How to Get Rid of a Cold Caller
LOL Kat you rock, thanx for passing this along! :)
How To Dodge a Hedgehoger/Telemarketer
There are many published strategies about how to make cold calls, sell
products over the telephone and deal with the inevitable rejection of
that job. There isn't much on "hedgehogging", the act of how to deal
with phone salesmen and/or make them feel rejected. The advice below
probably will not reduce the number of cold calls you get, but at least
you can learn to look forward to receiving them.
"Hedgehogging" or "How to Get Rid of a Cold Caller."
1) As soon as the cold caller mentions their product, say "I'm not
looking for one of those at the minute - but my cat is. I'll put him
on." Then make purring noises down the phone. Perhaps simulate a furr
ball.
2) Ask them what they dreamed of being when they were little.
Chances are it wasn't "working in a call centre" which will make it
easy for you to point out they are a failure.
3) Try repeating, laughing or asking "Why?" to everything they say.
These are all very powerful methods as they require no skill,
creativity or thought on your part what-so-ever, merely a steely
resolve to annoy your caller.
4) Tell them they've got a great voice and you'd like to hire them to
do voice over work. Even go as far as arranging an audition to waste as
much of their life as possible, preferably on a day when they'll have
to take time off work. When you meet, remember to punch them in the
throat.
5) Ask them if they are selling something. After they've said something
like "Oh, no, no, no ... " say earnestly "That's too bad, what a shame,
I LOVE BUYING things over the phone," and hang up.
6) Pretend to be from an alien race and be excited about first contact
with humans. Say "Ooooooo", "Grrrrrrrrrr" and "Bleep" a lot.
7) Use it as an opportunity to practise your impersonations. Sean
Connery is a favourite of mine. Say "Do you expect me to talk?" If they
reply with "No, I expect you to buy!" then give them a round of
applause. They'll feel like they have won you over, so keep shooting
the first half of famous quotes at them. If they cannot complete the
quote, hang up.
8) Choose a song tune to sing your answers along with and try to get
them to join in. If you have any friends nearby get them to help with
the chorus.
9) Say "My child/wife/husband died a few hours ago - do you really
think I care about buying anything right now?" Try sounding tearful. If
that doesn't work, sound delighted about it. That might not be enough
to traumatise a persistent salesman, but combining it with "Sorry, I've
got to go clean up the blood" should. (Note : "child/wife/husband" is a
list of options. You don't need to say all three - although it's worth
a try.)
10) Tell them "Talk dirty and I'll think about it." If they do, feel
free to masturbate loudly and grunt like an excited badger.
How To Dodge a Hedgehoger/Telemarketer
There are many published strategies about how to make cold calls, sell
products over the telephone and deal with the inevitable rejection of
that job. There isn't much on "hedgehogging", the act of how to deal
with phone salesmen and/or make them feel rejected. The advice below
probably will not reduce the number of cold calls you get, but at least
you can learn to look forward to receiving them.
"Hedgehogging" or "How to Get Rid of a Cold Caller."
1) As soon as the cold caller mentions their product, say "I'm not
looking for one of those at the minute - but my cat is. I'll put him
on." Then make purring noises down the phone. Perhaps simulate a furr
ball.
2) Ask them what they dreamed of being when they were little.
Chances are it wasn't "working in a call centre" which will make it
easy for you to point out they are a failure.
3) Try repeating, laughing or asking "Why?" to everything they say.
These are all very powerful methods as they require no skill,
creativity or thought on your part what-so-ever, merely a steely
resolve to annoy your caller.
4) Tell them they've got a great voice and you'd like to hire them to
do voice over work. Even go as far as arranging an audition to waste as
much of their life as possible, preferably on a day when they'll have
to take time off work. When you meet, remember to punch them in the
throat.
5) Ask them if they are selling something. After they've said something
like "Oh, no, no, no ... " say earnestly "That's too bad, what a shame,
I LOVE BUYING things over the phone," and hang up.
6) Pretend to be from an alien race and be excited about first contact
with humans. Say "Ooooooo", "Grrrrrrrrrr" and "Bleep" a lot.
7) Use it as an opportunity to practise your impersonations. Sean
Connery is a favourite of mine. Say "Do you expect me to talk?" If they
reply with "No, I expect you to buy!" then give them a round of
applause. They'll feel like they have won you over, so keep shooting
the first half of famous quotes at them. If they cannot complete the
quote, hang up.
8) Choose a song tune to sing your answers along with and try to get
them to join in. If you have any friends nearby get them to help with
the chorus.
9) Say "My child/wife/husband died a few hours ago - do you really
think I care about buying anything right now?" Try sounding tearful. If
that doesn't work, sound delighted about it. That might not be enough
to traumatise a persistent salesman, but combining it with "Sorry, I've
got to go clean up the blood" should. (Note : "child/wife/husband" is a
list of options. You don't need to say all three - although it's worth
a try.)
10) Tell them "Talk dirty and I'll think about it." If they do, feel
free to masturbate loudly and grunt like an excited badger.