Climate Change and You
Although it is never my intention to be succinct, it seems that for once i shall be less than roundabout: in this, my response to climate change.
The issue, as it were, is one that affects all of us, and it is not in either the best interests of this piece, or myself that i go into in great detail, as it has already been described and debated from much grander (or perhaps more grandiose) perspectives than my own. As such i do not intend to give a full and far-reaching overview of the issue itself, nor will I offer large-scale strategies for it, rather I choose to address this issue from a personal perspective in the hope that some of those interested parties will come down off their high horses and make the simple concessions that i propose in this piece.
Know that i am no stranger to the false affirmation, the empty promise, the doomed resolution, setting goals has ever been an issue for me because of the simple human desire that i harbour: the desire not to fail. As such i recognize that a small goal is best and in this recognition i deem to follow anna's example, making concessions to which i may already partially adhere and/or which may assist me in the fulfilment of an already existing ulterior motive or goal.
My concessions are as follows
1. To avoid strenuous physical movement or excercise:
these dread activities increase the rate at which my physical shell respires,
increasing the rate at which i convert all-precious oxygen into near-worthless carbon
dioxide
2. To replace, wherever possible, a meal containing the ever-inefficient meat with an
alcoholic, vegetable-based beverage of similar energy constituency:
there has been enough discussion of the evil of beef that you should all understand
what i'm getting at, why not instead of a filthy, roast methane-machine flank, turn
to man's oldest friend: alcohol. Be it beer, vodka or (if you really must) a bottle
of cabernet sauvignon: it's made directly from those lovely, sustainable grain,
vegetable and fruit crops and has sufficient energy, in either carbs or alcohol to
keep you alive. With fruit liqeur every third day for your vitamin c, you've got all
the makings of a balanced diet, combined with the delightful ability to be too drunk
to care what it tastes like.
3. To refrain from agitation wherever possible and remain "mellow":
This is again simply to reduce the oxygen converted by way of respiration, it is a
fact that people in an agitated state consume more oxygen and as such, maintaining an
apathetic, lazy attitude is key to the survival of our planet, now i appreciate that
some people are just not as mellowed out as they could be and encourage everyone,
myself included to take...herbal supplements...to remedy this, however, i must ask
them not to smoke, herbal supplements or otherwise as it would in many ways work
contrary to the cause, instead i would ask everyone to engage in some very mellow
baking to be used as the method for absorbing these "herbal supplements"
There you go.
This is rodrigo's three-step guide to minimizing your own impact on climate change and while some of you may call it overly succinct, trite and not indicative of a great deal of thought or effort, you yourself are burning up oxygen faster than ten cows, proposing grandiose solutions and making unrealistic promises and i would just like to make it perfectly clear that that while i don't expect any of you to sustain your vows to eat your dead, replace beef with tofu without having to brush away a tear from the corner of your eye, drink your own urine or whatever infernally inspired ideas you have concocted, I am more than completely confident in my own ability to
1. laze about,
2. get drunk and
3. eat hash cookies
The issue, as it were, is one that affects all of us, and it is not in either the best interests of this piece, or myself that i go into in great detail, as it has already been described and debated from much grander (or perhaps more grandiose) perspectives than my own. As such i do not intend to give a full and far-reaching overview of the issue itself, nor will I offer large-scale strategies for it, rather I choose to address this issue from a personal perspective in the hope that some of those interested parties will come down off their high horses and make the simple concessions that i propose in this piece.
Know that i am no stranger to the false affirmation, the empty promise, the doomed resolution, setting goals has ever been an issue for me because of the simple human desire that i harbour: the desire not to fail. As such i recognize that a small goal is best and in this recognition i deem to follow anna's example, making concessions to which i may already partially adhere and/or which may assist me in the fulfilment of an already existing ulterior motive or goal.
My concessions are as follows
1. To avoid strenuous physical movement or excercise:
these dread activities increase the rate at which my physical shell respires,
increasing the rate at which i convert all-precious oxygen into near-worthless carbon
dioxide
2. To replace, wherever possible, a meal containing the ever-inefficient meat with an
alcoholic, vegetable-based beverage of similar energy constituency:
there has been enough discussion of the evil of beef that you should all understand
what i'm getting at, why not instead of a filthy, roast methane-machine flank, turn
to man's oldest friend: alcohol. Be it beer, vodka or (if you really must) a bottle
of cabernet sauvignon: it's made directly from those lovely, sustainable grain,
vegetable and fruit crops and has sufficient energy, in either carbs or alcohol to
keep you alive. With fruit liqeur every third day for your vitamin c, you've got all
the makings of a balanced diet, combined with the delightful ability to be too drunk
to care what it tastes like.
3. To refrain from agitation wherever possible and remain "mellow":
This is again simply to reduce the oxygen converted by way of respiration, it is a
fact that people in an agitated state consume more oxygen and as such, maintaining an
apathetic, lazy attitude is key to the survival of our planet, now i appreciate that
some people are just not as mellowed out as they could be and encourage everyone,
myself included to take...herbal supplements...to remedy this, however, i must ask
them not to smoke, herbal supplements or otherwise as it would in many ways work
contrary to the cause, instead i would ask everyone to engage in some very mellow
baking to be used as the method for absorbing these "herbal supplements"
There you go.
This is rodrigo's three-step guide to minimizing your own impact on climate change and while some of you may call it overly succinct, trite and not indicative of a great deal of thought or effort, you yourself are burning up oxygen faster than ten cows, proposing grandiose solutions and making unrealistic promises and i would just like to make it perfectly clear that that while i don't expect any of you to sustain your vows to eat your dead, replace beef with tofu without having to brush away a tear from the corner of your eye, drink your own urine or whatever infernally inspired ideas you have concocted, I am more than completely confident in my own ability to
1. laze about,
2. get drunk and
3. eat hash cookies