random nothingness
"There are 6 billion people on this planet...and ill only fall in love with two!"
"with your feet in the air and head on the ground..."
"true friends stab you in the front...one more fix could kill you"
Ah..stress. I LOST my wallet. its official. but i dont think i just lost my wallet. I think ive lost my mind..my heart..my vision of what is...is. hard to explain..but im trying to fill in the wholes by forcing myself to join a shitload of clubs and trying to fix things with friends. What is there in me? what makes me...Amanda? I reallllly dont know. I question myself and what i will do. It scares me to think of it. I dont like wishing i was never born. im not suicidal, No im a bit smarter than that..or thats what i act like. we are what we feel..and i feel pain...i feel bad...i feel alone and regretful...futureless. i try to hide it with my "cute" hair..with the redness that you can see in the sun, the singing along to ben folds five..holding the door against andrew in aca deca...showing up to mock trial..getting jamba juice...saving up for a thrice concert or taking a shower. Life shouldnt be this fake, it shouldnt hurt this much. yes i HATE feeling this way cause i know SOO many people have it worse. But whats sadder...a kinda genuine child with cancer in africa or a well off snob who cant look in the mirror? you tell me.
"with your feet in the air and head on the ground..."
"true friends stab you in the front...one more fix could kill you"
Ah..stress. I LOST my wallet. its official. but i dont think i just lost my wallet. I think ive lost my mind..my heart..my vision of what is...is. hard to explain..but im trying to fill in the wholes by forcing myself to join a shitload of clubs and trying to fix things with friends. What is there in me? what makes me...Amanda? I reallllly dont know. I question myself and what i will do. It scares me to think of it. I dont like wishing i was never born. im not suicidal, No im a bit smarter than that..or thats what i act like. we are what we feel..and i feel pain...i feel bad...i feel alone and regretful...futureless. i try to hide it with my "cute" hair..with the redness that you can see in the sun, the singing along to ben folds five..holding the door against andrew in aca deca...showing up to mock trial..getting jamba juice...saving up for a thrice concert or taking a shower. Life shouldnt be this fake, it shouldnt hurt this much. yes i HATE feeling this way cause i know SOO many people have it worse. But whats sadder...a kinda genuine child with cancer in africa or a well off snob who cant look in the mirror? you tell me.