what a shitty realization
have you ever had a sudden realization that you've been lied to, or faked out by an entire group of friends? well if you havent consider yourself lucky because it sucks. tonight was supposed to be another fun night...superbowl ...but obviously it didnt go that way. lately ive felt like i havent really been "a part" of a certain group of friends...but i dismissed the idea of that being true...today i had a definite realization....first they dont call me...i have to call them and practically invite myself to hang out with my own friends and then they wouldnt wait on me because i didnt want to go by myself...but i did anyways...then, when i get there only two people out of the entire bunch that was there even acknowledged my presence (which i do appreciate)... dont you love it when your "friends" act like they dont even know you!?! of course by then i was already feeling like an outcast...so i tried to talk to everybody...didnt work, they were too busy talking about things that im not allowed to know about...its not that i care that i dont know all the secrets, its that they dont even try to include me in their talks....i even voiced that i felt out of place; not wanted.....of course no one cared, they were obviously too busy with boyfriends and inside jokes to care about the way that i felt...and so i try to talk, include myself...like i always have to do....and still nothing...so i get up and leave, say one big bye outloud and all i got was a few glances and nothing more....im not a big cryer, but i did....not just because i felt like an outcast around my own 'friends', but because after all of this, not a damn one of the people that i thoguht genuinely cared about me got off their ass to call me and see why i left or see if i was okay.....i just feel used....lied to....for a while there i really thought i had a group of people who truthfully cared about me.... i guess not.... its easy to be a friend to someone when you want to be around them or you need something...but when they feel like they have no one and feel like all of their friends dont care--- where'd you go?? i know im ranting...but i have good enough reasons to feel this way.... its just hard to handle when an entire group of 'friends' ostricizes you for no reason... i guess i thought i meant more to all of you then what i really did.