Alright brain, that's enough.
So last night I was dreaming again. I had this dream that I was at some family gathering. A lot of my actual family was there, but there were also a ton of people who were supposed to be my family there. Dream Kai didn't think anything of it, though. This event was also taking place at a house that we actually moved out of when I was like, 8. Anyways, so about halfway through the party, I'm all like "Oh hey, I gotta go!" and I leave. I go to a car dealership and meet up with this random guy. Turns out random guy is my boyfriend (side note, "random guy" was actually Alex Pettyfer. Well, Alex Pettyfer's face, anyway. It wasn't actually supposed to be him. I'm pretty sure that can be entirely attributed to the fact that I saw Beastly last night, and Alex Pettyfer is pretty much fucking beautiful and more or less everything I love in a pretty boy. Give him a guitar and some wire-rimmed glasses and I'm going to be forced to change my panties. But I digress...), and he's helping me buy a new car, because, apparently, even in my dreams I'm car-tarded. So he greets me with this HUGE smile and a fairly over the top kiss, and we sit down at the sales persons desk. We're sitting there and he's just holding my hand then I put my head on his shoulder and that's pretty much all of the action. But you know how sometimes in a dream you get emotions? Like, you know what you're supposed to be feeling? OK, well, that's what was happening, and the emotion behind this was just... intense. I was in LOVE with this person. Blissfully, overwhelmingly in love. Crazy, delirious, ridiculous, giddy in love. And he felt the same about me. There was a point after I put my head on his shoulder where I put my hand on my chest because I was alarmed by how fast he had made my heart beat, and he put his arm around me and said "It's supposed to be that way".
And then I woke up. And for a few seconds, it felt like I had been DUMPED or something. I was totally sad to be awake, and that the emotion wasn't real. You know that few seconds between when you're really asleep and really awake where you can kind of feel yourself coming out of it? Feel a dream dissolving? OK, right at that point I literally went into panic mode and woke up upset that it was just a dream. WTF!? OK, hi, brain? Yes, I know that nobody loves me, I am well a-fucking-ware, and it would be SO nice if the last message you sent me before I woke was not a reminder of how nice it would be if somebody did. Fuck you, thoughts!
So I've been walking around all day with the desire to be loved. Which I realize seems like it contradicts with my swearing off of boys this year, but it really doesn't. Fact of the matter is, I ALWAYS want to have someone love me, I just really am not in the mood to look for him this year. So at some point, this morphed into the desire to just be wanted even if I'm not actually loved. That, in turn, deteriorated into just the desire to make-out with someone. Which will probably pass by this weekend, as I don't typically go finding randoms to make out with. At least not often.
OK, it's bedtime. I start the 5:00am shift tomorrow (just go on ahead and fucking kill me now, k?), and it's already 11. Peace!
Oh, P.S.: Did I mention that I saw Spring Awakening a few weeks back? Well I did, and it's wonderful!!
And then I woke up. And for a few seconds, it felt like I had been DUMPED or something. I was totally sad to be awake, and that the emotion wasn't real. You know that few seconds between when you're really asleep and really awake where you can kind of feel yourself coming out of it? Feel a dream dissolving? OK, right at that point I literally went into panic mode and woke up upset that it was just a dream. WTF!? OK, hi, brain? Yes, I know that nobody loves me, I am well a-fucking-ware, and it would be SO nice if the last message you sent me before I woke was not a reminder of how nice it would be if somebody did. Fuck you, thoughts!
So I've been walking around all day with the desire to be loved. Which I realize seems like it contradicts with my swearing off of boys this year, but it really doesn't. Fact of the matter is, I ALWAYS want to have someone love me, I just really am not in the mood to look for him this year. So at some point, this morphed into the desire to just be wanted even if I'm not actually loved. That, in turn, deteriorated into just the desire to make-out with someone. Which will probably pass by this weekend, as I don't typically go finding randoms to make out with. At least not often.
OK, it's bedtime. I start the 5:00am shift tomorrow (just go on ahead and fucking kill me now, k?), and it's already 11. Peace!
Oh, P.S.: Did I mention that I saw Spring Awakening a few weeks back? Well I did, and it's wonderful!!