My Moves Are White (White Hot That Is)
Scene 1:
(Scene opens to a crowded bar full of sweaty, riled up patrons. The band onstage has just finished their last song. The crowed seems displeased with their overall performance)
Gabe
(trying to maintain a cheery disposition)
That's it for us, we're Python Spaceship, have a great night!
(The band walks off stage)
Victoria
Well that was a bust. I'm gonna see if I can sneak our stuff out the back way. Ryland, you in?
Ryland
That's the best idea I've heard all night
(Ryland and Victoria exit)
Gabe
(Flops down next to Alex on a near by sofa)
I just don't get it! Why is it that we can sell thousands of cds and sell out shows all across the country, but when we actually play for people, they hate it? I thought they really liked our music.
Alex
(Sighs)
Gabe, it's not that people don't like our music. They love our music, it's just...
Gabe
It's just what?
Alex
It's just that your lyrics are a bit... depressing.
(Gabe gives him a stricken look and Alex stumbles over his words to correct himself)
Not that there's anything wrong with your lyrics, they're great! People LOVE hearing about all the girls that've dumped you and how your parents don't love you. You're talented ok?
(Alex puts a reassuring hand on Gabes shoulder)
Sometimes your lyrics don't provoke the most positive emotions out of people though. That's all.
Gabe
But I don't know any other way to write. I mean yeah, I could write about sunshine and rainbows, but who wants to hear about that? I just wish I could write lyrics that didn't make people feel so bad.
Nate
If only.
Gabe
(Glares at Nate and starts to raise his voice)
Well if you think you're so good then why don't you-
(Ryland and Victoria come rushing back into the room)
Ryland
(Out of breath)
Guys! We have to get out of hear. Things are getting pretty crazy.
(A voice is heard yelling from outside "BURN THE MERCH!" accompanied by agreeing screams)
Victoria
Let's get the hell out of here!
(End Scene 1)
Scene 2:
(Python Spaceship have been invited to a house party by an old friend. They pull up to the house and stumble out of their van, tip toeing over passed out bodies of out of control party goers. They walk through the open door and are immediately greeted by the host, Pete)
Pete
(Pulls them all into a drunkenly awkward group hug)
Well if it isn't Python Spaceship! How's the road life?
Victoria
Not what it used to be. We all miss you hanging around that's for sure.
Pete
Pshaw, been there done that. I love you guys, from the bottom of my heart, with every inch of my being! From sea to shining sea! You are the wind to my wings,
(It's become abundantly clear to all of them that Pete has probably been trashed for hours)
but you couldn't get me back into that scene if you tried. I'm over the whole 'music' thing. Now clothing, that's where the money's at. Why live like a rock star when you can dress like one? Am I right?
(By this point, Ryland and Victoria have wondered off deeper into the house)
Nate
Amen to that.
(looks around the room until he spots a keg in the far corner)
Well would you look at that, alcohol! And wait... does it? Does it have my name on it? Why yes! I believe it does and I believe that's my cue.
(Nate nods in Pete's direction and walks over towards the keg)
(Gabe stays still with Petes arm around him, staring at the floor, lost in thought)
Pete
Why so blue panda bear? Come on, there's someone I want you to meet.
Gabe
Pete, no offense, but I really don't feel like hooking up with one of maybe, maybe not of legal age friends ok? I'm feeling pretty down right now.
Pete
Don't worry man, they told me EXACTLY how you're feeling. Have a little faith.
(Pete drags an unwilling Gabe through the mass of people into a rather large walk in closet. Already inside, playing with a coat hanger is a feminine looking man who rivals even Gabe in height)
Gabe
Umm... hi?
Pete
Gabe, meet William. William, meet Gabe. I'll just leave you two alone then?
(Pete gives a lewd wink then exits the closet, shutting the door behind him)
Gabe
(Shifting nervously)
Listen, I don't know what Pete told you about me, but I really think I shou-
William
Shhh, don't speak. I know more about you than you think I do, Gabe Saporta.
(William makes mystical hand gestures to prove his point and starts to move closer to Gabe)
How's the tour going, hmm? Everything turning out how you thought it would? Making differences in peoples lives yet?
Gabe
Well actually...
William
(Brings a hand up to Gabes mouth to silence him)
Ah ah ah! What did I say about talking?
(Gabe remains silent. William takes that as his cue to continue)
I have something that can solve all your problems, if you know how to use it. Something that can give you the secrets to success! Or a step towards your downfall. Something so powerful that not even the United States government can keep it under control!
Gabe
(Gives William a quizzical look)
Hmph?
William
(pulls out a small ziplock bag from his back pocket and giggles)
Weed!
(For the next hour and a half, Gabe and William stayed locked in the closet, finishing off Williams entire stash. When it seems like the party has finally quieted down, the rest of Python Spaceship open the closet to retrieve their lead singer. As Gabe is being dragged away by his bandmates, he hears one finally word of advice from William)
William
Follow your heart song, Gabe! No matter where it may take you!
(End of Scene 2)
Scene 3:
(It's almost sundown and Python Spaceship are driving through the desert on their way to their Reno Nevada show. The windows are down so they can salvage what little cool air is around them; The radio tuned to a top 40 station)
Victoria
God, could it be any hotter?
Alex
Hey, just be thankful we're ahead of schedule enough to drive there at night. can you imagine this heat in the day time? I'll never understand how people can live out here.
Ryland
(Playfully swats the back of Alexs' head)
Only cause you're from Washington.
Nate
(With an air of sophistication)
Ah yes, the great state of Washington. Where the weather is oh so cold, and the women are oh so fine.
(Alex gives Nate an awkward high five from the front seat while everyone else groans in annoyance. All of a sudden, Python Spaceships hit single 'Bleed This Bloody Mess Of A Thousand Deaths' comes on the radio)
Alex
Well would you look at that!
(He turns the radio up)
A song about true heartbreak if I ever heard one. Nice job Gabe.
Gabe
Yeah, thanks...
(Gabe looks out the window just as the sun sets over the vast mountains out in the distance. The sky seems to turn gold and a heart shaped shadow is cast over the large expanse of sand covering the earth floor. He's captivated)
Victoria
Gabe? Gaaaaabe?
(she waves a hand in front of his face)
Are you ok?
Gabe
That's it... THAT'S IT! That's what William meant!
Nate
You mean that chick at the party?
(Gabe pulls open the door and jumps out while the van is still in motion.)
Ryland
GABE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? GET BACK IN THE VAN! Quick Alex, pull over!
Alex
I'm trying but the break's jammed!
Victoria
Goddamnit Gabe!
(Ignoring his friends cries, Gabe runs off towards the mountains in the distance. He keeps going for what seems like years until finally, he can no longer stay up. He passes out face first onto the cooling nighttime desert sand)
(end of Scene 3)
Scene 4:
(Gabe wakes up a while later, groggy and confused. He looks up to see a giant Python lounging on a rock not 3 feet away from him. Gabe scrambles backwards in horror.)
Gabe
W-who... WHAT are you!?
Python
Hello Gabe, I'm the magical desert Python, here to give you insight to your destiny, to let you drink from my fountain of knowledge!
Gabe
What the fuck did William give me? Oh my god, I'm tripping. I'm freaking tripping off weed. I'm such a light weight.
Python
... Do you doubt the magical desert Python?
Gabe
That, and my sanity.
Python
(Floored by Gabes attitude)
Seriously, I can leave. Just say the word and I'll let you wonder around the desert with no knowledge of your destiny.
Gabe
My destiny?
Python
Yes, you have a very important roll to play in the lives of the worlds youth. You're going to change the world with your music!
Gabe
You mean my music is good? People really do like it!?
(overcome with joy)
Python
Well... not exactly.
(Gabes face falls)
Oh don't give me that look, you heard what Alex said.
Gabe
How do you know about Alex?
(The Python ignores him)
Python
Listen Gabe, I know that you want to identify with your audience. You're writing about stuff that they're all going through right now, and that's your problem. You're throwing their problems right in their faces! That's the thing with kids right now, they're taking themselves too seriously and the music they're listening to is just fueling that fire. That's why you're hear Gabe. You need to go out there and teach people how to have fun. Make those emo kids stop crying and show those hipsters they're not all that. You can make the world a better place with your music!
Gabe
So I need to stop writing about my problems and make dance music?
Python
Not just dance music, fun music! Songs about basement sex and white people trying to dance. Maybe throw in some cheap bling and neon colored clothes, wear your sunglasses at night and pretend you're black. I can't give you everything, I can only guide you. But hopefully you can figure out the rest on your own.
(The Python turns to leave)
Gabe
WAIT! Will I ever see you again?
Python
Probably not, unless you really screw up. But here, have this.
(The Python reaches behind him and, using his tail, pulls out a golden python necklace)
Just wear this, and I'll always be with you.
Gabe
Thank you magical desert Python. I'll never forget you!
Python
(Starts to slither off into the distance)
Fangs Up!
(And with that, the Python is gone. Gabe eventually finds his way back to the main road where his bandmates are waiting for him. They all rush to his side when they notice him)
Alex
Gabe you idiot! Don't you ever do that again. What were you thinking jumping out of the van like that!?
Nate
Besides how badass it was?
(Nate high fives Gabe)
Nice daredevil moves you showed off back there man. Very nice.
Gabe
You don't know the half of it. You guys will NEVER believe what happened to me! There was this magic python that told me about dancing and that I was destined to help the world!
Victoria
(Trying not to laugh)
Of course there was Gabe. Why don't you just get in the van.
Gabe
Alright fine, don't believe me. But let me tell you some ideas I have for the next album. Just think Dance Party.
(With that, Python Spaceship climbed into their van and rode off into the metaphorical sunset with a new day to conquer and a new destiny to fore-fill)
THE END