EM Topic: Write about a time when you were paralyzed by fear.
I won't lie. The day Jillian told me she was pregnant was probably the scariest day of my life. She was nineteen and I was closer to thirty than twenty. She was in school and I was seriously considering a six month commitment to Medecins sans Frontiers which would have taken me to the other side of the world.
But there we were. The two of us, at completely different points in our lives with a positive pregnancy test between us.
What surprised me wasn't the fact that I was afraid. But that I wasn't afraid of fatherhood. I wasn't afraid of making a commitment to Jillian. In that moment what terrified me most was that Jillian wasn't ready to accept being a mother or a wife.
Yeah, I'm old fashioned. I think it's better for a kid to have two parents - together rather than this 'oh we'll just be modern and share custody of our child like some kind of football'. So there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would propose. That I wanted to be with Jillian and our child for the rest of my life.
But in the back of my mind there was this voice that kept saying how young she was. How much of life she still had to lead. How she hadn't finished college yet. How she was beautiful and gifted and might not consider motherhood more important than what the world could offer her.
"What do we do now?"
Five of the scariest words ever. But at least she'd said 'we'. It gave me some hope.
So I told her what I wanted. I wanted a life for the three of us. I was in a position to support a family well. If Jillian wanted a nanny then we'd have one. If she wanted to continue on with school then all she had to do was say the word. Anything that she wanted and it was hers.
I feel very fortunate that she and I wanted the same things: a life together.
I proposed, Jillian accepted and the paralyzing fear subsided.
But there we were. The two of us, at completely different points in our lives with a positive pregnancy test between us.
What surprised me wasn't the fact that I was afraid. But that I wasn't afraid of fatherhood. I wasn't afraid of making a commitment to Jillian. In that moment what terrified me most was that Jillian wasn't ready to accept being a mother or a wife.
Yeah, I'm old fashioned. I think it's better for a kid to have two parents - together rather than this 'oh we'll just be modern and share custody of our child like some kind of football'. So there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would propose. That I wanted to be with Jillian and our child for the rest of my life.
But in the back of my mind there was this voice that kept saying how young she was. How much of life she still had to lead. How she hadn't finished college yet. How she was beautiful and gifted and might not consider motherhood more important than what the world could offer her.
"What do we do now?"
Five of the scariest words ever. But at least she'd said 'we'. It gave me some hope.
So I told her what I wanted. I wanted a life for the three of us. I was in a position to support a family well. If Jillian wanted a nanny then we'd have one. If she wanted to continue on with school then all she had to do was say the word. Anything that she wanted and it was hers.
I feel very fortunate that she and I wanted the same things: a life together.
I proposed, Jillian accepted and the paralyzing fear subsided.