(no subject)
[Private Entry]
I didn’t mean to bring this up yesterday. God knows I wish it would never come up again. I try not to think about it, because I don’t like how it makes me feel.
I don’t seem to be very good in person with this, and I don’t know that I’ll be any better here, but I figure it’s worth a shot.
I am still jealous. I know how much Jack means to him. I know how important that friendship is, and I know that it upsets him that I don’t like Jack. Every time he talks about Jack, I can’t help thinking about how they’re together all day, every day. I know what that’s like. I know how close you get to the people you work with when you do that kind of work.
Every time he does something special for Jack, every time they’re flirting online…
I know he loves me. I know he’s marrying me. I know he wants to be with me.
The thing is…I don’t think he really knows why I don’t like Jack. It isn’t because of their relationship. It’s because of the way Jack treated him. It’s because he always cared for Jack more than Jack cared for him. It’s because… fuck, I don’t even know.
I trust Ianto not to do anything to hurt me. I’m not entirely sure I trust him not to want to.
I didn’t mean to bring this up yesterday. God knows I wish it would never come up again. I try not to think about it, because I don’t like how it makes me feel.
I don’t seem to be very good in person with this, and I don’t know that I’ll be any better here, but I figure it’s worth a shot.
I am still jealous. I know how much Jack means to him. I know how important that friendship is, and I know that it upsets him that I don’t like Jack. Every time he talks about Jack, I can’t help thinking about how they’re together all day, every day. I know what that’s like. I know how close you get to the people you work with when you do that kind of work.
Every time he does something special for Jack, every time they’re flirting online…
I know he loves me. I know he’s marrying me. I know he wants to be with me.
The thing is…I don’t think he really knows why I don’t like Jack. It isn’t because of their relationship. It’s because of the way Jack treated him. It’s because he always cared for Jack more than Jack cared for him. It’s because… fuck, I don’t even know.
I trust Ianto not to do anything to hurt me. I’m not entirely sure I trust him not to want to.