Confessions of the Young and the Damned
(Me) BlackLovecraft: eh theres nothing for me to do and i need to leave the house
BlackLovecraft (4:04:05 PM): if you would like to hang out outside of my house id love that
(her)oh cliche (4:04:15 PM): what do you want to do
BlackLovecraft (4:04:19 PM): anything
BlackLovecraft (4:04:22 PM): everything
oh cliche (4:04:26 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:04:33 PM): i dont know im kinda in a mood to sit and be anry
oh cliche (4:04:35 PM): angry*
BlackLovecraft (4:05:05 PM): thats never good
oh cliche (4:05:41 PM): i guess
oh cliche (4:06:02 PM): ****'s just making me mad. he refuses to drive to see me this weekend.
oh cliche (4:07:10 PM): hes like you come here, and he knows how risky that is for me and im just tired of being in trouble and getting yelled at and hes like just stop listening and caring what she says and i want to but it still scares me even though im already banned from everything. but hes like well ill come during the week next week which is risky because what if my dad comes home early and stuff and i get caught with that i mean yeah i want to be cause wed be alone and everything but its still so scary and ughhhh
BlackLovecraft (4:08:00 PM): now that its over and done with you know you dont have to do it every opertunity you get
oh cliche (4:08:45 PM): ...?
oh cliche (4:08:53 PM): you think thats all i care about dont you
BlackLovecraft (4:09:10 PM): no
BlackLovecraft (4:09:17 PM): im just saying i know what its like just not with sex
oh cliche (4:09:52 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:10:07 PM): but i want him to come tonight even though we probably cant have sex
oh cliche (4:10:09 PM): but he wont
BlackLovecraft (4:10:29 PM): if you promise him sex he might
oh cliche (4:11:19 PM): hes not like that
oh cliche (4:11:33 PM): he didnt want to have sex again until i was on birth control for a month
oh cliche (4:11:37 PM): but i told him that was dumb
BlackLovecraft (4:11:53 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:12:38 PM): sex seems like a chore to please our sex crazed minds like its all for rebellion just likes drugs
oh cliche (4:13:05 PM): no not really
oh cliche (4:13:10 PM): its not a chore at all
BlackLovecraft (4:13:29 PM): well its like
BlackLovecraft (4:13:34 PM): its hard to explain
oh cliche (4:14:17 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:17:04 PM): i wish i had my license
BlackLovecraft (4:17:10 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:18:54 PM): we all seem to just fill our useless lives with gaps of short pleasure to cover up the fact that we all hurt and cant loosen the hurt not with fists words or razors
BlackLovecraft (4:20:44 PM): Sex and Drugs there all the same all just filler
oh cliche (4:21:22 PM): i dont believe that
oh cliche (4:21:27 PM): i think promiscuous sex and drugs are
oh cliche (4:21:30 PM): not sex in general
oh cliche (4:21:37 PM): you cant judge something that youve never done
BlackLovecraft (4:21:51 PM): well sex is sex
BlackLovecraft (4:21:55 PM): love is love
BlackLovecraft (4:21:57 PM): sex isnt love
oh cliche (4:22:03 PM): not if its with thte right person
BlackLovecraft (4:23:25 PM): love is emotions and love is words love is not sex
BlackLovecraft (4:23:33 PM): like a penis is a key
BlackLovecraft (4:23:45 PM): just because it fits the gap doesnt make it love
BlackLovecraft (4:24:01 PM): when it all comes down to it were all just filler
oh cliche (4:24:01 PM): no
oh cliche (4:24:06 PM): ok fine
oh cliche (4:24:10 PM): i dont even want to debate
oh cliche (4:24:13 PM): its all pointless
oh cliche (4:24:20 PM): because one day we'll all end up dead
oh cliche (4:24:30 PM): and i hope that day is sooner rather than later
BlackLovecraft (4:25:13 PM): whether we spend our time here tripping or screwing or debating or cooking or killing or doing absolutly nothing its all just filler until you connect with the person inside you your just a robot and the world is your movie set
oh cliche (4:25:45 PM): yeah yeah yeah''
oh cliche (4:26:03 PM): i want to sit on my porch and smoke
oh cliche (4:26:15 PM): you know whats funny i know exactly what i want out of life.
oh cliche (4:27:25 PM): i could tell you exactly what i want in a paragraph.
BlackLovecraft (4:28:10 PM): do it
oh cliche (4:28:45 PM): starting from now and until i die?
BlackLovecraft (4:28:56 PM): what ever you choose
oh cliche (4:29:13 PM): okay
oh cliche (4:30:33 PM): i want to stop being afraid of consequences my mother will bring upon me and live life how i want it so im happy. im tired of living in fear of what she
oh cliche (4:30:36 PM): 'll think.
oh cliche (4:30:58 PM): i want to make it through highschool with a few close friends. i want to graduate and get into michigan state.
oh cliche (4:33:11 PM): i want to wake up on my 18th birthday next to **** and be proposed to like we planned months ago. i want to graduate with a degree in elementary education and move away from michigan. to a state that has a city, but was close enough to the suburbs so that when i had kids they could have a yard to play in. when we could, wed buy a house, not too big, one story. a big enough yard to play in but not too huge. id want one kid. maybe two. a boy and a girl, or two girls.
oh cliche (4:33:21 PM): id want to get a steady job as a kindergarten teacher
oh cliche (4:33:28 PM): and **** have a steady job at a hospital
oh cliche (4:33:40 PM): i want to finally have a decent relationship with my mother
BlackLovecraft (4:33:59 PM): thats a great dream
oh cliche (4:33:59 PM): i want to travel
oh cliche (4:34:15 PM): why do you say it like that
BlackLovecraft (4:34:32 PM): the disturbing reality that we cant plan the future
oh cliche (4:34:41 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:45 PM): nor live in the past
oh cliche (4:34:52 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:55 PM): only day to day moment to moment
oh cliche (4:35:07 PM): i hate that
BlackLovecraft (4:35:19 PM): everyone does
oh cliche (4:35:54 PM): im so tired of everything. of being where i am. im bored and frustrated and i want to move on.
BlackLovecraft (4:36:03 PM): we all are
BlackLovecraft (4:36:19 PM): me and j***** keep planning on running away when i turn 17
BlackLovecraft (4:36:31 PM): you can legally leave when you are 17
oh cliche (4:36:38 PM): yeah i know that was my plan too
oh cliche (4:36:43 PM): but thats probably not going to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:36:52 PM): it wont happen
BlackLovecraft (4:37:00 PM): its the small shread of hope we have
BlackLovecraft (4:37:23 PM): just packing up the bus and travelling to san fransisco
oh cliche (4:37:30 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:38:14 PM): can i ask you something about **** and i if i promise i wont get mad at your opinion at all
BlackLovecraft (4:38:45 PM): ok
oh cliche (4:39:07 PM): after everything he and i have been through how long would you estimate wed make it
BlackLovecraft (4:39:27 PM): 10 percent
BlackLovecraft (4:39:41 PM): which is about 50 times more of a chance then anyone else
oh cliche (4:39:50 PM): so thats good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:39:56 PM): i guess
BlackLovecraft (4:40:06 PM): its never good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:40:12 PM): its about defying the odds
oh cliche (4:40:18 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:40:24 PM): sometimes i think we wont.
BlackLovecraft (4:40:36 PM): doubt just lowers your chance
oh cliche (4:40:46 PM): i just think he;ll get sick of me.
BlackLovecraft (4:41:10 PM): theres no such thing if your in Love
oh cliche (4:41:26 PM): people fall out of love
oh cliche (4:41:35 PM): or people think theyre in love when theyre not..
BlackLovecraft (4:41:40 PM): its by lack of care
BlackLovecraft (4:41:47 PM): thats the thing about love
oh cliche (4:41:48 PM): thats how divorces happen
BlackLovecraft (4:41:55 PM): there is no one definition of it
BlackLovecraft (4:42:08 PM): everyone defines Love differently
oh cliche (4:42:19 PM): wanna know my definition
BlackLovecraft (4:42:25 PM): yes i do
oh cliche (4:42:26 PM): then you tell me yours
oh cliche (4:42:43 PM): i think love is knowing that youd do anything for that person, but knowing theyd never want/ask you to.
BlackLovecraft (4:43:57 PM): i dont have a definition yet, i havent been in love there fore i have nothing to define, its rather depressing knowing this and with this way of thinking my mind starts wondering whether or not i will ever have a definition
BlackLovecraft (4:44:12 PM): perhaps i have been in love
BlackLovecraft (4:44:32 PM): thats an even worse thought having been in love and not known it
oh cliche (4:44:47 PM): youd know it
BlackLovecraft (4:44:51 PM): if thats true than love must not be good enough to catch my attention
BlackLovecraft (4:45:05 PM): i dont know
BlackLovecraft (4:45:15 PM): you can search for a lifetime and never find what your looking for
oh cliche (4:45:21 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:46:31 PM): god i hope my plan works
oh cliche (4:46:38 PM): even if i didnt get into state
oh cliche (4:46:45 PM): i just want the rest to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:47:07 PM): what did you want for your life 2 years ago
oh cliche (4:47:32 PM): all i wanted two years ago was to get into state
oh cliche (4:47:52 PM): i never thought about the future until i met ****
BlackLovecraft (4:48:10 PM): does that scare you
oh cliche (4:48:33 PM): the only thing that scares me is the fact that i dont have any control over whether or not it happens
BlackLovecraft (4:48:52 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:48:58 PM): think about it
BlackLovecraft (4:49:02 PM): lack of control does that to people
BlackLovecraft (4:49:11 PM): fear feeds on people
oh cliche (4:49:12 PM): that would probably be the biggest let down ive ever experience
oh cliche (4:49:13 PM): s
oh cliche (4:49:16 PM): experienced*
BlackLovecraft (4:49:32 PM): there is nothing to fear but fear its self
oh cliche (4:49:39 PM): FDR
BlackLovecraft (4:49:57 PM): which is funny because even if you understand that you still cant conceive its meaning enough to follow it
oh cliche (4:50:05 PM): yeah i know
BlackLovecraft (4:04:05 PM): if you would like to hang out outside of my house id love that
(her)oh cliche (4:04:15 PM): what do you want to do
BlackLovecraft (4:04:19 PM): anything
BlackLovecraft (4:04:22 PM): everything
oh cliche (4:04:26 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:04:33 PM): i dont know im kinda in a mood to sit and be anry
oh cliche (4:04:35 PM): angry*
BlackLovecraft (4:05:05 PM): thats never good
oh cliche (4:05:41 PM): i guess
oh cliche (4:06:02 PM): ****'s just making me mad. he refuses to drive to see me this weekend.
oh cliche (4:07:10 PM): hes like you come here, and he knows how risky that is for me and im just tired of being in trouble and getting yelled at and hes like just stop listening and caring what she says and i want to but it still scares me even though im already banned from everything. but hes like well ill come during the week next week which is risky because what if my dad comes home early and stuff and i get caught with that i mean yeah i want to be cause wed be alone and everything but its still so scary and ughhhh
BlackLovecraft (4:08:00 PM): now that its over and done with you know you dont have to do it every opertunity you get
oh cliche (4:08:45 PM): ...?
oh cliche (4:08:53 PM): you think thats all i care about dont you
BlackLovecraft (4:09:10 PM): no
BlackLovecraft (4:09:17 PM): im just saying i know what its like just not with sex
oh cliche (4:09:52 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:10:07 PM): but i want him to come tonight even though we probably cant have sex
oh cliche (4:10:09 PM): but he wont
BlackLovecraft (4:10:29 PM): if you promise him sex he might
oh cliche (4:11:19 PM): hes not like that
oh cliche (4:11:33 PM): he didnt want to have sex again until i was on birth control for a month
oh cliche (4:11:37 PM): but i told him that was dumb
BlackLovecraft (4:11:53 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:12:38 PM): sex seems like a chore to please our sex crazed minds like its all for rebellion just likes drugs
oh cliche (4:13:05 PM): no not really
oh cliche (4:13:10 PM): its not a chore at all
BlackLovecraft (4:13:29 PM): well its like
BlackLovecraft (4:13:34 PM): its hard to explain
oh cliche (4:14:17 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:17:04 PM): i wish i had my license
BlackLovecraft (4:17:10 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:18:54 PM): we all seem to just fill our useless lives with gaps of short pleasure to cover up the fact that we all hurt and cant loosen the hurt not with fists words or razors
BlackLovecraft (4:20:44 PM): Sex and Drugs there all the same all just filler
oh cliche (4:21:22 PM): i dont believe that
oh cliche (4:21:27 PM): i think promiscuous sex and drugs are
oh cliche (4:21:30 PM): not sex in general
oh cliche (4:21:37 PM): you cant judge something that youve never done
BlackLovecraft (4:21:51 PM): well sex is sex
BlackLovecraft (4:21:55 PM): love is love
BlackLovecraft (4:21:57 PM): sex isnt love
oh cliche (4:22:03 PM): not if its with thte right person
BlackLovecraft (4:23:25 PM): love is emotions and love is words love is not sex
BlackLovecraft (4:23:33 PM): like a penis is a key
BlackLovecraft (4:23:45 PM): just because it fits the gap doesnt make it love
BlackLovecraft (4:24:01 PM): when it all comes down to it were all just filler
oh cliche (4:24:01 PM): no
oh cliche (4:24:06 PM): ok fine
oh cliche (4:24:10 PM): i dont even want to debate
oh cliche (4:24:13 PM): its all pointless
oh cliche (4:24:20 PM): because one day we'll all end up dead
oh cliche (4:24:30 PM): and i hope that day is sooner rather than later
BlackLovecraft (4:25:13 PM): whether we spend our time here tripping or screwing or debating or cooking or killing or doing absolutly nothing its all just filler until you connect with the person inside you your just a robot and the world is your movie set
oh cliche (4:25:45 PM): yeah yeah yeah''
oh cliche (4:26:03 PM): i want to sit on my porch and smoke
oh cliche (4:26:15 PM): you know whats funny i know exactly what i want out of life.
oh cliche (4:27:25 PM): i could tell you exactly what i want in a paragraph.
BlackLovecraft (4:28:10 PM): do it
oh cliche (4:28:45 PM): starting from now and until i die?
BlackLovecraft (4:28:56 PM): what ever you choose
oh cliche (4:29:13 PM): okay
oh cliche (4:30:33 PM): i want to stop being afraid of consequences my mother will bring upon me and live life how i want it so im happy. im tired of living in fear of what she
oh cliche (4:30:36 PM): 'll think.
oh cliche (4:30:58 PM): i want to make it through highschool with a few close friends. i want to graduate and get into michigan state.
oh cliche (4:33:11 PM): i want to wake up on my 18th birthday next to **** and be proposed to like we planned months ago. i want to graduate with a degree in elementary education and move away from michigan. to a state that has a city, but was close enough to the suburbs so that when i had kids they could have a yard to play in. when we could, wed buy a house, not too big, one story. a big enough yard to play in but not too huge. id want one kid. maybe two. a boy and a girl, or two girls.
oh cliche (4:33:21 PM): id want to get a steady job as a kindergarten teacher
oh cliche (4:33:28 PM): and **** have a steady job at a hospital
oh cliche (4:33:40 PM): i want to finally have a decent relationship with my mother
BlackLovecraft (4:33:59 PM): thats a great dream
oh cliche (4:33:59 PM): i want to travel
oh cliche (4:34:15 PM): why do you say it like that
BlackLovecraft (4:34:32 PM): the disturbing reality that we cant plan the future
oh cliche (4:34:41 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:45 PM): nor live in the past
oh cliche (4:34:52 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:55 PM): only day to day moment to moment
oh cliche (4:35:07 PM): i hate that
BlackLovecraft (4:35:19 PM): everyone does
oh cliche (4:35:54 PM): im so tired of everything. of being where i am. im bored and frustrated and i want to move on.
BlackLovecraft (4:36:03 PM): we all are
BlackLovecraft (4:36:19 PM): me and j***** keep planning on running away when i turn 17
BlackLovecraft (4:36:31 PM): you can legally leave when you are 17
oh cliche (4:36:38 PM): yeah i know that was my plan too
oh cliche (4:36:43 PM): but thats probably not going to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:36:52 PM): it wont happen
BlackLovecraft (4:37:00 PM): its the small shread of hope we have
BlackLovecraft (4:37:23 PM): just packing up the bus and travelling to san fransisco
oh cliche (4:37:30 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:38:14 PM): can i ask you something about **** and i if i promise i wont get mad at your opinion at all
BlackLovecraft (4:38:45 PM): ok
oh cliche (4:39:07 PM): after everything he and i have been through how long would you estimate wed make it
BlackLovecraft (4:39:27 PM): 10 percent
BlackLovecraft (4:39:41 PM): which is about 50 times more of a chance then anyone else
oh cliche (4:39:50 PM): so thats good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:39:56 PM): i guess
BlackLovecraft (4:40:06 PM): its never good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:40:12 PM): its about defying the odds
oh cliche (4:40:18 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:40:24 PM): sometimes i think we wont.
BlackLovecraft (4:40:36 PM): doubt just lowers your chance
oh cliche (4:40:46 PM): i just think he;ll get sick of me.
BlackLovecraft (4:41:10 PM): theres no such thing if your in Love
oh cliche (4:41:26 PM): people fall out of love
oh cliche (4:41:35 PM): or people think theyre in love when theyre not..
BlackLovecraft (4:41:40 PM): its by lack of care
BlackLovecraft (4:41:47 PM): thats the thing about love
oh cliche (4:41:48 PM): thats how divorces happen
BlackLovecraft (4:41:55 PM): there is no one definition of it
BlackLovecraft (4:42:08 PM): everyone defines Love differently
oh cliche (4:42:19 PM): wanna know my definition
BlackLovecraft (4:42:25 PM): yes i do
oh cliche (4:42:26 PM): then you tell me yours
oh cliche (4:42:43 PM): i think love is knowing that youd do anything for that person, but knowing theyd never want/ask you to.
BlackLovecraft (4:43:57 PM): i dont have a definition yet, i havent been in love there fore i have nothing to define, its rather depressing knowing this and with this way of thinking my mind starts wondering whether or not i will ever have a definition
BlackLovecraft (4:44:12 PM): perhaps i have been in love
BlackLovecraft (4:44:32 PM): thats an even worse thought having been in love and not known it
oh cliche (4:44:47 PM): youd know it
BlackLovecraft (4:44:51 PM): if thats true than love must not be good enough to catch my attention
BlackLovecraft (4:45:05 PM): i dont know
BlackLovecraft (4:45:15 PM): you can search for a lifetime and never find what your looking for
oh cliche (4:45:21 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:46:31 PM): god i hope my plan works
oh cliche (4:46:38 PM): even if i didnt get into state
oh cliche (4:46:45 PM): i just want the rest to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:47:07 PM): what did you want for your life 2 years ago
oh cliche (4:47:32 PM): all i wanted two years ago was to get into state
oh cliche (4:47:52 PM): i never thought about the future until i met ****
BlackLovecraft (4:48:10 PM): does that scare you
oh cliche (4:48:33 PM): the only thing that scares me is the fact that i dont have any control over whether or not it happens
BlackLovecraft (4:48:52 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:48:58 PM): think about it
BlackLovecraft (4:49:02 PM): lack of control does that to people
BlackLovecraft (4:49:11 PM): fear feeds on people
oh cliche (4:49:12 PM): that would probably be the biggest let down ive ever experience
oh cliche (4:49:13 PM): s
oh cliche (4:49:16 PM): experienced*
BlackLovecraft (4:49:32 PM): there is nothing to fear but fear its self
oh cliche (4:49:39 PM): FDR
BlackLovecraft (4:49:57 PM): which is funny because even if you understand that you still cant conceive its meaning enough to follow it
oh cliche (4:50:05 PM): yeah i know