Reflections upon turning 18
DISCLAIMER: This entry was written over the course of a couple of days
Wow, it's amazing how fast time goes, and how quick we burn the different stages of our lives. Almost without realizing about it, I find myself being legally an adult. Is the change that big? No, but talking to different people, I found that even though the actual change is not big, turning 18 brings some sort of depression due to the fact that we expect it to be such a big change. It's something unconscious, but I think we all expect something big to happen. Unfortunately, change takes time, and from dusk to dawn nothing will change that drastically.
I'm talking about this because it's what I feel today, July 27th, 2006. I'm spending the one day that is supposed to be special in everyone's life... alone. And I'm wondering why, and I can't find answers. How did everything got ruined so quick? About a month ago, I was probably the happiest person. Today, a month later, for a wide array of reasons, I feel empty, and therefore depressed. I've talked to different people lately about the different important aspects of life. About the failure of my so-called relationship with this girl, about the prospect of studying for a future, about friendship, about loyalty, about trust and about happiness. It sounds like a lot of stuff to consider in such a short period of time, but considering the stuff I've been through in the last month, I think I really needed those conversations. I'll probably change quickly. I'm seeing a lot of stuff that right now it's getting me really angry, and that is making me frustrated.
I think I have the ability to know when someone is telling me something to help, or if they're just trying to just get away from the situation. I also put a lot more weigh on the opinions of those who have lived a certain amount of things. Even though I keep wanting to listening to her, I have to understand that it's not the best thing to me. Why? Simply because my head and my heart tell me to doubt someone with the ability to "fold feelings and put them away as if they were a piece of paper" (thanks Viv). I need to start listening to different people. Go back to the roots, to my people. To the people that truly give a damn about me. And if there’s one thing she was right about is this: I was wrong, there are people who care about me, let me expand on that
When I started writing this entry, I had been crying because my plans had been crashed, because only my grandmas from Argentina had called me for my b-day and because I was feeling extremely empty and alone. But suddenly, something happened. One of those events that make me feel like God (or some superior being) does exist, and that he listens to prayers and such. A bit after 12:30, my cellphone rings. I was expecting it to be Y calling to tell how he could not solve his issue, or something like that. When I checked the phone and read “Brad”, I was surprised. On the other side, Brad Ivanicki started telling me how he saw it was my birthday on myspace and how he wanted to wish me a happy b-day, because a lot of people called him on his and he said it made him feel really well. All of a sudden, that feeling of emptiness was gone. I didn’t need anything else. I didn’t need her call, I didn’t need any other calls. That call, from someone I didn’t know that well, literally made my day. He noted I was down, and he invited me to lunch. He told me to meet him at golden spoon, and from there he drove me to chilly’s, where we had lunch with Jon Lee. The guy had worked the night before and had to work at 5:30 that day (for those who don’t work, it’s kinda hard doing anything before going to work other than staying at home resting, at least that’s how I see it), but he still found time to make me feel special on a day that IS supposed to be special. And that freakin’ meant a lot to me. We had lunch, we talked, we laughed, it was awesome. He paid for the meal, which wasn’t cheap at all, we hung out for a while, and then he had to go. As he left, he left behind a different person. A person that felt appreciated and happy, the way everyone should feel on their one special day of the year.
The rest of the day was cool, I hung out with Y and Jon, got awesome presents, and capped off the night by playing tennis doubles with Jon against Y and Franco. I’ll remember this match because I’ve never played/lost a best of out of 5 sets… (score: 5-7, 3-6, 4-6… put on your goddamn contacts Jon!). However, the incident with Brad was the highlight of my day, because it was different and unexpected.
Since I’m in the mood of writing and I don’t feel sleepy though I just worked 6 hrs, I’m gonna expand on a couple of other things.
We don’t really pay attention to phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “God acts in mysterious ways”. Well, I can’t help but think that God sent Brad to save my day, and to save my belief in friendship. Brad told me that his philosophy is that everything happens for a reason, and he applied it to the failed relationship. I really want to think that, on the long run, it’ll be the best thing for me, even though it’s still hard to convince myself of that. I guess time will really heal, and that I’ll move on. I don’t hate anyone and I don’t regret anything, but I would never again be with someone who isn’t willing to reflect back all the love I give, or someone who gave me the worst news I’ve ever received, through a computer program. I’m not saying I’ll think twice, I’m really open to failing again, but I won’t get caught up on the same trap. A trap where you give everything for the other person’s welfare and the only thing you get back is ingratitude. Go me for loving her so much and for wanting the best for her!!!
I’d like to hear what people think about some of my thoughts expressed above. I’ll really appreciate it, I hope someone reads it and shares their views with me. Thanks for reading if you did, I know it was long, but hey, do it as a late b-day present :P
Rodrigo Azurmendi
Wow, it's amazing how fast time goes, and how quick we burn the different stages of our lives. Almost without realizing about it, I find myself being legally an adult. Is the change that big? No, but talking to different people, I found that even though the actual change is not big, turning 18 brings some sort of depression due to the fact that we expect it to be such a big change. It's something unconscious, but I think we all expect something big to happen. Unfortunately, change takes time, and from dusk to dawn nothing will change that drastically.
I'm talking about this because it's what I feel today, July 27th, 2006. I'm spending the one day that is supposed to be special in everyone's life... alone. And I'm wondering why, and I can't find answers. How did everything got ruined so quick? About a month ago, I was probably the happiest person. Today, a month later, for a wide array of reasons, I feel empty, and therefore depressed. I've talked to different people lately about the different important aspects of life. About the failure of my so-called relationship with this girl, about the prospect of studying for a future, about friendship, about loyalty, about trust and about happiness. It sounds like a lot of stuff to consider in such a short period of time, but considering the stuff I've been through in the last month, I think I really needed those conversations. I'll probably change quickly. I'm seeing a lot of stuff that right now it's getting me really angry, and that is making me frustrated.
I think I have the ability to know when someone is telling me something to help, or if they're just trying to just get away from the situation. I also put a lot more weigh on the opinions of those who have lived a certain amount of things. Even though I keep wanting to listening to her, I have to understand that it's not the best thing to me. Why? Simply because my head and my heart tell me to doubt someone with the ability to "fold feelings and put them away as if they were a piece of paper" (thanks Viv). I need to start listening to different people. Go back to the roots, to my people. To the people that truly give a damn about me. And if there’s one thing she was right about is this: I was wrong, there are people who care about me, let me expand on that
When I started writing this entry, I had been crying because my plans had been crashed, because only my grandmas from Argentina had called me for my b-day and because I was feeling extremely empty and alone. But suddenly, something happened. One of those events that make me feel like God (or some superior being) does exist, and that he listens to prayers and such. A bit after 12:30, my cellphone rings. I was expecting it to be Y calling to tell how he could not solve his issue, or something like that. When I checked the phone and read “Brad”, I was surprised. On the other side, Brad Ivanicki started telling me how he saw it was my birthday on myspace and how he wanted to wish me a happy b-day, because a lot of people called him on his and he said it made him feel really well. All of a sudden, that feeling of emptiness was gone. I didn’t need anything else. I didn’t need her call, I didn’t need any other calls. That call, from someone I didn’t know that well, literally made my day. He noted I was down, and he invited me to lunch. He told me to meet him at golden spoon, and from there he drove me to chilly’s, where we had lunch with Jon Lee. The guy had worked the night before and had to work at 5:30 that day (for those who don’t work, it’s kinda hard doing anything before going to work other than staying at home resting, at least that’s how I see it), but he still found time to make me feel special on a day that IS supposed to be special. And that freakin’ meant a lot to me. We had lunch, we talked, we laughed, it was awesome. He paid for the meal, which wasn’t cheap at all, we hung out for a while, and then he had to go. As he left, he left behind a different person. A person that felt appreciated and happy, the way everyone should feel on their one special day of the year.
The rest of the day was cool, I hung out with Y and Jon, got awesome presents, and capped off the night by playing tennis doubles with Jon against Y and Franco. I’ll remember this match because I’ve never played/lost a best of out of 5 sets… (score: 5-7, 3-6, 4-6… put on your goddamn contacts Jon!). However, the incident with Brad was the highlight of my day, because it was different and unexpected.
Since I’m in the mood of writing and I don’t feel sleepy though I just worked 6 hrs, I’m gonna expand on a couple of other things.
We don’t really pay attention to phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “God acts in mysterious ways”. Well, I can’t help but think that God sent Brad to save my day, and to save my belief in friendship. Brad told me that his philosophy is that everything happens for a reason, and he applied it to the failed relationship. I really want to think that, on the long run, it’ll be the best thing for me, even though it’s still hard to convince myself of that. I guess time will really heal, and that I’ll move on. I don’t hate anyone and I don’t regret anything, but I would never again be with someone who isn’t willing to reflect back all the love I give, or someone who gave me the worst news I’ve ever received, through a computer program. I’m not saying I’ll think twice, I’m really open to failing again, but I won’t get caught up on the same trap. A trap where you give everything for the other person’s welfare and the only thing you get back is ingratitude. Go me for loving her so much and for wanting the best for her!!!
I’d like to hear what people think about some of my thoughts expressed above. I’ll really appreciate it, I hope someone reads it and shares their views with me. Thanks for reading if you did, I know it was long, but hey, do it as a late b-day present :P
Rodrigo Azurmendi