(no subject)
Shansouth2: oh well... WELCOME HOME!
As weird as it feels, Westlake is my home. A lot of people at Griffin know that too. I've been accused of talking like I'm from Westlake which I'm not even sure how to do, dressing like it which kind of pisses me off just because I've never seen anyone at Westlake with the same clothes as me, my car is nice so OBVIOUSLY I'm from Westlake, and lets not forget that daddy bought me a horse which isn't true because I paid for Bailey myself. Today someone who'll remain namless said to me, "Well Erin, it looks like you're getting exactly what you want. But then again no one should be surprised because your parents get you whatever you want." I just smiled and nodded and said, "Thats what parents who love their kids do!" They told me to fuck off and I laughed. So there's another reason why I dislike Griffin. You can't go an hour without someone talking about how poor they are and how they can't afford anything, not even a 60 cent snack out of the vending machine. Well how about this idea: GET A FUCKING JOB.
People say they want me to stay at Griffin, but they make it sooo easy for me to leave.
~*~
Today was not the best day ever, but I've had worse days. Everyone has. I got my first ticket today. I'm really mad about it just because if I hadn't run that damn stop sign, I wouldn't have gotten it. Plus, I don't have a really cool story to go with it. But Meredith, Bodhi, and Stacy came up with a really good one! Two words: Drug bust. Meredith had 2 lbs. of heroine in her purse, Bodhi had cocaine, and I was making a purchase from both of them. And it doesn't help that I ran from the cops either! SO thats the story, tell everyone you know.
Then at school, we watched the most depressing movie EVER. Angela's Ashes. Damn. It's kind of cool though when I feel like I shouldn't watch anymore cause I know I would start crying (I cry at everything now) so I watch some of the people in my class. Some get really into the movie, and some just don't care. I care, but I don't want to allow myself to get into it because yea, I'll cry... and everyone is kind of tired of seeing me cry. Understandable, I've been doing it a lot lately.
In fact! I cried today! At lunch! Oh man was that a good lunch. I had cheesecake (Happy 18th KT K!), and Carol bought 2 pints of ice cream, which I helped eat. And then Andy and I had THE conversation. Yea, its over and done with. No more Erin and Andy, Andy and Erin... whatever it was is gone now. I'm pissed and I'm actually a lot more hurt than I thought I would be. I knew it would end, but I thought it would end a while from now. We never dated, but supposedly he wanted to... I know I wanted to. Our friends convinced me that he wouldn't hurt me and that he cared about me and loved me and wanted to be with me. After like, what 2 months? I finally listened. I decided I wanted to date him and be with him. I wanted to give all of me to him, my heart, my body, everything. So I did. And I got hurt. I should have seen that coming... you could tell he was thinking about something and it made him become distant. I just want the best for him, and I just want him to be happy whether he's with me or not. And that's hard for me to deal with, just because I know I love him. He made me fall in love with him. Seriously, how could I not after everything he's done for me? Hello, you all saw it, eventually I was going to end up loving him. He said he loved me too... But I'm not sure if he still does, I'm guessing no.
Danielle came and talked to me because the school wouldn't let me leave as long as I was crying. She helped me a lot. She explained to me the whole Chris situation, and then the Andy situation, and then the Jared situation. She said Jared was just getting involved because he's friends with Chris. DUMB.
After all that I went home and took a nap and then went to the barn. I love the barn so much! I love my horse so much. He did sooo good today! I just want Bailey. He's my baby boy... I dont want him to get old. I just want to live with my horse in his stall. I'll eat horse feed. Today, Stacy got a new horse at the barn for me to look at buying. His name is Texas Tango. I already love him and I haven't even riden him. He's so beautiful and big and cute and spunky. He was chewing on the cross ties and that was it for me. I decided from that point on that I loved him. I can't wait to ride him... if I even get to! He was sooo spunky today! He kept bucking and doing lead changes when he wasn't supposed to... it was sooo cute! But Stacy said that if he does it tomorrow when she rides him, then I probably wont ride him. Dang.
But I came home after that and I took a bubble bath and lit a candle and relaxed... it felt sooo nice! I'm considering doing it again later, I probably wont though just because i'll be tired.