I remember feeling things for you i never felt for anyone else. I remember you were kind and funny. You used to make me laugh so much and i did too, i loved that. I remember you were the only one to laugh at my dumb jokes and made me feel special. I remember that you used to love writing, you always loved art, and although i didnt know it back then, you loved great music as well ( well some some!! lol ... ) Hmm, you used to caress me when we laid together and your affection made me feel like a million bucks! I remember we used to agree on a lot of things, you used to tell me id be a great father and i knew you would be a great mother. I remember we used to think alike at times and sometimes youd say we were so alike it was bad for us. I know we had our disagreements and our relationship had extremely sour moments, but it seems like so many years ago to me now that the only thing i really hold on to is the feelings we had for eachother which could never be replaced by anything else. As for how you looked like, ill never forget you. I remember since the very first day i saw you, you went outside with yalila and you were sitting on that blonde girls lap on romans handicap wheelchair lol and i thought to myself that you were the cutest girl i had ever seen! You had your hair straighted with your bangs and you looked like you didnt want to be there at all! I remember you when id go to your house and wed sit on the sofa and watch tv and wed hold hands, i remember i used to get crazy butterflys! and i even remember either my hand or yours get all sweaty and i was embarassed. I remember id used to visit you at the trailers almost everyday. I remember staying with you talking until the sun came up. I remember we used to love getting littles ceasers and lampng hard!!! We really did like little ceasers. I remember the day we went to byscane national park, just us too. That place that had a huge field of sunflowers and i remember to this day that i really wanted to take you there and lay down with you to watch the stars as there was nothing else around there! i remember your little mornings with your cigs and coffee, and then youd get anxiety attacks you little fool! I know ive forgotten many other things as well, or mayb i choose to supress those memories, because if i hadnt, i would of lost the best memories of my life.
:) thank you i needed that. why would you want to be back in each others lives? you need to focus on where you are now in life with gaby and with yourself. ive been in a rough patch lately and i think i finally got out. i missed you every day, not that i still dont but i just dont let my mind wander as often. i hate to admit it but im finally in love again, for real, like almost how i was in love with you. except with you its different because we grew up together basically. i miss the things we used to do at times mostly like go to local shows or practically almost die every time we would go out to see your friends, something would always happen LOL. i've completely managed to settle down and be myself. i hardly smoke now, i go to every show of every band i actually listen to lol, i can dress up to go places! i even managed to celebrate an anniversary for the first time lol. it all feels so strange and i was terrible at it because i had never done it before but it felt nice. it felt grown up. and by the way, seeing you that day gave me closure. all it took was for gaby to call you actually lol. i heard the way you spoke to her and i snapped out of it. the truth is though that i'd love to be your friend one day but only time will tell. for now every time i decide to think of you i'll send you all the positive energy i can muster up and i hope you do the same for me. and you know what? the only thing i can ever speak about outloud that reminds me of us is roman because apparently kelvin has known roman since elementary school LOL. and every day that i pass by your moms old job to go home from work i remember you -__- and the craziest place ive ever had sex lmao... a dog grooming shop ! anyway..i dont know exactly how youre feeling lately so i dont know why you would want us to be in each others lives again so if you dont mind just explain
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xoxo - till the next time i check livejournal :)
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