I've been thinking about typing up an entry for sometime, but haven't gotten around to it, so i supp
The smell of myself at this exact moment is almost unbearable. I showered today almost frantic to feel clean and i still do not feel any better. Funny how i no longer even have control over my own hygene. I look at myself and i cannot believe what has become of me. The sight of my body in the mirror soft and uninviting only adds to the bad feelings. Already the sunny glow of summer is leaving and i feel as if its been winter for months. I hate school. I dont want to leave, and the return this weekend has possibly only made things worse. I am surrounded here at home by the most glorious people I have ever known, only to say goodbye after two more nights of happiness. Im so sad. So sad. I love Jon. I love him so much, more than anything. he is the reason i get up in the morning, my very first phone call, and my favorite person in the whole world. im so confused as to why we have to be apart. I dont know what im going to do about school. My mom says to try and stick it out for this semester and then we'll go from there. Which acually doesnt sound too bad at first. I could acually study and work hard, get the grades I need too and do my best to get healthy again. But despite all of this it is still 3 months until Thanksgiving break, and four months until the end of semester. Four months. 14 weeks without my best friend. im so confused. Jon-i love u so much