self medicated.

[rocksoffsocks]

I do all these things I never thought I would do, because it eases the pain.

Although I know that it is only a bandaid covering an open wound which needs time to heal.

So I drive too fast at night, and go to bars looking for fights to lose.

My body is telling me to stop, but my mind is telling me it is the only solution.

In my naivety I thought that the cure to my broken heart was found.

And I'm sure I will make that mistake once again.

Now the wound is only deeper and unbearable, I want to place the blame everywhere but on myself.

There are things that I just cannot change about myself or who I am.

Soon she will be just another face in the crowd.

Someone who will return to me someday in my dreams, while I just carry on carelessly.

Her scent, laugh, and all the things I used to adore have become obscured.

A faded memory that I no longer can retrieve.

A reminder of how alone I am, once again.

I just hope this is as difficult for her as it is for me.

I try to force myself to forget and be social with other girls, but I just can't do it.

It is a fear I have acquired to trust anyone else.

And I don't just want a girl to fuck, I never have.

It is the trust, love, and comfort of knowing someone in their most vulnerable moments.

But unfortunately that is the most difficult to find, and when it is found it is harder to let go of.

I'm just tired of being young.

I'm just tire of being me.