(no subject)

[rockrecordmurdr]

Alex deleted her post. but we're doing this together. she wants to stop drinking and smoking and clean up her life. I feel the same way. yeah, we're young, and only once. But what a better reason to not be spending it like this. If I would saved all the money I've spent on getting fucked up over the past year and a half I could be back packing in Europe with my aunt this summer. And I'm sure I'de have a job now and probably would have started school. I haven't gone anywhere productive since I started using drugs and alcohol and it's depressing. There's a lot more things I need to work on than this but I need to stop abusing these things before my body and heart will let me reach those other things. I'll start with AA meetings with my mom and grow from there. I know I could be an amazing person, I know I could go amazing places but I've been blind sighted and side tracked. I'm going to stop hanging out with everyone for a while. I was going to delete my myspace to make things easier but I use it to keep in touch with a lot of family, so don't be offended that i'm not your friend on myspace. Eventually we can probably be friends in real life again but I need to grow much much much stronger first. I'm talking to my mom about things and I'm not giving up this time. I'm not saying I will never drink or smoke a bowl of weed again but it's going to be a really long time and it's going to be special occasions. When I smoke and/or drink next time I want to do it with a smile on my face knowing I'm happy with me and everyone I'm surrounded with. I'm sick of fucking up and being fucked up, I know better, it's unexcusable

I figure it's this or getting fucked up to cover everything up till I die young and scared. I don't want that.