(no subject)
hi... well last tuesday i got all moved into my new apartment up here in waco. It's alot lonlier and more depressing than i thought it would be. I realized that i have like no friends. I mean i get the occasional visit from char when she wants to watch some tv cause i have a better cable setup than she does. and amy's hung out a few times. but for the majority of the time, i'm all alone, and it really sucks. I get to talk to candace most days, she's a really cool girl I met back in SA right before i left to move up here. I really miss her and wish i could get her and her friend abbey to come visit me, but that's probably not gonna happen cause her folks are dumb and they don't wanna let her drive all the way up here. So i'll have to wait till i can get back home and go visit her then. My depression might come from the fact that since my fridge doesn't work right, i've had to drink nothing but sodas since i moved in. The guy's coming to fix it for good on wednesday, so then i can start drinking some other stuff and maybe then my moods will even out. But i think its mainly the lonliness of it all, the fact that i have no friends and that i'll be stuk in a room alone for the majority of this coming school year. I don't wanna scare anyone, cause i'm prolly just screwed up in the head, but have you ever gotten the feeling like you don't have much time left? I just feel like i'm on borrowed time all of a sudden, and i'm scared. I'm also really upset cause right before we were about to move up here my mom told me that if my dog didn't start eating better and stop having these little spasms she has, they were gonna have to put her to sleep. My dog has been my best friend as long as i can remember, i can't even remember anything before i got her. I really wish something good would happen for me for once. I try to be optimistic, but the world keeps screwing me over. i gotta learn to be more of a jerk, cause i keep getting this quote from girls i like "You're soooo sweet, you're just like a brother to me". I am the epitome of "nice guys finish last". I've been being told lately that there's a really good chance i might be clinically depressed, but i don't want that to be the case cause i don't want to have to depend on medications to keep me level. God, i just feel like total shit.