarify what she meant, since we can’t see her actually doing it. A bit forced, but, well.
It's nothing.
Evelyn…
…fine, fine. It is Jimmy. He's met someone.
Have you met her? Do we disapprove? Is she worse than that cheating manipulative bitch of a shiksa he brought home last time?
Julie wasn’t, really, but this is the side of the story Wilson’s protective grandmother is remembering in retrospect. She never had a problem with Julie being a shiksa, by the way; or, well, she did, but tried to overcome it and never mentioned it aloud, for his sake.
Ma! Don't talk that way about Julie!
Don't be so sensitive, dear, it's what we all thought. He's a good boy, Jimmy, but he could use a little guidance in the love department. So how is the new girl?
I-- I don't know. We haven't met. I'm happy for him, but I'm more worried, you know? That-- it doesn't-- make me a bad mother… Right?
Of course not, Evinka. You worry. It's what you're there for. That's what's good about being a grandmother-- you can leave the worrying to the parents and concentrate on either pampering or hassling, whatever's on your mind that day. With any luck, you'll have that too with Jimmy, soon enough.
Hmm. Yes. Let's not talk about this now, okay, Ma?
Sure, sweetie. We should have much to discuss, you call so little as it is.
I said I was sorry about that…
I know, I'm just toying with you. Don't worry about it-- when I was younger, I never called my mother either. Of course, back then we didn't have any phones.
And have I mentioned the stereotypical Jewish mother guilt factor? Because it’s so there. I saw a joke, recently, on Studio 60, which went: “A Jewish guy calls his mother and says; Mom, how are you? And the mother says; terrible, I haven’t eaten in 38 days. And he says; why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? And the mother says; I didn’t want my mouth full in case you should call.”
Judy’s not that bad, but she takes her fun where she can :-) Who I really wanted to emphasize here was actually Evelyn. The third line of Hi, Mom is Evelyn’s: "Jimmy, sweetheart. Why haven’t you called? It’s been ages." Here, the roles are switched: I wanted to remind characters that Evelyn wasn’t just A Mom, but a character in her own right; confused, worried, insecure, and, like everyone else, somebody’s daughter. Judy’s allegiance to Wilson is one of love and care and pampering, with no real everyday worries thrown in the mix. But she’s Evelyn’s mother, and that doesn’t stop just because they’re bothold.
*
I decided to mirror the format of Dee’s original fic, because I like writing dialogue (more on that below), it flowed, and since I was changing the main characters by adding an entirely new OC, I wanted something deeper than plot to connect the story to the original. But in order to mirror it perfectly the entire story would have been composed of conversations between Judy and Evelyn - which is, you know, nominally interesting, but in the end the characters we love are House and Wilson, and there was only so much I could write about them from J&E’s perspective without repeating myself.
In the original, this scene had Evelyn invite Wilson to the wedding. For the matching conversation with Judy - exeunt Evelyn, enter Wilson.
Sprinkle paprika and sugar in the water before you drop the fish balls in, and easy on the sugar.
There really is no way to describe gefilte fish without vaguely disturbing innuendo, is there?
Paprika! That was it. And hi, Nana.
Hello, Jimmy’le.
Concerning naming and dialogue: One of many reasons I chose Hi, Mom to remix is that writing dialogue only is actually easier for me. I'm a big fan of dialogue and banter; my favorite characters are ones that talk a lot and talk fast, and sometimes filling the in between dialogue tags and emotions and descriptions feels like a real chore. From that aspect, this was actually a relief to write - I probably wrote it two or three times as fast as I would any other fic of the same length. One of challenges are making sure the readers keep up, and here I tried to make the voices as distinctive as possible and to mention names and titles whenever they felt natural - Greg/House, Jimmy/James/Jimmy'le/Wilson, Evelyn/Mom/Evinka, Judy/Nana/Ma.
This commentary is probably a lot more confusing than the original fic because of all the breaks in dialogue.
How did you know it was me?
You’ve been calling me the day before Rosh Hashana for years now, always asking for the gefilte fish recipe.
Gefilte fish is one of those dishes that you don’t make out of a cookbook - you ask grandma for a recipe. It’s hard to make and it It looks fairly disgusting, but I have complete confidence in Wilson’s abilities.
I’m that predictable?
Who was that who just said “yes” in the background?
That was just House. Do you remember him?
He’s the one who keeps calling.
He calls you?
Of course not, he calls you. I remember last year at your grandfather’s birthday, the one time I got to see you all year, he kept calling, and calling--
Judy needed to know who House was, just so I could get her meeting him out of the way.
There was a medical emergency at the hospital…
--and calling, and calling, and calling--
I get it, Nana.
--and calling. He called a lot, is all I’m saying.
He was saving a life.
And he couldn’t have picked a better time to do it. Your grandfather turns eighty-five twice. He's special that way.
Like grandson, like grandma, Judy likes her sarcasm.
I’m sorry, Nana. I apologized to Grandpa too.
Meh, he can barely hear a thing anyway. So who are you cooking for?
Myself.
Honey, you never cook gefilte for yourself. Nobody cooks gefilte for themselves. I know you, you always have a wife or a pretty girlfriend to share the new year with. Your mother already told me you were seeing someone.
She did?
And poor Wilson, because he actually gets his hopes up here… This is already after the following exchange took place: “First of all, no one would care if your dress clashed, and second, I’m not bringing a woman.” “I thought I told you we’re not talking about this. […] You’re really going to embarrass everyone by pushing this into their faces?”
Did you expect her to keep it a secret? Come on, now, tell me who she is.
She. Ah. I’m assuming Mom didn’t give out too much information, then.
…and he says this in a flat, dispassionate tone, not really letting himself care, because if he does, it will hurt too much.
She seemed uncomfortable with the subject, I won’t lie. But I know you won’t keep any secrets from your grandmother.
Actually… I think I prefer to keep a lid on this one for now.
What? Why on earth… Jimmy, this isn’t like you.
I know, it’s just-- I don’t know, Mom’s taking it kind of hard, and I think maybe I should let the news trickle out at a slower pace this time, for her. I don’t want to push it.
And this is where I had to ask myself: why isn’t Wilson pushing? And entire scroll are written on the subject, I’ll wait until the end of this section to talk about them.
You’re worrying me, Jimmy.
Don’t worry, Nana, I’m happy now. Really happy.
Then why won’t you--?
Just, for Mom’s sake, okay? Besides, while I don’t have any reservations about this relationship, I do have reservations about telling an eighty-years-young woman about it over the phone. I promise I’ll tell you, though.
You damn well better.
Promise.
Good. I’ll see you at your cousin Tina’s wedding?
Hee, Wilsons. Continuing a tradition of non-Jewish naming since the birth of Christof, son of William nee Mendel, Bialystok, 1852.
Yes, you will.
Bring her as your date, then. Talk to your mother, she’ll come around.
I hope.
You do realize I have the final say about the girl, though, don’t you?
Nobody has the final say but me, Nana.
Ah, that’s the Jimmy I like to hear. Good boy. Although your life will be a whole lot easier if I do approve.
That much I grant you.
You’re a good boy, Jimmy.
Um. Thanks. So… am I really that predictable?
I have caller ID, sweetheart. Have a happy new year, and remember I love you.
Because there’s nothing cooler than technologically advanced grandparents! My grandmother has two sons-in-law who take care of buying and hooking up gizmos for her, and she’s livin’ the good life - she texts me from her cell phone, has three neat mini-plasma TVs, and in the process of buying a laptop (after which we might finally convince her to get an email). It’s more common today I guess, but she’s still one of very few people her age that I know who are like that. And Judy is totally like that, except she doesn’t remind people of it so she can spring it out at unexpected moments.
Love you too.
*
And here, perhaps, is where I should take a moment to get to the heart of the fic, and explain just why I wrote Hi, Ma through Judy’s character, and what my main incentive was. After the remix authors were revealed, Dee and I had a discussion about the characters, and why they acted the way they did. Some of you may find this tl;dr - but for me, if there’s anything worth reading in this entire commentary, it’s the following correspondence:
I loved Hi, Mom, as you know, but one thing about it left me uncomfortable: Evelyn […] seemed like a good person. She cared about her son and wanted what's best from him; and from the good we see in Wilson, one would suppose some of it was influenced by his education and upbringing. How then could this woman be so unaccepting, uncompromising, in denial about reality to a sometimes ridiculous degree? How could she seem so prejudiced? (up until the moment she has her change of heart?)
The simple answer is, of course, because otherwise we wouldn't have a plot. It's a plot device and comic effect and we shouldn't take it seriously. But I wanted to explore what could be the reasoning behind it - why, in spite of living in our modern world, in spite of most likely being Jewish enough to know what prejudice feels like but probably not Jewish enough to care about what the bible says about homosexuality (she did name her son James, after all) - why she acted the way she did, in a manner that in real life would be absolutely horrifying.
Adding Judy into the story accomplished a number of things: it gave House and Wilson an ally from within the family, so that even without Evelyn's support they didn't feel so alone (and it probably lessened some of Wilson's anger at his mother); it gave Evelyn someone to confide in and feel insecure about, and hopefully reminded readers that after all, Evelyn was only human too; and of course, it brought the character of Judy to life, which, in my opinion, yay :-) […]
The following is Dee’s reply (purple), with my answers back to her interspersed with her response:
I agree with you that Wilson's mom's resistance is a plot device; in fact, as you said, without it there's no plot at all. It was not intended to be for comic effect, although sometimes her actions or words are funny; it was intended to be a sincere look at denial.
You came up with a very plausible reason for Evelyn's actions toward Wilson when she learns he's dating a man. Your reason makes it far easier to sympathize with Evelyn, and that's good.
The reason I had in mind was much simpler, however. A parent often will get a picture in her (or his) head of what her child's future will be like, and try to avoid any adjustment to that picture at all. Some parents can take this to an extreme -- think of the dad in Dead Poets' Society and his insistence that his son will be a doctor.
She doesn't see herself as homophobic at all. She would have no problem living next door to and becoming friends with a gay couple. It's just that she has this fixed picture of success for her Jimmy, and it includes a professional career, a house in the suburbs, and a wife and children. (It's actually similar to what people have speculated that Wilson himself had imagined his life to hold.) The problem with Jimmy dating a man isn't the homosexuality; it's that it doesn't fit with the picture she has in her head. So she goes into denial. As she herself says, "At first, I thought it simply couldn’t be true. Then I told myself it was a passing fancy, it would go away, and Jimmy would go back to normal." 'Normal' based on what she wants for him, what she thinks will ultimately make him happy.
I understand your reasoning. It actually wasn't what I'd imagined, when I tried to think of possible reasons of why Evelyn behaved the way she did - or rather, it was never the sole reason, I always mixed it with some sort of homophobia. I didn't think that Wilson's life not fitting in with her plans would cause her to react the way she did, but I can mostly accept it, the way you described it.
Even with your explanation, though, I still can't imagine it causing such a prolonged, purposefully obtuse reaction on Evelyn's part. It's reasonable that she'd be in denial, but in this case it was very extreme: for over a year she didn't learn House's identity, not even when she knew they were going to adopt a baby, and that, to me, required a stronger underlying motive.
I suppose it depends on Evelyn's characterization. I could have, instead of bringing up the family backstory, simply fleshed out her character more thoroughly, and described her as the kind of person who would be rigid and inflexible enough in her notions of Wilson's life that she would do that to him. But I don't know if I could have done that without making her too unsympathetic for the purposes of the story, too unsympathetic to fit in with how I imagine Wilson's mom to be. I think I have a maybe idealized notion of who Wilson's mom is - I have this idea that if House had the negative childhood, Wilson must have had the healthy, happy one, with the ideal soccer parents. But in the end, Wilson did turn out with his own share of complexes, so I guess the healthy childhood assumption is just that, an assumption. Even though I don't consider Wilson nearly as screwed up an adult as some authors do.
Once Wilson digs his heels in and forces her to face it (and there's the prospect of a grandchild!), Evelyn finally adjusts her picture and comes around. ("But he does seem happy, content. He really loves this man, and now they have a beautiful baby together. It’s real to me now.”) You know, even with his marriages and his medical degree and his department head position, I don't think Evelyn really saw her son as an adult until he stood up for himself, his partner, and his daughter in the conversation where he told Evelyn about the pregnancy.
Like I said, the way I see it - or at least the way I interpreted the characters - is that the realization would have happened sooner, on both their parts. Which is why I added more history to the mix.
You'll also notice that Evelyn was abetted in her denial by Wilson. He's an avoider as well, and finds it easy to put up a front instead of showing who he really is. He didn't push the issue earlier; he didn't tell his mom when they were face-to-face at the wedding. He complained about his mother never coming to see their new house, but he never took House to go see her (and Joe) during that time either.
Hmm. It' was a bit hard for me to imagine Wilson and his mom keeping up a regular long-distance relationship while having this huge rift between them - Wilson is very good at confronting issues (at least other people's), and I don't think his canon relationship with his mom is estranged, given that he pushes House towards his own parents, so IMO he finds the parental relationship a comfort. But it's really a matter of interpretation. The way I picture it, the conversations shown in (both) fics are only a small part of the conversations that took place between Wilson and Evelyn, but they never actually met face to face during this entire period of time, because they definitely would have confronted each other about the issues then. Wilson's relationship with his mom is too important for him to push the issue, and vice versa - but still, other conversations they'd have had during this time would have been strained. And they're probably personally avoiding meeting one another.
As you can see, Dee and I had different interpretations for Evelyn’s character - and we both told the story of House’s acceptance into Wilson’s family in a different way. Which is very cool, and what remix is all about.
And now that you know/have skimmed over all that, let us continue our story.
Evelyn, that dress looks absolutely gorgeous on you.
Don’t you mean I look gorgeous in the dress?
You always look gorgeous to me, darling, but let’s face it, at your age, droopy isn’t a bad word to describe--
All right, Mother, I get it. Anyway, I wouldn’t want to draw any attention away from Tina. It's her wedding, after all.
That’s very polite of you. So, where’s Jimmy’s girl? I want to meet her.
I can’t say I do.
Just a reminder - Judy still doesn’t know about Wilson’s partner, and she’s finding Evelyn’s attitude absolutely bizarre.
Evelyn! What has gotten into you?
You don’t understand Ma, it’s-- I can’t deal with it. I can’t. And you shouldn’t either. I don’t understand how James can do this to me, how… You know what, I don’t know if I can go inside at all.
I don’t understand you, Evelyn. What is she, a neo-Nazi?
What? Of course not! Well, I hope not. I don’t know anything anymore.
Look, there he is right there. He’s waving at us. Wave back. Wave back at your son, Evelyn. And who is that man beside him?
“Wave back at your son, Evelyn” - a reminder that Judy is not above mothering Evelyn, and Evelyn is by no means infallible.
Oh, god, I can’t look-- Oh, thank god, it’s Greg! It’s just Greg.
Who?
Greg House, his friend, you remember the one? You met him at Jimmy’s a few years ago, and last year he kept calling Jimmy at Dad’s birthday party. He brought Greg. Isn’t it wonderful? My dear, sweet boy. He brought Greg.
I am going to smack that boy.
Of course you aren’t. He brought Greg!
He was supposed to bring a date. I was supposed to embarrass him and interrogate her. This wedding isn’t half as much fun, now.
What an absolutely beautiful, happy wedding this is going to be. Everyone will be impressed by my handsome doctor son and his bright doctor friend, instead of my son and his…
I love conversations, both onscreen and in fic, where two characters have an extended conversation with two opposite attitudes toward the same thing, totally ignoring what the other has to say. “Oh, thank god!” “I am going to kill him.” “Three cheers for--” “DEATH, DEATH TO YOU AND YOURS.”
What?
Never mind.
His what? His one-legged, hunchbacked, devoutly Catholic girlfriend?
I can’t, Ma. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about it.
Well, I can. I’m going to go talk to Jimmy.
*
In the original fic, we had Evelyn thanking Wilson for bringing “his friend Greg” to the wedding. Here, enter Judy once again.
May I have this dance, my dear madam?
Eh. Might as well.
Not quite the enthusiastic response I was hoping for, Nana, but it will do. You sound-- how should I call it? Reluctant?
You wouldn’t have had to dance with me if you’d brought a--how should I call it? A date?
I love it when she’s snarky. I never meant to write her like that, but she kept putting words in her own mouth - which is, I admit convenient, and I wish canon characters did it more often.
Ah. That. Actually I…
Yes?
Actually, I would have danced with you anyway, because you are by far the most beautiful woman in this room.
So that’s how you got them to marry you. Well, you can’t charm me into changing the subject.
Damn.
Language, Jimmy.
You say ‘damn’ all the time! In more than one language, I might point out.
You’re still a baby. When you’re my age, you can curse all you want.
Not a baby anymore, Nana. I have an M.D. and divorce papers and everything.
Note: I find this statement incredibly sad, and grounding. If there’s anything that negates the effect of ‘her baby’, it’s ‘divorce papers’.
Also: This was where I screwed up big time. In the original posting, I wrote Wilson had a Ph.D., instead of an M.D. Dee commented on the fic, and then asked, “by the way, what does Wilson have a Ph.D. in?”, at which I went “D’OH!”, fixed it, and replied something witty, I’m sure. Unfortunately, I forgot to hit the ‘anonymous’ button, so any chance of anonymity was destroyed within a few hours of posting. I felt so lame.
…No. No, I suppose you’re not.
Okay, now we’re getting maudlin. Your granddaughter’s getting married today, you should be smiling.
Jimmy, your talent for changing the subject is commendable, but I’m more stubborn than you are. What happened? Why isn’t she here?
Who?
Your date.
Are you… sure you’re ready for this, Nana? Because Mom will barely speak with me as it is, and--
Yes.
I'm going to break the news, so if you feel light-headed or anything, let me know--
James Evan Wilson, you tell me what is going on this instant.
Okay, okay. Okay. My date is here.
But… you brought your friend Greg here.
Yes.
Did you bring anyone else?
No.
Oh. Oh… Oh.
You can hear it, can’t you? Dum dum duuuuuuuuuum.
Are you all r--
Be quiet for a moment, James.
You’ve stopped moving.
Shock will do that to people sometimes. Just be quiet for a moment.
Okay.
Shush.
Okay.
It’s very hard to convey long pauses in dialogue-only fic, but if I didn’t think it was a cheap trick, I’d add this:
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... here. A pause, during which Judy closes her eyes, lets history replay behind her eyelids, shift her perception of the world a little bit to the left, waits for her memories and hopes for Jimmy to fall into place, compartmentalizes the rest and decides to think about it later, mentally repeats that the only important thing is Wilson’s happiness at least twice, and remembers that Leah Brighton’s grandson is gay too and a lawyer, so if things don’t work out with Greg she’ll get his phone number for him.
…Okay, then. Shall we dance?
Okay? That’s it?
Well, obviously I’m going to have to interrogate him later and hopefully embarrass you in the process, but yes, that is it.
And you aren’t going to stop talking to me? Shun me from the clan? Anything?
No.
No asking me to try again with another girl?
Clearly girls weren’t what your weewee was looking for.
Unlike Barbara Streisand’s Meet The Fockers character, Judy isn’t really that liberal and free spirited and blasé about sex. She just really, really likes shocking people.
Oh my god, Nana, you have just scarred me for life.
Stop talking nonsense, then, and concentrate on waltzing.
What about… wow, okay. What am I going to do about Mom?
Oh, your mother. Oh, dear. Give her time, sweetheart. This isn’t easy for her.
I don’t know what to do. She’s known I've been with a guy for months now, and she won’t even let me tell her his name. You seem to be handling it fine.
I’ll be dead in a few years anyhow, I don’t have the time to really care what you do. Or who.
Nana!
Hush, now. This is a wedding! Let’s celebrate. Hava nagila and all that jazz. Or folk dancing, as it were.
Okay, I’ve never been to a wedding where they played ‘have nagila’ and danced around in circle, but I know they’re out there, and probably in New Jersey. This fic is very, very stereotypical in regards to American Judaism.
I love you, Nana. Thank you.
You are just full of schmaltz, aren’t you? I love you too.
*
The next scene in the original had Wilson telling Evelyn he and House were buying a house together; however, there was no way Judy wasn’t going to confront Evelyn about House/Wilson first.
Evelyn.
Hi, Ma. I just called to make sure you got home safely.
Yes, I took a taxi from the airport and met your father at Sunny Springs.
It was a lovely wedding, wasn’t it?
Yes, it was. Tina didn’t look as sloppy as she usually does, and the groom was very handsome.
And James brought Greg. Just Greg! It was perfect.
About that. Evelyn, I had a little talk with Jimmy.
What?
He told me who he was seeing.
What exactly did he tell you?
He told me he was seeing a man.
Oh. Yes. Yes, a man, who is a psychologist, Jimmy's been having some problems since the divorce--
It’s not just denial, here: considering their family history with homosexuality, Evelyn thinks she’s protecting her mom.
Please, darling. I may be senile but I'm not stupid. Jimmy is dating a man.
Are you… are you okay?
Yes, I am.
I know what you're thin-- wait, what?
I am, I'm perfectly fine.
That is not what I thought you were thinking.
I am perfectly fine, honey, and so should you be.
No. No, I won’t accept it.
Evelyn-
In RL, people rarely call each other by their names in conversation, especially over the phone when it’s pretty obvious who you’re talking too. This is one of the few instances in the fic where the name’s not just an excuse for me to let you know who’s talking, but for Judy really, rationally, desperately trying to catch Evelyn’s attention.
No, Ma!
Evelyn. You have to think about what makes your son happy--
I can’t believe you’re telling me this. You, of all people. I can’t listen to this. Goodbye, Mother.
Eve-
This part really breaks my heart. On the one hand, Evelyn, feeling betrayed by both her son and her mother; on the other, Judy, who just got hung up on for trying to reason with her daughter. Old people getting hung up on seriously makes me want to cry.
*
In the original: “You know that relationship we’re not talking about? I have some news to tell you.” “It’s over? You met a nice woman?” “No, Mom. It’s getting even more serious. We’re buying a house together.”
They're buying a house together.
Apparently, Evelyn has gotten over herself enough to start venting to Ma. It’s a step forward, at least.
Who, Jimmy and his partner? Really?
They're buying a house. A goddamn house. How did this happen, Ma?
You know Evelyn’s really frustrated if she’s cursing.
This sounds like good news. Buying a house before getting married, it happens, these days.
Before--before getting married! Yeah, Ma, that's what I find disturbing about this. That my son is living in sin before marriage. Living in sin, that's ironic.
You need to calm down.
How could I have let this happen? How can you take it like this?
Times have changed.
After everything that happened, how can you--
No. No, Evelyn, you can't think like that. Times have changed.
At this point, the obvious assumption is that Evelyn is talking about the world in a detached, passive way: times have changed, boys marry boys nowadays, it happens. What she actually means, though, is: times have changed, it’s more acceptable, his life is going to be hard but not as hard as it was for Harry forty years ago. The world is more accepting.
I have to go.
You just called me!
I'm sorry, I just needed to vent, and I can't yell at Jimmy, and Joe… he doesn't know yet.
Wilson’s father wasn’t in the original fic, and here I was exploring Evelyn’s motivations. Having her not tell Joe added more depth to her denial, and got him out of the way without having to explain what he thought and if/how that affected Evelyn’s opinion.
Your husband doesn‘t know?
I have to go, Ma, I'm sorry. Goodbye.
In the original, this ended with: “You’re very stubborn, Jimmy.” “I like to think I’m stubborn about the right things, Mom.” Which is: a) one of my favorite Hi, Mom lines, b) just the kind of sentiment Judy approves of, and Evelyn too, when she’ll think about it long enough, and c) the reason Evelyn “can’t yell at Jimmy”, after all.
*
In the original: “I’m going to be a father!” Evelyn doesn’t take the news well.
Why won't Greg talk some sense into him?
Evelyn? Is that you?
I've entirely given up on you, you know. I don't know what's been going through your head this past year.
Why, yes, I'm fine, thank you. Arthritis acting up, but the pills help. And how are you?
But Greg! He seems like such a sensible person. He's rational, he's smart, he wants what's best for Jimmy.
Again, I love conversations where people are talking in two different tones, in this case even about two different things. I was afraid it would be confusing, but went for it anyway.
Is this another one of your calls where you refuse to talk to me about the benefits of Jimmy's love life, like the fact that it, oh, makes him happy, and then you hang up on me? Because I can save you the trouble and hang up right now.
Don't be silly, Ma. We're strategizing here.
Who is?
You and me. And Greg. I'll call him, and together we'll convince Jimmy that this has all been a huge misunderstanding. A midlife crisis. Everyone goes through those. Remember when you had that crush on Richard Nixon? People do crazy things when they're approaching forty!
This is me, doing the math and blindly reaching for a historic character to fit the bill of ‘insane crush’.
I'm confused. Why would Greg cooperate with this?
Because he's Jimmy's best friend, of course! What, do you think he wants Jimmy to go and live his life with some strange man?
No. No, he probably doesn't want that. And I take it you still haven't had a serious conversation with your son about the subject. About who exactly he is with.
Don't be ridiculous. There's nothing to be serious about.
Evelyn keeps having conversations with Wilson, and then forgetting everything she nearly accepted five minutes after she hangs up for the sake of her mental health.
If I may point out, and contrary to what this conversation has indicated I am still your mother and so still have the right to point things out-- they're planning on a baby.
Oh, pshaw. That's four months from now, plenty of time for him to reconsider. There's still a mother in the picture, somewhere.
Tell me you did not just say that.
And if worse comes to worst, he can be a single father! Women love single fathers, he'll be a hit!
This was my equivalent to Dee’s: “Who is the mother? The woman pregnant with your child? I assume you’ll be marrying her.” - this after knowing Wilson’s been seriously involved for over a year. Crossing the line, Evelyn, crossing the line. And Judy becomes mom again:
Evelyn Wilson, you take that back right now.
…m'sorry, Ma.
I can't believe you just said that.
I'm… I'm just…
What was that? I can't hear you, speak up.
I am so, so scared, Ma.
Oh, Evelyn. Evinka.
He's my boy, Ma, and I am terrified. I've already lost one child, and I can't, I can't bear to lose… to see him get hurt.
I considered, at first, having Evelyn’s Gay Trauma to be related to the missing brother - she’s already lost one son who never managed to fit in, and she won’t be able to deal with that happening again. But it seemed like a cheap plot device and too much of a coincidence, so I ended up going with her brother. And still - the fact that Evelyn’s lost one son is never far from her mind.
Shhh… Evelyn, shhh… it's not like that anymore. The world has changed.
That's a load of crap, Mother. Nothing's different now, nothing. Deep inside, the hearts of men are as dark as they ever were.
Well, that was a little melodramatic, self.
Now you're getting melodramatic.
…so Judy said so.
Why won't he just listen to me? I only want to protect him.
He's a grown man. He can protect himself. There's a point, you know, where you just have to let go.
No. If he won't listen to me, he'll listen to Greg. I know he will. Jimmy shines when Greg is around. He shines just like he used to around… he'll listen to Greg, I know it.
But Greg won't.
Won't what?
He won't do what you're asking him to do. You know it as well as I do. If Greg had any objections to Jimmy's current partner, do you really think he wouldn't have driven him off by now?
…Maybe. I suppose. Jimmy might have mentioned that Greg… approved of this.
I'm absolutely certain he does. And speaking of Greg, honey, there's something you should probably know.
Is it about Jimmy's relationship?
Yes.
Then I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm too tired.
This is becoming ridiculous.
I'm just tired now, Ma, please? Lecture me some other time? 'kay bye.
I may have been influenced by simmysim’s fic here, the one that ended with Foreman saying “lol sure.” Which cracked me up. Evelyn’s just frantic to hang up here, and if she were typing you know she’d be all KTHXBYE.
Evelyn? Evelyn? I swear, it's like having a teenager again.
Again, Judy is commenting on my juvenile humor more than anything.
*
And here, in Hi, Mom, we had Greg calling Evelyn to essentially scold her. Since House has no reason to call Judy, I gave her a reason to call him. The most meddlesome reason imaginable.
House Hyphen Girl Scout residence, how can I not be of service?
Hello, Greginke. It's the girl scout's grandmother.
Give me a name, any name, and I’ll Yiddishify it for you. Chase would be Robi’le, Cameron would be Allinka, Foreman Ara’le. Dee would be Deedi’nka or Deedush, I’d be Roga’le, queenzulu would be queenushka. You get the drift.
Judy. Hi. Sorry about that.
Don't lie to me, that's just rude.
Sorry. Wilson and I have been having a slight disagreement regarding hyphens.
For heaven’s sake, be a man and let his name come first.
Ha. Funnily enough, that's just what he said. It didn't work then either.
Well, it was worth a try.
Everything all right in Florida?
Nobody’s died at all in the past week! Not in the Community anyway.
This is what I expect to hear when I call my grandmother. “How was your week?” “Well, nobody died.” Except Judy would actually say it, and of course, House would appreciate that.
That’s the kind of morbid cheer I like to hear. I’ll go get Wilson for you--
Actually, don’t. I want to speak with you.
Uh oh.
Why ‘uh oh’?
Should I be saying ‘uh oh’?
I don’t know, should you? Is there something you’re not telling me, Gregory?
There are many things I don’t tell you, most of them involving your grandson and my bed, and I thought we both preferred it that way.
The elusive dialogue-only awkward pause again. Right here? Definitely an awkward pause.
Let’s start over.
Oh, thank god.
Gregory, I need to talk to you about Jimmy.
One of my favorite subjects. Go ahead.
House knows, subconsciously, that this woman can be dangerous, or at least that she means a lot to Wilson - which is why he doesn’t mind a little flattery by grandson-praise. It’s not as if Wilson is in earshot or anything.
You two are going to raise a baby together. This is a serious commitment. I want to make sure you know what you’re doing. That Jimmy’s the one.
We’ve known each other for over ten years and we’ve been together for almost two. I’ve learned to tolerate him.
I’m being serious, Gregory. This is a baby we’re talking about. You do not get up and leave a baby when you’re tired or you’re scared. You do not get up and leave my Jimmy. You do not say, “Look, it‘s been grand, but I‘m a nomad, baby, and the road is calling.”
One of my favorite House lines I’ve written, EVER. 18 year old House, with his bike and his guitar strapped on and huge suave sunglasses, playing at Don Juan with the ladies just to see if he can.
How-- have you been talking to Amy Schwartz?
The Schwartzes are dear friends of mine, and that was quite a trick you pulled on her.
It was 1978!
You’re lucky that girl recovered from her heartbreak and married a nice little oil tycoon, otherwise I wouldn’t be going so easy on you. Now, your arrest for public drunkenness on April 19th 1983 in Nashville, Tennessee. What was that about?
What the-- are you in the Jewish mafia? How are you getting this stuff?
I’ve already said Judy is modeled after my own grandmother to some degree, and if there’s one thing my grandma is, it’s connected. Name a politician, an author, a philosopher, a classmate, and she can trace a connection to them - oh, she was in school with their great uncle, she babysat for them during WWII, their kids were playmates… it really is like a small mafia, sometimes. All in the very extended family.
You do realize that once you have this baby you will have no permission to get drunk ever again.
You do realize that I spend ninety-eight percent of my life stoned on narcotics?
The way I write is, a lot of times: get an idea for a line I really want to use, and then rack my brains and sweat blood to get the characters to a place where they can say/do that. It’s frustrating at times, because it’s just me struggling with these poor characters who don’t, in their everyday lives, hold Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping matches - and slowly force them into a place where it would be plausible.
In this case, I needed to get them worked up enough for name-calling; drugs seemed like a good way to get them to bare teeth.
Don’t joke with me, Greg. I’ve been very accepting of everything so far, but I don’t want Jimmy getting hurt, and I want to make sure he’s doing the right thing, and this is where I get to judge. Now, I have your criminal record laid out in front of me and I think I deserve some explanations.
Explanations about my behavior? What about Wilson? You don’t think he’s as screwed up as I am?
For Judy, the snapping point is, of course, trash talking Wilson. For House, he just hates being put on the defensive - and of course he’s feeling damn insecure about his contribution to Wilson’s happiness as well, as he states later, so Judy really is hitting some sore spots.
Don’t you talk about my angel that way--
I can make you a list of all his transgressions and believe me, infidelity alone will fill a chapter.
You have some chutzpah, you little putz- (chutzpah, putz - starting out very mild)
Oh, bring it on! You don’t scare me with your Yiddish. (sentence structure unconsciously taken from one of my favorite Jon Stewart monologues: “...You don’t eat for one day, all your sin for the year is wiped clean. Beat that! With your… little… Lent.”)
Moyshe pupik shaygetz! (Non-Jewish jerk - sheygetz is the male shiksa)
Paskudnyak! (horrible person)
Mishugena schmuck! (Crazy schmuck, with schmuck literally meaning dick, actually)
Alteh machasheifa! (old witch. You have to admit, these are a lot more exciting if you read them without the translations.)
Oh, shtup es in toches!
Not gonna explain that one, because-
Ha! Wilson already does!
-that, that right there was the two line exchange that prompted me to comb through Yiddish swear word websites for hours (this was particularly helpful) and write the entire scene.
Oh, you did not.
I… um. Fuck. Uh, Judy? Please tell me you’re laughing.
Can’t get the tone of voice through when you’re writing dialogue only? Have the characters comment on what the other sounds like. “Please tell me you’re not laughing.” “Well, you don’t have to laugh.” “Are you laughing at this?” etc etc.
I… I… I need a glass of water. Whew. Oy, my god. Well played, young man. Where did you learn that?
I never reveal my secrets.
Probably from that Polish housekeeper you had a crush on when you were twelve, then.
House learned most of what he knows about Ashkenazi Judaism from her.
Holy sh-- have you been talking to my mother?
I never reveal my secrets. But my Jimmy, I have to protect him.
From me?
If need be.
Judy, I… look, you think I don’t know I don’t deserve him? No matter how messed up he is, I don’t deserve half the things he’s done for me. And sometimes I even worry about greener pastures, because the pastures out there-- they are, very objectively, greener.
So why do you stay?
Because I fucking love him! Because the past two years have been like a breath of fresh air, and this ultrasound blob is the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life and it hasn’t even happened yet. Because Wilson, he’s… he’s it.
This House is more sentimental than I tend to write him. But this is a different, softer House, with an almost healthy two-year relationship with Wilson and about to adopt a baby, and in the end, this was still Dee’s Hi, Mom House, and I could picture him like this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay. Goodbye.
Wait, that’s it? I’m cleared?
As far as I’m concerned.
Oh. Okay, then. I have to ask: is the Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping match some sort of initiation ceremony for all the Wilson wives?
OH IT TOTALLY IS. Julie failed miserably. Also, “Yiddish verbal bitch-slapping match” is possibly my favorite phrase of this fic. It’s almost magic.
Secrets of the trade, dear. One day, when you’re the grandmother of your own grown-up ultrasound blob, you’ll understand.
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Part 2