[Fic]balder12: These Clothes Don't Fit Us Right (The Maddening Loop Remix)
[Challenge: Kamikaze Remix 2012]
Title: These Clothes Don't Fit Us Right (The Maddening Loop Remix) Part I
These Clothes Don't Fit Us Right (The Maddening Loop Remix) Part II
Writer: balder12
Alternate links: (if any exist)
Status of work: complete
Characters and/or pairings: Sam/Cas, unrequited Sam/Dean, past Dean/Cas, background Dean/Lisa
Rating: NC-17
Warnings, kinks & contents: [Click to read] consensual D/s, consensual knifeplay/bloodplay, dubcon, character death
Length: ~16k
Summary: Dean's in love with Lisa. Sam's in love with Dean. Castiel doesn't know whether he's in love with anyone. He's just trying to make sure that at least one of his worlds doesn't end.
Reccer's notes: So this is retelling of de_nugis's brilliant story Choosing My Confessions from Castiel's point of view. It's a Sassy story, only it's all about Dean, the best kind of Sassy that one can hope for. I am still kind of reeling from reading the story, and working on my coherency, so bear with my rambling. This story is about two people taking comfort, after a fashion, in each other, for the mutual loss and longing for another guy. It's really a desolate look of Castiel's world and Sam's psyche. And man, does it hurts!
Aside from all the Sam feels, Castiel is very interesting in this fic. This Castiel is completely foreign and not human, but it's so easy to relate to his need for one of his worlds not dying. He is all powerful yet impotent, his frustration feels so real. First time that I ever get canon-ish Cas feels.
[Short excerpt]Sam shakes his head, “I just need . . .” He doesn’t seem to know how to finish. “I just need.” It’s good enough for Castiel. He was created to be needed, created to serve, and it’s been a long time since anyone asked him for something that he knew how to give.
He lets Sam push him down on the bed, lets him bite at his throat and claw at the buttons on his white shirt. Sam leans down and whispers hot against his ear, “I could tear it down. Any time. You couldn’t stop me. He couldn’t stop me. And then he’d have to come back, wouldn’t he? He’d have to stay and take care of me forever.”
The words are hard, and dirty, and deliberately baiting. Hearing them, Castiel knows what it is that Sam needs. He flips them over, sends Sam sprawling onto his back, and starts to rip through the denim of his pants, casting them aside like they were tissue paper. “No,” he says, “I won’t let you destroy him. I won’t let you destroy yourself. I can stop you,” he says. “I’ll always stop you.” Sam relaxes under him. The words are a gift.