If looks could really kill, then my profession would be staring
So what I hate, what I really hate is when other people tell me what I think and feel.
If I say I don’t give a fuck anymore, then you’d think it’s true, right? But nooooo, not my friends. I’m so pissed right now. Because it’s fucking all of them.
Heike just called me, talked about how her new boyfriend’s an ass when they’re going out with other people and in her rambling, she mentioned Robert’s name once. And then, she apologized like a million times for bringing it up.
I told her it’s no big deal - because it really isn’t, he lives just across the street from her, they are bound to run into each other every now and then - but she was all like “it’s okay, you don’t need to pretend with me”. So I told her that ever since I figured out that he -contrary to my previous beliefs - isn’t God himself, I don’t care anymore. But all she said was “You said that a thousandth time already in the last three years and you never were only close to being over him”. And I know that, I do but it’s different this time and it’d be nice if she believed me.
And sometime last week, Robert wrote me a message, okay? While I was out with my friends and I laughed when I read it because seriously, how pathetic can you get?
So they wanted to know what was up and I showed them the message and Jüne talked about what “a motherfucking asshole” he is and then he bought me a drink (haha he asked Elena to give him the money for it though because he was broke). Any ways, I assured them the whole time that it’s fine and I’m done with him - which I am - and they just gave me that look. The one that says “Yeah sure you poor girl, just tell yourself that”.
The best part happened last night, when Max came over “to talk”. And I thought it was weird but I was just happy to see him again since we haven’t spoken much lately.
Any ways, bottom line is he told me that he’s heard about Robert from Jüne and he’s really sorry but I shouldn’t bottle everything up inside and talk to him instead. What the fuck? There’s nothing more to say to this, what the hell does he want me to say?
And now - get this, that’s the best: He thinks Denny and I together would be the coolest thing ever (which I agree to, hehe) because he knows we’re both good persons and what not and that’s why he wants us to work long-term and all (at that point I was still all “aww, you’re so sweet”).
So consequently, he “took the liberty to tell Denny to back off a bit” until I got my mind cleared for good and we can start without any things between us. Because he loves me and really wants this to work out for me.
So really - what.the.fuck. Just - unggggg. I’m just fine and I’ve told him that, he has no fucking right to assume those things. And bringing Denny into this, that’s so - God.
It’s just the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard because IF I wasn’t 100% sure that I won’t fall back in obsessing over Robert again, I would never, ever even consider starting anything with someone as nice and caring and honest as Denny. And since Denny pretty much still waits for any reaction from my side - he has been since mid-February I believe - it’ll be like, so hard to talk to him now and convince him that it’s not like that. I could punch Max and everybody else in their fucking faces right now. Seriously. I’m so mad, you wouldn’t even believe it.
And it’s so frustrating that nobody believes me that I’m doing just fine. Everybody thinks I’m faking happiness but I’m not. Next time someone only mentions his fucking name, I know for sure I’ll start crying like a baby just because I don’t know what to do anymore to make them see that HE DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE.
If I say I don’t give a fuck anymore, then you’d think it’s true, right? But nooooo, not my friends. I’m so pissed right now. Because it’s fucking all of them.
Heike just called me, talked about how her new boyfriend’s an ass when they’re going out with other people and in her rambling, she mentioned Robert’s name once. And then, she apologized like a million times for bringing it up.
I told her it’s no big deal - because it really isn’t, he lives just across the street from her, they are bound to run into each other every now and then - but she was all like “it’s okay, you don’t need to pretend with me”. So I told her that ever since I figured out that he -contrary to my previous beliefs - isn’t God himself, I don’t care anymore. But all she said was “You said that a thousandth time already in the last three years and you never were only close to being over him”. And I know that, I do but it’s different this time and it’d be nice if she believed me.
And sometime last week, Robert wrote me a message, okay? While I was out with my friends and I laughed when I read it because seriously, how pathetic can you get?
So they wanted to know what was up and I showed them the message and Jüne talked about what “a motherfucking asshole” he is and then he bought me a drink (haha he asked Elena to give him the money for it though because he was broke). Any ways, I assured them the whole time that it’s fine and I’m done with him - which I am - and they just gave me that look. The one that says “Yeah sure you poor girl, just tell yourself that”.
The best part happened last night, when Max came over “to talk”. And I thought it was weird but I was just happy to see him again since we haven’t spoken much lately.
Any ways, bottom line is he told me that he’s heard about Robert from Jüne and he’s really sorry but I shouldn’t bottle everything up inside and talk to him instead. What the fuck? There’s nothing more to say to this, what the hell does he want me to say?
And now - get this, that’s the best: He thinks Denny and I together would be the coolest thing ever (which I agree to, hehe) because he knows we’re both good persons and what not and that’s why he wants us to work long-term and all (at that point I was still all “aww, you’re so sweet”).
So consequently, he “took the liberty to tell Denny to back off a bit” until I got my mind cleared for good and we can start without any things between us. Because he loves me and really wants this to work out for me.
So really - what.the.fuck. Just - unggggg. I’m just fine and I’ve told him that, he has no fucking right to assume those things. And bringing Denny into this, that’s so - God.
It’s just the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard because IF I wasn’t 100% sure that I won’t fall back in obsessing over Robert again, I would never, ever even consider starting anything with someone as nice and caring and honest as Denny. And since Denny pretty much still waits for any reaction from my side - he has been since mid-February I believe - it’ll be like, so hard to talk to him now and convince him that it’s not like that. I could punch Max and everybody else in their fucking faces right now. Seriously. I’m so mad, you wouldn’t even believe it.
And it’s so frustrating that nobody believes me that I’m doing just fine. Everybody thinks I’m faking happiness but I’m not. Next time someone only mentions his fucking name, I know for sure I’ll start crying like a baby just because I don’t know what to do anymore to make them see that HE DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE.