ADVICE: How Can I Spice Up My Sex Life?
QUESTION:
How can i spice our sex life up, my wife never wants to have sex anymore?
REPLY:
It depends on what your family situation, work life, and home life is.
With your family situation, a woman's sex drive can plummet after having children because kids take up a lot of energy. I've babysat for my cousins' kids and they're a handful. They're always running around, hyper, and require constant watch.
If your family situation is where both of you have children, that would be why her sex drive is gone.
Your wife's career can affect her sex drive. If she's juggling career and kids, her interest in sex will be much lower than when you were single and dating.
If your wife is pursuing a career opportunity where she works, that can also be like a "Corporate Child" or "Business Child" that your wife is focusing her energies.
Men do something similar when they become workaholics pursuing that desired promotion. The amount of time they devote to spending extra hours with their job is something their spouses don't always realize is a variation of "Financial Birthing" and "Financial Childcare."
The other aspect to take into account would be your home life. Depending on how your house is arranged, it can make a difference. If there's work to be done around the house in terms of laundry and housekeeping, your wife's sex drive can go down if she's the one who has to do do the cooking and cleaning.
Sometimes the reason why a wife's sex drive goes down and where she'll "let herself go" and no longer engage in sex is because the Psychological Desire or need has been removed.
With a lot of couples, they run into Sexual Dysfunction when the fall into a routine and especially after marriage. When humans develop, they all know about sex and how you seek out a mate. However, there's no official training manual on what people do after you get married and have the relationship.
Everyone practices and is familiar with the Dating Game, but few people know what to do once you get past the Dating Phase and find a suitable partner with whom you want to share the rest of your life with while maintaining the set level of standards that qualify as a "happy and successful marriage."
You have to diagnose what is causing your wife to lose interest in sex. If you really desire sex from your wife, be prepared to make the most commitment and have to do the most work in order to get it.
It may sound unfair, but usually the people who are able to identify a problem are the ones who have to change the most while the individual in the relationship who appears to be the root of the problem changes the least.
It's really a mattter of perspective though. Problems we perceive in people are really imagined and things we draw cause to manifest because someone or something fails to live up to our expectations. The question is whether those expectations we have are realistic.
You should ask yourself if your expectations are realistic given your wife's situation. If you can find a way to empathize with your wife and find ways to make her workload and lifestyle more comfortable, it will relieve her stress and allow her to have more energy to engage in activities that you want.
One of the best ways to bring spice back into your love life is by doing household chores that your wife would normally do. It may sound odd that menial tasks could ever be sexy or as if it's just some dirty rumor being spread by women to trick men into doing more chores around the house, but it's really true.
When you help relieve the workload or chores that your wife has on her plate, it creates feelings of gratitude. You become the "Household Knight in Shining Armor" rescuing your "Housekeeping Damsel in Distress."
People think that Chivalry is dead, but not when that Domestic White Knight rides in armed with Laundry Detergent and an Iron. Your wife will appreciate what she's doing for you and she will feel more amorous toward you.
Another reason why women are sometimes turned off by sex is because the male has fallen into a routine that is predictable. One of the unfortunate aspects about repetition and getting to know someone well such as your spouse is that they become predictable.
Your wife has most likely seen all your moves, knows what you like to do, knows what gets you off, and knows how you finish. If you haven't done anything to change up your routine, your wife can become uninterested.
Sadly enough this is Economics being applied to Marriages when it comes to the Theory of Rising Expectations Model overlapping the Law of Diminishing Returns.
The Theory of Rising Expectations is where you expectations go up with time. You see this with children. As your children get older, you have higher expectations. You expect them to be more mature and know better as a 13 year old than when they were a 5 year old.
When it comes to Sex, your wife already knows all your moves so it's nothing new to her. It's not very exciting. So when you want to have sex with her, she unconsciously does a split-second review of all the things that will occur during a sexual encounter and how much work will go into engaging you in such an act. If it doesn't seem worth it to her, she won't want to do it.
That's where the Law of Diminishing Returns kicks in. The more you do something, the less of an effect it has on someone. This is seen in the human body where drug addicts go through withdrawals because they require larger doses in order to satisfy their cravings. The original small amount they used is no longer sufficient.
For example, if you've never heard my advice before, you may think it's awesome and inspiring. However, if you were to listen to me giving you advice 10 or 15 times, I guarantee you'll get bored with it or you'll already know the Formula or Approach I use to Analytical-Problem Solving and the Analogies that I use to where it ceases to be impressive. That's the Law the Diminishing Returns.
When it comes to spicing up your Sex Life, it means you're going to have to be attentive to her needs and keep her guessing. There are all kinds of books that go into this.
The Kama Sutra is the most popular because it talks about all the different Sexual Positions that were researched and were originally for East Indian Royalty. If you want to try experimenting with that, it may add some variety.
You should only try experimenting with new Sex Acts if you've properly diagnosed what is causing your wife's sex drive to fizzle. If it's because she's overworked and tired that's a totally different problem that has to be solved through non-sexual means.
If your wife is interested in sex, but she's no longer interested in the way you engage her in sex, then you'll want to use sexual aids to rekindle the sparks in the bedroom.
If your wife still gets aroused, that's a positive Sign meaning it's just a matter of tweaking your sexual repertoire. When you fall into a routine, it's like serving meat and potatoes. When you eat meat and potatoes for 10 years straight, I guarantee you'll get sick of meat and potatoes.
The whole reason why people make different meals is so that they have variety. The same thing has to happen with you in the bedroom. You don't need to be a contortionist or a dress up like an acrobat swinging from a chandelier with your hoo-ha painted purple with red polka dots, but do some research on different sexual techniques.
The wife's body is like a musical instrument and you want to master playing that instrument. Understand your wife's body. Sometimes you can just flat out ask what turns your wife on or what gets her hot and bothered. If she won't tell you or doesn't know, you'll have to do some research on female anatomy. Don't experiment with stuff you aren't sure about.
Roleplaying definitely helps. Women are cerebral. Men are physical because all their attention is on their penis. Women want to be engaged intellectually as well. Sex is in the Mind and you want her creative juices flowing as well. Talking to her, setting up a scene or mood, and telling her how attractive she is helps.
There are all kinds of toys and other things one can use to enhance a scene. However, I'd rather not talk about it Publicly in answer, especially based on such limited information and where the person posing the question hasn't elaborated on the scenario or has figured out what specifically is creating this shortage of sex or lack thereof.
If you have open and honest communication with your spouse, she may actually tell you what is causing her lack of interest in sex with you. If you can find that out from her, that will allow you to move forward in establishing the type of relationship you'd like.
SOURCES:
"I Want to Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd
"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred
"Let's Talk about Sex" by Salt 'n' Pepa
"Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carrey
TV ANNOUNCER: K-TEL records brings you the greatest love songs of all time. You’re gonna hear such classics as:
"All You Need is Bruce."
"If you can’t be with the one you love, then love Bruce."
"Do That to Bruce One More tTme"
And who can forget that classic "Bruce So Horny. He Love You Long Time"?
Order today, and we’ll throw in at no extra charge the video "Sweating to Bruce"!
How can i spice our sex life up, my wife never wants to have sex anymore?
REPLY:
It depends on what your family situation, work life, and home life is.
With your family situation, a woman's sex drive can plummet after having children because kids take up a lot of energy. I've babysat for my cousins' kids and they're a handful. They're always running around, hyper, and require constant watch.
If your family situation is where both of you have children, that would be why her sex drive is gone.
Your wife's career can affect her sex drive. If she's juggling career and kids, her interest in sex will be much lower than when you were single and dating.
If your wife is pursuing a career opportunity where she works, that can also be like a "Corporate Child" or "Business Child" that your wife is focusing her energies.
Men do something similar when they become workaholics pursuing that desired promotion. The amount of time they devote to spending extra hours with their job is something their spouses don't always realize is a variation of "Financial Birthing" and "Financial Childcare."
The other aspect to take into account would be your home life. Depending on how your house is arranged, it can make a difference. If there's work to be done around the house in terms of laundry and housekeeping, your wife's sex drive can go down if she's the one who has to do do the cooking and cleaning.
Sometimes the reason why a wife's sex drive goes down and where she'll "let herself go" and no longer engage in sex is because the Psychological Desire or need has been removed.
With a lot of couples, they run into Sexual Dysfunction when the fall into a routine and especially after marriage. When humans develop, they all know about sex and how you seek out a mate. However, there's no official training manual on what people do after you get married and have the relationship.
Everyone practices and is familiar with the Dating Game, but few people know what to do once you get past the Dating Phase and find a suitable partner with whom you want to share the rest of your life with while maintaining the set level of standards that qualify as a "happy and successful marriage."
You have to diagnose what is causing your wife to lose interest in sex. If you really desire sex from your wife, be prepared to make the most commitment and have to do the most work in order to get it.
It may sound unfair, but usually the people who are able to identify a problem are the ones who have to change the most while the individual in the relationship who appears to be the root of the problem changes the least.
It's really a mattter of perspective though. Problems we perceive in people are really imagined and things we draw cause to manifest because someone or something fails to live up to our expectations. The question is whether those expectations we have are realistic.
You should ask yourself if your expectations are realistic given your wife's situation. If you can find a way to empathize with your wife and find ways to make her workload and lifestyle more comfortable, it will relieve her stress and allow her to have more energy to engage in activities that you want.
One of the best ways to bring spice back into your love life is by doing household chores that your wife would normally do. It may sound odd that menial tasks could ever be sexy or as if it's just some dirty rumor being spread by women to trick men into doing more chores around the house, but it's really true.
When you help relieve the workload or chores that your wife has on her plate, it creates feelings of gratitude. You become the "Household Knight in Shining Armor" rescuing your "Housekeeping Damsel in Distress."
People think that Chivalry is dead, but not when that Domestic White Knight rides in armed with Laundry Detergent and an Iron. Your wife will appreciate what she's doing for you and she will feel more amorous toward you.
Another reason why women are sometimes turned off by sex is because the male has fallen into a routine that is predictable. One of the unfortunate aspects about repetition and getting to know someone well such as your spouse is that they become predictable.
Your wife has most likely seen all your moves, knows what you like to do, knows what gets you off, and knows how you finish. If you haven't done anything to change up your routine, your wife can become uninterested.
Sadly enough this is Economics being applied to Marriages when it comes to the Theory of Rising Expectations Model overlapping the Law of Diminishing Returns.
The Theory of Rising Expectations is where you expectations go up with time. You see this with children. As your children get older, you have higher expectations. You expect them to be more mature and know better as a 13 year old than when they were a 5 year old.
When it comes to Sex, your wife already knows all your moves so it's nothing new to her. It's not very exciting. So when you want to have sex with her, she unconsciously does a split-second review of all the things that will occur during a sexual encounter and how much work will go into engaging you in such an act. If it doesn't seem worth it to her, she won't want to do it.
That's where the Law of Diminishing Returns kicks in. The more you do something, the less of an effect it has on someone. This is seen in the human body where drug addicts go through withdrawals because they require larger doses in order to satisfy their cravings. The original small amount they used is no longer sufficient.
For example, if you've never heard my advice before, you may think it's awesome and inspiring. However, if you were to listen to me giving you advice 10 or 15 times, I guarantee you'll get bored with it or you'll already know the Formula or Approach I use to Analytical-Problem Solving and the Analogies that I use to where it ceases to be impressive. That's the Law the Diminishing Returns.
When it comes to spicing up your Sex Life, it means you're going to have to be attentive to her needs and keep her guessing. There are all kinds of books that go into this.
The Kama Sutra is the most popular because it talks about all the different Sexual Positions that were researched and were originally for East Indian Royalty. If you want to try experimenting with that, it may add some variety.
You should only try experimenting with new Sex Acts if you've properly diagnosed what is causing your wife's sex drive to fizzle. If it's because she's overworked and tired that's a totally different problem that has to be solved through non-sexual means.
If your wife is interested in sex, but she's no longer interested in the way you engage her in sex, then you'll want to use sexual aids to rekindle the sparks in the bedroom.
If your wife still gets aroused, that's a positive Sign meaning it's just a matter of tweaking your sexual repertoire. When you fall into a routine, it's like serving meat and potatoes. When you eat meat and potatoes for 10 years straight, I guarantee you'll get sick of meat and potatoes.
The whole reason why people make different meals is so that they have variety. The same thing has to happen with you in the bedroom. You don't need to be a contortionist or a dress up like an acrobat swinging from a chandelier with your hoo-ha painted purple with red polka dots, but do some research on different sexual techniques.
The wife's body is like a musical instrument and you want to master playing that instrument. Understand your wife's body. Sometimes you can just flat out ask what turns your wife on or what gets her hot and bothered. If she won't tell you or doesn't know, you'll have to do some research on female anatomy. Don't experiment with stuff you aren't sure about.
Roleplaying definitely helps. Women are cerebral. Men are physical because all their attention is on their penis. Women want to be engaged intellectually as well. Sex is in the Mind and you want her creative juices flowing as well. Talking to her, setting up a scene or mood, and telling her how attractive she is helps.
There are all kinds of toys and other things one can use to enhance a scene. However, I'd rather not talk about it Publicly in answer, especially based on such limited information and where the person posing the question hasn't elaborated on the scenario or has figured out what specifically is creating this shortage of sex or lack thereof.
If you have open and honest communication with your spouse, she may actually tell you what is causing her lack of interest in sex with you. If you can find that out from her, that will allow you to move forward in establishing the type of relationship you'd like.
SOURCES:
"I Want to Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd
"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred
"Let's Talk about Sex" by Salt 'n' Pepa
"Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carrey
TV ANNOUNCER: K-TEL records brings you the greatest love songs of all time. You’re gonna hear such classics as:
"All You Need is Bruce."
"If you can’t be with the one you love, then love Bruce."
"Do That to Bruce One More tTme"
And who can forget that classic "Bruce So Horny. He Love You Long Time"?
Order today, and we’ll throw in at no extra charge the video "Sweating to Bruce"!