The Legend of Sir Oreo
In English we have been studying the medieval adaptations of the Greek Orpheus legend one of which is Sir Orfeo. Reading back upon my typing I realised that spell checker had been automatically changing Orfeo to Oreo. This made me laugh quite a bit - a legendary biscuit, who would have thought?!! So then I had to write it. My adaptation sticks closer to the original than Sir Orfeo (who goes into some silly romance with a happy ending!!) althogh like most adaptations I have added my own twist which is a social comment on how Maryland cookies are a big disappointment really :p
So here is the The Legend of Sir Oreo for your enjoyment:
Sir Oreo was the most Poetic biscuit in all the land. He was married to the beautiful Maryland.
One day whilst out walking Maryland came across a handsome biscuit rolling towards her. As he drew nearer she realised he was in fact Hobnob - one of the biscuit gods. He soon made his intentions clear - he wanted to make cookie dough out of her.
So she rolled and she rolled. But Hobnob was a god and no one rolls from a god - Maryland had to be punished. In her hurry Maryland did not see the Tea Leaves that suddenly appeared in front of her and she rolled over them. Everyone knows that tea is the most poisonous substance know to biscuit kind and within a few minutes she was crumbs.
Upon hearing of the death of his beloved Sir Oreo set out on a brave and noble quest to ‘Down the back of the sofa’ to face the Lord of this underworld: Bourbon. Bourbon was not going to let Maryland go that easily - he had a large vat of milk and she was prime for dunking.
So Oreo recited his latest masterpiece entitled ‘First you twist it, Then you lick it, and then you dunk it’. Lord Bourbon was amazed by the creativity of this fine foreigner so decided to let Maryland go on one condition - Sir Oreo must not look back at his wife until they were out of the Back of the Sofa. Lord Bourbon watched them leave before shouting ‘She was all packaging anyway’ at Sir Oreo’s retreating back.
Sir Oreo knew he must not look back or he would lose Maryland to the milk forever but Bourbon’s words were echoing in his mind. Had he been fooled by Maryland’s dazzling wrapper? Was she really just a dull biscuit without it? Glancing over his shoulder to see he realised he had made a huge mistake. Right before he very eyes his beloved Maryland was sucked back to Down the back of the Sofa and a milky fate. Now he would never know if their love really had been superficial.
Upon returning to his Biscuit Tin, Sir Oreo fell into a deep depression. He had lost the love of his life. His friends encouraged him to take a new wife as was the tradition but Sir Oreo would not. For one he had vowed to Maryland he would never love another, plus Lord Bourbon’s parting words still troubled him. He considered himself of above average intelligence and he did not want to be fooled again.
Despite this all the girls of the neighbourhood tried their best to woo the stunning Sir Oreo for he was a desirable biscuit - loaded with cream and American to boot. But he was not interested, not even in the seemingly ideal Jaffa Cake. Jaffa found this an immense insult and so, with the help of all the other shunned biscuits, she twisted, licked and dunked poor Sir Oreo.
So from this we can learn. Never roll from a god, don’t look back. And never judge a biscuit by its packaging. Oh and never shun a Jaffa Cake.