A Post in Which Rockn is Sort of Depressed...
...or could be just a case of ennui. Not sure. I've got about 4 different fics I could be working on right now, not to mention loads of laundry, cleaning and other assorted rl things to deal with
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Yes, it could have something to do with still recovering from being sick. But I think that it has just as much to do with the fact that every aspect of my life is very stressful right now. Work has been brutally busy with really no relief in sight. I've got two children that do not seem to get the concept that Mom is trying to do everything herself and that help would be appreciated. Neither of them know how to find a trashcan or a clothes bucket. It's disheartening to come home to more mess every day than I could possibly clean up. The mobile home I live in is on its last legs and I cannot replace this thing fast enough...as soon as we get through the dang winter.
I also worry about my own health. More a single mom's worry than anything else, but my mother died from cancer when she was my age. And of course, having my husband pass the same way isn't really a help.
And I love the great friends I've made here, but I worry about you all and feel so helpless to do anything. I don't know a lot about the specifics of your situation, but I do worry about you. And J, I know she was going through some stuff in the last little bit that I wish I could have been more help with. And Kat's situation is killing me, because I know she doesn't have a lot of support otherwise. I may not have met any of you personally (yet) but I really care about you guys! (Issy, you need to tell me more stuff so I can worry about you, too!)
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Those are very real and valid worries, though, and I will say that the fact that you are still upright and making it in the face of such stress is indeed inspiring to me. Its easy for me to sit here and say to take each day as it comes and do the best you can but it's all we can do. Be assured, though, you are allowed to have down days, I just hope that for every one you have, you have five wonderful ones to counter it.
I think worry is the status quo with the people we care for in our lives, especially in an online situation because it's not always as easy to be hands-on in supporting each other (Kat's situation last week coming to mind - and I hope we hear from her soon and that all is well). I've made a lot of Merlin friends lately & I hold every one dear but I have to be honest and say that you, J and K do hold a special place in my heart because you were the first three who reached out to me who are still around. And, I want y'all to be happy and well because you have each, in your own way, lifted me up when I needed it in a very dark time and that means something. I hope to get to know y'all better and that I can repay that kindness and support.
I hope you are getting good rest right now and that tomorrow is a better day.
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