idojewjitsu: ambiguous is best.
turbo jets go: haha yes it is my love
Today, I got lost. My surroundings spun around me violently, my thoughts fluctuated each second from crystal clear to a deep haze and all that was and is familiar to me seemed foreign and unsightly. I felt a Judy Garland-esque tornado of confusion, where all the metaphors and symbols of my life engulfed a usually sane thought process. Perhaps it was a side effect of reading too much Emerson, of having spent the last day encircled by the aroma of used books, of being a normal teenager in a suburban megaplex of complications and an inevitable search for a higher truth. The few steps from the inside of my shower to my bedroom were the longest I’ve ever taken. 6 steps. Twenty minutes of self-realization, epiphany and unsettling truth. There is no such thing as satisfaction. Satisfaction can only be achieved by incomplete standards and expectations. I will never reach a feeling of satisfaction, only contentment. I will never accomplish all the things that I’d like to do, that there will always be something bigger than me. I found in this blinding light of truth, the interwoven detail that no matter how different I seem or feel, there are people that feel almost the exact same as I do. And people that say they feel the same as I do, but never really do. It bothers me that when I’m sitting on a bench or bus or subway or ottoman and listening to a song that really gets me stirring and boiling and thinking and some stranger looks at me with my eyes closed and in a half smirk, they think I’m like every teenager out there that lives each moment for what it is and hasn’t a clue of any larger truth or insecurity. Today, I realized that we’re all too literal.
Today, I got lost. Today, Point A just couldn’t connect to Point B. Today, I realized that every human I’ve ever met is capable of higher thought, and nearly none use it to its potential. Today, I came to understand that there is no final destination.