why am i doing this?
nuff said....I stopped using this before freshamn year of college....but whatever
basically what i have learned in the past year and a half was to be better to myself. I ahve finally reached the point where I'm a. Sick of letting ppl push me around, b. having boys treat me as a tool, c. let others make me rethink to not be in volved in music as a career d. letting my disorder take control of me.
So for 2009, I ahve decided to fix these things, because i would love to be able to love myself no matter what, and let no one put me down. I also don't want to give a shit about those pompus idiots who think since they are better than me they can treat me like i suck, which i don't. I can't let anyone take away my passions, music is what has kept me a live for so long, spiritually. I also (as stupid and patetic as this sounds) want to find someone who i care about as in a relationship status, care about me. I hate not looking, I hate looking, but this year i want to learn to jsut let things happen, even if it kills me.
I have seen my sister struggle, as well as my family, but have also seen them make it through the toughest times, and I can really say I love them more than life itself, and without them I would have ahd no support through everything, and might ahve dropped out of school.
My sister means the world to me, and I know we have both shown each other this past year taht we will always be best friends, forever.
Music wise, I will push through stage fright, as well as playing/singing/writing music infront of people that I am not comfortable infront of. I know that i have to in the real world, and its about time to suck up to any paranoid feelings, and even if i mess up, know that I am great and talented.
The one thing that I am glad is that I have been really working on my body image. For years, "ugly, fat, gross, not attractable to men"....I can't take that anymore. Losing wieight this year did help, but I think finally looking in the mirror, dressing for my bodytype and feeling great about my looks, I have been feeling more confident, which has enhanced my wayus of blowing off creeps, and getting comfortable to those who are healthy for me. Confidence in oneself, even excluding looks, really ahs helped me find those who really treat me right for the way i am. This new confidence has also helped me break barriers with ppl who ahve hurt me in the past, and bbecome friends with them again.
2009 will be the year that i will continue to work on these things, as well as look at the past, and see taht it didn't kill me but made me stronger.
basically what i have learned in the past year and a half was to be better to myself. I ahve finally reached the point where I'm a. Sick of letting ppl push me around, b. having boys treat me as a tool, c. let others make me rethink to not be in volved in music as a career d. letting my disorder take control of me.
So for 2009, I ahve decided to fix these things, because i would love to be able to love myself no matter what, and let no one put me down. I also don't want to give a shit about those pompus idiots who think since they are better than me they can treat me like i suck, which i don't. I can't let anyone take away my passions, music is what has kept me a live for so long, spiritually. I also (as stupid and patetic as this sounds) want to find someone who i care about as in a relationship status, care about me. I hate not looking, I hate looking, but this year i want to learn to jsut let things happen, even if it kills me.
I have seen my sister struggle, as well as my family, but have also seen them make it through the toughest times, and I can really say I love them more than life itself, and without them I would have ahd no support through everything, and might ahve dropped out of school.
My sister means the world to me, and I know we have both shown each other this past year taht we will always be best friends, forever.
Music wise, I will push through stage fright, as well as playing/singing/writing music infront of people that I am not comfortable infront of. I know that i have to in the real world, and its about time to suck up to any paranoid feelings, and even if i mess up, know that I am great and talented.
The one thing that I am glad is that I have been really working on my body image. For years, "ugly, fat, gross, not attractable to men"....I can't take that anymore. Losing wieight this year did help, but I think finally looking in the mirror, dressing for my bodytype and feeling great about my looks, I have been feeling more confident, which has enhanced my wayus of blowing off creeps, and getting comfortable to those who are healthy for me. Confidence in oneself, even excluding looks, really ahs helped me find those who really treat me right for the way i am. This new confidence has also helped me break barriers with ppl who ahve hurt me in the past, and bbecome friends with them again.
2009 will be the year that i will continue to work on these things, as well as look at the past, and see taht it didn't kill me but made me stronger.