36 weeks.
As I look back on the last three years I sometimes let myself sink into thinking that I have lived selfishly
I cut ties with a lot of people whom I cared deeply for.
I have obtained a few new scars on my heart, as well as several broken bones.
It has felt as though there have been a disproportionate number of downs to ups.
Yet, there is a feeling of something more.
................................
Last year I found myself regaining conciousness in a hospital, alone.
As my eyes darted around the room to find a familiar face, my brain struggled to comprehend what had happened.
"You had a seizure." the doctor would say to me.
"It's really not smart to have so much alcohol in your system." she politely told me though I knew it to be judgement.
I sat in the middle of that hallway blood dripping from my eyebrow, defeated.
Rock bottom can look differently for everyone, but for me it was that feeling of being alone and scared.
Knowing that I opened the door to get myself into this situation.
So, that night I went home and had a good nights sleep.
The next morning I woke up, and nine months later here I am.
Still breathing, still fighting, still hurting.
If nine months of sobriety has taught me anything, it's that life is difficult and complicated.
When you remove something helping you stand, it makes walking much more laborious.
But ultimately far more gratifying.
So, I have chosen not to view life through the bottom of an empty bottle anymore.
I feel as though I have been reborn, and given another chance.
I cashed out most of my nine lives, and I am grasping tightly to the ones that remain.
Soon, my other crutches will be abolished as well because life is a work in progress.
We should always remind ourselves that things dont happen overnight.
Change is something you spend time striving to achieve.
No crutch will give you the same satisfaction.
I found this out the hard way.
I cut ties with a lot of people whom I cared deeply for.
I have obtained a few new scars on my heart, as well as several broken bones.
It has felt as though there have been a disproportionate number of downs to ups.
Yet, there is a feeling of something more.
................................
Last year I found myself regaining conciousness in a hospital, alone.
As my eyes darted around the room to find a familiar face, my brain struggled to comprehend what had happened.
"You had a seizure." the doctor would say to me.
"It's really not smart to have so much alcohol in your system." she politely told me though I knew it to be judgement.
I sat in the middle of that hallway blood dripping from my eyebrow, defeated.
Rock bottom can look differently for everyone, but for me it was that feeling of being alone and scared.
Knowing that I opened the door to get myself into this situation.
So, that night I went home and had a good nights sleep.
The next morning I woke up, and nine months later here I am.
Still breathing, still fighting, still hurting.
If nine months of sobriety has taught me anything, it's that life is difficult and complicated.
When you remove something helping you stand, it makes walking much more laborious.
But ultimately far more gratifying.
So, I have chosen not to view life through the bottom of an empty bottle anymore.
I feel as though I have been reborn, and given another chance.
I cashed out most of my nine lives, and I am grasping tightly to the ones that remain.
Soon, my other crutches will be abolished as well because life is a work in progress.
We should always remind ourselves that things dont happen overnight.
Change is something you spend time striving to achieve.
No crutch will give you the same satisfaction.
I found this out the hard way.