Things that make me laugh, and birthday fic
This totally made me laugh.
Rodiy: what will you be doing away?
明 >> Icarus Walks says: I WILL NEVER DIEEEEE
And! Birthday fic for meiface But OMG, DO I FEEL LIKE A STALKER who wanted, "HYUKJAE PLAYING KIHAE MATCHMAKER and omg failing and Heechul/others swooping in askfjslk I WANT THIS SO HARD OMG" Hope you like it!
Title: There's Life...And Then There's Eunhyuk
Rating: PG-13ish
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue
“Your band is gay.”
Using his shoulder to hold his cell phone in place while he shuffled about the room, Eunhyuk automatically retorted, “Shut up,” without much thought. When he realized exactly what was being said, he gave a scoff of disbelief and said, “No, we’re not.”
“Hah! I heard that pause. You meant to say, ‘shut up, we totally are,’” Junsu tittered, his laughter clearly audible even across hundreds of miles and through static filled reception.
“You guys are so gay that I bet even an idiot like you can get two people together. Wait, you’re too dumb for that. I bet you can’t get anybody together!”
“Shut up, you know I totally can.” Eunhyuk answered, a conditioned response built up over the years to always say the exact opposite of whatever Junsu happened to be babbling about. Eunhyuk then straightened, his brain finally picking up on the word “bet.”
“You’re on,” he said, smiling and rubbing his hands in glee at all the things he could do to Junsu if he, no, he amended quickly, when he won. “If I win…you have to tell all your Japanese fans - even though there’s like only two of them - that your life’s goal is to be like me. But because you’re a loser, that plan has failed and they should be fans of the original and not the crappy carbon copy.”
“What?!” Junsu said, incredulity causing his voice to go up an octave.
“And! And,” Eunhyuk continued, his voice rising a pitch in his excitement, “You have to be my servant for a week,” he finished, the tasks of all the things he’d make Junsu do already piling up in his mind.
“Fine then,” Junsu agreed. Eunhyuk howled his enthusiasm at Junsu caving in so easily. “When I win however, you have to admit on national TV that you watch porn and have a million pictures of shirtless DBSK members on your laptop.”
“Wow, I can understand for the others, but when did you manage to take pictures without breaking the camera lens?”
Junsu ignored him. “And! You have to say, ‘Mom, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t raise me up like this, but DBSK is just too cool.’”
“Okay,” Eunhyuk readily agreed, rushing to find a pad of paper to start writing down all the tasks he’d make Junsu perform when he won before he forgot them. Oh. Speaking of which, if he was going to get some new Japanese fans, he might need to buff up a little. He’d better ask Siwon for advice.
“By the way,” Junsu said, interrupting Eunhyuk’s train of thought, “You just admitted your band is gay.”
Eunhyuk hung up on him.
***
The first person Eunhyuk had considered asking was Heechul.
Heechul’s sexual preference was not only entirely questionable, but he could seriously pass as a girl.
Eunhyuk had heard the same thing lobbied his way about himself after that particular episode of Unbelievable Outing, but he wasn’t gay.
Really, he wasn’t. Not even possibly remotely gay.
Probably. No. No! He meant, he knew for sure and he was 120% positive he wasn’t gay.
Though there were those couple of times…but anyway! Eunhyuk moved on and shook those thoughts out.
But he couldn’t ask Heechul, because he was in one of his moods again.
When Heechul got like that, it was just better to hold in your pee than to bang on the bathroom door and tell him things like, “Get the hell out, I really have to go goddamn it!”
The worse that could happen to you if you held in your pee was that you’d get an infection. But that was infinitely better than to be afraid to go sleep at night out of fear of what Heechul would do to you after you spoke to him like that. Especially, when he was in one of his moods. The best case scenario to something like that, was that you got your most crippling, ultra-embarrassing secret revealed to the public on TV. The worse was… Eunhyuk didn’t even want to think about it.
Life, and Heechul were cruel mistresses of punishment.
Eunhyuk also knew that a lot of people considered Sungmin to be one of the more feminine members of the group, but Eunhyuk knew better. He had seen first hand as Sungmin screened calls from five different women while arranging dates with another three. Eunhyuk knew he couldn’t set Sungmin up with someone else in their completely not gay band.
Eunhyuk finally settled on Donghae.
First, because he knew Donghae was always blindly open to anything and could possibly, maybe, be gay. Second, because Donghae was the only member in the dorms at the moment.
“Hae?” Eunhyuk asked as he found Donghae in the living room. He was sitting upside down in a chair, his toes pointed to the ceiling and head dangerously close to hitting the floor. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure!” Donghae answered.
“Are you…you know…gay…maybe?” Eunhyuk said, puttering to a stop before he could even get the entire question out.
“Why?” Donghae asked brightly, swinging his feet so they rested on the arm of the chair instead. “Are you going to confess that you’ve been madly in love with me and my crazy hot bod all this time, except you’re not going to play it off like a joke like you did last time, are you?” He asked, the last ends of his sentence slightly moistened with innuendo.
Eunhyuk fled the room.
***
The question was with whom Eunhyuk could potentially pair Donghae up with, since Donghae hadn’t exactly said he wasn’t gay.
Donghae wasn’t gay in the same sense that Super Junior wasn’t gay, Eunhyuk thought. Probably. Possibly. Maybe.
Anyway!
Maybe Donghae would go well with Siwon. After all, Eunhyuk mused, they have spent an awful lot of while in SuJu-M and they must be crazy close by now.
”Siwonie,” Eunhyuk started, calling for the other man’s attention when they were at the gym together.
Siwon carefully reset the weights on the bar before looking up at Eunhyuk in inquiry.
“Um…Did you know that…Donghae really wants to see that new movie coming out? Maybe you should both go together sometime. You know…just by yourselves since you both like movies…and movies are nice. And dark.”
Siwon nodded and Eunhyuk mentally cheered at his own genius matchmaking skills.
Later that night at dinner, Siwon said to Donghae, who was sitting across from him at the table, “Hae, you know that movie you wanted to see? You should go see it. It’s really good. Hankyung hyung and I saw it last week.”
Next to him, Hankyung nodded his agreement to Siwon’s statement as he continued filling up his plate.
“What movie?” Donghae asked confusedly.
***
“Siwonie,” Eunhyuk started again days later, “Donghae says he wants to go running with you at dawn.”
Siwon looked up in excitement. He had been trying for months to get his band members to do the dawn run with him. It was suppose to be a really good way to start the day, and Eunhyuk thought the sunrise would be a really romantic backdrop to Siwon and Donghae’s developing romance.
Mid afternoon found a pouting Siwon in the dressing room.
“What happened?” Eunhyuk asked as he set his stuff down.
“Donghae and Teukie hyung threw things at me when I went to wake them up at 4 AM. Then they kicked me out of their room and locked me out of the dorms,” he continued sadly.
Eunhyuk was debating how to go about comforting Siwon without looking like he was stealing Donghae’s almost man, when Siwon suddenly dashed out of his seat and pulled the door open.
Eunhyuk looked over his shoulder to see Hankyung entering the room, automatically petting and indulging Siwon as he related his tale of abuse.
Well, that’s one problem taken care of, Eunhyuk thought. Now what was he going to do about the other?
“Siwon!” Eunhyuk said, rushing towards him the next day.
“Donghae is thinking about changing his religion!” Siwon's eyes widened in urgency and he rushed out of the room, presumably to find Donghae and convince him that his immortal soul wasn’t up for negotiation.
Eunhyuk patted himself on the back for a job well done for the continuous sight that he encountered the following week. Wherever Donghae was, so too was Siwon, talking animatedly to him and earnestly gripping the ends of his sleeves so Donghae couldn’t go anywhere without him.
The next morning found Donghae walking into Eunhyuk’s room and nonchalantly asking as he draped himself across Eunhyuk’s bed, “Did you tell Siwon I wanted to change my religion?”
“….Maybe…” Eunhyuk said, looking everywhere except where Donghae was currently sitting.
“Okay,” Donghae replied with a happy smile. “Because I told Siwon that you were desperate to do the dawn runs with him for a whooollle month.”
Eunhyuk groaned out loud.
***
This was harder than Eunhyuk had expected it be.
But still! Junsu his servant for a week? He just had to try harder!
The question was who to set Donghae up with. Siwon was apparently out of the picture.
So too was Leeteuk because Eunhyuk figured that if you slept in the same room as the person you’ve been desperately in love with all this time, you would have tried something by now. Not that Leeteuk was a raging rape monster or anything, but they didn’t exactly call him Dog Teuk for nothing.
Sungmin was also out and so too was Ryeowook because Eunhyuk didn’t think Ryeowook was interested in sex, much less be in possession of a sex drive. Plus, he was pretty sure Ryeowook’s overblown ideas of love were probably something like courtly love. Not that Eunhyuk completely understood what courtly love was, but it sounded like something Ryeowook would believe in.
As much as Eunhyuk hated to admit it, Kyuhyun was probably too smart to fall for any of Eunhyuk’s rouses (though all of his ideas were ingenious and made of not fail) and Kangin was just too damn violent for Eunhyuk to even want to try.
Plus, Kangin had a big mouth. If he found out, that’d mean by the end of the hour, or the end of the day if Eunhyuk got really, really lucky, everyone else would know about it too. Kangin would probably also announce it on the same show that Eunhyuk would be forced to admit his porn watching ways if he lost.
Just when as he was about to try and set up Donghae and Shindong (because after all, don’t all good relationship stem from good friendships?), Heechul sidled up behind him and stated, “You’re trying to set Hae, up aren’t you?”
After settling down after his initial jump of surprise, Eunhyuk said, “…Maybe…” There was really no point in trying to lie to Heechul, because when he wanted to know something, there was no stopping him from finding out.
“I know who he likes. What’s in it for me if I help you?” Heechul asked as he leaned casually against the wall.
Damn. Eunhyuk really wanted to win the bet too.
“Ummm.” Eunhyuk thought, stalling for time as he tried to figure out how much of his prize he was willing to part with so he could win the bet. “Junsu will admit that he’s been trying to be like you all these years, but so far, has failed.”
“Pft, everyone already knows that’s the truth,’ Heechul said, easily dismissing Eunhyuk’s first offer.
“You’ll get all of Junsu’s Japanese fans.”
“That I can get without even trying.”
“…If you help me, Junsu will be your servant for an hour.”
“A month.”
“What! The deal was only a week!” …Damn, Eunhyuk thought, crestfallen. He just gave the best part of it away!
“I want him to be my servant for five days.”
“Two days.”
“Seven days.”
“Three days.”
“Six days. And you’ll be my servant for a week after that. Take it or leave it.”
“…Fine.” It wasn’t like Heechul’s claim was going to stop Eunhyuk from bossing Junsu around anyway.
They shook on it.
***
It turns out Heechul had no idea who Donghae liked.
(“Hey!”
“I said I knew who Donghae likes. I never said if I knew who he likes right now. It’s your fault anyway for not asking for details.”)
But he could help eliminate people from Eunhyuk’s list.
“Take Hankyung off,” he said as he perused the list again.
“Why?” Eunhyuk asked pen in hand.
“Trust me on this,” Heechul enigmatically answered, noting Hankyung entering the room and Siwon following not soon after.
“That just leaves you. Wait…are you…” Eunhyuk started to ask only to get smacked in the back of the head for his effort.
“That only leaves Shindong, Yesung, and Kibum,” Heechul smoothly finished.
“Let’s try all three in one go,” Eunhyuk enthusiastically said, rising quickly from his seat, visions of Junsu kneeling before him joyfully filling his thoughts.
***
Things were remarkably easier to accomplish when you had an accomplice.
Eunhyuk wasn’t sure how he would have pulled off the convenient blackout in the dorms without Heechul’s help.
“Hyung!” he said, spilling into the kitchen, almost tripping over his own pants, a fact that he quickly blamed on the blackout and his haste, not his own inherent clumsiness. “The power went out!”
“Yeah, I know,” Shindong, said staring forlornly at the now dim microwave in front of him.
“You know who can help you? Donghae!” Eunhyuk pushed Shindong towards the bathroom where Donghae had been coerced into taking a bath surrounded by a ring of candles set up for this exact purpose.
“Why…would Donghae have a microwave in there?” Shindong asked, bafflement clear on his face as he tried to keep the soup from sloshing over in one hand, while digging in his heels, clearly unwillingly to go to the bathroom. He was especially disinclined to go upon learning that Donghae had managed to get a microwave working in there despite the blackout.
But all the muscles that Eunhyuk had built up from all those morning runs with Siwon weren’t just for show and he managed to shove Shindong through the bathroom door. He rammed a chair up against the door handle, successfully locking it from the outside before Shindong could figure out what was going on.
“Oh, you know, it’s Donghae. He’s just full of wonder,” Eunhyuk hollered from the other side of the door.
For many minutes, there was only silence, but when Heechul joined him moments later, they heard the distinct sound of Donghae’s wet body moving about as he rose from the bathtub and, presumably, to release all the pent feelings he had about Shindong in an epic declaration of love.
“Hae…” they heard Shindong breath out, and were both about to give each other high fives when they heard the rest of his low throated warning. “D-Don’t do it. Don’t touch it.” A hitched breath. “Don’t put that in your mouth - ”
Eunhyuk and Heechul were about to move away, lest they add on any additional trauma to their already difficult boy-bander lives when they heard the rest of Shindong’s sentence.
“Damnit, Hae! I don’t believe you! Not only did you just EAT my snack, you got all your bathwater on me too! Have you ever heard of a towel and how NOT to steal other people’s food?”
Crap. Failed again.
***
At the next taping of a show that Heechul was suppose to appear in with Donghae and Eunhyuk, he told his manger that he couldn’t do it and to send Yesung instead.
His manager asked why and if there was something wrong with him for it wasn’t often that Heechul willingly turned down screen time.
Heechul haughtily replied that his manager was selfish and that Super Junior didn’t just consist of the brilliant Heechul alone, but had other almost as important members in it as well. And if they were going to send Eunhyuk to a taping, might as well send Yesung right?
When his manger continued giving him that look, Heechul gave in and said he was plotting a large and elaborate prank with Kangin.
His manger nodded and agreed before going off to speak to Yesung’s manager about the switch.
From the text messages that Eunhyuk was sending him in between the breaks they got while filming, it seemed all was going well.
That is, until Heechul got a message that read:
Fm: Monkey Face
Aborrrt mission! FAIL!
To: Monkey Face
What happened?!?!!?
Fm: Monkey Face
D: Yesung wz himself. T______T
Heechul sighed.
***
On their next and last attempt, they invited Donghae to have dinner with them. They also told Kibum the same thing and just didn’t show up at the restaurant.
When neither member came back home that night, Heechul and Eunhyuk considered it a done deal and gave high fives while flashing almost identical gummy smiles at each other. Heechul's smile lingered on for one beat, two beats before collapsing in upon itself and grimly said, “This never happened.” Eunhyuk agreed and they both stumbled off to sleep.
“When are you planning on telling them that we’ve been going out for a year now?” Kibum asked as he sipped his after dinner coffee.
“After I finish using Junsu as my servant for a week of course,” Donghae answered, smiling widely at Kibum before raising a forkful of pie up to his lips. “You’d think Hyuk would be smarter and not leave his IM conversations open on the screen,” he continued unperturbed.
“I thought you said they spoke about it on the phone?” Kibum asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They did. Eunhyuk just wanted it set in writing,” Donghae answered before leaning over to steal a kiss from Kibum.
“Your coffee needs more sugar,” he said, laughing as he sat back down.
“And your pie needs more cream,” Kibum said as he leaned over for another kiss.
Rodiy: what will you be doing away?
明 >> Icarus Walks says: I WILL NEVER DIEEEEE
And! Birthday fic for meiface But OMG, DO I FEEL LIKE A STALKER who wanted, "HYUKJAE PLAYING KIHAE MATCHMAKER and omg failing and Heechul/others swooping in askfjslk I WANT THIS SO HARD OMG" Hope you like it!
Title: There's Life...And Then There's Eunhyuk
Rating: PG-13ish
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue
“Your band is gay.”
Using his shoulder to hold his cell phone in place while he shuffled about the room, Eunhyuk automatically retorted, “Shut up,” without much thought. When he realized exactly what was being said, he gave a scoff of disbelief and said, “No, we’re not.”
“Hah! I heard that pause. You meant to say, ‘shut up, we totally are,’” Junsu tittered, his laughter clearly audible even across hundreds of miles and through static filled reception.
“You guys are so gay that I bet even an idiot like you can get two people together. Wait, you’re too dumb for that. I bet you can’t get anybody together!”
“Shut up, you know I totally can.” Eunhyuk answered, a conditioned response built up over the years to always say the exact opposite of whatever Junsu happened to be babbling about. Eunhyuk then straightened, his brain finally picking up on the word “bet.”
“You’re on,” he said, smiling and rubbing his hands in glee at all the things he could do to Junsu if he, no, he amended quickly, when he won. “If I win…you have to tell all your Japanese fans - even though there’s like only two of them - that your life’s goal is to be like me. But because you’re a loser, that plan has failed and they should be fans of the original and not the crappy carbon copy.”
“What?!” Junsu said, incredulity causing his voice to go up an octave.
“And! And,” Eunhyuk continued, his voice rising a pitch in his excitement, “You have to be my servant for a week,” he finished, the tasks of all the things he’d make Junsu do already piling up in his mind.
“Fine then,” Junsu agreed. Eunhyuk howled his enthusiasm at Junsu caving in so easily. “When I win however, you have to admit on national TV that you watch porn and have a million pictures of shirtless DBSK members on your laptop.”
“Wow, I can understand for the others, but when did you manage to take pictures without breaking the camera lens?”
Junsu ignored him. “And! You have to say, ‘Mom, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t raise me up like this, but DBSK is just too cool.’”
“Okay,” Eunhyuk readily agreed, rushing to find a pad of paper to start writing down all the tasks he’d make Junsu perform when he won before he forgot them. Oh. Speaking of which, if he was going to get some new Japanese fans, he might need to buff up a little. He’d better ask Siwon for advice.
“By the way,” Junsu said, interrupting Eunhyuk’s train of thought, “You just admitted your band is gay.”
Eunhyuk hung up on him.
***
The first person Eunhyuk had considered asking was Heechul.
Heechul’s sexual preference was not only entirely questionable, but he could seriously pass as a girl.
Eunhyuk had heard the same thing lobbied his way about himself after that particular episode of Unbelievable Outing, but he wasn’t gay.
Really, he wasn’t. Not even possibly remotely gay.
Probably. No. No! He meant, he knew for sure and he was 120% positive he wasn’t gay.
Though there were those couple of times…but anyway! Eunhyuk moved on and shook those thoughts out.
But he couldn’t ask Heechul, because he was in one of his moods again.
When Heechul got like that, it was just better to hold in your pee than to bang on the bathroom door and tell him things like, “Get the hell out, I really have to go goddamn it!”
The worse that could happen to you if you held in your pee was that you’d get an infection. But that was infinitely better than to be afraid to go sleep at night out of fear of what Heechul would do to you after you spoke to him like that. Especially, when he was in one of his moods. The best case scenario to something like that, was that you got your most crippling, ultra-embarrassing secret revealed to the public on TV. The worse was… Eunhyuk didn’t even want to think about it.
Life, and Heechul were cruel mistresses of punishment.
Eunhyuk also knew that a lot of people considered Sungmin to be one of the more feminine members of the group, but Eunhyuk knew better. He had seen first hand as Sungmin screened calls from five different women while arranging dates with another three. Eunhyuk knew he couldn’t set Sungmin up with someone else in their completely not gay band.
Eunhyuk finally settled on Donghae.
First, because he knew Donghae was always blindly open to anything and could possibly, maybe, be gay. Second, because Donghae was the only member in the dorms at the moment.
“Hae?” Eunhyuk asked as he found Donghae in the living room. He was sitting upside down in a chair, his toes pointed to the ceiling and head dangerously close to hitting the floor. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure!” Donghae answered.
“Are you…you know…gay…maybe?” Eunhyuk said, puttering to a stop before he could even get the entire question out.
“Why?” Donghae asked brightly, swinging his feet so they rested on the arm of the chair instead. “Are you going to confess that you’ve been madly in love with me and my crazy hot bod all this time, except you’re not going to play it off like a joke like you did last time, are you?” He asked, the last ends of his sentence slightly moistened with innuendo.
Eunhyuk fled the room.
***
The question was with whom Eunhyuk could potentially pair Donghae up with, since Donghae hadn’t exactly said he wasn’t gay.
Donghae wasn’t gay in the same sense that Super Junior wasn’t gay, Eunhyuk thought. Probably. Possibly. Maybe.
Anyway!
Maybe Donghae would go well with Siwon. After all, Eunhyuk mused, they have spent an awful lot of while in SuJu-M and they must be crazy close by now.
”Siwonie,” Eunhyuk started, calling for the other man’s attention when they were at the gym together.
Siwon carefully reset the weights on the bar before looking up at Eunhyuk in inquiry.
“Um…Did you know that…Donghae really wants to see that new movie coming out? Maybe you should both go together sometime. You know…just by yourselves since you both like movies…and movies are nice. And dark.”
Siwon nodded and Eunhyuk mentally cheered at his own genius matchmaking skills.
Later that night at dinner, Siwon said to Donghae, who was sitting across from him at the table, “Hae, you know that movie you wanted to see? You should go see it. It’s really good. Hankyung hyung and I saw it last week.”
Next to him, Hankyung nodded his agreement to Siwon’s statement as he continued filling up his plate.
“What movie?” Donghae asked confusedly.
***
“Siwonie,” Eunhyuk started again days later, “Donghae says he wants to go running with you at dawn.”
Siwon looked up in excitement. He had been trying for months to get his band members to do the dawn run with him. It was suppose to be a really good way to start the day, and Eunhyuk thought the sunrise would be a really romantic backdrop to Siwon and Donghae’s developing romance.
Mid afternoon found a pouting Siwon in the dressing room.
“What happened?” Eunhyuk asked as he set his stuff down.
“Donghae and Teukie hyung threw things at me when I went to wake them up at 4 AM. Then they kicked me out of their room and locked me out of the dorms,” he continued sadly.
Eunhyuk was debating how to go about comforting Siwon without looking like he was stealing Donghae’s almost man, when Siwon suddenly dashed out of his seat and pulled the door open.
Eunhyuk looked over his shoulder to see Hankyung entering the room, automatically petting and indulging Siwon as he related his tale of abuse.
Well, that’s one problem taken care of, Eunhyuk thought. Now what was he going to do about the other?
“Siwon!” Eunhyuk said, rushing towards him the next day.
“Donghae is thinking about changing his religion!” Siwon's eyes widened in urgency and he rushed out of the room, presumably to find Donghae and convince him that his immortal soul wasn’t up for negotiation.
Eunhyuk patted himself on the back for a job well done for the continuous sight that he encountered the following week. Wherever Donghae was, so too was Siwon, talking animatedly to him and earnestly gripping the ends of his sleeves so Donghae couldn’t go anywhere without him.
The next morning found Donghae walking into Eunhyuk’s room and nonchalantly asking as he draped himself across Eunhyuk’s bed, “Did you tell Siwon I wanted to change my religion?”
“….Maybe…” Eunhyuk said, looking everywhere except where Donghae was currently sitting.
“Okay,” Donghae replied with a happy smile. “Because I told Siwon that you were desperate to do the dawn runs with him for a whooollle month.”
Eunhyuk groaned out loud.
***
This was harder than Eunhyuk had expected it be.
But still! Junsu his servant for a week? He just had to try harder!
The question was who to set Donghae up with. Siwon was apparently out of the picture.
So too was Leeteuk because Eunhyuk figured that if you slept in the same room as the person you’ve been desperately in love with all this time, you would have tried something by now. Not that Leeteuk was a raging rape monster or anything, but they didn’t exactly call him Dog Teuk for nothing.
Sungmin was also out and so too was Ryeowook because Eunhyuk didn’t think Ryeowook was interested in sex, much less be in possession of a sex drive. Plus, he was pretty sure Ryeowook’s overblown ideas of love were probably something like courtly love. Not that Eunhyuk completely understood what courtly love was, but it sounded like something Ryeowook would believe in.
As much as Eunhyuk hated to admit it, Kyuhyun was probably too smart to fall for any of Eunhyuk’s rouses (though all of his ideas were ingenious and made of not fail) and Kangin was just too damn violent for Eunhyuk to even want to try.
Plus, Kangin had a big mouth. If he found out, that’d mean by the end of the hour, or the end of the day if Eunhyuk got really, really lucky, everyone else would know about it too. Kangin would probably also announce it on the same show that Eunhyuk would be forced to admit his porn watching ways if he lost.
Just when as he was about to try and set up Donghae and Shindong (because after all, don’t all good relationship stem from good friendships?), Heechul sidled up behind him and stated, “You’re trying to set Hae, up aren’t you?”
After settling down after his initial jump of surprise, Eunhyuk said, “…Maybe…” There was really no point in trying to lie to Heechul, because when he wanted to know something, there was no stopping him from finding out.
“I know who he likes. What’s in it for me if I help you?” Heechul asked as he leaned casually against the wall.
Damn. Eunhyuk really wanted to win the bet too.
“Ummm.” Eunhyuk thought, stalling for time as he tried to figure out how much of his prize he was willing to part with so he could win the bet. “Junsu will admit that he’s been trying to be like you all these years, but so far, has failed.”
“Pft, everyone already knows that’s the truth,’ Heechul said, easily dismissing Eunhyuk’s first offer.
“You’ll get all of Junsu’s Japanese fans.”
“That I can get without even trying.”
“…If you help me, Junsu will be your servant for an hour.”
“A month.”
“What! The deal was only a week!” …Damn, Eunhyuk thought, crestfallen. He just gave the best part of it away!
“I want him to be my servant for five days.”
“Two days.”
“Seven days.”
“Three days.”
“Six days. And you’ll be my servant for a week after that. Take it or leave it.”
“…Fine.” It wasn’t like Heechul’s claim was going to stop Eunhyuk from bossing Junsu around anyway.
They shook on it.
***
It turns out Heechul had no idea who Donghae liked.
(“Hey!”
“I said I knew who Donghae likes. I never said if I knew who he likes right now. It’s your fault anyway for not asking for details.”)
But he could help eliminate people from Eunhyuk’s list.
“Take Hankyung off,” he said as he perused the list again.
“Why?” Eunhyuk asked pen in hand.
“Trust me on this,” Heechul enigmatically answered, noting Hankyung entering the room and Siwon following not soon after.
“That just leaves you. Wait…are you…” Eunhyuk started to ask only to get smacked in the back of the head for his effort.
“That only leaves Shindong, Yesung, and Kibum,” Heechul smoothly finished.
“Let’s try all three in one go,” Eunhyuk enthusiastically said, rising quickly from his seat, visions of Junsu kneeling before him joyfully filling his thoughts.
***
Things were remarkably easier to accomplish when you had an accomplice.
Eunhyuk wasn’t sure how he would have pulled off the convenient blackout in the dorms without Heechul’s help.
“Hyung!” he said, spilling into the kitchen, almost tripping over his own pants, a fact that he quickly blamed on the blackout and his haste, not his own inherent clumsiness. “The power went out!”
“Yeah, I know,” Shindong, said staring forlornly at the now dim microwave in front of him.
“You know who can help you? Donghae!” Eunhyuk pushed Shindong towards the bathroom where Donghae had been coerced into taking a bath surrounded by a ring of candles set up for this exact purpose.
“Why…would Donghae have a microwave in there?” Shindong asked, bafflement clear on his face as he tried to keep the soup from sloshing over in one hand, while digging in his heels, clearly unwillingly to go to the bathroom. He was especially disinclined to go upon learning that Donghae had managed to get a microwave working in there despite the blackout.
But all the muscles that Eunhyuk had built up from all those morning runs with Siwon weren’t just for show and he managed to shove Shindong through the bathroom door. He rammed a chair up against the door handle, successfully locking it from the outside before Shindong could figure out what was going on.
“Oh, you know, it’s Donghae. He’s just full of wonder,” Eunhyuk hollered from the other side of the door.
For many minutes, there was only silence, but when Heechul joined him moments later, they heard the distinct sound of Donghae’s wet body moving about as he rose from the bathtub and, presumably, to release all the pent feelings he had about Shindong in an epic declaration of love.
“Hae…” they heard Shindong breath out, and were both about to give each other high fives when they heard the rest of his low throated warning. “D-Don’t do it. Don’t touch it.” A hitched breath. “Don’t put that in your mouth - ”
Eunhyuk and Heechul were about to move away, lest they add on any additional trauma to their already difficult boy-bander lives when they heard the rest of Shindong’s sentence.
“Damnit, Hae! I don’t believe you! Not only did you just EAT my snack, you got all your bathwater on me too! Have you ever heard of a towel and how NOT to steal other people’s food?”
Crap. Failed again.
***
At the next taping of a show that Heechul was suppose to appear in with Donghae and Eunhyuk, he told his manger that he couldn’t do it and to send Yesung instead.
His manager asked why and if there was something wrong with him for it wasn’t often that Heechul willingly turned down screen time.
Heechul haughtily replied that his manager was selfish and that Super Junior didn’t just consist of the brilliant Heechul alone, but had other almost as important members in it as well. And if they were going to send Eunhyuk to a taping, might as well send Yesung right?
When his manger continued giving him that look, Heechul gave in and said he was plotting a large and elaborate prank with Kangin.
His manger nodded and agreed before going off to speak to Yesung’s manager about the switch.
From the text messages that Eunhyuk was sending him in between the breaks they got while filming, it seemed all was going well.
That is, until Heechul got a message that read:
Fm: Monkey Face
Aborrrt mission! FAIL!
To: Monkey Face
What happened?!?!!?
Fm: Monkey Face
D: Yesung wz himself. T______T
Heechul sighed.
***
On their next and last attempt, they invited Donghae to have dinner with them. They also told Kibum the same thing and just didn’t show up at the restaurant.
When neither member came back home that night, Heechul and Eunhyuk considered it a done deal and gave high fives while flashing almost identical gummy smiles at each other. Heechul's smile lingered on for one beat, two beats before collapsing in upon itself and grimly said, “This never happened.” Eunhyuk agreed and they both stumbled off to sleep.
“When are you planning on telling them that we’ve been going out for a year now?” Kibum asked as he sipped his after dinner coffee.
“After I finish using Junsu as my servant for a week of course,” Donghae answered, smiling widely at Kibum before raising a forkful of pie up to his lips. “You’d think Hyuk would be smarter and not leave his IM conversations open on the screen,” he continued unperturbed.
“I thought you said they spoke about it on the phone?” Kibum asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They did. Eunhyuk just wanted it set in writing,” Donghae answered before leaning over to steal a kiss from Kibum.
“Your coffee needs more sugar,” he said, laughing as he sat back down.
“And your pie needs more cream,” Kibum said as he leaned over for another kiss.