i know, i know a dirty word (is it "hello," kurt??)
Durp.
I've been keeping really fucked-up hours lately, as you can probably tell. :)
Friday night, I fell asleep on the wonky basement couch while Smeg was playing Zelda. I stayed that way til 3 AM, then I came up here and proceeded to start another day hungry and out-of-it. Around 2 PM, I went downstairs and talked to Mom about the Stupidest Diet Ever and she basically said it was not only medically unsound, but completely fucktarded, and she strongly urged me to stop following it in favor of just cutting out some sugary/processed crap and maintaining the eating-more-fresh-produce angle. Because I am starving. And she said she was worried I wasn't getting any energy calories, just ... whatever calories may come from greens and tuna. Also, she could not think of a single reason why 'a month' made more sense than 'a week,' and she's said that people overestimate the time it takes to rid the body of whatever is in it. Given that I went through that prep for the colonoscopy, I'm inclined to agree -- it really doesn't take that long to 'rid your body of toxinzzz!!1 lollersk8s!' if that's what you think you want to do.
Dad came upstairs from doing whatever and I talked to him, too, and he said, "This guy is fucked in the head. I hope he overdoses on water, flushes his system out and goes *wiggly armed and presumably dead*!!" He was incensed that I couldn't have tea on the diet (CLICK if you are confused by the words I am saying!! this is the thing I printed out and, despite this guy's total lack of decent English skills and logical citations for his limitations, have been attempting to follow for days), and truth to be told, I don't know why I couldn't have tea, either, because it's GOOD FOR YOU. Something about caffeine, maybe, but I don't drink caffeinated tea, generally. And it has a pretty small amount, and who the hell cares, ANYWAY.
So I had a cup of tea, a real tuna sandwich on whole-grain bread, and then a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich on whole-grain bread, and felt a great deal better! The diet, such as it was, is fucked and out of here because I, along with Smeg and Mom and Dad, don't feel it's worth it for me to keep this up for 5+ weeks, especially when I have a full course load and I'm trying to, you know, be alive and somewhat active. It was just making me hungry and tired and early on Saturday morning, my mood took a swandive into 'seriously depressed,' which made Chesh understandably nervous and she ran off to find some recipes with actual calories in them that I could make with the limited ingredients.
I'm going to continue doing what I was doing before - trial and error. Eat a food! See if I feel like crap later! Don't eat it any more if I do! I've already done this with several things:
- Corn (makes me sad, since I love it so)
- Fried foods (same - you do what you have to do)
- Soda (I can have a can once a week without trouble, but I cannot have it every day)
- Grape and apple juices
- Raw cheese (cheese that is combined with some starch/vegetable in small amounts is alright, but I can't really do broccoli with cheese (which SUCKS anyway) or macaroni'n'cheese)
- Milk
- Beef (of most forms - I can only have a little every so often)
- Restaurant-y foods (any foods with high levels of fat are really bad for IBS sufferers ANYWAY and they really don't help me. I can have them in small amounts, and obviously, pasta/salad/bread is fine. This is why I eat a lot of Italian food and very little Mexican food.
- Green apples (something about all the sour gives me a stomachache)
- Aspartame: no more 'sugar-free' crap! It doesn't taste that wonderful, anyhow.
- Tons of fruit at once.
- Too much whole-grain at once.
- A lot of ice cream (again, moderation = good)
And I already have a list of things that I retreat to when I'm nauseated and can't eat much:
- Oatmeal
- Ginger (tea, candy, ale, anything with ginger in it)
- White rice
- White bread
- Teas
So, you know, screw Dr. Elmer Cranton. If you're thinking of following this diet, do it in moderation, for the love of God! Keep SOME of the foods he prohibits or you will scavenge like a vulture for really weird shit like squash mashed with eggplant and tuna, just so you're eating SOMETHING. I got approximately 1200 calories/day the past several days. It was not doing me any favors, although I'm sure I lost a little weight. I think I can lose weight better on a different kind of diet. I'd rather just not eat candy or chocolate or cookies or chips for a month than deprive myself of everything remotely filling/nutritious!
Such was the Overwhelmingly Tasteless Diet Of Twigs And Unseasoned Elk Meat:
Jess, en route to Hy-Vee: "I want to find Cornish game hens. Or some kind of 'wild game.'"
Smeg: "Maybe we'll hit an elk on the way home and we can strap it to the car. You'll eat for a month!"
SILVER. I GOT YR PACKAGES TODAY. EVERYONE LOVES THE PAINTING OF THE CATS. IT IS SO FANTASTIC. WE ARE TOTALLY GOING TO FRAME IT. <333 Veer lovingly caricatured (haha cariCATured sry that's not actually funny) our 4 little fluffdemons in the most fantastic way. I didn't realize how different their wittle faces are until looking it over - Fat Jack is so wonderfully Rubenesque! And Toby and Kitten look so gleefully manic! And Lard is so 'I'm pretty!!!' It's AMAZING. <333 Thank you SO MUCH, Veerlet!!
Veer also sent this uber-short black pleated skirt that I can't wear/didn't need but for some reason wanted back (for my future short-skirted glory days), a really cute pair of red plaid/argyle knee socks for Smeg (which she loves, btw), a few amusing letters (complete with margin art! I will write you back on the blank piece of paper :D), and THE SOUND OF MCALMONT & BUTLER ON CD FOR ME OMG OMG OMG HOW LONG HAVE I WANTED THIS. Of course I had to explain who they were to Dad, then resume squee-ing over the fact that I HAVE MCALMONT & BUTLER OMG OMG OMG.
She also sent THE MOST HILARIOUS BOOK that she made when she was in elementary school, called The Beast: In The Tropics. Holy fucking crap. I read it aloud to Smeg, Mom and Dad and we were practically crying, it was so fucking awesome/hysterical. Excerpt:
Uh-Oh Tom! Tom was trying to fight the beast! But it was too late. Tom had already been eaten! Oh no. Oh no. It was too bloody to watch. We had to keep going or elese we would be trampled. We had to run as fast as we could to escape.
Even though there was a good chance we wouldn't escape but we did. We ran as far as we could.
*drawing of cat paws on train door with 2 mice running and a third hanging on to the second's tail, saying, "Bye, Bye Mr. Cat"*
That wasen't very far.
As for tom, Well, too bad. He should have listend to me.
*drawing of mouse in robe, presumably Tom, with wings and a big grin, flying upward past a sign that reads "Mouse Heaven"*
Baby Veer was totally awesome!! I will send it back to you with your box, Veer, as soon as I finish the damn thing I'm making you! Thank you for introducing us to your literary creations! Dad kept insisting little kids would love it and that you should totally publish it. There were advertisements in it, too, for her friend Daniel's "Beautiful Book called Ecco the Dolphin. You can buy it at the store." The final pages read:
But wait, This book isn't over yet because during the fight there was a survivor!
Get
The Beast
2
Coming
Soon
to a
bookstore
near you.
FUNNIEST. SHIT. EVER.
Obviously, I went to bed really early and meant to wake up, but did not. :D Oops. I'm going to finally dust my room today, and vacuum once people wake up, and maybe even clean the bathroom! I'll definitely finish my laundry, work on Veer's thing, register my clicker for music online, and try to do some of my reading for class. Good times!
I don't know when I'll get to my Top 10 Albums Evar list. It's coming, though.
OOH, one thing I DID DO yesterday was make my LiveJournal look awesome: take a look! It is t3h 1337z and themed around IAMX in a hot-pink-and-black way, rather than a yellow-and-grey way.
J.
I've been keeping really fucked-up hours lately, as you can probably tell. :)
Friday night, I fell asleep on the wonky basement couch while Smeg was playing Zelda. I stayed that way til 3 AM, then I came up here and proceeded to start another day hungry and out-of-it. Around 2 PM, I went downstairs and talked to Mom about the Stupidest Diet Ever and she basically said it was not only medically unsound, but completely fucktarded, and she strongly urged me to stop following it in favor of just cutting out some sugary/processed crap and maintaining the eating-more-fresh-produce angle. Because I am starving. And she said she was worried I wasn't getting any energy calories, just ... whatever calories may come from greens and tuna. Also, she could not think of a single reason why 'a month' made more sense than 'a week,' and she's said that people overestimate the time it takes to rid the body of whatever is in it. Given that I went through that prep for the colonoscopy, I'm inclined to agree -- it really doesn't take that long to 'rid your body of toxinzzz!!1 lollersk8s!' if that's what you think you want to do.
Dad came upstairs from doing whatever and I talked to him, too, and he said, "This guy is fucked in the head. I hope he overdoses on water, flushes his system out and goes *wiggly armed and presumably dead*!!" He was incensed that I couldn't have tea on the diet (CLICK if you are confused by the words I am saying!! this is the thing I printed out and, despite this guy's total lack of decent English skills and logical citations for his limitations, have been attempting to follow for days), and truth to be told, I don't know why I couldn't have tea, either, because it's GOOD FOR YOU. Something about caffeine, maybe, but I don't drink caffeinated tea, generally. And it has a pretty small amount, and who the hell cares, ANYWAY.
So I had a cup of tea, a real tuna sandwich on whole-grain bread, and then a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich on whole-grain bread, and felt a great deal better! The diet, such as it was, is fucked and out of here because I, along with Smeg and Mom and Dad, don't feel it's worth it for me to keep this up for 5+ weeks, especially when I have a full course load and I'm trying to, you know, be alive and somewhat active. It was just making me hungry and tired and early on Saturday morning, my mood took a swandive into 'seriously depressed,' which made Chesh understandably nervous and she ran off to find some recipes with actual calories in them that I could make with the limited ingredients.
I'm going to continue doing what I was doing before - trial and error. Eat a food! See if I feel like crap later! Don't eat it any more if I do! I've already done this with several things:
- Corn (makes me sad, since I love it so)
- Fried foods (same - you do what you have to do)
- Soda (I can have a can once a week without trouble, but I cannot have it every day)
- Grape and apple juices
- Raw cheese (cheese that is combined with some starch/vegetable in small amounts is alright, but I can't really do broccoli with cheese (which SUCKS anyway) or macaroni'n'cheese)
- Milk
- Beef (of most forms - I can only have a little every so often)
- Restaurant-y foods (any foods with high levels of fat are really bad for IBS sufferers ANYWAY and they really don't help me. I can have them in small amounts, and obviously, pasta/salad/bread is fine. This is why I eat a lot of Italian food and very little Mexican food.
- Green apples (something about all the sour gives me a stomachache)
- Aspartame: no more 'sugar-free' crap! It doesn't taste that wonderful, anyhow.
- Tons of fruit at once.
- Too much whole-grain at once.
- A lot of ice cream (again, moderation = good)
And I already have a list of things that I retreat to when I'm nauseated and can't eat much:
- Oatmeal
- Ginger (tea, candy, ale, anything with ginger in it)
- White rice
- White bread
- Teas
So, you know, screw Dr. Elmer Cranton. If you're thinking of following this diet, do it in moderation, for the love of God! Keep SOME of the foods he prohibits or you will scavenge like a vulture for really weird shit like squash mashed with eggplant and tuna, just so you're eating SOMETHING. I got approximately 1200 calories/day the past several days. It was not doing me any favors, although I'm sure I lost a little weight. I think I can lose weight better on a different kind of diet. I'd rather just not eat candy or chocolate or cookies or chips for a month than deprive myself of everything remotely filling/nutritious!
Such was the Overwhelmingly Tasteless Diet Of Twigs And Unseasoned Elk Meat:
Jess, en route to Hy-Vee: "I want to find Cornish game hens. Or some kind of 'wild game.'"
Smeg: "Maybe we'll hit an elk on the way home and we can strap it to the car. You'll eat for a month!"
SILVER. I GOT YR PACKAGES TODAY. EVERYONE LOVES THE PAINTING OF THE CATS. IT IS SO FANTASTIC. WE ARE TOTALLY GOING TO FRAME IT. <333 Veer lovingly caricatured (haha cariCATured sry that's not actually funny) our 4 little fluffdemons in the most fantastic way. I didn't realize how different their wittle faces are until looking it over - Fat Jack is so wonderfully Rubenesque! And Toby and Kitten look so gleefully manic! And Lard is so 'I'm pretty!!!' It's AMAZING. <333 Thank you SO MUCH, Veerlet!!
Veer also sent this uber-short black pleated skirt that I can't wear/didn't need but for some reason wanted back (for my future short-skirted glory days), a really cute pair of red plaid/argyle knee socks for Smeg (which she loves, btw), a few amusing letters (complete with margin art! I will write you back on the blank piece of paper :D), and THE SOUND OF MCALMONT & BUTLER ON CD FOR ME OMG OMG OMG HOW LONG HAVE I WANTED THIS. Of course I had to explain who they were to Dad, then resume squee-ing over the fact that I HAVE MCALMONT & BUTLER OMG OMG OMG.
She also sent THE MOST HILARIOUS BOOK that she made when she was in elementary school, called The Beast: In The Tropics. Holy fucking crap. I read it aloud to Smeg, Mom and Dad and we were practically crying, it was so fucking awesome/hysterical. Excerpt:
Uh-Oh Tom! Tom was trying to fight the beast! But it was too late. Tom had already been eaten! Oh no. Oh no. It was too bloody to watch. We had to keep going or elese we would be trampled. We had to run as fast as we could to escape.
Even though there was a good chance we wouldn't escape but we did. We ran as far as we could.
*drawing of cat paws on train door with 2 mice running and a third hanging on to the second's tail, saying, "Bye, Bye Mr. Cat"*
That wasen't very far.
As for tom, Well, too bad. He should have listend to me.
*drawing of mouse in robe, presumably Tom, with wings and a big grin, flying upward past a sign that reads "Mouse Heaven"*
Baby Veer was totally awesome!! I will send it back to you with your box, Veer, as soon as I finish the damn thing I'm making you! Thank you for introducing us to your literary creations! Dad kept insisting little kids would love it and that you should totally publish it. There were advertisements in it, too, for her friend Daniel's "Beautiful Book called Ecco the Dolphin. You can buy it at the store." The final pages read:
But wait, This book isn't over yet because during the fight there was a survivor!
Get
The Beast
2
Coming
Soon
to a
bookstore
near you.
FUNNIEST. SHIT. EVER.
Obviously, I went to bed really early and meant to wake up, but did not. :D Oops. I'm going to finally dust my room today, and vacuum once people wake up, and maybe even clean the bathroom! I'll definitely finish my laundry, work on Veer's thing, register my clicker for music online, and try to do some of my reading for class. Good times!
I don't know when I'll get to my Top 10 Albums Evar list. It's coming, though.
OOH, one thing I DID DO yesterday was make my LiveJournal look awesome: take a look! It is t3h 1337z and themed around IAMX in a hot-pink-and-black way, rather than a yellow-and-grey way.
J.