You've Become What I Hate, Sold Yourself For A Bit Of Fame: Chapter Forty-Five
Summary: Alex has just moved for the last of many times to Dulaney High school. He has decided that this is the year and school that he will try and become "popular" but if that happened would it be a bad thing? And will finding a new friend, that may think of him as more, also affect it?....
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Don't You Ever Forget About Me-Sleeping With Sirens
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Forty-Five
“Okay. What is going on?”
Josh looked at Jack, shook his head firmly, mimed zipping over his mouth and then pointed firmly at the stage.
The Lebanese boy rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance before turning to look. He quickly calculated the chances that he had of escaping now and realised that the odds weren't really in his favour.
He crossed his arms and leaned against the barrier, trying to look anywhere but at the golden haired boy sitting practically right in front of him on a wooden stool looking like a deer in the headlights. He soon found that this was futile and he couldn't help but stare up at the boy. It was like he was under his spell.
~
Alex gulped again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That didn't help. He opened his eyes and found Jack again in the crowd.
He found the pair of big brown doe eyes that he so loved and stared right into them. He felt his nerves slip away again. 'You can do this, Alex. Do it for Jack.'
He cleared his throat and jumped slightly as the quiet noise was amplified throughout the giant room. Everyone in the crowd was unnaturally quiet as they waited for this stranger interrupting their favourite band's concert, to speak.
After another breath he finally did, “Um, okay well. This is a song I wrote, um, last week. And I've never really played it before, so I'm not sure how good it'll sound but, uh. Yeah. This goes out to someone special. Someone really special to me that I've hurt and been a complete jerk to, but I really want to make it up to him. Because, ah, because I have something really really important to tell him. So, uh, this is a song I wrote. It's called Stomach Tied In Knots. I hope you, um,” He looked right at Jack, “I hope you like it,” He finished softly.
He closed his eyes and began to sing.
Listen to the song here if you want to cry from perfection. (Yes, the song is that good)
Oh, my stomach’s tied in knots
I’m afraid of what I’ll find if you want to talk tonight
See the problem isn’t you, it’s me I know
I can tell, I’ve seen it time after time
And I’ll push you away
I get so afraid
He opened his eyes and looked at the crowd, anywhere but at the face he most wanted to see.
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
And I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
I only have myself to blame
But do you think we can start again
'Cause I can't live without you
Oh, my stomach’s tied in knots
I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I can see you with him tonight
See the problem isn’t you, it’s me I know
I do this every single time
I’ll push you away
I get so afraid
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
He looked at Jack, right at Jack, and only at Jack. He felt his voice start to tremble and immediately put a stop to it, knowing that this had to sound good.
I only have myself to blame
But do you think we can start again
Let's start again
I can't live without you
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
Nobody else
Nobody else
I can't live without you
Oh-oh
Alex finished his song and took a deep breath. He looked down at Jack. Staring right into his eyes and then moved back towards the microphone. He smiled at the applause from the crowd,
“Thank you so much. I, uh. I guess all that's left to say is, uhm.”
He glanced down at Josh, who nodded at him encouragingly. He closed his eyes.
“Right. Uh, J-Jack Barakat. I-uhm. I-”
Alex opened his eyes and looked down at the spot the boy was standing in. He furrowed his forehead in confusion. Where Jack had been standing throughout the song was now full of strangers. He turned his gaze to Josh but the other boy looked just as confused as Alex did. He noticed the blonde's stare and looked back at him and shrugged.
The boy onstage looked across the crowd and noticed a commotion about halfway through. It looked like someone was trying to go against the rush of people. He squinted to get a better look and realised that that person was Jack.
Alex just sat there dumbfounded and in shock. No. This wasn't what happened, he couldn't be running away.
He stood up quickly and said a hurried thank you to the crowd and the band and then ran off the stage.
When he got into the crowd area he searched for a familiar figure and spotted him, walking out the doors.
“No!” The blonde cried, starting to run to try and catch Jack. He had to.
Seemingly after years, he himself got to the doors. He burst out of them hoping to see the boy he so loved.
Without knowing what he was doing, he realised he was yelling, “Jack! Jack! God dammit...” His voice broke at the end. He wondered if he was crying but realised that it was just the rain that was pouring down on him, seemingly in reflection of his mood. He couldn't believe that everything had gone so perfectly just to go to shit. He stood there outside the venue and knew that he was a second away from breaking down.
Suddenly, he heard a noise in a small back alley next to the venue. He slowly turned towards it, more of a jerk reaction than really caring. When he looked into the alley though, he saw a tall, lanky figure that he wouldn't mistake anywhere. “JACK!” He cried, more in relief than anything.
Said boy looked up at his name being called and then suddenly looked like he was going to run away. The blonde couldn't take that.
“No! God dammit, Jack! Will you just fucking talk to me!” Then he added in a whisper, sounding very close to tears, “Please?” His voice broke again.
The other boy looked up. “There's nothing for me to say.” He lifelessly replied.
“Ja-” The blonde tried.
Jack's gaze then turned alert and steely, “No, Alex. What did you think? Did you think that you could just write me a song and then everything would be okay between us? You were horrible. You broke my heart multiple times. I mean, the thing is; I was fine with being friends with you when we met because at least then I could still be close to you, I could still be around you and talk to you. Sure, it wasn't exactly the closeness that I wanted but, I mean, it was still close. We were fine, we were happy, were were friends. You were my best friend, Alex. But then....then you had to go and bring up the fucking “popularity” thing and I-well, I didn't want you to go through with it. I didn't want to help. But I did. Because I knew it would make you happy.”
The English boy's eyes were shining and he opened his mouth to speak. Jack cut him off. He didn't sound as harsh as he did before, he sounded more hurt.
“And I can't even say that I didn't think you would spiral out of control, as horrible as that sounds. Yeah, I did think that you could probably get in over your head but then I thought, 'This is unfair to Alex. Alex wouldn't do that. My Alex wouldn't.' But you proved me wrong, Alex.
You broke your promises, you went to ridiculous parties....you dated Kellin Quinn for fucks sake! But, I don't think that was the worst bit. I mean, I think I could have handled all that if you had just continued to talk to me and keep me in your life. To be my friend and be there for me. To be Alex. Not “Alex Gaskarth, My-fucking-popularity”, but Alexander Gaskarth, my best friend. And-”
For most of the time that he'd been speaking, Jack had been glaring holes into the pavement below him, but at this point he raised his head and looked the blonde right in the eyes.
“And the person I had fallen in love with. But you weren't. And I'm pretty sure that that broke me.”
The English boy had been staring at Jack throughout his whole speech with his eyes wide and watery as if he was about to totally break down into tears. After a moment he was finally able to get words out. His voice sounded cracked and totally unlike the confident and sure voice that had sung to thousands of people only minutes before.
“Jack. I know I was horrible then, but-but I'm here now, I'm here and I'm me! The old Alex. And Jack I-I-”
Jack shook his head, and swallowed, “Don't Alex. Don't” His voice lowered to a mumble, “It's too late.”
The Lebanese boy resignedly started to walk away, his head slumped and body seeming worn out.
Alex couldn't take it, he had to say something. Without even thinking about it, he just opened his mouth and hoped that something good came out. He sounded frantic and slightly needy, and that's probably because that was exactly how he was feeling.
“NO! No! Jack! It-it can't be too late! It just can't! I-I'm sorry! I am, I'm really really sorry. Josh, when he came to visit me in the hospital, he basically told me what you just did but, I guess, he made sure that I understood. And when I did, I-I couldn't stop thinking about what he said. And a-about you. And me. And I waited for you to visit, I just kept waiting so I could talk to you and apologise. And just so I could see you again. But-but you never did visit. And when Josh came again and told me that you weren't going to come at all, I just didn't believe him. But, he gave me this look and told me I had lost the best thing that I ever had and probably ever will have. And I finally realised that it's true. It's so damn true.”
He tugged his hands through his hair. Jack had turned around and stopped walking. He was looking at the older boy with no expression, just letting him speak.
“When I got out of the hospital I knew that I had been horrible and I had to fix it. I wanted to tell you how bad I felt as soon as I could but you-you didn't speak to me. You wouldn't see me. And it-it really hurt and I-I guess I deserve it because I did the same to you but. Jack. Jack I don't know how much more of this I can take. Your not speaking to me is the worst feeling ever. I understand what I did wrong now Jack. I promise I will never ever do anything like it again.”
He cleared his throat, attempting to hold back the tears. “I need you, Jacky. I-I want you.”
He stopped and took a deep breath, and looked Jack in the eyes like the other boy had done before, only, this time it was different.
He then said softly, “I love you.”
The blonde stopped and waited for Jack to say something, to say anything. He waited even longer. And after what actually felt like hours, the blonde broke the torrential downpour filled silence with broken whispers through tears that had finally taken over.
“I'm so sorry, Jack. So so sorry.” He just kept repeating those words, looking down at the ground, no longer able to look up at the boy who clearly wanted him no longer.
Jack look at Alex. He looked at the boy who was standing looking at the ground, his body slumped in total resignation. He could hear him whispering and then he realised.
Finally. Finally his Alex was back. The Alex that he loved. The sweet, caring, perfect boy that he fell in love with. Even standing slumped, crying in a crazy rain shower he looked gorgeous. Jack then made a decision.
The blonde continued to look at the ground, he knew he was still whispering meaningless apologies. He knew that he was standing alone and all his hard work had gone to waste. He welcomed the rain now, it mirrored his insides perfectly.
He flinched in surprise as he suddenly felt something under his chin. He looked up, having no choice, with his eyes wide. As soon as his eyes meet Jack's, said boy was there kissing him. And it was the best kiss that Alex ever had. Better than their kisses at the bar all the time ago, better than their make out session at Kellin's party and miles better than any kiss Kellin could have given. It was just perfect.
When they finally broke apart, Alex looked up at Jack. He smiled and then timidly asked, “So...am I forgiven?”
The Lebanese boy smirked then said, “For now.” He then gave him a small smile to show he was joking, “Come on, Lex, let's go home.”
The blonde gave a giant smile at the nickname that he was called for the first time in ages. His eyes widened again suddenly, “Wait. Um, I uh, I-oh just come with me.”
xxxxxx
A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! So so sorry that it took so long and I realise it was a bit longer than most chapters but I wanted it all to be in one. This is not the end :P (Well, pretty much. But I'm gonna have a wrapping up one)
I just want to say that all of your reactions to the last chapter were literally the best things! I love you guys so much<3 Hopefully I can post the next chapter for you soon but that giant creep storm is supposed to come to my area tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'll have internet...or even survive...I'm kinda freaked...but yeah.
Also, I find it horribly ironic and it makes me laugh so much that the song that Alex sings to Jack in this is actually sung by Kellin Quinn in real life. Heehee, I didn't even do that intentionally! :'D Okay, yes, I'm a dork. But deal with it because you have to!
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Don't You Ever Forget About Me-Sleeping With Sirens
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Forty-Five
“Okay. What is going on?”
Josh looked at Jack, shook his head firmly, mimed zipping over his mouth and then pointed firmly at the stage.
The Lebanese boy rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance before turning to look. He quickly calculated the chances that he had of escaping now and realised that the odds weren't really in his favour.
He crossed his arms and leaned against the barrier, trying to look anywhere but at the golden haired boy sitting practically right in front of him on a wooden stool looking like a deer in the headlights. He soon found that this was futile and he couldn't help but stare up at the boy. It was like he was under his spell.
~
Alex gulped again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That didn't help. He opened his eyes and found Jack again in the crowd.
He found the pair of big brown doe eyes that he so loved and stared right into them. He felt his nerves slip away again. 'You can do this, Alex. Do it for Jack.'
He cleared his throat and jumped slightly as the quiet noise was amplified throughout the giant room. Everyone in the crowd was unnaturally quiet as they waited for this stranger interrupting their favourite band's concert, to speak.
After another breath he finally did, “Um, okay well. This is a song I wrote, um, last week. And I've never really played it before, so I'm not sure how good it'll sound but, uh. Yeah. This goes out to someone special. Someone really special to me that I've hurt and been a complete jerk to, but I really want to make it up to him. Because, ah, because I have something really really important to tell him. So, uh, this is a song I wrote. It's called Stomach Tied In Knots. I hope you, um,” He looked right at Jack, “I hope you like it,” He finished softly.
He closed his eyes and began to sing.
Listen to the song here if you want to cry from perfection. (Yes, the song is that good)
Oh, my stomach’s tied in knots
I’m afraid of what I’ll find if you want to talk tonight
See the problem isn’t you, it’s me I know
I can tell, I’ve seen it time after time
And I’ll push you away
I get so afraid
He opened his eyes and looked at the crowd, anywhere but at the face he most wanted to see.
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
And I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
I only have myself to blame
But do you think we can start again
'Cause I can't live without you
Oh, my stomach’s tied in knots
I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I can see you with him tonight
See the problem isn’t you, it’s me I know
I do this every single time
I’ll push you away
I get so afraid
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
He looked at Jack, right at Jack, and only at Jack. He felt his voice start to tremble and immediately put a stop to it, knowing that this had to sound good.
I only have myself to blame
But do you think we can start again
Let's start again
I can't live without you
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
And I can't live without you now
I can't even live with myself
I can't live without you now
And I don’t want nobody else
Nobody else
Nobody else
I can't live without you
Oh-oh
Alex finished his song and took a deep breath. He looked down at Jack. Staring right into his eyes and then moved back towards the microphone. He smiled at the applause from the crowd,
“Thank you so much. I, uh. I guess all that's left to say is, uhm.”
He glanced down at Josh, who nodded at him encouragingly. He closed his eyes.
“Right. Uh, J-Jack Barakat. I-uhm. I-”
Alex opened his eyes and looked down at the spot the boy was standing in. He furrowed his forehead in confusion. Where Jack had been standing throughout the song was now full of strangers. He turned his gaze to Josh but the other boy looked just as confused as Alex did. He noticed the blonde's stare and looked back at him and shrugged.
The boy onstage looked across the crowd and noticed a commotion about halfway through. It looked like someone was trying to go against the rush of people. He squinted to get a better look and realised that that person was Jack.
Alex just sat there dumbfounded and in shock. No. This wasn't what happened, he couldn't be running away.
He stood up quickly and said a hurried thank you to the crowd and the band and then ran off the stage.
When he got into the crowd area he searched for a familiar figure and spotted him, walking out the doors.
“No!” The blonde cried, starting to run to try and catch Jack. He had to.
Seemingly after years, he himself got to the doors. He burst out of them hoping to see the boy he so loved.
Without knowing what he was doing, he realised he was yelling, “Jack! Jack! God dammit...” His voice broke at the end. He wondered if he was crying but realised that it was just the rain that was pouring down on him, seemingly in reflection of his mood. He couldn't believe that everything had gone so perfectly just to go to shit. He stood there outside the venue and knew that he was a second away from breaking down.
Suddenly, he heard a noise in a small back alley next to the venue. He slowly turned towards it, more of a jerk reaction than really caring. When he looked into the alley though, he saw a tall, lanky figure that he wouldn't mistake anywhere. “JACK!” He cried, more in relief than anything.
Said boy looked up at his name being called and then suddenly looked like he was going to run away. The blonde couldn't take that.
“No! God dammit, Jack! Will you just fucking talk to me!” Then he added in a whisper, sounding very close to tears, “Please?” His voice broke again.
The other boy looked up. “There's nothing for me to say.” He lifelessly replied.
“Ja-” The blonde tried.
Jack's gaze then turned alert and steely, “No, Alex. What did you think? Did you think that you could just write me a song and then everything would be okay between us? You were horrible. You broke my heart multiple times. I mean, the thing is; I was fine with being friends with you when we met because at least then I could still be close to you, I could still be around you and talk to you. Sure, it wasn't exactly the closeness that I wanted but, I mean, it was still close. We were fine, we were happy, were were friends. You were my best friend, Alex. But then....then you had to go and bring up the fucking “popularity” thing and I-well, I didn't want you to go through with it. I didn't want to help. But I did. Because I knew it would make you happy.”
The English boy's eyes were shining and he opened his mouth to speak. Jack cut him off. He didn't sound as harsh as he did before, he sounded more hurt.
“And I can't even say that I didn't think you would spiral out of control, as horrible as that sounds. Yeah, I did think that you could probably get in over your head but then I thought, 'This is unfair to Alex. Alex wouldn't do that. My Alex wouldn't.' But you proved me wrong, Alex.
You broke your promises, you went to ridiculous parties....you dated Kellin Quinn for fucks sake! But, I don't think that was the worst bit. I mean, I think I could have handled all that if you had just continued to talk to me and keep me in your life. To be my friend and be there for me. To be Alex. Not “Alex Gaskarth, My-fucking-popularity”, but Alexander Gaskarth, my best friend. And-”
For most of the time that he'd been speaking, Jack had been glaring holes into the pavement below him, but at this point he raised his head and looked the blonde right in the eyes.
“And the person I had fallen in love with. But you weren't. And I'm pretty sure that that broke me.”
The English boy had been staring at Jack throughout his whole speech with his eyes wide and watery as if he was about to totally break down into tears. After a moment he was finally able to get words out. His voice sounded cracked and totally unlike the confident and sure voice that had sung to thousands of people only minutes before.
“Jack. I know I was horrible then, but-but I'm here now, I'm here and I'm me! The old Alex. And Jack I-I-”
Jack shook his head, and swallowed, “Don't Alex. Don't” His voice lowered to a mumble, “It's too late.”
The Lebanese boy resignedly started to walk away, his head slumped and body seeming worn out.
Alex couldn't take it, he had to say something. Without even thinking about it, he just opened his mouth and hoped that something good came out. He sounded frantic and slightly needy, and that's probably because that was exactly how he was feeling.
“NO! No! Jack! It-it can't be too late! It just can't! I-I'm sorry! I am, I'm really really sorry. Josh, when he came to visit me in the hospital, he basically told me what you just did but, I guess, he made sure that I understood. And when I did, I-I couldn't stop thinking about what he said. And a-about you. And me. And I waited for you to visit, I just kept waiting so I could talk to you and apologise. And just so I could see you again. But-but you never did visit. And when Josh came again and told me that you weren't going to come at all, I just didn't believe him. But, he gave me this look and told me I had lost the best thing that I ever had and probably ever will have. And I finally realised that it's true. It's so damn true.”
He tugged his hands through his hair. Jack had turned around and stopped walking. He was looking at the older boy with no expression, just letting him speak.
“When I got out of the hospital I knew that I had been horrible and I had to fix it. I wanted to tell you how bad I felt as soon as I could but you-you didn't speak to me. You wouldn't see me. And it-it really hurt and I-I guess I deserve it because I did the same to you but. Jack. Jack I don't know how much more of this I can take. Your not speaking to me is the worst feeling ever. I understand what I did wrong now Jack. I promise I will never ever do anything like it again.”
He cleared his throat, attempting to hold back the tears. “I need you, Jacky. I-I want you.”
He stopped and took a deep breath, and looked Jack in the eyes like the other boy had done before, only, this time it was different.
He then said softly, “I love you.”
The blonde stopped and waited for Jack to say something, to say anything. He waited even longer. And after what actually felt like hours, the blonde broke the torrential downpour filled silence with broken whispers through tears that had finally taken over.
“I'm so sorry, Jack. So so sorry.” He just kept repeating those words, looking down at the ground, no longer able to look up at the boy who clearly wanted him no longer.
Jack look at Alex. He looked at the boy who was standing looking at the ground, his body slumped in total resignation. He could hear him whispering and then he realised.
Finally. Finally his Alex was back. The Alex that he loved. The sweet, caring, perfect boy that he fell in love with. Even standing slumped, crying in a crazy rain shower he looked gorgeous. Jack then made a decision.
The blonde continued to look at the ground, he knew he was still whispering meaningless apologies. He knew that he was standing alone and all his hard work had gone to waste. He welcomed the rain now, it mirrored his insides perfectly.
He flinched in surprise as he suddenly felt something under his chin. He looked up, having no choice, with his eyes wide. As soon as his eyes meet Jack's, said boy was there kissing him. And it was the best kiss that Alex ever had. Better than their kisses at the bar all the time ago, better than their make out session at Kellin's party and miles better than any kiss Kellin could have given. It was just perfect.
When they finally broke apart, Alex looked up at Jack. He smiled and then timidly asked, “So...am I forgiven?”
The Lebanese boy smirked then said, “For now.” He then gave him a small smile to show he was joking, “Come on, Lex, let's go home.”
The blonde gave a giant smile at the nickname that he was called for the first time in ages. His eyes widened again suddenly, “Wait. Um, I uh, I-oh just come with me.”
xxxxxx
A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! So so sorry that it took so long and I realise it was a bit longer than most chapters but I wanted it all to be in one. This is not the end :P (Well, pretty much. But I'm gonna have a wrapping up one)
I just want to say that all of your reactions to the last chapter were literally the best things! I love you guys so much<3 Hopefully I can post the next chapter for you soon but that giant creep storm is supposed to come to my area tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'll have internet...or even survive...I'm kinda freaked...but yeah.
Also, I find it horribly ironic and it makes me laugh so much that the song that Alex sings to Jack in this is actually sung by Kellin Quinn in real life. Heehee, I didn't even do that intentionally! :'D Okay, yes, I'm a dork. But deal with it because you have to!