So you are... good. At that.
Dear Sirius Black,
I almost started a letter in a pretty terrible way. But then that's probably your kind of letter anyway, isn't it? You're so nuts. Did I mention that you're hot though? Oh dear Merlin, you are the hottest thing I've ever seen never mind…
Okay, you're going to have to excuse me because basically I think you might have broken my brain. I'm sure you'll be pathetically pleased about this, as no doubt that was your intention all the way through our relationship… thing, but my brain is broken. It honestly won't function. All I can think about is smooth, tanned stomach and long, muscle-y back and your biceps flexing where my fingers were holding and…
Bugger this.
SIRIUS, I HAVE MISSED SHAGGING YOU TO A POINT THAT IS RIDICULOUS, AND I THINK YOU HAVE BROKEN ME. BUT IN A THOROUGHLY GOOD WAY.
I am so sorry I made you wait a bit. I am SO sorry that we did not do it the moment we said 'let's get back together' because, honestly, bugger Snape! (Not that way, sorry if that caused a mental image. I think buggering might actually be on my brain for some reason. Ha!) You are so good in bed that I think I could forgive you anything.
How are you so good, by the way? I mean, we're not that old, and you're the same age as me and I'm pretty rubbish all things considered but you?! It just doesn't make any sense that someone your age should be this utter sex god. I mean, maybe I'm over-exaggerating but, Merlin, Sirius if there were medals?
I can't believe how much I was apparently, well… gagging for it. Merlin, I am such a slut! You've completely ruined me, Sirius Amazing-Shag-Gorgeous-Body Black (Did I just write shag? Oh god, I did.).
Oh god, it was perfect. Did I mention it was perfect?
YOU are perfect.
BUGGER GRAMMAR.
I WANT TO HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME FROM NOW ON EVERY SECOND I CAN MANAGE.
I'm waking you up.
_______________
Tucked inside the pages of Sirius' Potions textbook later that afternoon.