You put yourself in these positions
First, you fuck. Then you fall in love. Then you care. Not just for each other, but for everything in each other's lives. From common or uncommon interests, to belongings, to pets, to family. Then you make promises. Promises you choose to keep, or to toss. And for everything you choose to keep, you follow through on. Even when the chords are cut. Even when those chords that hoisted you up are gone and you fall out of "love'. You make more promises. You choose to keep, or to toss. You don't have to keep up appearances in order to still care for what you care for...but it helps. And then when you ignore those things you care for--When even the slightest sliver of apathy slides in, you pay the price. The price of guilt. Or something else entirely.
You never have to blame yourself, or think anything is ever your fault. You never have to do that. What happens happens. But you must understand that if the guilt (or whatever it is) gets to you, you have to know one thing:
You put yourself in this position.
It doesn't matter what you said or did that cut the strings, whether it was done by you or the other. The things you choose to keep, to follow though on, they stay with you because you let them. Because you believe they are in your best interests whether or not you second guess them.
Jeordie and my cat Koda is dying. She says. Suffered a seizure, insides are rotten. Not even a year old. He was sick for a long time, even when I had him back at the apartment. We never took him to the vet, other than for to snip his cajones. But when things got rough, it became hard to care for something you once considered your "son". You pass off the illness as something that'll eventually settle. I mean, I did. I mean, we both did.
Poor little guy. He was so full of spunk, so small, so cute. Even when he attacked our bare body parts. He was great company, and funny enough to watch for hours. Small whiny meows, but strong stamina, big heart. Fucking blows knowing all this. All this retrospect that shapes the current.
If he does die, may he journey well.
If he fights through it, then hopefully he'll become stronger for it. And as his caretakers, as his "parents"--maybe we'll get a second chance at giving him the medical attention he needed all this time.
You never have to blame yourself, or think anything is ever your fault. You never have to do that. What happens happens. But you must understand that if the guilt (or whatever it is) gets to you, you have to know one thing:
You put yourself in this position.
It doesn't matter what you said or did that cut the strings, whether it was done by you or the other. The things you choose to keep, to follow though on, they stay with you because you let them. Because you believe they are in your best interests whether or not you second guess them.
Jeordie and my cat Koda is dying. She says. Suffered a seizure, insides are rotten. Not even a year old. He was sick for a long time, even when I had him back at the apartment. We never took him to the vet, other than for to snip his cajones. But when things got rough, it became hard to care for something you once considered your "son". You pass off the illness as something that'll eventually settle. I mean, I did. I mean, we both did.
Poor little guy. He was so full of spunk, so small, so cute. Even when he attacked our bare body parts. He was great company, and funny enough to watch for hours. Small whiny meows, but strong stamina, big heart. Fucking blows knowing all this. All this retrospect that shapes the current.
If he does die, may he journey well.
If he fights through it, then hopefully he'll become stronger for it. And as his caretakers, as his "parents"--maybe we'll get a second chance at giving him the medical attention he needed all this time.