(no subject)
today has been horrible. i woke up at 3, felt like something ripped off my head and shit in the hole then threw my head back on and bound it there with old scotch tape. about an hour later i threw up and went back to bed, woke up at 6 and felt even worse, nearly threw up a few more times but nothins come back up...yet. i havent eaten anything all day and my body hates me because of it. the dr told me to eat, but i cant, nothing goes down. i just wanna curl up into a little ball and die.
and on top of that im in a major depression. even with my meds im having lots of suicidal thoughts and shit, it sucks. i feel so alone, so lonely and unwanted, worthless, hated, completely unloved. i want this all to stop...i want it to stop so badly, the pain of the teeth, the pain of the heart, the pain needs to stop! arg. why cant i be normal? why cant i be accepted? why cant i accept? why am i asking so many fucking pointless questions and why arent i back in bed? later.
and on top of that im in a major depression. even with my meds im having lots of suicidal thoughts and shit, it sucks. i feel so alone, so lonely and unwanted, worthless, hated, completely unloved. i want this all to stop...i want it to stop so badly, the pain of the teeth, the pain of the heart, the pain needs to stop! arg. why cant i be normal? why cant i be accepted? why cant i accept? why am i asking so many fucking pointless questions and why arent i back in bed? later.