ADVICE: Boyfriend and BF's Mother Want an Abortion
QUESTION:
My boyfriend and his mother want me to have an abortion?
I am 30 my boyfriend is 26 and I was a virgin when we met as I always believed to wait untill I married i was on the pill but also taking st johns wart for depression which stopped the pill being affective result I am 10 weeks pregnant and he and his mother want me to have an abortion saying up to twelve weeks flush it down the pan we are financialy sound and it is against my faith to have an abortion as my doctor says it could leave me sterile at my age but he does not think i would be taking any risk I love him but does he love me please advice me what can I do
Additional Details
11 minutes ago
i need to add he and his mother thinks it could affect his career he is being really horrid to me i am near to breking point
REPLY:
If there are health risks associated with an abortion and you are also inclined to keep the child, I think your decision should be based off of that regardless of the thoughts your boyfriend and his mother have.
This especially goes for his mother as the paternal grandmother to your child. It doesn't reflect well if she is set on you getting rid of the child. Even if you establish a relationship with your boyfriend, his mother has pretty much indicated that she is unsupportive. Do you really want to expose your child to that?
If your boyfriend is following the advice of the mother, that doesn't look good either because it means that she has influence over him. That could become problematic when it comes to fatherhood because his mother may have a negative influence on your child through him.
If you're financially sound and there are health risks associated with an abortion, you should be taking that into heavy consideration. In fact, you should be looking at this from the perspective of if it was just you and your unborn child.
It sounds like you have some traditional values that are rooted in your belief system since you maintained your virginity till marriage.
I'm a bit confused as to what the status of your relationship is with the father of the child because you refer to him as your boyfriend but then you talk about waiting till you're married. I'm unclear as to whether you've actually gotten married yet because you mention that you were a virgin and had plans to remain so until you tied the knot.
One thing that is a telltale sign about the mother's influence is that you're older than him by four years. From a Psychological Perspective, it seems to hint that your boyfriend is accustomed to dominant women.
Just basd off your question, there's mention of the mother who is giving her opinion about an abortion when he's 26 years old and qualifies as an adult to make his own decisions. 26 is old enough to be a father and if both of you are financially stable, it makes me wonder who was suggesting an abortion in the first place.
I also sense there are some Psychological Issues that stem from your relationship because you're four years his senior. Usually the older of the two in a relationship would take on more of a dominant role. Somehow I get the feeling that your relationship is not a normal one.
The fact that you have attempted to maintain your virginity until you got married, chose a mate who is younger than you, and where the mother of your significant other is attempting to influence a relationship between you two when her son is of mature age also brings up questions.
In my opinion, there's something else going on that could stem from your personality. If it's true you're having issues with Depression, that's an indication of low self-esteem or some issues that you're dealing with. The nature in which you chose your signifcant other who happens to be younger than you and the way you word your sentences seems to indicate that there are feelings of hesitancy and doubt.
Usually a women seek security and stability from individuals who are older than them. It's not that age should matter, but your choice to accept a mate who is younger than you puts you in an uncomfortable position of a leadership role because a younger mate will naturally be submissive unless there are certain character traits that cause a dominant streak to compensate for the age discrepancy.
I personally think that this 4 year age gap where you're older is influencing his mother to take on a protective role and attempt to influence judgement. This, of course, complicates things because you're no longer dealing with your significant other as an equal, but being forced to deal with an older woman who appears to be acting as a liaison by intervening.
It hints that the mother is taking on a dominant role for her son and acting as representation even though this doesn't really concern her. This should really just be between you and the father of the child. The mother of your boyfriend may have her own opinions, but I feel they're irrelevant at this time unless she will somehow be providing financial support for this child.
However, you stated that both of you are financially stable. If that's true, then any opinions that the mother has regarding the welfare of the unborn child should be kept to herself at this time.
If she chooses to provide counsel for her son, that's her choice. However, you should caution your boyfriend and tell him to be an adult and ensure that his decision that he chooses to make for or against the birth of his child be based solely on his feelings on the issue and not those planted by his mother.
Based off of the addendum you added to your message, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if they place career over family. When you don't have a supportive grandmother, the son is career-oriented, and the mother of the child is dealing with issues of Depression, that could be very hard on the child.
You should prepare for the worst if you choose to keep this child and be ready to raise the child on your own in order to remove the child from a bad family situation. All that stress isn't going to help you.
Maybe you have these dreams about being married or wed to the father of your child, but if it turns out that the father of your child cannot provide a healthy or suitable environment in which to raise your child, you have to think about the welfare of your baby.
My boyfriend and his mother want me to have an abortion?
I am 30 my boyfriend is 26 and I was a virgin when we met as I always believed to wait untill I married i was on the pill but also taking st johns wart for depression which stopped the pill being affective result I am 10 weeks pregnant and he and his mother want me to have an abortion saying up to twelve weeks flush it down the pan we are financialy sound and it is against my faith to have an abortion as my doctor says it could leave me sterile at my age but he does not think i would be taking any risk I love him but does he love me please advice me what can I do
Additional Details
11 minutes ago
i need to add he and his mother thinks it could affect his career he is being really horrid to me i am near to breking point
REPLY:
If there are health risks associated with an abortion and you are also inclined to keep the child, I think your decision should be based off of that regardless of the thoughts your boyfriend and his mother have.
This especially goes for his mother as the paternal grandmother to your child. It doesn't reflect well if she is set on you getting rid of the child. Even if you establish a relationship with your boyfriend, his mother has pretty much indicated that she is unsupportive. Do you really want to expose your child to that?
If your boyfriend is following the advice of the mother, that doesn't look good either because it means that she has influence over him. That could become problematic when it comes to fatherhood because his mother may have a negative influence on your child through him.
If you're financially sound and there are health risks associated with an abortion, you should be taking that into heavy consideration. In fact, you should be looking at this from the perspective of if it was just you and your unborn child.
It sounds like you have some traditional values that are rooted in your belief system since you maintained your virginity till marriage.
I'm a bit confused as to what the status of your relationship is with the father of the child because you refer to him as your boyfriend but then you talk about waiting till you're married. I'm unclear as to whether you've actually gotten married yet because you mention that you were a virgin and had plans to remain so until you tied the knot.
One thing that is a telltale sign about the mother's influence is that you're older than him by four years. From a Psychological Perspective, it seems to hint that your boyfriend is accustomed to dominant women.
Just basd off your question, there's mention of the mother who is giving her opinion about an abortion when he's 26 years old and qualifies as an adult to make his own decisions. 26 is old enough to be a father and if both of you are financially stable, it makes me wonder who was suggesting an abortion in the first place.
I also sense there are some Psychological Issues that stem from your relationship because you're four years his senior. Usually the older of the two in a relationship would take on more of a dominant role. Somehow I get the feeling that your relationship is not a normal one.
The fact that you have attempted to maintain your virginity until you got married, chose a mate who is younger than you, and where the mother of your significant other is attempting to influence a relationship between you two when her son is of mature age also brings up questions.
In my opinion, there's something else going on that could stem from your personality. If it's true you're having issues with Depression, that's an indication of low self-esteem or some issues that you're dealing with. The nature in which you chose your signifcant other who happens to be younger than you and the way you word your sentences seems to indicate that there are feelings of hesitancy and doubt.
Usually a women seek security and stability from individuals who are older than them. It's not that age should matter, but your choice to accept a mate who is younger than you puts you in an uncomfortable position of a leadership role because a younger mate will naturally be submissive unless there are certain character traits that cause a dominant streak to compensate for the age discrepancy.
I personally think that this 4 year age gap where you're older is influencing his mother to take on a protective role and attempt to influence judgement. This, of course, complicates things because you're no longer dealing with your significant other as an equal, but being forced to deal with an older woman who appears to be acting as a liaison by intervening.
It hints that the mother is taking on a dominant role for her son and acting as representation even though this doesn't really concern her. This should really just be between you and the father of the child. The mother of your boyfriend may have her own opinions, but I feel they're irrelevant at this time unless she will somehow be providing financial support for this child.
However, you stated that both of you are financially stable. If that's true, then any opinions that the mother has regarding the welfare of the unborn child should be kept to herself at this time.
If she chooses to provide counsel for her son, that's her choice. However, you should caution your boyfriend and tell him to be an adult and ensure that his decision that he chooses to make for or against the birth of his child be based solely on his feelings on the issue and not those planted by his mother.
Based off of the addendum you added to your message, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if they place career over family. When you don't have a supportive grandmother, the son is career-oriented, and the mother of the child is dealing with issues of Depression, that could be very hard on the child.
You should prepare for the worst if you choose to keep this child and be ready to raise the child on your own in order to remove the child from a bad family situation. All that stress isn't going to help you.
Maybe you have these dreams about being married or wed to the father of your child, but if it turns out that the father of your child cannot provide a healthy or suitable environment in which to raise your child, you have to think about the welfare of your baby.