You're going to be one sorry bitch!-What makes you think I'm not already?-I am my own worst enemy...
I think this will be my last post for awhile, if not for forever... To explain, I'm going to share with you an entry from my own personal journal.
----------
March 8th, 2005
I would rather be riding 120 MPH on my bike going the wrong way on Mission...
My mind has been full today. Overloaded really.
I'm sitting alone, smoking a cigarette, writing at Shari's right now...
I fucked up last night. I had the most incredible weekend with Kellee. Just everything about it was so amazing. So amazing that I unwillingly fell in love with her all over again. But you couldn't tell that by the way I handled myself yesterday.
Everything was going fine, even though, as Kellee explained, she woke up irritated. I made a comment that was mostly fueled by my jealousy. And as the night continued, though I didn't want to admit it, my attitude grew more negative. And when I should have just driven away, cooled down, and just blown everything off, I stayed to try and smooth things over with my bad mood.
As if I didn't see it coming, we argued on her front porch for an hour. And I'm incredibly ashamed to say that I completely lost my temper and shoved her. Kellee, you have no idea how sorry I am. No idea.
To make matters worse though, Kellee was directly attacked by someone I considered a friend. Regardless of her reasons, her actions reflect me and made an already bad situation terrible. I know you have to do what you feel you must, but unfortunately I have suffered and will continue to do so.
Needless to say, I think I'm going to be spending some time by myself for awhile. With all of this on my mind today, I am realizing that I have problems. In my relationships, in school... In life in general. I need to figure out how I got so lost and find out what I value in life. Because you know it's bad when you even for a second stop caring and become emotionless. What keeps me going is knowing that I deserve this.
In closing, Kellee, I'm sorry for everything I have done and for everything I have said. I have never intentionally tried to hurt you, but still I have hurt you. You say that I always make myself out to be a victim, and you're right. I now realize how I have wronged you, and I am so sorry. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you can't. Thank you for opening my eyes. And please know that I am always here, and I will always love and care for you.
----------
With that said, I wish you all the best and I hope to be seeing you or hearing from you soon. Good night.
----------
March 8th, 2005
I would rather be riding 120 MPH on my bike going the wrong way on Mission...
My mind has been full today. Overloaded really.
I'm sitting alone, smoking a cigarette, writing at Shari's right now...
I fucked up last night. I had the most incredible weekend with Kellee. Just everything about it was so amazing. So amazing that I unwillingly fell in love with her all over again. But you couldn't tell that by the way I handled myself yesterday.
Everything was going fine, even though, as Kellee explained, she woke up irritated. I made a comment that was mostly fueled by my jealousy. And as the night continued, though I didn't want to admit it, my attitude grew more negative. And when I should have just driven away, cooled down, and just blown everything off, I stayed to try and smooth things over with my bad mood.
As if I didn't see it coming, we argued on her front porch for an hour. And I'm incredibly ashamed to say that I completely lost my temper and shoved her. Kellee, you have no idea how sorry I am. No idea.
To make matters worse though, Kellee was directly attacked by someone I considered a friend. Regardless of her reasons, her actions reflect me and made an already bad situation terrible. I know you have to do what you feel you must, but unfortunately I have suffered and will continue to do so.
Needless to say, I think I'm going to be spending some time by myself for awhile. With all of this on my mind today, I am realizing that I have problems. In my relationships, in school... In life in general. I need to figure out how I got so lost and find out what I value in life. Because you know it's bad when you even for a second stop caring and become emotionless. What keeps me going is knowing that I deserve this.
In closing, Kellee, I'm sorry for everything I have done and for everything I have said. I have never intentionally tried to hurt you, but still I have hurt you. You say that I always make myself out to be a victim, and you're right. I now realize how I have wronged you, and I am so sorry. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you can't. Thank you for opening my eyes. And please know that I am always here, and I will always love and care for you.
----------
With that said, I wish you all the best and I hope to be seeing you or hearing from you soon. Good night.