(no subject)
there was a time when i was a strong person... i want that again. i want to regain my direction and sensibility. i imagine myself being so sturdy that an entire ocean could crash against my chest and the waves would just turn into ripples behind my back. but thats the flaw, i think... is being strong really all about standing up against obstacles or being stubborn... isnt that just foolish? maybe what i really want is to be more like a buoy. someone who doesnt have to stand up to the waves, cause i could just float over them. resilience, perhaps, is the word im looking for. i think thats where strength lies. can my friends even count on me? am i reliable at all? isn't this something i should strive for in my life?
i feel like a horrible person. i've been selfish lately. today i was driving in my car and i honestly thought about my mother... and how i always said i'd never be like her. but im exactly like her, only i didnt even inherit any of the good qualities she used to posses like responsibility or integrity.
i just keep stringing girls along, when really i know what i want from a woman... and even though i could have potentially found it i won't allow myself to reach for it.
part of the issue is that i get a little insecure at this phase. when things are just casual i have no problem being confident, but when i become ready to invest emotion into a person... i just need something to go on. but she's impossible to read, and i can't tell what she's thinking... i'm not even positive i want to know.
i need a breath of fresh air... a moment of clarity.
i think falling off a stool with a rope conveniently tied around my neck sounds plausible.
i feel like a horrible person. i've been selfish lately. today i was driving in my car and i honestly thought about my mother... and how i always said i'd never be like her. but im exactly like her, only i didnt even inherit any of the good qualities she used to posses like responsibility or integrity.
i just keep stringing girls along, when really i know what i want from a woman... and even though i could have potentially found it i won't allow myself to reach for it.
part of the issue is that i get a little insecure at this phase. when things are just casual i have no problem being confident, but when i become ready to invest emotion into a person... i just need something to go on. but she's impossible to read, and i can't tell what she's thinking... i'm not even positive i want to know.
i need a breath of fresh air... a moment of clarity.
i think falling off a stool with a rope conveniently tied around my neck sounds plausible.