Sanctuary [2/5]
Title: sanctuary
# of chapters: 5 ( + prologue and epilogue )
Word Count: 24, 045
Pairing: ChanHun | KaiSoo | HunHan | KrisHan
Bands: EXO (main) | Super Junior (side)
Rating: PG
Warning: character death | mention pf suicide
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Summary: The brown, leather bound journal had five hundred pages filled with infinite words of affection that would last for eternity, beyond dreams and perfection - words that would continually become a mocking bird and soar above the horizon, chasing a falcon without caring about the cliff at the end of the labyrinth because yes, mocking birds could also fly.
A/N: cross-posted on AFF
<<
Chapter II: Clichés
“I told you cashews are off limits. I figured you’d still eat some. Epinephrine’s in the drawer under the TV. Use the green one. Don’t forget to call 119. Please don’t die from anaphylaxis you big ball of idiocy!”
Sehun wanted to grin, if not for the lack of air from his system and the swelling of his lips that was rapidly spreading to his whole body, he would really laugh so hard he would cry. The blue sticky note under the can of cashews that he dropped as soon as his face started itching and his lungs started heaving for air was making his heart flutter and clench at the same time. Maybe it was the anaphylaxis. A familiar, sloppy, penmanship, written in red ink was screaming at his face. It was charming yet painful. Sehun thought it was bittersweet. Maybe it really was the anaphylaxis.
Sehun didn’t laugh, yet tears still started rolling down his cheeks as he stabbed his left arm with the needle. He forgot to call 119. He would live. He knew nobody would care anyway. Kyungsoo would probably strangle him if the elder finds out but didn’t really care. Joonmyun would probably have a heart attack. Jongdae might give him a smack in the head and probably shed some tears over the unused pranks the elder planned for him. He loved his friends yet everything just suddenly became a little bit irrelevant for Oh Sehun. He just wanted to be alone. He was used to it anyway. I mean, how long had it been? Six months? A whole year? Sehun lost count after half a month of finding random sticky notes in their apartment, saving his life quite a few times.
Sehun wanted to laugh once more. Their apartment. Too cliché, he thought. He should really start calling that place his. He had been living alone for quite a while now. He remembered one of his professors - Kim Heechul - saying that clichés are what ruins a person’s ability to grow. He still thinks that professor Kim is maniac disguised as a professor. The dean, Professor Park (some students call him Leeteuk; Sehun never really figured out why), said Professor Kim was just unique. Sehun thinks those two are together. Another cliché. Sehun finally chuckled. Sehun also once thought two people were together, he regretted it.
Sehun started thinking. What happens after a dose of EpiPen? Drowsiness startwd hitting him. Right. Sleep.
“Don’t forget to go to your room after the shot. Don’t be an idiot and drop dead on the floor. You’ll catch a cold.” Another blue sticky note was plastered on the green box. Tears kept flowing. Too much clichés in one day, yet he was so used to it. He started wondering how many sticky notes were still left hidden. Kyungsoo probably found some while he was cleaning. Sehun hoped the elder didn’t throw them. He would really love to read those post-its himself. Even though most of them just constantly reminded him of how much of a moron he was. Even though most of them were just perpetual reminder of what he had lost.
Sehun walked, groggily, towards his room, hesitantly glancing at the door down the hall. It looked normal, just minus the usual scrambling accompanied with curses spoken by a clumsy giant. He shook his head, turning the knob on his door.
It was five o’clock at night or the afternoon. He really could point out.
The sun sets.
*****
“Chanyeol-ah! Come back!” His mother’s voice echoed inside their house as he ran down the street.
Park Chanyeol, yet again, skipped another art lesson from his grandfather. Don’t get him wrong, Chanyeol loved his grandpa but not enough to suffer two hours of listening to how to mold a lump of mud into a cup that he would probably just break two seconds after. He was from a family that was well-known for their art. His grandpa was once a great ceramic artist. His father was a painter. His mother was a curator. His sister was in college, studying fashion design. Chanyeol, the youngest and only boy, was different. He liked music. He liked movies. He planned to go to Seoul Arts University and study about directing musicals. His mother said he was just twelve; maybe his mind would change at some point. Chanyeol doubted it.
“Hey.” A familiar voice greeted him when he stuck his head out of the bush he had been struggling to get pass through in the last five minutes. It was the only entrance to his secret hideaway - a vacant lot, surrounded by huge Japanese red pines and cherry blossoms. It was secluded yet refreshing. His friend, Minseok, said it was creepy. Chanyeol thought it was just perfect.
“Hi!” He chirped and hopped towards the boy.
Oh Sehun. A transferee. A few years younger than he was. The boy had black hair that turned into a beautiful shade of brown under the sun. His eyes were shaped like the crescent moon and always looked sleepy. His nose was a little too big, and a little too round yet looked almost perfect. His lips were thin and looked weird when he smiles. His cheekbones looked flat yet protrude whenever he laughs. His arms and legs were scrawny and pale. He looked sick sometimes. Chanyeol found everything about the boy adorable.
“You’re gonna be my little brother!” He declared the first time he found a random boy in his secret hideaway. The boy just frowned in protest yet didn’t say anything. He laid his hand in front of the boy, and was disappointed when the younger just frowned even more and answered his gesture with a disgusted “What is that?” He just grinned and replied. “It’s called a handshake. We hold hands and shake them.” He grabbed the boy’s hand and exaggeratedly shook it with his own. “Nice meeting you.” The boy just chuckled and muttered. “What a dork.”
“Skipped your class with Grandpa Park again?” The boy asked, eyes fixed on his little device he called an ipod. Sehun said it was gift from his father for his birthday. Chanyeol bet it was expensive. Sehun just shrugged and offered to share his earphone. “You’re gonna be in trouble again when you get home.”
Chanyeol just grinned. He could imagine how his grandpa’s face would be when he gets home for dinner. “He’ll be okay.” He even added.
Sehun just shook his head, thinking of how Park Chanyeol was older than him. Park Chanyeol was an over-grown five year old. He was too tall for his age, yet too childish to be twelve. His hair was jet black and just plain boring. His legs were too long for his brain to reach, making him the clumsiest person ever walked on the planet. His eyes were round and always twinkling. His lips were pink and a little plump. His nose was just in between pointed and round but nicely shaped. His skin was fair and turns red after a few hours under the sun. His voice was constantly drifting from deep to cracked - puberty the elder would say. Sehun thought Park Chanyeol was a little too goofy looking.
Park Chanyeol, apparently was also very smart. Like book smart, not life-smart. He was the top student in his grade level and could play various instruments while solving mathematical equations in his head. Sehun was the total opposite. He was too lazy to do anything that was related to the word school. Anything that included numbers and letters made his head spin and his stomach churn. He transferred from Seoul to Gwangyang because of his father’s business. Sehun hated everything about Gwangyang - except for Chanyeol and Soccer. He went to school to play soccer and went straight to Chanyeol’s secret hideaway to play with the elder.
A white line of lightning cracked the dark sky. A droplet of water felt wet cold on the tip of Chanyeol’s nose.
“Hey it’s raining. We should go home.”
Thunder roared.
“I am home though.”
“What?”
“This is our backyard.”
“Okay?” Chanyeol muttered, sarcastically with a hint of disbelief.
“Let’s go!” Oh Sehun smiled, eyes turning into slits, and grabbed his wrist, dragging him into what seemed like an endless pathway towards a house that looked a lot like a castle. The house was made of bricks and had a huge mahogany door. The porch fence was in between the shade of black and gray, adorned by what looked like a climbing rose - dawn and dusk rose and clematis. The windows were as big as the front door of their house. Chanyeol knew that Sehun was rich, but he never really expected that his best friend owned a castle.
The air smelled cold and thick as the rain pounded harshly against the roof. Chanyeol tried to ignore the humidity and how his hair started feeling a little too stiff for his liking and focused on how warm his finger felt inside the pockets of the oversized pajamas he was wearing. The butler, Mr. Go, said the pair was owned by Sehun’s older brother.
The creaky, heavy mahogany door opened. Chanyeol stretched his neck. He tried to smile but ended up looking a lot like he was constipated.
“You okay?” The boy in blue and red plaid pajamas raised his brow.
“And you said my life is boring.”
“Don’t judge. I don’t buy my clothes.”
“You look a lot like you’re in your twenties.”
“At least I don’t wear spongebob underwear.”
Chanyeol’s argument suddenly became invalid.
“Don’t judge.” He replied, mocking Sehun’s tone.
Laughter suddenly filled the entire room, harmonizing with the pouring rain and roaring thunder. Chanyeol thought it was amazing. How Sehun’s laugh sounded so perfect and heartwarming on a rainy Friday night. How the boy’s pale skin created a beautiful contrast with the dim light and constant flashing of lightning. How the boy’s tiny eyes were making him feel all stuffy yet fluffy inside. Chanyeol thought Oh Sehun was amazing.
“Here.” Sehun handed him a box, sloppily wrapped with a red gift wrapper and a very random blue-ish ribbon on top. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he should take the box or not. Sehun could be a little bit of a prankster. “It’s my gift for your birthday you idiot.” The younger clarified when he saw the look on Chanyeol’s eyes. He didnt blame the elder. The last time he gave him a box, there was live spider inside it and Chanyeol went home crying. Sehun didn’t have best friend for a week.
“My birthday’s not until next week?”
“I know. It’s thanksgiving in America and my Hyung is there. Mom and Dad want to visit him for the holiday. We’re gonna be there for about a week and a half.”
“Oh.” Chanyeol mumbled sordidly, almost a little too disappointed that the boy wouldn’t be there with him to celebrate his thirteenth birthday. Chanyeol just bit his lip, trying to form another smile on his lips. His efforts didn’t go to waste, yet the smile just made his eyes looked like he was about to cry. He focused on the box in his hand and started slowly unwrapping the package. He really didn’t know why, birthdays had always been a big deal to him. Maybe because his birthday was the only day he felt special.
“Sehun-ah.”
“Mmmm?”
“Promise me.”
“Yeah?”
“On my next birthdays, we will celebrate it together. All of them.”
The boy chuckled, grabbing his hand and forcibly sticking his pinky finger out.
“I promise.” Sehun whispered as he entangled his and Chanyeol’s fingers together before they sealed the promise with a hug. “Now open your present.” He added as his hand rested on the elder’s shoulder.
Chanyeol screamed, making Mr. Go barge into Sehun’s room with a fire extinguisher in hand. Sehun just laughed as he pushed the old man out. “We’re okay. We’re okay.” He even added. “Chanyeol-hyung is just happy.”
Oh Sehun gave Park Chanyeol his first video camera. Chanyeol hugged Sehun and jumped around and landed on Sehun’s soft bed.
“You know this is the first time I’ve seen a bed with a roof.”
“You really are an idiot hyung.”
Mr. Go checked up on them around eleven o’clock at night. Chanyeol’s long legs were halfway off the bed. Sehun was sleeping soundly, holding on to Chanyeol’s arm as if it’s his lifeline.
*****
“Chanyeol-ssi”
Chanyeol jumped at a sudden feeling of a hand on his shoulder. Nobody really knew him in their university and his friends were not exactly discreet enough to just tap his shoulder and call out his name. They would usually either punch him, trip him, or take his glasses and run away - making him trip over and bump into everything and everyone as he chase the thief. He was not entirely sure why but he seemed to be the new subject of every pranks his friends made that year. The year beforewas Joonmyeon. One time Jongdae and Kyungsoo tricked him into joining a musical. “You’re just gonna be a tree. You’re just gonna stand there and do nothing.” The tree apparently had to dance every time it would hear music. Jongdae and Kyungsoo disappeared with his clothes after the performance. Sehun wouldn’t stop laughing as they took the bus home. Chanyeol was only wearing a robe. Good thing it was summer. He found a box of cherry Danish, along with his neatly folded green sweatshirt and jeans at his doorstep the next day. He would bet his life it was from Kyungsoo. Jongdae didn’t have a decency to apologize for anything.
Chanyeol scrunched his nose, thinking of the pranks his friends had set up for him.
“Chanyeol-ssi” The voice called out his name again. The voice was not familiar yet not strange. It was accompanied by a thick accent he had very well heard before. Zitao had it, so did Luhan and Kris. Chinese. The voice was also very shy and a little raspy. Chanyeol somehow found it very amusing. He craned his neck and was met by a familiar face. Standing there was an elder boy, with awkwardly short light brown hair, scrawny arms and eyes on the ground. The elder was holding a small bag in hand and was sporting a shy smile.
“Yixing right?” He cocked his head. “Zhang Yixing-ssi? From the dance department? Sehun’s ex?” He asked just to make sure.
The Chinese’s eyes looked like they were gonna pop out as his fingers twitch and waved his hands, a little to exaggerated, in front of Chanyeol.
“No no no no. That was a misunderstanding.” Yixing murmurs, looking at his feet again. “I only went with Sehun to practice our routine for our assignment. It wasn’t like that with me and him.”
“Oh.” Chanyeol chuckles. “I’m sorry. I think scared you that night then?”
Yixing just profusely shakes his head. “No. I just uhm .. “
“Mmm?”
“I’m just really shy and not good with people. Especially..” The elder trailed off.
“Especially?”
Yixing just stood in silence, contemplating if he should keep talking or just run away and throw himself off a mouth of a very active volcano. His heart thumped erratically in his chest as his fingers fondled the strings of the small bag he was holding. He saved up half of his paychecks for it. He didn’t really make much from teaching kids in a small, shabby, dance studio in Jongno. His rent ate up more than half of his biweekly paychecks and the bills weren’t really helping either. Yixing was not really sure if he should still continue with his plan. Zhou Mi, his boss, would definitely kick his ass if he didn’t.
“Nothing.” He mumbled. “Just .. uhm .. here. Congratulations.” He shove the small bag into Chanyeol’s chest, making the taller clutch his gift before Yixing managed to run away in a very disturbingly quick manner, cheeks flushed.
“Congratulations huh?” A familiar voice made Chanyeol, for the second time in the last half hour, jump. “I think that guy has a crush on you.” The familiar voice even added with a chuckle.
Chanyeol just elbowed the smaller man beside him, making the younger groin, sporting a very fake hurt expression. “He’s just congratulating me. We don’t even personally know each other.”
Kyungsoo just looked at him with mock written all over his round eyes, making Chanyeol feel a little uncomfortable. The younger wasn’t really much of a prankster; he was far too gentle to be one - even though everybody knew that they should distance themselves when Kyusngoo was mad. On regular days, Do Kyungsoo was very placid and usually the only sane one in their group of friends. He would usually be the one to remind everybody of how a normal human being should actually act - that Chanyeol should not chew with his mouth hanging open, that Baekhyun should stop practicing until the wee hours of the night, that Jongdae should quit being an idiot for a few seconds, and Sehun to stop screwing his life around.
“Sure he was.” The younger mumbled sarcastically. “What is he congratulating you for then?”
Chanyeol stood frozen for a second. He really didn’t know what to tell Kyungsoo. It was supposed to be a secret, something that should never be brought up. Chanyeol wasn’t really ashamed of what he achieved yet it also wasn’t something that he would like to flaunt. It was actually quite a big of an accomplishment to be honest. Only one students from the whole film department could get what Chanyeol got yet he refused to acknowledge it. He only joined the contest for the challenge, and constant bickering from his Advance Directing professor - Choi Siwon, a tall, muscular and very skinship motivated guy. He never really thought that he would win.
“Nothing.” He just shrugged and tried to drift his attention to the small gift bag he was holding. There was small card hanging loosely on one of the strings. The word congratulations! was neatly written on it, followed by some scribbles that looked like Chinese characters that Chanyeol couldn’t seem to comprehend what exactly meant. Inside the bag was a bunch of crumpled green and white tissues and a musical snow globe with a boy under a tree, holding a camera. Deep down the bag was also a note, written on a small paper with delicate patterns drawn on the sides for its border.
“I didn’t know what to get for you but the snow globe just reminded me of you as soon as I saw it. Sorry it’s not much.” Chanyeol read out loud.
Kyungsoo snapped his fingers, eyes twinkling. “Yep! Definitely an admirer!”
“Kyungsoo-ah!” Deep voice whined.
“What? Just saying.” Kyungsoo just chuckled and averted his eyes to the word written on the small card hanging on the bag. It looked very distracting and had been calling his attention. “Seriously though, what is he congratulating you for? I want to know so I can be happy for you too. Maybe I’ll cook something special tonight. We’ll celebrate!” The younger even added, voice grazed with excitement. Kyungsoo loved celebrations.
“I told you it’s nothing.” Chanyeol lied. “Just a small contest in the filmmaking department. I got the first prize.” That part was not a lie, except for where he said that it was just a small contest. Kyungsoo refused to believe the elder. Chanyeol had this habit of looking at different directions while unconsciously swaying body when he’s either nervous or lying. Sehun told Kyungsoo about it one time when the boy decided to randomly go downstairs to Kyungsoo’s and Jongdae’s shared apartment, curl up into Kyungsoo’s bed and started talking about random things that very much included their goofy giant of a friend, Park Chanyeol.
“You know you will never make it as an actor right?” Kyungsoo chuckled, snatching the snow globe from Chanyeol’s hand and gently shook it. A very calming music started playing. Kyungsoo was very much familiar with the tune - it was the song in one of the games Jongin was playing, The Legend of Zelda was the name or something like that. He decided to hum along with the globe as he stared at his friend. He started wondering why Chanyeol was very hesitant about telling him his own achievement. Usually, the elder would jump around in circles and scream on top of his lungs while shaking whatever, or whoever comes in his arm’s reach. “Chaneyol-hyung. Is something wrong?” He finally asked, bothered by how the elder’s usually playful eyes looked much worn out.
Chanyeol just stared at Kyungsoo for a moment. It might seem really stupid but he really wasn’t sure what to do. He decided to talk. Maybe Kyungsoo could help him. Kyungsoo had always been good at helping him out with his petty miseries. Kyungsoo was also the only breathing person that knew about his decade old crush on his best friend. Mr. Go also knew about it, the old man passed away after they graduated middle school. Maybe Kyungsoo could really help, although he already knew to himself that his first decision wouldn’t really change anymore.
“Remember that digital film I was working on where I asked you, Jongdae-hyung and Baekhyun-hyung to sing a few tunes for?” Kyungsoo nodded with eyes again, plastered on the snow globe. “I submitted that for my entry for the Film Festival that was held last week. I won.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened with every word that escaped Chanyeol’s lips. Every syllable rung inside his head as his heart burst with joy and overwhelming mix of every single emotion he could think of at the moment. Their university’s Film Festival, with what he heard from Chanyeol, was an event the Film department held every three years around late October. It gave the students chances to explore more things about filmmaking. The event usually consisted of conventions, booths, free food, games, and competitions. The biggest one was of course, filmmaking wherein the student would be the whole production team - the writer, the director, cameraman, the stage and costume designer, musical director, everything - the only exception would probably be the characters in the short movies. Kyungsoo remembered Chanyeol disappearing for a few days working one something the younger never really told anybody about - not even Sehun, which was totally bizarre. Nobody asked any more questions. And Chanyeol, their giant goof of a friend, Park Chanyeol, won the biggest competition in the Film department.
“Are you serious?!”
Chanyeol nodded.
Kyungsoo, literally, jumped towards the elder, muttering incoherent sentences. Chanyeol guessed the younger was reciting the recipes he would cook to celebrate Chanyeol’s win. It made Chanyeol feel a pang of guilt in his chest.
“Kyungsoo-ah.” Chanyeol gently pried the overly excited boy hanging onto him off him. “I didnt accept the award.”
The younger’s outburst suddenly went cold, as well as his round eyes. Chanyeol almost wanted to dig a hole right where he was standing just burry himself in there forever. He already figured he would get the exact reaction if he told his friends about what he did. The exact reason why he decided to just keep it a secret. He was a nobody in their university anyway, he was pretty sure that there wouldn’t be any rumors about it. Zhang Yixing, giving him a congratulatory gift, was totally out of his calculations.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why?!” Kyungsoo’s voice climbed an octave, it made Chanyeol flinch.
“Because accepting the award would mean accepting the prize that came with it.”
“What prize?”
“A scholarship at La Femis.”
“The fuck is that?”
“In France Kyungsoo. And you know I can’t ..” Chanyeol’s voice cracked as he trailed off. “You know I can’t .. “
Kyungsoo’s jaw clenched, eyes turning darker with every second. Chanyeol wasn’t surprised. The younger was never really a fan of his martyrdom. Kyungsoo cared a lot about his friends, but he cared about Chanyeol the most. Not because the elder was a little too dumb and naïve for his age but because Park Chanyeol was very selfless especially when it came to Oh Sehun. Kyungsoo thought it was ridiculous. Don’t get him wrong, he loved Sehun the same, but really, Chanyeol’s altruism towards his best friend was just really stupid.
“Why?!”
“You know my reasons Kyungsoo-ah. Sehun needs me. I’m the only one he has left. I can’t leave him. He needs his best friend.”
Kyungsoo let out a bitter chuckle, filled with anger and disappointment. “That’s not being a friend Chanyeol.” Chanyeol flinched at the lack of honorifics. Kyungsoo had always been very well mannered. “For fuck’s sake! Sehun is an adult and can take of himself! That’s being a fucking lovesick puppy that would sacrifice everything for his stupid idea of romance. It’s pathetic.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes averted from the snow globe to Chanyeol. It made the elder lower his head, breathing in every word the smaller boy spoke. It hurt. It hurt very much. He knew Kyungsoo was right yet he refused to acknowledge that fact. He knew very well how much he was sacrificing yet he refused to accede that one day, everything might just be for his stupid idea of romance. Chanyeol chose to retaliate. He chose to create a façade that maybe he could use against the younger’s words that wounded his already injured heart and ego.
“It’s not, okay! You don’t know anything!”
The younger’s eyes got even darker, hands slowly curling into fists. If Chanyeol just wasn’t pretending some sort of martyr, trying to prove his point, he would’ve already fallen on his already shaking knees. Who said he wouldn’t make it as an actor? He thought he was doing rather well keeping up his façade. Chanyeol chewed his lower lip. Kyungsoo was right, it was pathetic.
Things happened unexpectedly. Kyungsoo’s eyes started falling.
“You’re wrong Chanyeol. Very wrong.” The boy sobbed, eyes darting somewhere up the colorful sky. Sunset suddenly became a little too dramatic. “I know. Because Jongin would do the same thing for me. He already did. Romance really is pathetic.”
Kyungsoo walked away. Chanyeol would usually find it very amusing how the younger walked into the setting sun yet the he couldn’t seem to lift whatever was making his whole being so heavy. He knew Kyungsoo was right. Chanyeol didn’t care. Chanyeol’s decision would never change. Chanyeol would never leave Sehun.
Again, things happened unexpectedly.
Unexpected things could change the future.
Unexpected changes could alter an unyielding decision.
A love sick puppy’s stupid idea of a romance really was pathetic.
“Left, alone, in the loneliness, so confused, so broken. Dark clouds pass, so unforgiving. What will I do now?”
A familiar tune played from this thing he called an ipod. Chanyeol didn’t have to bet anymore, he knew it was expensive. He got it the past year for his birthday.
The word birthday made him release a dry chuckle. A word filled with clichés and broken promises.
It would take him about eleven hours to get to Paris, he should sleep.
****
>>
# of chapters: 5 ( + prologue and epilogue )
Word Count: 24, 045
Pairing: ChanHun | KaiSoo | HunHan | KrisHan
Bands: EXO (main) | Super Junior (side)
Rating: PG
Warning: character death | mention pf suicide
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Summary: The brown, leather bound journal had five hundred pages filled with infinite words of affection that would last for eternity, beyond dreams and perfection - words that would continually become a mocking bird and soar above the horizon, chasing a falcon without caring about the cliff at the end of the labyrinth because yes, mocking birds could also fly.
A/N: cross-posted on AFF
<<
Chapter II: Clichés
“I told you cashews are off limits. I figured you’d still eat some. Epinephrine’s in the drawer under the TV. Use the green one. Don’t forget to call 119. Please don’t die from anaphylaxis you big ball of idiocy!”
Sehun wanted to grin, if not for the lack of air from his system and the swelling of his lips that was rapidly spreading to his whole body, he would really laugh so hard he would cry. The blue sticky note under the can of cashews that he dropped as soon as his face started itching and his lungs started heaving for air was making his heart flutter and clench at the same time. Maybe it was the anaphylaxis. A familiar, sloppy, penmanship, written in red ink was screaming at his face. It was charming yet painful. Sehun thought it was bittersweet. Maybe it really was the anaphylaxis.
Sehun didn’t laugh, yet tears still started rolling down his cheeks as he stabbed his left arm with the needle. He forgot to call 119. He would live. He knew nobody would care anyway. Kyungsoo would probably strangle him if the elder finds out but didn’t really care. Joonmyun would probably have a heart attack. Jongdae might give him a smack in the head and probably shed some tears over the unused pranks the elder planned for him. He loved his friends yet everything just suddenly became a little bit irrelevant for Oh Sehun. He just wanted to be alone. He was used to it anyway. I mean, how long had it been? Six months? A whole year? Sehun lost count after half a month of finding random sticky notes in their apartment, saving his life quite a few times.
Sehun wanted to laugh once more. Their apartment. Too cliché, he thought. He should really start calling that place his. He had been living alone for quite a while now. He remembered one of his professors - Kim Heechul - saying that clichés are what ruins a person’s ability to grow. He still thinks that professor Kim is maniac disguised as a professor. The dean, Professor Park (some students call him Leeteuk; Sehun never really figured out why), said Professor Kim was just unique. Sehun thinks those two are together. Another cliché. Sehun finally chuckled. Sehun also once thought two people were together, he regretted it.
Sehun started thinking. What happens after a dose of EpiPen? Drowsiness startwd hitting him. Right. Sleep.
“Don’t forget to go to your room after the shot. Don’t be an idiot and drop dead on the floor. You’ll catch a cold.” Another blue sticky note was plastered on the green box. Tears kept flowing. Too much clichés in one day, yet he was so used to it. He started wondering how many sticky notes were still left hidden. Kyungsoo probably found some while he was cleaning. Sehun hoped the elder didn’t throw them. He would really love to read those post-its himself. Even though most of them just constantly reminded him of how much of a moron he was. Even though most of them were just perpetual reminder of what he had lost.
Sehun walked, groggily, towards his room, hesitantly glancing at the door down the hall. It looked normal, just minus the usual scrambling accompanied with curses spoken by a clumsy giant. He shook his head, turning the knob on his door.
It was five o’clock at night or the afternoon. He really could point out.
The sun sets.
*****
“Chanyeol-ah! Come back!” His mother’s voice echoed inside their house as he ran down the street.
Park Chanyeol, yet again, skipped another art lesson from his grandfather. Don’t get him wrong, Chanyeol loved his grandpa but not enough to suffer two hours of listening to how to mold a lump of mud into a cup that he would probably just break two seconds after. He was from a family that was well-known for their art. His grandpa was once a great ceramic artist. His father was a painter. His mother was a curator. His sister was in college, studying fashion design. Chanyeol, the youngest and only boy, was different. He liked music. He liked movies. He planned to go to Seoul Arts University and study about directing musicals. His mother said he was just twelve; maybe his mind would change at some point. Chanyeol doubted it.
“Hey.” A familiar voice greeted him when he stuck his head out of the bush he had been struggling to get pass through in the last five minutes. It was the only entrance to his secret hideaway - a vacant lot, surrounded by huge Japanese red pines and cherry blossoms. It was secluded yet refreshing. His friend, Minseok, said it was creepy. Chanyeol thought it was just perfect.
“Hi!” He chirped and hopped towards the boy.
Oh Sehun. A transferee. A few years younger than he was. The boy had black hair that turned into a beautiful shade of brown under the sun. His eyes were shaped like the crescent moon and always looked sleepy. His nose was a little too big, and a little too round yet looked almost perfect. His lips were thin and looked weird when he smiles. His cheekbones looked flat yet protrude whenever he laughs. His arms and legs were scrawny and pale. He looked sick sometimes. Chanyeol found everything about the boy adorable.
“You’re gonna be my little brother!” He declared the first time he found a random boy in his secret hideaway. The boy just frowned in protest yet didn’t say anything. He laid his hand in front of the boy, and was disappointed when the younger just frowned even more and answered his gesture with a disgusted “What is that?” He just grinned and replied. “It’s called a handshake. We hold hands and shake them.” He grabbed the boy’s hand and exaggeratedly shook it with his own. “Nice meeting you.” The boy just chuckled and muttered. “What a dork.”
“Skipped your class with Grandpa Park again?” The boy asked, eyes fixed on his little device he called an ipod. Sehun said it was gift from his father for his birthday. Chanyeol bet it was expensive. Sehun just shrugged and offered to share his earphone. “You’re gonna be in trouble again when you get home.”
Chanyeol just grinned. He could imagine how his grandpa’s face would be when he gets home for dinner. “He’ll be okay.” He even added.
Sehun just shook his head, thinking of how Park Chanyeol was older than him. Park Chanyeol was an over-grown five year old. He was too tall for his age, yet too childish to be twelve. His hair was jet black and just plain boring. His legs were too long for his brain to reach, making him the clumsiest person ever walked on the planet. His eyes were round and always twinkling. His lips were pink and a little plump. His nose was just in between pointed and round but nicely shaped. His skin was fair and turns red after a few hours under the sun. His voice was constantly drifting from deep to cracked - puberty the elder would say. Sehun thought Park Chanyeol was a little too goofy looking.
Park Chanyeol, apparently was also very smart. Like book smart, not life-smart. He was the top student in his grade level and could play various instruments while solving mathematical equations in his head. Sehun was the total opposite. He was too lazy to do anything that was related to the word school. Anything that included numbers and letters made his head spin and his stomach churn. He transferred from Seoul to Gwangyang because of his father’s business. Sehun hated everything about Gwangyang - except for Chanyeol and Soccer. He went to school to play soccer and went straight to Chanyeol’s secret hideaway to play with the elder.
A white line of lightning cracked the dark sky. A droplet of water felt wet cold on the tip of Chanyeol’s nose.
“Hey it’s raining. We should go home.”
Thunder roared.
“I am home though.”
“What?”
“This is our backyard.”
“Okay?” Chanyeol muttered, sarcastically with a hint of disbelief.
“Let’s go!” Oh Sehun smiled, eyes turning into slits, and grabbed his wrist, dragging him into what seemed like an endless pathway towards a house that looked a lot like a castle. The house was made of bricks and had a huge mahogany door. The porch fence was in between the shade of black and gray, adorned by what looked like a climbing rose - dawn and dusk rose and clematis. The windows were as big as the front door of their house. Chanyeol knew that Sehun was rich, but he never really expected that his best friend owned a castle.
The air smelled cold and thick as the rain pounded harshly against the roof. Chanyeol tried to ignore the humidity and how his hair started feeling a little too stiff for his liking and focused on how warm his finger felt inside the pockets of the oversized pajamas he was wearing. The butler, Mr. Go, said the pair was owned by Sehun’s older brother.
The creaky, heavy mahogany door opened. Chanyeol stretched his neck. He tried to smile but ended up looking a lot like he was constipated.
“You okay?” The boy in blue and red plaid pajamas raised his brow.
“And you said my life is boring.”
“Don’t judge. I don’t buy my clothes.”
“You look a lot like you’re in your twenties.”
“At least I don’t wear spongebob underwear.”
Chanyeol’s argument suddenly became invalid.
“Don’t judge.” He replied, mocking Sehun’s tone.
Laughter suddenly filled the entire room, harmonizing with the pouring rain and roaring thunder. Chanyeol thought it was amazing. How Sehun’s laugh sounded so perfect and heartwarming on a rainy Friday night. How the boy’s pale skin created a beautiful contrast with the dim light and constant flashing of lightning. How the boy’s tiny eyes were making him feel all stuffy yet fluffy inside. Chanyeol thought Oh Sehun was amazing.
“Here.” Sehun handed him a box, sloppily wrapped with a red gift wrapper and a very random blue-ish ribbon on top. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he should take the box or not. Sehun could be a little bit of a prankster. “It’s my gift for your birthday you idiot.” The younger clarified when he saw the look on Chanyeol’s eyes. He didnt blame the elder. The last time he gave him a box, there was live spider inside it and Chanyeol went home crying. Sehun didn’t have best friend for a week.
“My birthday’s not until next week?”
“I know. It’s thanksgiving in America and my Hyung is there. Mom and Dad want to visit him for the holiday. We’re gonna be there for about a week and a half.”
“Oh.” Chanyeol mumbled sordidly, almost a little too disappointed that the boy wouldn’t be there with him to celebrate his thirteenth birthday. Chanyeol just bit his lip, trying to form another smile on his lips. His efforts didn’t go to waste, yet the smile just made his eyes looked like he was about to cry. He focused on the box in his hand and started slowly unwrapping the package. He really didn’t know why, birthdays had always been a big deal to him. Maybe because his birthday was the only day he felt special.
“Sehun-ah.”
“Mmmm?”
“Promise me.”
“Yeah?”
“On my next birthdays, we will celebrate it together. All of them.”
The boy chuckled, grabbing his hand and forcibly sticking his pinky finger out.
“I promise.” Sehun whispered as he entangled his and Chanyeol’s fingers together before they sealed the promise with a hug. “Now open your present.” He added as his hand rested on the elder’s shoulder.
Chanyeol screamed, making Mr. Go barge into Sehun’s room with a fire extinguisher in hand. Sehun just laughed as he pushed the old man out. “We’re okay. We’re okay.” He even added. “Chanyeol-hyung is just happy.”
Oh Sehun gave Park Chanyeol his first video camera. Chanyeol hugged Sehun and jumped around and landed on Sehun’s soft bed.
“You know this is the first time I’ve seen a bed with a roof.”
“You really are an idiot hyung.”
Mr. Go checked up on them around eleven o’clock at night. Chanyeol’s long legs were halfway off the bed. Sehun was sleeping soundly, holding on to Chanyeol’s arm as if it’s his lifeline.
*****
“Chanyeol-ssi”
Chanyeol jumped at a sudden feeling of a hand on his shoulder. Nobody really knew him in their university and his friends were not exactly discreet enough to just tap his shoulder and call out his name. They would usually either punch him, trip him, or take his glasses and run away - making him trip over and bump into everything and everyone as he chase the thief. He was not entirely sure why but he seemed to be the new subject of every pranks his friends made that year. The year beforewas Joonmyeon. One time Jongdae and Kyungsoo tricked him into joining a musical. “You’re just gonna be a tree. You’re just gonna stand there and do nothing.” The tree apparently had to dance every time it would hear music. Jongdae and Kyungsoo disappeared with his clothes after the performance. Sehun wouldn’t stop laughing as they took the bus home. Chanyeol was only wearing a robe. Good thing it was summer. He found a box of cherry Danish, along with his neatly folded green sweatshirt and jeans at his doorstep the next day. He would bet his life it was from Kyungsoo. Jongdae didn’t have a decency to apologize for anything.
Chanyeol scrunched his nose, thinking of the pranks his friends had set up for him.
“Chanyeol-ssi” The voice called out his name again. The voice was not familiar yet not strange. It was accompanied by a thick accent he had very well heard before. Zitao had it, so did Luhan and Kris. Chinese. The voice was also very shy and a little raspy. Chanyeol somehow found it very amusing. He craned his neck and was met by a familiar face. Standing there was an elder boy, with awkwardly short light brown hair, scrawny arms and eyes on the ground. The elder was holding a small bag in hand and was sporting a shy smile.
“Yixing right?” He cocked his head. “Zhang Yixing-ssi? From the dance department? Sehun’s ex?” He asked just to make sure.
The Chinese’s eyes looked like they were gonna pop out as his fingers twitch and waved his hands, a little to exaggerated, in front of Chanyeol.
“No no no no. That was a misunderstanding.” Yixing murmurs, looking at his feet again. “I only went with Sehun to practice our routine for our assignment. It wasn’t like that with me and him.”
“Oh.” Chanyeol chuckles. “I’m sorry. I think scared you that night then?”
Yixing just profusely shakes his head. “No. I just uhm .. “
“Mmm?”
“I’m just really shy and not good with people. Especially..” The elder trailed off.
“Especially?”
Yixing just stood in silence, contemplating if he should keep talking or just run away and throw himself off a mouth of a very active volcano. His heart thumped erratically in his chest as his fingers fondled the strings of the small bag he was holding. He saved up half of his paychecks for it. He didn’t really make much from teaching kids in a small, shabby, dance studio in Jongno. His rent ate up more than half of his biweekly paychecks and the bills weren’t really helping either. Yixing was not really sure if he should still continue with his plan. Zhou Mi, his boss, would definitely kick his ass if he didn’t.
“Nothing.” He mumbled. “Just .. uhm .. here. Congratulations.” He shove the small bag into Chanyeol’s chest, making the taller clutch his gift before Yixing managed to run away in a very disturbingly quick manner, cheeks flushed.
“Congratulations huh?” A familiar voice made Chanyeol, for the second time in the last half hour, jump. “I think that guy has a crush on you.” The familiar voice even added with a chuckle.
Chanyeol just elbowed the smaller man beside him, making the younger groin, sporting a very fake hurt expression. “He’s just congratulating me. We don’t even personally know each other.”
Kyungsoo just looked at him with mock written all over his round eyes, making Chanyeol feel a little uncomfortable. The younger wasn’t really much of a prankster; he was far too gentle to be one - even though everybody knew that they should distance themselves when Kyusngoo was mad. On regular days, Do Kyungsoo was very placid and usually the only sane one in their group of friends. He would usually be the one to remind everybody of how a normal human being should actually act - that Chanyeol should not chew with his mouth hanging open, that Baekhyun should stop practicing until the wee hours of the night, that Jongdae should quit being an idiot for a few seconds, and Sehun to stop screwing his life around.
“Sure he was.” The younger mumbled sarcastically. “What is he congratulating you for then?”
Chanyeol stood frozen for a second. He really didn’t know what to tell Kyungsoo. It was supposed to be a secret, something that should never be brought up. Chanyeol wasn’t really ashamed of what he achieved yet it also wasn’t something that he would like to flaunt. It was actually quite a big of an accomplishment to be honest. Only one students from the whole film department could get what Chanyeol got yet he refused to acknowledge it. He only joined the contest for the challenge, and constant bickering from his Advance Directing professor - Choi Siwon, a tall, muscular and very skinship motivated guy. He never really thought that he would win.
“Nothing.” He just shrugged and tried to drift his attention to the small gift bag he was holding. There was small card hanging loosely on one of the strings. The word congratulations! was neatly written on it, followed by some scribbles that looked like Chinese characters that Chanyeol couldn’t seem to comprehend what exactly meant. Inside the bag was a bunch of crumpled green and white tissues and a musical snow globe with a boy under a tree, holding a camera. Deep down the bag was also a note, written on a small paper with delicate patterns drawn on the sides for its border.
“I didn’t know what to get for you but the snow globe just reminded me of you as soon as I saw it. Sorry it’s not much.” Chanyeol read out loud.
Kyungsoo snapped his fingers, eyes twinkling. “Yep! Definitely an admirer!”
“Kyungsoo-ah!” Deep voice whined.
“What? Just saying.” Kyungsoo just chuckled and averted his eyes to the word written on the small card hanging on the bag. It looked very distracting and had been calling his attention. “Seriously though, what is he congratulating you for? I want to know so I can be happy for you too. Maybe I’ll cook something special tonight. We’ll celebrate!” The younger even added, voice grazed with excitement. Kyungsoo loved celebrations.
“I told you it’s nothing.” Chanyeol lied. “Just a small contest in the filmmaking department. I got the first prize.” That part was not a lie, except for where he said that it was just a small contest. Kyungsoo refused to believe the elder. Chanyeol had this habit of looking at different directions while unconsciously swaying body when he’s either nervous or lying. Sehun told Kyungsoo about it one time when the boy decided to randomly go downstairs to Kyungsoo’s and Jongdae’s shared apartment, curl up into Kyungsoo’s bed and started talking about random things that very much included their goofy giant of a friend, Park Chanyeol.
“You know you will never make it as an actor right?” Kyungsoo chuckled, snatching the snow globe from Chanyeol’s hand and gently shook it. A very calming music started playing. Kyungsoo was very much familiar with the tune - it was the song in one of the games Jongin was playing, The Legend of Zelda was the name or something like that. He decided to hum along with the globe as he stared at his friend. He started wondering why Chanyeol was very hesitant about telling him his own achievement. Usually, the elder would jump around in circles and scream on top of his lungs while shaking whatever, or whoever comes in his arm’s reach. “Chaneyol-hyung. Is something wrong?” He finally asked, bothered by how the elder’s usually playful eyes looked much worn out.
Chanyeol just stared at Kyungsoo for a moment. It might seem really stupid but he really wasn’t sure what to do. He decided to talk. Maybe Kyungsoo could help him. Kyungsoo had always been good at helping him out with his petty miseries. Kyungsoo was also the only breathing person that knew about his decade old crush on his best friend. Mr. Go also knew about it, the old man passed away after they graduated middle school. Maybe Kyungsoo could really help, although he already knew to himself that his first decision wouldn’t really change anymore.
“Remember that digital film I was working on where I asked you, Jongdae-hyung and Baekhyun-hyung to sing a few tunes for?” Kyungsoo nodded with eyes again, plastered on the snow globe. “I submitted that for my entry for the Film Festival that was held last week. I won.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened with every word that escaped Chanyeol’s lips. Every syllable rung inside his head as his heart burst with joy and overwhelming mix of every single emotion he could think of at the moment. Their university’s Film Festival, with what he heard from Chanyeol, was an event the Film department held every three years around late October. It gave the students chances to explore more things about filmmaking. The event usually consisted of conventions, booths, free food, games, and competitions. The biggest one was of course, filmmaking wherein the student would be the whole production team - the writer, the director, cameraman, the stage and costume designer, musical director, everything - the only exception would probably be the characters in the short movies. Kyungsoo remembered Chanyeol disappearing for a few days working one something the younger never really told anybody about - not even Sehun, which was totally bizarre. Nobody asked any more questions. And Chanyeol, their giant goof of a friend, Park Chanyeol, won the biggest competition in the Film department.
“Are you serious?!”
Chanyeol nodded.
Kyungsoo, literally, jumped towards the elder, muttering incoherent sentences. Chanyeol guessed the younger was reciting the recipes he would cook to celebrate Chanyeol’s win. It made Chanyeol feel a pang of guilt in his chest.
“Kyungsoo-ah.” Chanyeol gently pried the overly excited boy hanging onto him off him. “I didnt accept the award.”
The younger’s outburst suddenly went cold, as well as his round eyes. Chanyeol almost wanted to dig a hole right where he was standing just burry himself in there forever. He already figured he would get the exact reaction if he told his friends about what he did. The exact reason why he decided to just keep it a secret. He was a nobody in their university anyway, he was pretty sure that there wouldn’t be any rumors about it. Zhang Yixing, giving him a congratulatory gift, was totally out of his calculations.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why?!” Kyungsoo’s voice climbed an octave, it made Chanyeol flinch.
“Because accepting the award would mean accepting the prize that came with it.”
“What prize?”
“A scholarship at La Femis.”
“The fuck is that?”
“In France Kyungsoo. And you know I can’t ..” Chanyeol’s voice cracked as he trailed off. “You know I can’t .. “
Kyungsoo’s jaw clenched, eyes turning darker with every second. Chanyeol wasn’t surprised. The younger was never really a fan of his martyrdom. Kyungsoo cared a lot about his friends, but he cared about Chanyeol the most. Not because the elder was a little too dumb and naïve for his age but because Park Chanyeol was very selfless especially when it came to Oh Sehun. Kyungsoo thought it was ridiculous. Don’t get him wrong, he loved Sehun the same, but really, Chanyeol’s altruism towards his best friend was just really stupid.
“Why?!”
“You know my reasons Kyungsoo-ah. Sehun needs me. I’m the only one he has left. I can’t leave him. He needs his best friend.”
Kyungsoo let out a bitter chuckle, filled with anger and disappointment. “That’s not being a friend Chanyeol.” Chanyeol flinched at the lack of honorifics. Kyungsoo had always been very well mannered. “For fuck’s sake! Sehun is an adult and can take of himself! That’s being a fucking lovesick puppy that would sacrifice everything for his stupid idea of romance. It’s pathetic.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes averted from the snow globe to Chanyeol. It made the elder lower his head, breathing in every word the smaller boy spoke. It hurt. It hurt very much. He knew Kyungsoo was right yet he refused to acknowledge that fact. He knew very well how much he was sacrificing yet he refused to accede that one day, everything might just be for his stupid idea of romance. Chanyeol chose to retaliate. He chose to create a façade that maybe he could use against the younger’s words that wounded his already injured heart and ego.
“It’s not, okay! You don’t know anything!”
The younger’s eyes got even darker, hands slowly curling into fists. If Chanyeol just wasn’t pretending some sort of martyr, trying to prove his point, he would’ve already fallen on his already shaking knees. Who said he wouldn’t make it as an actor? He thought he was doing rather well keeping up his façade. Chanyeol chewed his lower lip. Kyungsoo was right, it was pathetic.
Things happened unexpectedly. Kyungsoo’s eyes started falling.
“You’re wrong Chanyeol. Very wrong.” The boy sobbed, eyes darting somewhere up the colorful sky. Sunset suddenly became a little too dramatic. “I know. Because Jongin would do the same thing for me. He already did. Romance really is pathetic.”
Kyungsoo walked away. Chanyeol would usually find it very amusing how the younger walked into the setting sun yet the he couldn’t seem to lift whatever was making his whole being so heavy. He knew Kyungsoo was right. Chanyeol didn’t care. Chanyeol’s decision would never change. Chanyeol would never leave Sehun.
Again, things happened unexpectedly.
Unexpected things could change the future.
Unexpected changes could alter an unyielding decision.
A love sick puppy’s stupid idea of a romance really was pathetic.
“Left, alone, in the loneliness, so confused, so broken. Dark clouds pass, so unforgiving. What will I do now?”
A familiar tune played from this thing he called an ipod. Chanyeol didn’t have to bet anymore, he knew it was expensive. He got it the past year for his birthday.
The word birthday made him release a dry chuckle. A word filled with clichés and broken promises.
It would take him about eleven hours to get to Paris, he should sleep.
****
>>