I doubt that Sirius is doing alright. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but he's likely killing himself with guilt and regret and frustration at having been forced to come to terms with a world where he no longer has your love and friendship. Most would consider what he did to be unforgivable, and I realize this. He is all too capable of being a selfish, unfeeling wanker who doesn't stop to think about the potential consequences of his actions. But he also loves you, Remus, even if it's hard to understand that right now. And I know that even if you don't really want to admit it, there's a part of you that still loves him too, and that's why it hurts so much.
I know it will take time, but I do encourage you to consider Sirius' forgiveness. I guess it really all comes down to whether you'd rather try to work things out together, even if it can get rough at times, or live a life that doesn't have Sirius in it, which I'm sure you would agree is difficult to even begin to envision. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, Remus, and love sure as hell isn't. Yes, sometimes it tests your limits and pushes you to breaking point, but in the end it just makes you stronger, and makes it all the more worth it when things finally take a turn for the better... and I have enough faith in both of you to believe that it will.
And finally, I love you, I really do, but you need to stop the self-depreciating bullshit. Sirius or no Sirius, you are not a fucking monster. Yes, the werewolf is a monster, but it is not who you are. I understand that Moony is inexorably a part of you, but it far from defines who you are as a person. 365 days and 353 nights out of the year, you are a sweet, intelligent, beautiful human being, and no one (including yourself) has any bloody right to tell you otherwise.
I know it will take time, but I do encourage you to consider Sirius' forgiveness. I guess it really all comes down to whether you'd rather try to work things out together, even if it can get rough at times, or live a life that doesn't have Sirius in it, which I'm sure you would agree is difficult to even begin to envision. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, Remus, and love sure as hell isn't. Yes, sometimes it tests your limits and pushes you to breaking point, but in the end it just makes you stronger, and makes it all the more worth it when things finally take a turn for the better... and I have enough faith in both of you to believe that it will.
And finally, I love you, I really do, but you need to stop the self-depreciating bullshit. Sirius or no Sirius, you are not a fucking monster. Yes, the werewolf is a monster, but it is not who you are. I understand that Moony is inexorably a part of you, but it far from defines who you are as a person. 365 days and 353 nights out of the year, you are a sweet, intelligent, beautiful human being, and no one (including yourself) has any bloody right to tell you otherwise.
<3
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