(no subject)
emotions are so delicate... i felt fine today for the first 30 minutes i was awake, at least.
i had my suspicions, but knowing something and hearing it are totally different.
i want to cry... i really really want to. but wouldnt that only prove how weak i am?
they say you cant bottle things up. that you have to let them out in one form or another....
well im sorry but crying, or telling her how im feeling, or this God damned livejournal....
they're just placebos.
i've been advised to end the friendship to make it easier to deal with... but im scared.
im scared of everything... even my future. for the first time in my life im scared about my future, and not because of this neccessarily... but school and just... other stuff.
the point is... im hurting right now and i couldnt distinguish if im writing it down because i think maybe one day it'll teach me some valuable lesson towards life or if i just want everyone here to know that im miserable so i can ruin their day too...
but i could have been him. easily.
and ending this friendship... what if i still could be him. maybe its just pipedreams.
i was asked "do you really want to be her second choice?"
i think i would be her last if thats all i could get.
i had my suspicions, but knowing something and hearing it are totally different.
i want to cry... i really really want to. but wouldnt that only prove how weak i am?
they say you cant bottle things up. that you have to let them out in one form or another....
well im sorry but crying, or telling her how im feeling, or this God damned livejournal....
they're just placebos.
i've been advised to end the friendship to make it easier to deal with... but im scared.
im scared of everything... even my future. for the first time in my life im scared about my future, and not because of this neccessarily... but school and just... other stuff.
the point is... im hurting right now and i couldnt distinguish if im writing it down because i think maybe one day it'll teach me some valuable lesson towards life or if i just want everyone here to know that im miserable so i can ruin their day too...
but i could have been him. easily.
and ending this friendship... what if i still could be him. maybe its just pipedreams.
i was asked "do you really want to be her second choice?"
i think i would be her last if thats all i could get.